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 LatGent
Joined: 7/12/2010
Msg: 51
Married people on POF...Page 3 of 6    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6)
Hello, I'm Latgent.
I have seen married woman making demands that men not belooking for intimate relationships, use drugs,or be married and the woman was listed as seperated from her husband. Talk about sending the wrong signal!! If some one wants to cheat- go someplace else on the web, leave the sane, single, honest broken hearts on POF!!
 geoffonpof1
Joined: 7/9/2011
Msg: 52
Married people on POF...
Posted: 9/11/2011 3:10:42 PM
I have come across two married women whom had emailed me wanting an intimate encounter. "Sorry but not my thing , pick a guy who is also married." was the reply to both women.
From what I have read in some forums regarding the term "married" alot of women include separated.
Which I don't understand why, Im my case the separation is legal which I insisted on.
But yet I still get labelled as being married, which confuses the hell out of me.
 Caringheart2011
Joined: 4/28/2011
Msg: 53
Married people on POF...
Posted: 9/12/2011 12:48:24 AM
No kidding . what about:
"I am married, not happy at home, looking for an honest man .....?"
Some crack me up.
 VacationGuy234
Joined: 8/1/2008
Msg: 54
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Married people on POF...
Posted: 9/12/2011 4:23:00 AM
There are certainly going to be people who take advantage of a system. If a group of people are easily able to attract other people and start relationships, a certain percentage of those people are going to continue to do it. In my case, it is, "separated" people who have created a separation so they can fool around and then go back to their significant others that I have come across.

OP, take every relationship for face value until you are ready to get serious. In order to protect yourself, do a little research the people with whom you want to move forward.
However, you might not always like what you find.
 larissan04
Joined: 8/11/2011
Msg: 55
Married people on POF...
Posted: 9/12/2011 6:27:10 PM
i think when women are looking outside of the marriage they are looking for love an affection, and that men are more often then not looking for sex. there is a big difference here.
 jmark4
Joined: 7/3/2011
Msg: 56
Married people on POF...
Posted: 9/13/2011 2:23:12 AM
people are so sleazy these days. Many will eventually admit they are married when you catch them but then they say we are separated. Some even say they sleep in the same bed but dont have sex. lol

People lie more than ever. Like with anything, take it slow and get to know the person, their friends and family in time.
 VacationGuy234
Joined: 8/1/2008
Msg: 57
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Married people on POF...
Posted: 9/13/2011 5:02:13 AM

i think when women are looking outside of the marriage they are looking for love an affection, and that men are more often then not looking for sex. there is a big difference here.


Why is that a big difference? If a guy went to another woman for, "love and affection", would that be OK?
 WesternRose
Joined: 1/2/2011
Msg: 58
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Married people on POF...
Posted: 9/13/2011 7:53:58 AM
VG I couldn't agree with you more. In the words of my favorite author: "Life shrinks or expands in proportion to one's courage."

I came to POF on 1/2/11. My profile reflects me in a nutshell and I know what I want. I did a few meet and greets with caucasian men. All stated that they were looking for a LTR in their profiles but, I could tell that wasn't the case and I never bothered talking to any of them again. Then I met the man who swept me off my feet. Actually I felt as though I'd been thrown from a horse. I read his profile very carefully and noted that he said he was divorced. After several e-mail exchanges back and forth we exchange telephone numbers.

We talked on the phone quite a bit before we decided to meet for dinner and a movie. I had to reschedule the date twice. Once due to inclement weather and the second because I had to work. We are still talking on the phone two and three times a day/evening. I am totally charmed by this person.

The communication between us is awesome. We can talk about anything. He is the consummate gentleman and we have everything going in the common interest department. I actually felt as though I'd known him all my life. We could talk sports, politics, our bucket lists, where we had been, and where we always wanted to go. While I could always speak about my family he seldom spoke of his. Except for in the beginning when we spoke of our heritages.

We had several dates and one night over dinner I asked him if I was the first black woman he had ever dated. He looked at me, replied yes, and asked me how did I know? I explained that I felt as though he was choosing his words too carefully for fear of offending me. That hurdle gotten over, we became very comfortable with each other. We spent a lot of time doing things together and going places. I am beginning to feel as though this may be exactly what I'm looking for and that it will turn into a long term relationship.

I updated his resume for him because the project he was working on was over and he was looking for another one. He mentions that there may be something on the horizon but he needs the updated resume and has to fax all his credentials to the project manager. We have a date scheduled for the upcoming weekend and I am looking forward to it. Then I get the phone call. He says " You know that job out of state I told you about that I had to fax my resume to? Well I got the assignment and they want me to be onsite next week." There is nothing but absolute silence on my end to the extent that he asks are you still there? I pull it together, bite my lip to keep from crying and we continue to talk. I understood that he could not turn the position down. If the offer had been made to me I would not have either. We spend as much time together as we can before he has to leave. That was a very sad day for me. I'm standing there looking at him knowing that I am going to miss him but I won't say anything. We commit to staying in touch and say see you later. He said that he would call once he arrived at his destination. I received that one phone call from him and didn't hear from him again.

This is just before the 1st of Feb. Still cold here in Houston and I have the rodeo which is about to kick into full gear. I sent him several cards and e-mails to his personal e-mail and after Easter stopped all communication on my end because I saw no point in it. I went out of town to visit my family on Easter and when I returned I find the Tulip gift in my inbox along with the message Happy Easter. I say thank you, ask how he is doing and then silence again. I am so confused at this point, I decided it was better not to even think about it. My birthday was in May and I was determined to enjoy myself despite it all. I'd actually shared this with two of my closest friends who both advised me to just get on with the business of living my life.

Fast forward to the end of July. I get the little fish icon on my Evo. I check my e-mail and am told that he has listed me in his favorites once again. We start exchanging e-mails and he asks me to come to where he is and take a trip with him. I call him and after playing telephone tag for the first few calls we finally talk. All of the old feelings come rushing back and had it not been for my family responsibilities (my step grand daughter was getting married that Saturday) I would have gone to where he was. The conversation was unbelievable. He apologized for acting as he did and said I didn't deserve it, but when I asked why he stated that we would talk about it when we saw each other. My family obligation was more important. I am deleted from his favorites again and I don't hear from him until after he receives an e-mail from me saying goodbye and wishing him the best in life. I had some serious doubts because I could not believe the lack of understanding on his part.

I was planning on sending him some pictures of the wedding. Being internet savvy I decided to look up his new address in the town he lived in. Up pops a marriage record listing him as the groom of a marriage that occurred in May of 2008 here in my county. Calculating quickly I determine that he could not possibly be divorced from this one. After all he's been on this board since 2009. A little further research showed that there a divorce on file from the 1st wife whom he was married to for 25 years. There is no divorce or annulment record on file for the second. I really start thinking then. I was not searching for this information. God as I know him to be put it right in my face.

I still haven't confronted him with my knowledge. I fully intend to but, I am not ready at this time. Though I have analyzed it in my mind and come to terms with it the bottom line is I have to determine what it is I am willing to accept. In the beginning I was very angry. So much so that I had to ignore his phone calls for awhile. There is one thing I do understand. They are separated and she is 13 years younger than him. He is close to retirement age. This makes for a very sticky situation when it comes to divorce. I just don't know if I am ready for all that drama in my life at this point. I've already lost a husband to cancer and it took me ages to recover but I have. Now I feel as though my principals have been violated in the worse manner because I really do care about this man.
 VacationGuy234
Joined: 8/1/2008
Msg: 59
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Posted: 9/13/2011 11:20:22 AM
^^^ I"m sorry that happened to you. In the future, Google first and ask questions later.

I'm sure there are other fish who got bitten by this one. Don't let it bother you, it happens, it is not your fault.
 3xsacharmsotheysay
Joined: 8/12/2011
Msg: 60
Married people on POF...
Posted: 9/13/2011 1:35:48 PM
Widow move on and do not give him another ounce of your time or energy. You deserve so much better. Seek counseling, you have much to offer the man who truly deserves you!!
 WesternRose
Joined: 1/2/2011
Msg: 61
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Married people on POF...
Posted: 9/13/2011 2:38:50 PM
3x and VG....All advice is well taken. I know it isn't my fault that he wasn't honest. I recognized that I needed to go back to counseling and called my old grief counselor last week to make an appointment. We are getting together this week but she was kind enough to give me some phone time yesterday. What irked me about the entire situation is that I am an intelligent human being and could not believe this happened to me. I have a few deal breakers and the first and most important one is that you must not be married. This lady wasn't raised that way.

This entire situation has turned me off from getting back out there. I really don't want to. While I don't believe the healing process will take as long as it did when my husband died, there is going to be a healing process that I must go through. Kinda killed the ability to trust someone again just when I felt as though I was ready to.
 3xsacharmsotheysay
Joined: 8/12/2011
Msg: 62
Married people on POF...
Posted: 9/13/2011 2:59:41 PM
Widow, don't even give him that power. Empower yourself by seeking good advice and knowing that there are many many wonderful and decent people out there. Your an extremely intelligent woman but that doesn't mean your impenetrable to deception. Con men have been around since the beginning of time and they are becoming more and more cunning.

Hold your head high and stay engaged in life and know that God has wonderful things planned for you!!!
 larissan04
Joined: 8/11/2011
Msg: 63
Married people on POF...
Posted: 9/13/2011 5:35:49 PM
widow~

i feel for you, i really do. i've been there and it sure did hurt. i never want to feel that kind of heart break again. never.
 ACountryWalk
Joined: 7/23/2011
Msg: 64
Married people on POF...
Posted: 12/30/2011 1:09:54 PM
To me its totally disgusting, married and looking just not right if you aren't happy get out before someone makes mistake #2. Secondly, for those who are on here supposedly happilly married but keep the account open for conversation?? advice, whatever?? Seriously!!, when i originally signed up it was for dating!! not for cheating, not for idle conversation. Different tips that can help out us SINGLES!!! is fine but when it comes to married people on here enjoy the time with your spouse and get off of the dating site!! BUT DON'T HATE ME IT'S JUST AFTER ALL MY OPINION!! Good luck to all who are seriously looking and SINGLE!
 larissan04
Joined: 8/11/2011
Msg: 65
Married people on POF...
Posted: 12/30/2011 6:23:40 PM
"Do people here really spend that much time fending off the advances of married people, or encounter married person after married person?"

yes. i get messages from married men all the time. there are the ones that are upfront about being married and then there are the ones that pretend they are available, free, divorced, single, and looking for a serious relationship when they are not. it is the latter that you have to watch out for. it's very very painful to really like someone only to discover that they are married, and you were just a playful diversion.
 AxYoM
Joined: 11/4/2011
Msg: 66
Married people on POF...
Posted: 12/31/2011 7:44:30 AM
Yes, I have encountered married men on POF. It is fairly common. Some are honest and have married selected or list single, but explain they are looking for a threesome to be with him and his wife or looking for a side relationship. The must not be married filter doesn't work.

As for the dishonest ones, well it comes out eventually and you learn to notice the signs right of way. Some claim divorced or separation, but still living at home with wife or have never seen a lawyer. House still listed in both parties name. Then there are the ones with fake identities. My second date from POF had 4 identities in 6 states.

You learn the signs and move on. Sadly, it has become normal, that doesn't bother me anymore. I still don't wish to date them. The dishonesty is their issue not mine.

At this point I'm more frustrated by men lying about their height.
 WesternRose
Joined: 1/2/2011
Msg: 67
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Posted: 12/31/2011 9:53:31 AM
Merry Christmas and Happy New Year to you Larissan!

Couldn't have said it better myself.
 larissan04
Joined: 8/11/2011
Msg: 68
Married people on POF...
Posted: 12/31/2011 10:37:32 AM
widow~

"Merry Christmas and Happy New Year to you Larissan! Couldn't have said it better myself."

right back atcha, widow! i am sorry for your painful experience, and as i said, i've been there. the thing is, why should we have to be so much on the defense? if someone just wants to get some, then why don't they just hire a professional and leave those of us that are seriously looking for someone alone? maybe they are just cheap.
 bullfrog12
Joined: 4/24/2009
Msg: 69
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Married people on POF...
Posted: 12/31/2011 4:24:28 PM
There are also married women on this sight and they are saying they are only looking for single men,so what is wrong with a married man looking for a married woman,they are in the same boat,
 bullfrog12
Joined: 4/24/2009
Msg: 70
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Married people on POF...
Posted: 12/31/2011 4:28:59 PM
What you are saying is that men do not have feelings and they only think with their male organ.
 AxYoM
Joined: 11/4/2011
Msg: 71
Married people on POF...
Posted: 1/1/2012 2:40:34 PM
Oh, today I was reminded of my favorite... Separated, but spouse still lives at home.
 WesternRose
Joined: 1/2/2011
Msg: 72
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Married people on POF...
Posted: 1/6/2012 10:17:07 PM
Larissan...I'm going to be like Smokey and "Second That Emotion" Sad thing is the men don't look at things from our perspective. They are more interested in scoring. I am sick of having to deal with that mentality. Guess I'm just ready to move on.
 Heavenly-Daydream
Joined: 2/24/2013
Msg: 73
Married people on POF...
Posted: 3/15/2013 5:47:52 AM
I totally agree xx why hurt innocent unsuspecting,genuinely single people looking for true love,with lie after lie and hurtful mind games.
Married people on POF...
Posted: 3/17/2013 8:37:33 AM
I was talking with a guy I met from here, and we met in real life once. It was really a casual thing....I was kind of on the fence as to whether I was attracted to him or liked him as a friend. Well anyway, a few days after that, at about 11pm, I get a text from his number saying "btw hes married this is his wife" blah blah. I respond with "ok" Then at around 1am I get a call from a blocked number...didn't answer that (she was obviously an idiot to think I would??). More texts. Whatever. I almost wanted to tell her I'm not even INTERESTED in him, if he can't hang out with other women no wonder he's on a dating website....but I didn't. He texted me and apologized the next morning, started offering an explanation, and I told him I didn't know him well enough to believe one or the other, and that was that.
 ^campfires^
Joined: 4/24/2012
Msg: 75
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Married people on POF...
Posted: 3/26/2013 6:32:30 AM

"btw hes married this is his wife"
Yes, and when they get caught then you end up with the blame and your own guilt. Do you want that?


if he can't hang out with other women no wonder he's on a dating website
He doesn't want to "hang out". It's amazing how people who are in committed relationship will try to justify having "friends" of the opposite sex. You met on a dating site; your female, he's male, do the math.

If he follows the typical pattern, he will expect a commitment from you, even though he's sleeping with his wife virtually every night. Odds are he will even try to make you think it was your idea and you probably would. They will typically do their best to play you and keep you to themselves by pushing your buttons. One of my favorites are the ones who will expect to communicate with you every night, after their wife goes to bed. Then they go cuddle up with their wife, and you spend the night alone.
Don't let them pull that one on you.
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