| Problems with your man turning you down?
Posted: 2/9/2008 10:41:27 PM | i just like women dressing up like porn films and if they dont i generally tend to have little or no interest so maybe he is just into different things and is afraid to tell you what he is into
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Interesting point youve got there Sar
But, if this were all that were needed to save a relatinship, I wonder how many women would do it.?? | |
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| Problems with your man turning you down?
Posted: 2/10/2008 12:08:16 AM | | If he's declining to do you with regularity then he's no boyfriend. Shuck him pronto -- you seem to have it going on, so I'm sure there are scores of guys near you who you would like and would step to the plate with a damned bat in their hands. | |
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| Problems with your man turning you down?
Posted: 2/11/2008 7:52:20 PM | | Hey sorry everyone. Didnt mean to ditch like that. It may seem like sometimes im not here, but i work a lot. No, he doesnt do drugs, pot, or meds. He DOES however have allergies. One tiny little thing can set him off and then its hell from there. I cant even KISS his shoulder and he says "Dont mess me about" I guess sometimes i just feel like he doesnt want it with me. I want it always. When we first met we went through a box of 40 condoms in less than a week. We were like rabbits. Now its either, i wait til he is ready, or i guess what kind of mood he is in and take a shot at it. I used to just go downtown and do my business....now he brushes my head away. *sigh* Very confused right now. | |
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| Problems with your man turning you down?
Posted: 2/12/2008 4:43:18 AM | Hey OP!
I posted a thread about a similar topic, it's called How Can I Turn Him On? in the sex and dating section. It seems like you and I have a similar problem, and everyone who posted both here on your thread and in my thread seems to be giving really helpful advice. I've had the opportunity to really think about the problem that my boyfriend and I have, and I think I know what our problem is.
I knew from the beginning that I had to talk to him about it, but I was afraid that I would use the wrong words and hurt his feelings. That's the last thing I would want to do. The way I approached the subject with him was very casually, and in private. I asked him how he had been feeling lately, and if ever he needed anything he could come to me. From there, once I determined that he had been feeling well, and that everything else was normal, I asked him flat out if he was losing interest in me. Immediately, he snapped right out of it, and began to apologize profusely. He's been under some stress lately at work, and it's sort of put blinders on him. Since then (Sunday morning), we've had sex four times!
The only thing that makes me a little nervous, OP, is where our situations differ. It seems like your man is almost angry or frustrated with you about something, based on what you're mentioning. My guy would never tell me off, or refused, he just would lay there! I would tell him that his comments have got you worried, and again, don't be afraid to tell him how you feel. Your wanting sex is just as important as him not wanting sex, and you need to come to an acceptable middle ground between the two of you.
Also, your profile lists you as having Prefer Not To Say under marital status. Does your boyfriend know you are on POF? Why do you have yourself listed as such, and not as Not Single/Not Looking? Seems a little fishy to me! | |
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| Problems with your man turning you down?
Posted: 2/12/2008 7:47:10 AM | Well Sabra,
It seems to me that either you boyfriend has already lost interest in you or he has control issues. It sounds like he only wants you when he wants you and not necessarily when you want him. When you first got together it was all new, exciting and different but now it's just the same old, same old. Or, he is only turned on when he is in control. Either way, you need to get under his skin and find out why he has a bug up his ass!
You mention that you like to party. Do you only initiate when you have a buzz on? My ex was a closet alcoholic who often wanted some after she was drunk. That to me became old and I began to hate the smell of alcohol on her breath and would turn her down when she was drunk and pawing at me. It was more my resentment that she wouldn't get help with her problem and that we both weren't drinking, rather than my not wanting her, but I did start turning her down and telling her to sleep it off and we could resume when she was sober. | |
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| Problems with your man turning you down?
Posted: 2/12/2008 7:47:46 AM | Hey forumgirl. To answer the question at the bottom of your reply....I keep changing the status to "Living Together" but it changes back. And he does know i am on here. He knows im a very social person. I cant NOT have friends. Lol.
But back to the subject. All your advice is wonderful, yet ive tried everything. Ive laid in bed with him and talked to him really sweet. Asked him if he is ok. How is work treating him? The thing is, he is having a hard time with where he is at in his life. He seems to think that life is passing him by. Yes....it is, but if you live it to its fullest, you wont have to think about that. He wants to go back to school....and be comfortable. The thing is, ive tried to help him go back to school, but he doesnt seem to want it ENOUGH. And that is getting me frustrated, then it puts a little strain on the relationship. Now, you could as anyone and they will tell you we are the happiest couple alive....and we are.....to some extent of course. The only thing lacking is the sex. The one thing that keeps me grounded.....and not angry is the fact that he is a terrific lover. He knows what I want and what turns me on. I love that.......I guess for him, he has enough sex and I dont. | |
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| Problems with your man turning you down?
Posted: 2/12/2008 7:51:23 AM |
Well Sabra,
It seems to me that either you boyfriend has already lost interest in you or he has control issues. It sounds like he only wants you when he wants you and not necessarily when you want him. When you first got together it was all new, exciting and different but now it's just the same old, same old. Or, he is only turned on when he is in control. Either way, you need to get under his skin and find out why he has a bug up his ass!
You mention that you like to party. Do you only initiate when you have a buzz on? My ex was a closet alcoholic who often wanted some after she was drunk. That to me became old and I began to hate the smell of alcohol on her breath and would turn her down when she was drunk and pawing at me. It was more my resentment that she wouldn't get help with her problem and that we both weren't drinking, rather than my not wanting her, but I did start turning her down and telling her to sleep it off and we could resume when she was sober.
Well i dont drink anymore. And when i used to, he would too. But i havent had a drink in about 4 or 5 months. So thats not the problem. And he isnt a control freak. He is English. Hes very set in his own ways. And i have no qualms with that, cus in some ways, im the most stubborn person ever. I love this man to death. And i know he loves me. We are not your average couple. | |
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| Problems with your man turning you down?
Posted: 2/12/2008 7:53:47 AM | | wow ive never been turned down and i very much doubt its because of the age diff thats for sure, maybe hes got something going on that may need to be talked through. | |
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| Problems with your man turning you down?
Posted: 2/12/2008 9:34:39 AM |
wow ive never been turned down and i very much doubt its because of the age diff thats for sure, maybe hes got something going on that may need to be talked through.
he has told me the age difference is a little of what it is. He is still young, but he is also very lazy. Lol. Last night....we did have sex, it was awesome....but i did all the work. Im not complaining, i love when he puts me on top. Maybe we need more adventure. He mentioned to me last night that it would be sexy if i did someone else (guy or girl). and he could watch. I find that to be exciting, that he is willing to put some adventure into our sex life. Maybe the things i say to him are getting through? | |
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| Problems with your man turning you down?
Posted: 2/12/2008 10:00:29 AM | | Seems to be a selfish and lazy lover - I wouldn't tolerate that for any reason. Love making should be a two way street - you both put effort into it and you certainly don't turn each other down for any reason. I would seek someone who is respectful and wanting of my advances! | |
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| Problems with your man turning you down?
Posted: 2/12/2008 10:24:02 AM | At OP- mmmmmmmmmmmmm interesting. Brings to mind show me the most beautiful woman around and I will introduce you to the man that is tired of ****ing her. Could be a couple of things going on here, maybe indeed he is doing the old cliche of getting it somewhere else. Or maybe things have grown stale in the relationship?
I was married once at 19 and again at 23 till I was 30. I guarantee you at the age of almost 36 I am nowhere near the same person at those stages in my life. You mentioned you are 20 and he is 27. Could very well be you are at different stages. I think the best advice is to communicate, whether it works here or somewhere else you will be better off.
Good luck!!
Cheers
Dragon | |
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| Problems with your man turning you down?
Posted: 2/12/2008 2:36:59 PM | | You may need to have a relationship talk with him. I dated a girl for about 4 years. Near the end, I turned her down quite a few times. I just didn't like her anymore. Broke up with her soon after. Good luck. | |
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| Problems with your man turning you down?
Posted: 2/12/2008 2:44:58 PM | | I was feeling the same way today - I would say wait around a little bit, and depending on how much he heans to you - either ditch him or find out what the REAL problem is and nip it in the bud if he means anything to you ... good luck chickie!! | |
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| Problems with your man turning you down?
Posted: 2/12/2008 3:56:55 PM | it COULD be that he's tapping someone else...
my bf always gets a hardon around me. esp. when its time for bed...it's kinna funny and cute when he'll be in first. i'll do last minute email check-up...or simply get ready for bed. then as soon as i lay beside him, i can already feel his boner...hehehehehehe. he's always *excited* to see me. or when we won't see each other for a long time, and he's visiting me at home, i swear, sex is like the first thing on his mind. we'd have sex before we go to sleep, (when we have time) after waking up, when we're cuddling, when we're planning to nap, when we're cuddling AFTER sex. but then again...he's 22. but then again, he started early...so...it's definitely not cuz he's been "deprived". he always said, "i'm sorry i can't help it. i'm just so attracted to you." (we've been together for almost 2 yrs now)...soooooo...gyah...iunno.
is it really "always" the case? that he turns you down?
wait...wait...he's totally fine simply watching you have sex with someone else (even a guy?!) like just watching. BUNNNNN THAT! well...ya...no way my man's touching another girl! LOL! | |
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| Problems with your man turning you down?
Posted: 2/12/2008 4:49:28 PM | I always want to slap the women who get on here and go "Oh my man has no problems with me, he's always hard or willing" Well then bless your lucky stars. Either your young, new to each other or very very compatible. All of which you should never take for granted.
I was married for 18 years to a man whose sex drive was no where near mine. Has your boyfriends drive always been lower than yours? Are you always the initiator? If thats the case and you are getting turned down, Its not good. If he is initiating part of the time there is hope?
If you have tried talking to him and spicing things up and still to no avail...you may want to bail. In my experience these problems just manifest into other problems. | |
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| Problems with your man turning you down?
Posted: 2/12/2008 5:07:40 PM | | The only reasons I would turn down sex are illness and depression (very serious depression). The excuse of stress is a complete lie because sex is the ultimate stress reliever. Even if it means I only get 4 of my 8hrs that night, even the next night too, I always feel great the next day. I would think he's either very sick, afraid to tell you he's not interested in you anymore, or very depressed over something and hasn't told you whats going on. | |
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N*Love
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Joined: 2/22/2008
Msg: 45 | |
| Problems with your man turning you down?
Posted: 2/27/2008 5:10:32 AM | hhahahha.... Love the excuse "why does everything have to be about sex? Are you using me? "...hahahah..
Op, I think you got a sexuallity mismatch... We are all different and some have a need for it more than others... perhaps this is the case here...
I had an EX... who wanted it once (yes i did say once) every three days... OMG....
Yes he is EX for a reason... | |
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| Problems with your man turning you down?
Posted: 2/27/2008 5:20:11 AM | Leanne (Msg 36). I tend to agree with what you say. However, what if one of the pair is just plain dog tired?
Me? I'd have to be on my deathbed (even then I'd consider), or whacked out on anti-flu medication, etc, to knock back a partner. | |
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| Problems with your man turning you down?
Posted: 2/27/2008 6:36:24 AM | I got married at 27. I had known my husband for almost ten years prior to our marriage....we'd been friends, and then we dated. We had sex one time before we got married...and it was perfunctory, but I thought "ok, well, he has a penis, it works, we can grow and explore together".
After the marriage, there was VERY little sex, as in ...if it was once a month it was a miracle....and finally I asked if there was something wrong with me? He responded "I've never enjoyed sex very much". This led to 14 years of celibacy, after which I divorced him.
I should have left immediately, but was attempting to honor my vows. I went to the doctor, I took a blow job class, I bought tons of sexy clothes, I bathed religiously, I created little romantic vignettes.....you name it. Including, finally, therapy. NOTHING worked. Ever. He just told me "There is more to love than sex...if you love me, you will deal with it."
I strongly advise you to look closely at your relationship....if it has NEVER included hot, regular, passionate sex, then you need to re-evaluate. | |
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| Problems with your man turning you down?
Posted: 2/27/2008 6:42:23 AM | Don't talk. RUN AWAY, and fast. He will grind your self-confidence away bit by bit until you don't have enough left to leave him. I speak from experience.
Nothing you say is getting through. Offering you up to someone else so he can watch is just another way of not having sex with you.
You're young now -- don't waste your time with someone who doesn't want you in every possible way. | |
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| Problems with your man turning you down?
Posted: 2/27/2008 11:39:46 AM | | Every one seems to have missed the main point here! Your CUTE and you should not have to suffer from sex deprivation! LOL, dump this punk, there are thousands of guys on this site that would love to have hot,crazy sex with you! | |
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| Problems with your man turning you down?
Posted: 2/27/2008 2:09:56 PM | | ive had attractive girls, who i turned down once or twice, and ive had not so attractive girls who ive turned down.And i dont think it makes me any less of a man cause i do. it has nothing to do with erectile disfunction or a personal problem, or my attraction for the girl that makes me not in the mood for sex. i mean alot of the time, i simply dont do it cause sex is kinda pressuring for guys who think too much, im always worried about if my girl will get off before i do(they mostly do, but its the before initiation i worry about), and sometimes i just dont feel like it, sex is cool but i dont go coocoo for it. even sometimes if the girl is bugging me its a turn-off. | |
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