| Too busy to date then why try
Posted: 2/7/2008 9:08:07 AM |
Also if they are that busy, how do some of them find time to be in the forums.
^^^ Slow day at work. That's why I'm in the forums right now. Might be the same for lots of others. | |
|
| Too busy to date then why try
Posted: 2/7/2008 9:38:32 AM | Um, yea, I'm one of those busy parents and have lost connections due to my lack of free time. The funny thing is I have met a man on this site that I adore! I have created free time for this man and now find myself thinking that maybe it took the right man to change my lifestyle. So the question could be, "Too busy or just not interested?".  | |
|
| Too busy to date then why try
Posted: 2/7/2008 12:08:24 PM | | What I want to know is what does one have to do to not be too busy to date. I'm convinced that I'll always be single for no other reason than regardless of my desire to connect with someone, my responsibilies will never go away. My job is still going to require that I work all day from early morning to late night, which makes anything during the week difficult. My job will still require that I work every Saturday, which makes weekend dating impossible, and my Sundays are consumed by trying to catch up on the things that I had to neglect during the week because of work. (bills, laundry, housework, and in my case home work). | |
|
| Too busy to date then why try
Posted: 2/7/2008 12:37:27 PM | | I agree if they are too busy they should not try dating. I have dated a few women who were single mother's. Now I understand they may have limited time but how can you make a relationship work when you can only see them one or two times each month? I have had a few expect me toaccept that schedule and got upet when I wanted her and I to spend more time togewther than that. Ye sometimes having no time is just a reason to not se you again but when it seems to be the truth why would some people even bother dating? | |
|
| Too busy to date then why try
Posted: 2/7/2008 1:02:34 PM |
Financial aid barely covers anything school-wise
Interesting....it covered everything for me...plus a few bucks for grocery money
I love those Pell and State Grants, they pretty much covered the entire time I was earning my degree.
Anyways, college has the biggest opportunity/pool for dating in that time of your life. I had freinds that hooked up at college and got married off. | |
|
| Too busy to date then why try
Posted: 2/7/2008 1:06:34 PM |
I think that when they find somebody they REALLY want to date,
See, the operative word here is REALLY.
The fact that someone is on a dating site IS NOT a tacit admission of desperation. As far as I know it does not obligate one to make time for a dating experience with someone who is clearly a nonstarter. Or to spend time on an involvement that is proving to be a dead end.
Take it from someone who's been there; connecting with someone who could be right for you is lifting and freeing. Forcing yourself to see someone simply because of a marginal interest or not wanting to hurt them is like having an anchor tied to your soul.
If someone says they are too busy to date,generally they mean too busy to date YOU. Sometimes an involvement starts off promising, but one of the couple starts getting clingy, controlling or overly demanding of the other's time, it becomes almost a kneeejerk reaction to get even busier.
At the very bottom line this topic could be seen as a suggesting that anyone who has a life has no business trying to date or have a relationship. Sounds pretty whiny to me.
Cindy O | |
|
| Too busy to date then why try
Posted: 2/7/2008 1:48:05 PM | Lady, I do agree with you the , "It's not that their too busy, they are just too busy to date YOU".
However , what about the personal ads that start out PRE-emptively, "He must understand that I'm busy with work and that I have a busy life?"
That's a statement directed at anyone really. | |
|
| Too busy to date then why try
Posted: 2/7/2008 2:34:08 PM | Interesting....it covered everything for me...plus a few bucks for grocery money.
I love those Pell and State Grants, they pretty much covered the entire time I was earning my degree.
Anyways, college has the biggest opportunity/pool for dating in that time of your life. I had freinds that hooked up at college and got married off.
It all depends on your financial situation before going to school (and what you're majoring in). On paper, I make too much for grants, so loans are my only option. I work more now in order to take out less in loans. I'm significantly older than most of the straight and unmarried men in my classes, so there's not much going on there. Plus, this is my second round of college - I've already been through "that time of my life". I'm able to take care of myself, but it takes a little extra work to finance everything. But I digress...
Back on topic, though. I think there's nothing wrong with being busy as long as you state that up front. I've been on here longer today than I have been for the last month. Might be a month again before I'm back. Maybe I'll have some nice correspondence to look through, maybe not.
Something tells me there's got to be a gray area between being too busy and being "clingy" or "needy" (another topic I've seen pop up frequently today). The thing is, I think that area differs for every one of us.
Ladyc4 (post #32): Thanks. As always you offer great wisdom. It's true that we're not all desperate just because we're here. | |
|
| Too busy to date then why try
Posted: 2/7/2008 2:36:45 PM |
However , what about the personal ads that start out PRE-emptively, "He must understand that I'm busy with work and that I have a busy life?"
Because all too often what we women run into is an assumption that finding ourselves a man is our be-all to end all life goal and they just can't wrap their heads around the concept of her not being available when he whistles!
OK that is an extreme example, and it might be different for younger people.
But over 40 we still seem to be running into the mindset( in mens minds) that women just mark time waiting for a man to find them and fix their lives.
And some of them get downright pissy when you can't drop everything to go do something he wants to do, or because you won't blow off Aunt Nellies 100th birthday party, to come watch a DVD and maybe screw on the couch at his house. Again, these scenarios are somewhat exaggerated for effect, but I'm sure the women who put that in their profiles have been through that particular wringer,and probably more than once.
And then there's Mr Ben Cheatedon; Do you know him? Any activity that isn't 9 to 5 job, or involved with HIM, means you are seeing somebody else on the side/looking for a man "upgrade", lining up your next bf...whatever. We want to screen out Mr Cheatedon right away. We are sorry for his pain but we aren't prepared to have our lives revolve around him because he can't get over himself.
So we put it out there in plain English.
Cindy O | |
|
| Too busy to date then why try
Posted: 2/7/2008 2:40:13 PM | Okeedokee, don't know how a pell grant did all that for you. For me all it did was cover cost of school and most of the books. Still had to work for rent food and babysiter.
Being busy is one thing. the other has to understand and be flexible. I am again going for another degree, work, have a teenager. I had one tell me because I worked weekends it could not work. I was like what ever... that is sign of other not willing to be flexible. Any one could find a time to date if they really wanted to go out with the person asking. If not "I'm really busy right now" is great way to say no without other feeling rejected.... | |
|
| Too busy to date then why try
Posted: 2/7/2008 2:59:09 PM | I don't feel so guilty now reading other people's stories.
I tried to date a guy from out of town, but I couldn't spend whole days with him on the weekends when he drove in, it just didn't work. I've taken myself off the market for just that reason, why try to date when I don't have time?
Of course........ if Mr. Perfect came along then I'd fanagle somehow for at least once a week. | |
|
| Too busy to date then why try
Posted: 2/7/2008 3:11:46 PM |
Okeedokee, don't know how a pell grant did all that for you. For me all it did was cover cost of school and most of the books. Still had to work for rent food and babysiter.
Actually, the grant, state grant...and the "Work/Study" program tuition, books, and even dorm rent (for each semester)
Work study is whe nyou basically work as a part-timer clerk at some b uilding on campus...no brainer job....just gives you some extra in your pocket.
I would have to say there, there is all one common denom. , if he or she is into, one would move mtns to be with the person, otherwise, they just aren't that into you. | |
|
| Too busy to date then why try
Posted: 2/7/2008 3:29:06 PM | I'm just getting back to work after being unemployed. I commute 70 miles to work and am on the clock 10-14 hours a day. I'm so damned broke right now it's not even funny.
Still, I'm a human and I'm lonely. I haven't so much as held hands with a woman in two years. I don't have time to commit to a relationship but would love to spend a quiet evening with a woman just to hear a friendly voice. I miss the company. | |
|
| Too busy to date then why try
Posted: 2/7/2008 7:37:10 PM | I need to make it clear that what I am talking about is in peoples profiles that cleary state that they are too busy. I do agree with that if I or they are the right one that I or they will find the time.
But my question is if some is "too busy to date" how in the world will they know if they or i am the one? I am sorry but you cant decide or get that feeling thru chatting with them, you have to meet them and spend time before you will know that.
That was the point I was trying to get at. | |
|
| Too busy to date then why try
Posted: 2/7/2008 8:00:16 PM | 'cause even busy people occasionally lift their heads and say, hey, this movie would be much nicer to watch with someone to snuggle against
(i agree with the poster who said that if they meet someone they really like, they'd find the time, somehow... maybe not as much time as would be ideal... but more time than they feel like they presently have, imo.) | |
|
| Too busy to date then why try
Posted: 2/7/2008 8:06:49 PM | | Well Im sure there are girls out there that are career oriented and dont have much time to date. But if thats on their profile then I would say they just want a fling and arent interested in anything serious. If you wanna date then you will make time otherwise they arent worth dating. I work as much as I can so Im not always strapped for cash myself and I watch my daughter. Im a busy person thats just the way I am so I Its hard dating when you are busy but I still try regardless because its nice having a good woman in your life. | |
|
| Too busy to date then why try
Posted: 2/7/2008 9:19:53 PM | But if thats on their profile then I would say they just want a fling and arent interested in anything serious.
OMG, isn't that what all the men WANT? A fling? nothing serious?
Look, it's not all black and white, one or the other. I don't remember seeing any rules or stipulations when I signed up here, or at any other dating site for that matter, that said you had to be totally 100% looking for a full on relationship. I don't recall seeing anything that stipulated how many hours a week you must set aside to respond to requests for your company.
Again I think it's part of the paradigm shift in relationships and marriage. Men are still kind of expecting a woman to fit her schedule to his, because pleasing and keeping a man should be her #1 priority. But that expectation is based on the no longer relevant premise that a woman's "career" was marriage.
Now we see having our own income, be it from earning wages, running a business, a profession( Like law or medicine) as our #1 priority. That does not mean we have NO time for dating and relationships,simply that our time priorities have been re arranged. And unfortunately a lot of men are still struggling with that. Online personals add to the uproar. Previous to online dating, we were most apt to date someone who lived in our neighborhood, or our town, AT LEAST in the same county! Now we might be dating somebody who lives 50 miles away.
The "very busy life" disclaimers are so common in women's profiles because men are still adjusting to the concept that career or occupation MUST come first for a woman. It's no longer something they do until the find a husband. There still IS a double standard, the woman is supposed to put finding a securing a man their #1 priority. We run into that time and time again. I've run into it.
I sometimes want to put it in MY profile, "If you want a woman who has no life other than to be available at your short notice convenience, please consider dating one of the many fine 400 lb welfare mothers whose life goal is finding a man to provide for her and her kids. I know they grow here!"
Cindy O | |
|
| Too busy to date then why try
Posted: 2/7/2008 9:30:08 PM | I totaly agree, too busy,but yet they put a profile up and chat with you but caint seem to find time to meet or call.
How we say it out in the west " Shit or get off the pot"
I am a single Dad, running my own company, if a gal chatted with me for awhile, and i felt it was time to meet, i am their. i am an adult, i put my foot in the water to try it out, and if not the cemastry, then be friends.
Sorry if i affended you past abused people, but , it is time to wake up, and their are good people out their to meet. so bring the tolit paper, and do it | |
|
| Too busy to date then why try
Posted: 2/7/2008 9:32:28 PM | | I am thinking it doesn't so much mean "too busy to date" as it means "don't want to take the time to date you ( insert whoever you are here)". | |
|
| Too busy to date then why try
Posted: 2/7/2008 9:58:08 PM | | My sentiments exactly! And yes I am probably guilty of this also. But trust me, you will make the time if you feel that it is worth it. Takes the right person to make you feel the right way. | |
|
| Too busy to date then why try
Posted: 2/7/2008 10:02:36 PM | It might also be useful to remember that this is a FREE site, and because of that fact, we are going to get gameplayers, married people. people looking for an ego boost.
But most of the women who make being busy a caveat on their profile is because they've already had a couple of run ins with men who got pissy when the gals couldn't come running on short notice, spend the weekend at his house(leaving her kids to fend for themselves I guess) and similar manifestations of "You are on a dating site! How dare you be busy" brain fart that a few men are still having.
Cindy O | |
|
| Too busy to date then why try
Posted: 2/7/2008 10:05:26 PM | | My last TWO Bfs were "too busy" to be around me, but both were upset when I dumped them (the "busy" ones get their needs fulfilled, the "not busy" ones are left hanging around waiting). I see no reason to be in a half-assed relationship. And when I see how they waste time at home--OY!! They're "busy" because they are scatterbrains and can't think linearly. After I left the first one, I DID notice he changed his profile to "I'm trying to fit a woman into my busy life", and I thought to myself, well, good luck with that. | |
|
| Too busy to date then why try
Posted: 2/7/2008 10:55:37 PM | I think most of you have gotten my point, but as to a few, if you are to busy to date then why put a profile and waste the time of the ones that are serious about finding some one to spend time with.
I know the line "Im to busy to date as line if they are not interested in them" but thats not what this thread is about | |
|
| Too busy to date then why try
Posted: 2/8/2008 12:16:01 AM | That's exactly why I put this in my profile:
*If you work out of town 10-4 or 12 hour days, you don't have time for a relationship with me.
That's just me. | |
|
| Too busy to date then why try
Posted: 2/8/2008 12:59:05 AM | I agree with most of the what has been said here. Okay...if you are to busy to date, then only seek out those in your same situation. I specifically put in my profile that I am only looking for men who have time to date and in search of a long term relationship. If a man contacts me, then I would assume he wants the same. After talking to him a for a few weeks, he starts making excuses why he cannot make the time to have a first meet. I simply move on....it is a big red flag for me.
I agree totally...if he cannot make the time to meet me, then he obviously is not seeing me as worth the effort. These guys will waste your time for weeks if you keep hoping they will find the time. Not once has a man who claims he works to much or has this or that to do as an excuse to meet, has ever followed through on a first date.
It is very simple to me and the message is loud and clear. I will not waste my time and move on! | |
|
Home
login 
