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| I made a big change today.
Posted: 2/8/2008 8:08:48 PM | I'm glad you feel like you are on your way to recovery. I know it's very hard.
I didn't burn pics, or throw them away, but I opened the box of stuff I had from our wedding, cut the dress in half, and stomped the wedding topper all over the floor, left the house and never went back. Made me feel better! | |
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| Burn, Baby Burn
Posted: 2/8/2008 8:08:54 PM | This is my commandment unto you: feel free to disregard any sort of person who would ever scold you for being in pain.
Ceremonies and rituals are helpful to many people in marking the milestones of their lives, from the christenings on through the funerals.
Good for you for resolving to heal, and setting about finding ways to do it.
I once made a statue of a man who had hurt me. Kept it around awhile. Dressed it in different outfits. Then one day when it no longer amused me, I smashed it. Invited some female friends to join me -- one knocked his head off with a tire iron and it flew across the parking lot. | |
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| I made a big change today.
Posted: 2/8/2008 8:09:59 PM | Awww I am sorry to hear that you have been going through all that. I think your post was very heartfelt and expressed well (especially for a guy-since guys don't always say what they are feeling.) I haven't read the posts/replies-except a little bit of the first one-and it looks a bit harsh. I wish you all the best. I hope you continue to move forward and heal. It sounds like a difficult situation. I think you are smart to talk about it if you feel like it-and relating to ppl that have been there as well. Do not let any negative comments get to you. Take care.  | |
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| I made a big change today.
Posted: 2/8/2008 8:34:22 PM | That's great, Nitrous!!! 
To burn the past will set your feet moving toward the present path.... :)
I always threw out and burned everything from past boyfriends...and it was a total....LIBERATION! | |
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| I made a big change today.
Posted: 2/8/2008 9:02:42 PM | | If you were like me keeping those things that you just sat down and kept looking at and torturing yourself is unhealthy too... getting rid of them in my opinion is much better and finalizes things on one level which allows for the healing.... for myself it was an act that I needed to complete to show myself I refused to dwell... that just isn't healthy.. so may tomorrow look up and be bright... because it does in time stop hurting... sometimes when I was in pain and those around me told me these things it would irritate me... but sure enough.... it's done.... I feel its a cleansing thing to do also... | |
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KJHtwo
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Joined: 2/27/2007
Msg: 32 | |
| I made a big change today.
Posted: 2/8/2008 11:22:33 PM | PS, I personally know a Man who burnt His house down, but still carries a torch
( no pun intended ) for Whom broke His heart........GET TO KNOW & LOVE SELF | |
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| I made a big change today.
Posted: 2/8/2008 11:37:20 PM | TO galonthemt
OH MAN leave the guy alone ... you totally contradict yourself
one mintue saying you will believe he has moved on when he does not need to post
thennnnnnnnnnn you say feelings are not right or wrong
so get offffffffffffffffff judging his feelings and telling him they are wronggggggg
does anyone have a brain here
You did a great job op at what you did
and you talk about it till your blue in the face until you are done talking
and done having those feelings
dont listen to all these angry bitter attackers
most of them never even hadddddddddddd a relationship at your level of love and comiitment and have no clueeeeee how to
hence they have no clueeeeeeeee how much agony andpain it is to go through such a loss
you are going through hell and you are doing the bestttttttttttt you can
and you keep on doing whatever you need to do
i may not post in here any more too many uncaring admittedly insensitive vicsiousssssssssssss angry bitter people who just live to attack
YOU DO NOT NEED THAT
get a kind counsller or find a kinder supportive place
and dont let anyoneeeeeeeeeeeeee tell you when they will decide when you are doing better
You know if you are and even if its a baby step
GOOD FOR YOUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU
CONGRATS TO YOU
AND FEEL SORRY FOR ALL THE JERKS ON HERE
LOL
SO MANY
UGH
WHO HAVE NO CLUE WHAT BEING LOVED B ECAUSE THEY ARE NOT LOVING THEMSELVESSSSSSSSS OR CAPBABLE OF GIVING IT
TRY TO JUDGE YOU OK
you are doing just fine and just great
and you keep on loving you
and you will go backwards at times and thats ok too!!!!!!!!!
and if you need to talk you can email me...
and I wont attack you
promise
she may only have taken 8 months but you can take all the time you need
you are doing great you are taking steps
see the world has it all backwardsssssss
they see the one who can move on as the strongerrrrrrrrr one
and the one who loves as weaker
NO NO NO
YOU JUST LOVED MORE
THAT SHOWS YOU HAD AND HAVE MORE LOVE TO GIVE
she had less to give and cared less
that does not mean you are less lovable it means sheeeeeeee is lessssssssssss loving
so you are doing just fine bro
im so sorry for your pain
and you take care of you
and dont post on here they are too sick and emotinally handicapped
I only come on to pick up the pieces and broken hearts they leave behind
take careeeeeeeeeeeee hun
it will happen in time
and try taking that love for her and put more into loving you
but its gonna take time
and you do it on yourrrrrrrrrrr time
noone elses
ok
hugsssssssss
Ill say a prayer for you
God bless sweetie
and for those fewwwwwwwww who are kind on here very very very few
I was not talking to you | |
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| I made a big change today.
Posted: 2/8/2008 11:40:25 PM | Well what a relief I just some actually really kind posts from woman on here giving you the heads up and support you deserve
yahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh
ty all it was so nice to see
so rare but so nice
God bless all you nice peeps out there who helped him
and god bless you too op
hugssssssssss | |
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KJHtwo
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Joined: 2/27/2007
Msg: 35 | |
| I made a big change today.
Posted: 2/8/2008 11:57:56 PM | Whoa!!!!! yyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyou gggggggggggggggggggot ssssssssstttttticky
KKKKKKKKKKeeeeeeeeeeeeyyyyyyyyyyyyssssssssssssss on you keyboard,DUDE | |
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| I made a big change today.
Posted: 2/9/2008 3:09:46 AM | However, burning, destroying, or giving back pieces of your life that you'll never have again is not a mature way to deal with memories.
How can you tell another person how they should grieve and heal? Not everyone does the same. He did what made him feel better, what helped to cleanse the hurt. I burned all the cards and letters that I could find at one time(from both husband and cheating exs). Later, I shredded what cards I found in the boxes as I unpacked. I did not destroy pictures as I have children to pass them to for their memories. But the cards and letters...........they were lies he told me, in a sense. 'I will love you always', 'there will never be anyone but you in my life', etc. I am sure at the time he may have meant those words but his actions belied what he wrote, hence, I destroyed the cards and letters as they were nothing but a reminder of a failed relationship evidenced by words which no longer touched my heart. If I had no children with him, the pictures would have been added to the funeral pyre. Call me immature if you wish, I call me healed.
I even purchased a new Bible because I not longer wanted to carry it as the one I had used contained the notations of our marriage. I put the old one away for my children.
Memories serve two purposes. They remind us of joyful times or they remind us not to repeat the past. I don't need cards and letters for either. | |
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| I made a big change today.
Posted: 2/10/2008 1:51:24 PM | I too have burned cards and letters.. and I put my wedding dress out to the trash.... so I had some real anger to deal with... and now my daughter scolds me for getting rid of the dress but honestly I felt it would hold bad luck for her.... but you do what you do to expell the hurt feelings that you're dealing with... I also got rid of my bell bottoms to her dismay but not for the same reasons... so she's just going to have to learn to deal with disappointment...lol...
but I kept pictures of our ten year marriage because I did have children.. not sure what I would have done with them had we not had children...during our young years together we each had a scrapbook dedicated to one another with high school pics and concert ticket stubs... I kept that too cause it was young pics of him that I thot my kids would want... he on the other hand burned mine and told me about it... I wish he would have left it with me..... cause those pics I can't replace... I am funny about pics tho.. they are a legacy of our past and our ancestery... I also like geneology... so whatever tho.... some ppl get over things faster then others... or choose to bury the pain only to have it crop up later emotionally or physically so if it isn't hurting anyone else then I say "Happy Bonfire"..... | |
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| I made a big change today.
Posted: 2/10/2008 2:10:39 PM | | Since Jan 23 I have now been divorced from my mate of 26 yrs. It has not been easy, being alone. But for years I knew it was coming. You must of known too. It is not one of those things that can be kept hidden. You always know when the end is near. But....she may call you because she trusts you and does not want to be enemies. So much time spent together, how can you completely cut that out of your life? There is no hope there of ever getting together again but, there is hope there that you do not have to end up mortal enemies. You have spent a good part of your lives together. She may rely on you for information the way I rely on my X for information. Just because you have split up does not mean you cannot still talk. Some form of trust exists. I trust my X to tell me about RRSP's and Pension Plans. I do not trust this person to tell me about the life led, before or now that we are apart. Nor do I trust this person at all but I know he/she will not intentionally hurt me anymore. It is over. The hurting has stopped and so has the fighting and the cruel words. Life can be good if you give it 1/4 of a chance. Like so many stories that are so true.....Life Does Go On. | |
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| I made a big change today.
Posted: 2/10/2008 2:11:55 PM | | Hummee: Whom Is? Are you kidding me? Someone is hurting and that is the best you can give? What kind of person are you? | |
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| I made a big change today.
Posted: 2/10/2008 2:16:07 PM | | I feel you man. I still think about my ex every once in a while. It still hurts and angers me from time to time, but the majority of me knows that it is in the past and is over. My best advice to you is to block her number so she can't call. Let her know that she ain't helping you get over stuff and that you need to not talk to her the next time she tries to contact you. That's all I can really say. I send an e-mail to my ex once every few months ( but those have been steadily getting fewer and fewer) letting her know that I'm still listening if she wants to show me what I did wrong- simply so I don't make the same mistake twice. Sudden divorce is a bad thing and not knowing what I did wrong has made my healing go so much slower, but it is going. Heck, I don't feel bad about talking to new women and havent for a couple months now. It's been about a year and three months since my divorce. Been talking to one very special woman. I'm having a problem feeling much for her, but I think it's because we're so far apart and haven't met in person yet. | |
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| I made a big change today.
Posted: 2/10/2008 3:50:00 PM | | OP, one of the best feelings in the world is letting go and moving on, I am happy that you have started this process and I hope you continue to move forward. | |
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| I made a big change today.
Posted: 2/10/2008 4:05:49 PM | 
Bravo!!! You did an excellent thing in order to start finally being able to heal fully and move on ... good on you Bud!! | |
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| I made a big change today.
Posted: 2/10/2008 5:09:20 PM | Hi ex-navy ... I just wanted to let you know that I understand the feeling of not knowing why. It's been 2 and half years since my husband of 12 years walked out on me and to this day I still don't know why. I also used to ask him and I either was told "if you don't know then there's not point in me telling you, because you will never understand" or just a series of excuses. The fact was he walked out on me, he hurt me very badly, I wasn't willing to chance him doing it again to me, so there was no way I was taking him back!! It seemed that when I finally made peace with this decision I was able to come to the conclusion that it didn't matter any longer. This lifted a large weight from not just my mind, also from my heart.
Unfortunately we are still having to have contact with each other, I do however keep it very minimal and it's strictly question and answer. There are no pleasantries involved.
Once all the legalities are completed there will not be any contact at all as I have choosen to make a clean break and start a new life, with new memories. Leave all the old hurts behind. You may find that if you are able to make a clean break and no longer contact your ex asking why .... you will be able to move on with a open heart.
Wishing you all the best in your future ... | |
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| I made a big change today.
Posted: 2/10/2008 5:36:29 PM | I have read all the posting on here thus far ... and all I would like to say Nitrous is that we all have to cleanse our past memories in our own ways. I also destroyed 12 years worth of cards, letters, poems that I not only received, also that I gave. For me this was cleansing, and also brought closure which is something that we all seek when a relationship ends. How we attain that closure is a personal thing. Some people burn their memories, some (like me) take pleasure in slowly shedding each and everyone starting with the very first one. Other people are able to just open the trash can and toss them out with the garbage.
When it comes to how we do this it really is our choice and not for anyone else to say whether we were right or wrong ... or whether we should have waited longer or done it sooner. We all feel hurt and anger differently. This is why what helps one person to heal doesn't necessarily work for another. You will have find what is best for you when it come to healing. I would suggest though that you take this time for you ... take this time to find yourself. It may become a journey of discovery and an enjoyable one at that. You may find that there are things about you that have changed over the years, and things once were a big deal may not be that important anymore. Your priorites may have become different. For example I discovered that " I no longer sweat the small stuff." It's wonderful!!
So read the different postings ... try some of the various advice that has been given ... keep trying things until you find what works for you. In the meantime ... Enjoy your life!! You are young and you have a long life ahead of you. Have fun, don't rush into anything, spend time doing fun things that you haven't been able to do. Go out with the boys, take up a sport ... whatever it takes ... just learn to enjoy life again.
I wish you all the best ... and remember even a baby step counts as a step forward. Forward is the direction that you want to go in life ...... | |
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| I made a big change today.
Posted: 2/10/2008 5:38:40 PM | | No. You don't understand. The less of a big deal this is to you the less it is a big deal to your former partner. Do you really think they don't want you to hurt, miss them, think of them often? They really don't want this. No. You have to let it go. It is done, over with, cannot be redeemed. Done. Of course your former partner wants to think you cannot live without them. Of course they think you cannot do anything like pumping gas, changing oil, finding the washer fluid. you have to let go. But yu have to let do. Nothing lasts forever. It is a fact of life. Stop. give me our phone # | |
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| I made a big change today.
Posted: 2/10/2008 5:59:21 PM | Stupid stupid stupid. Memrories are what make our lives wothwhile. Lose the memories lose the hearbeats. Do not burn them in anger, do not burn them at all, we have only so many years here and only so many with memories. Keep the ones you have. How many do you have?
Are they good?
Are they bad?
Can u remember?
Remember the ones you have. You may not have many more.
Do You Remember? | |
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| I made a big change today.
Posted: 2/10/2008 6:12:14 PM | Your a very handsome young man, and have lots of time. However dont let other people tell you how long or when you will "get over it" I use to think I was only every going to have one true love. Believe me it took me a very long time to "get over it"
Im not even sure what triggered it,but one day I just said this is enough, and decided to look again. I truley believe there is someone for everyone,and we will all find it at some stage in our lives. Good Luck to you | |
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| I made a big change today.
Posted: 2/10/2008 6:16:12 PM | | see reply below. I don't qute know how to work this. I am sure I will get another sarcastic remark from you. But.... all of us here already know what to expect from someone like you. Wife left you, kids don't really care for you, perhaps a lot of $$ but still unhappy. Do not pick on those u don't understand. They may be you. | |
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| I made a big change today.
Posted: 2/10/2008 6:24:06 PM | | I am not sure I am over it. But, I do try. I listen and I learn. Hopefully our young man will listen and learn. Life goes on. It may not be a lot of fun at times but sometimes it makes you laugh. Sometimes it makes you cry and sometimes it rips your heart out.....but, it is life and life is a lot more fun than the alternative. We have only two choices here we live or we die and although life looks bleak sometimes death looks a hell of alot worse. Ever seen "Ghost" with Patrick Swaze. I do not want to be taken down by one of them little black guys. | |
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