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| What will you compromise? Or trade off?
Posted: 2/10/2008 5:18:19 AM |
'what is your bargaining tool'?. .....Myself. I don't change for anyone and I shouldn't be expected to change for anyone.
What will you give for what? .....The same thing a person gives me. If they give me respect, then I'll give them respect. If they cannot respect me then I cannot respect them.
What will you accept in another, and what do you need/want to be accepted in you? .....I understand people have faults and people have made mistakes. If they haven't then they are not human. Some faults are repairable, some are not. If a person doesn't want to repair their faults (ie: drug addiction/drinking etc)then as far as I'm concerned they cannot respect me. As for 'mistakes'.....So long as they are not repeated , I can accept mistakes.
what do you want/need to be accepted, or overlooked, in yourself? .....I think this question is just a generalization. Some people might bring forth their hang up's.....ie: I'm too fat, but I'm a nice person. As I said everyone has faults, and only WE can know the real US. | |
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| What will you compromise? Or trade off?
Posted: 2/10/2008 5:35:18 AM | | OP; that's such a vague, "how long is a piece of string" kind of question. I know what I'm looking for, and when the situation arises, I'll know what I'm willing to compromise, but every situation is different. I suppose that one of my faults is that I'm too independent. I like my alone time and don't like being crowded by a man. But then I met a man who was MORE independent than me, and I ended up begging for his time and attention. Go figure. I'd have given him his space, if he'd given me a little attention. | |
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| What will you compromise? Or trade off?
Posted: 2/10/2008 5:44:43 AM | | As long a person is honest, doesn't have drug or gambling problem and doesn't sleep around I could careless what they do. Expectations hurts you eventually, you shouldn't have to put up with anything because sooner or later it will be like a snowball getting bigger and bigger. If you don't like what someone does in the beginning not likely you will like it later on. People expect people to change, bad idea. | |
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| What will you compromise? Or trade off?
Posted: 2/10/2008 5:57:55 AM |
If you don't like what someone does in the beginning not likely you will like it later on. People expect people to change, bad idea.
We get such contradictory messages about this. On the one side, a relationship takes compromise, and we need to communicate and ask for what we want. On the other side, we have to accept people as they are and can't expect them to change...
My personal experience has been that we can ask all we want, but people DON'T change. Many are not willing to compromise in the slightest. And some people wonder why we are so picky...finding someone you can accept 100% as is isn't easy. SO many players, people with heavy baggage, commitment-phobics, emotionally closed up people... | |
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| What will you compromise? Or trade off?
Posted: 2/10/2008 6:50:24 AM | So, are we making a spreadsheet? Is that the point?
Are we looking for equations like "for each divorce, increase BMI a half point to compensate", "if a smoker, hair must reach shoulder", "if unemployed, smile must sparkle" and "for each child at home, increase cup size one letter to compensate..." ;-).
That's the biggest flaw in online dating, I'm seeing so far. We're so quick to categorize each other, 'runnin' the math', categorizing the flaws and the qualities in some kind of Brave New World human qualification system... Good for buying a DVD player, for people, doesn't work so well.
This time 'round, I am actually not planning on bargaining anything; not that I was *asked* to last time; that was all me, but it wasn't the absolute me at the end of the day. As you say, relationships are about ACCEPTING, not NEGOTIATING. I get to be 100% me, you get to be 100% you, and if that works, we'll have a good thing.
Changing, giving up essential parts of yourself just so you're not alone... that's never going to work, and you know it.
Of course, if there's things you, *you yourself*, want to change, that you think someone else would want, by all means, do it! Personally, I want to drop a few pounds, now that I'm single again ;-).
But I'm not doing that so as to attract a more attractive future mate; I'm doing that because I'm vain enough to want to look good, even better than I do now ;-).
Cowboy | |
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| What will you compromise? Or trade off?
Posted: 2/10/2008 7:17:47 AM |
Changing, giving up essential parts of yourself just so you're not alone... that's never going to work, and you know it.
Of course, if there's things you, *you yourself*, want to change, that you think someone else would want, by all means, do it! Personally, I want to drop a few pounds, now that I'm single again ;-).
It's good to be yourself, and I agree totally about changing things you need to change FOR YOURSELF. I dated a guy who had a "take me as I am" attitude. Wouldn't even discuss any issues that came up (and he has some MAJOR issues that would be deal-breakers for most women). Some people need to consider that if they stay "who they are", they will be alone forever. Sometimes self evaluations and change are Good Things. | |
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| What will you compromise? Or trade off?
Posted: 2/10/2008 8:09:28 AM | | I am pretty accepting of general differences in people. However, the thing I will NEVER trade off are my values. These are different for each individual and I would rather not share them with online strangers; but, the person that I date will come to know them and hopefully he will have enough respect for me to respect them. If not, I would not date him any longer. | |
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| What will you compromise? Or trade off?
Posted: 2/10/2008 9:17:09 AM | I will never compromise my values and beliefs.
What do I need to accept in myself? My unbending attitude as far as values and beliefs go. | |
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| What will you compromise? Or trade off?
Posted: 2/11/2008 12:08:03 PM | I will trade off a few extra pounds for a compassionate man. Or hair for honesty.
I have cats and children--no compromise with them. I have a strong sense of morals, and I cant be with someone who lies, cheats, or steals. No drugs will be in my life, I dont care how nice he is. he should at least be able to take care of himself financially, but i figure it is his money. I tend to put things off, and I smoke. | |
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| What will you compromise? Or trade off?
Posted: 2/11/2008 1:16:26 PM | I found at least three questions.........just kidding OP!!!
What will you compromise? Noth'n EVER!!
or Trade Off? If I have to trade anything then ya weren't the right ONE!!
Accept--The Whole Person--Honesty--All--Everything don't leave anything out to save me---Honesty
Won't Accept--Dishonesty, sugar coat'n things, "well, I didn't think that was important"......etc.....
Want and Need or Overlook? I give my Honesty, you get what ya see, hear and by the things I do, ya don't like that---See Ya!! I expect the same so I would not overlook any "mishap" of Honesty!!
Yes, I am a relationship, I was this way before I met Him and I will continue being this way, we have the same "mind" in Life!!!   | |
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