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Posted: 2/10/2008 2:04:00 PM | HOLY crap cowboy... will you marry me?
lol
or... can I chain you up in my basement?
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Posted: 2/10/2008 2:25:20 PM |
A soft touch just along the cheek bone, maybe brushing an errant strand of hair back... a finger tracing the tendons on the inside of your wrist...
And... that's all the secrets I'm prepared to give up at this time ;-).
Hey Cowboy!! Don't stop now; it's just getting good!! | |
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Posted: 2/10/2008 2:39:50 PM | Birdie, sad to say, it's a 3900km commute (I looked it up in Expedia)... it'd never work... but it'd have been a heluva honeymoon... sigh... ;-)
Cowboy | |
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Posted: 2/10/2008 2:41:43 PM | selfish! lol. i had a boyfriend who only ever thought of himself in bed! never really wanted to please me, as long as he was happy.. who cares!? well i did!
i personally try to take control in bed..i give them what they want, then its my turn! i tell them what i like! guys who think we actually orgasm every time we have intercourse need to wake up! cos most of us need more than that!!
i blame films.. u watch them just have sex.. no foreplay.. yet the women comes every time...
and yeah i agree that if men would just tap into the concept of foreplay... they would get way better sex!!! | |
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Posted: 2/10/2008 3:17:36 PM | Crazygirl89, it's good that you like to take control in the bed however I believe you are making one serious mistake. "I give them what they want (oral I presume), then its my turn!", you've already given them what they want, unless they are really interested in making sure that you are satisfied you've already defeated yourself.
What I would suggest to you is maybe give them a little bit of what they want (ak oral) basically enough to tease them and give them a reason to make sure that you are being pleased. Have them explore your body kissing, licking, massaging, rubbing, and licking and licking and licking.
Once you have reached the level of passion/arousal that you need or desire then maybe continue his physical satisfaction or you could both attempt to satisfy each other at the same time which is always the most enjoyable because your both giving and getting at the same time. Then when ready progress to the next level. And yes a lot of inexperienced/self serving guys view of foreplay is only a few minutes because of what they have viewed on porn. Any experience/caring guy knows better. And by experience I do not mean he has sleeped with a lot of women, by experience I mean he has learned what a woman wants sexually. | |
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Posted: 2/10/2008 3:28:49 PM |
becky- I mean pta1024: I would love to be left weak at the knees and forget my own name.
Strangely enough, I found that women don't like it when I forget their name...
Telling a guy what you like and don't like is *very* important. I once dated a woman who was fun and we got along well. In the bedroom, we seemed to click well, but she was always completely silent. When I brought it up, she said she was shy and I suggested guiding me with her hands (or showing me for that matter), but it was still very sporadic. I ended up breaking up with her because I want to be the best lover I can be with my lover and I didn't see that happening with her. | |
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Posted: 2/10/2008 3:32:30 PM | In response to the thread that said that women have one bad lover and now are ready to label all guys as bad in bed, please re-read what these women are writing. One got more aroused just reading this thread then her past 4 lovers, another has only 2 out of 8 or 9 that knew what he was doing. Another told about how selfish her last boyfriend was.
I dated a guy once that got so lazy in bed that he actually told me after about 5 minutes that his tongue was tired. when I suggested using his fingers, he sighed and did it for a few minutes and then tried to penetrate. Another had it all figured out though, he said he knew exactly how long it took to get a woman aroused and the the "longest he ever had to go down a woman to get her off was 15 minutes." Talk about pressure, I might as well had an egg timer on the night stand.
So, tell me guys, what do you think we women should do if we get in bed with a selfish man and despite our efforts to guide you and help you, the sex is still bad? | |
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Posted: 2/10/2008 4:14:43 PM | pta1024, I'm going to presume that your referring to the comment I made, It was not my intention to come across that way at all. I try not to generalize and that's what I did with that statement (poor English), sorry.
To answer your question, "what do you think we women should do if we get in bed with a selfish man and despite our efforts to guide you and help you, the sex is still bad?". Well I guess that totally depends on how you feel about him or how long the relationship has been going on for.
If the relationship has been going on for quite some time (Long term relationship) than I really don't know what to say, it would have to be your choice. But you know as well as I that the resentment of him not willing to to take more interest in making sure you are pleased will manifest itself in other areas of the relationship. The other thing I would say is do you love the guy enough having spent this much time with him that you can deal with the bad sex and still stay together.
If the relationship in relatively new, I'd say if the guy doesn't care enough about you to make sure that you are being fulfilled then I would suggest moving on to someone who will take your feelings/desires into consideration. I believe a lot of us now that sex isn't everything in a relationship but it is still an important part of the relationship. | |
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Posted: 2/10/2008 4:23:36 PM | thanks trevO1us for being adult enough to apologize for generalizing instead of getting defensive.
Your advise was good, I just want to be treated the way that I know I deserve to be treated. | |
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Posted: 2/10/2008 5:52:15 PM | >So, tell me guys, what do you think we women should do if we get in bed with a selfish man and despite our efforts to guide you and help you, the sex is still bad?<
Well, PTA... um, how did he get in there in the first place? ;-)
The problem, from what I'm seeing, is that folks today think sex pretty much starts in the bedroom. It doesn't seem to start anymore with a mildly inappropriate penetrating stare over coffee, it doesn't smolder with the guy leaning in to you, raising your lips to his and a lingering kiss that leaves you craving a cigarette (whether you smoke or not). It doesn't spark with the tip of his tongue gently tracing the curve of your neck, and ending with a nibble on your earlobe.
It's a quick lunch, some tonsil hockey, and a wet Fourth of July firework roman candle in the bedroom that leaves everybody in the park saying "Um, is that it?!?"
Just sayin' folks should be more careful where they get their fireworks is all ;-)
Cowboy | |
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Posted: 2/10/2008 6:52:04 PM | Perhaps it's just me but too much of foreplay drives me crazy.  lol
I like when some elements of "foreplay" come during or even after the penetration.
But i agree sometimes it's great when a guy pays extra attention to all my sensitive spots.
and by the way, do people consider oral sex as a foreplay? | |
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Posted: 2/10/2008 7:00:34 PM | PTA, defensive naw I had nothing to be defensive about, I was in the wrong grammar wise. I'm man enough to admit that.
I am glad that there are only a few ladies that are participating in this thread because if Cowboy keeps on writing his threads there won't be any ladies left for the rest of us they will all be hoping on planes heading to wherever he is. LOL
To answer the last posters question, yes I believe oral is a part of foreplay. Some others might view it differently.
trev   | |
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Posted: 2/10/2008 7:31:33 PM |
usually takes about 15- 20 minutes to reach her toes
What's the rush? | |
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Posted: 2/10/2008 7:41:01 PM | Well this may be a little off topic, but what if she is just a booty call.
Do you put in all the effort for just a booty?
Or do you hold back?
And back to the topic, it depends on the person, my ex would shut down after ONE orgasm. I mean completely, she would dry up, damn near go to sleep. So if she got one during foreplay, I was assed out. | |
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Posted: 2/10/2008 7:54:37 PM |
usually takes about 15- 20 minutes to reach her toes
What's the rush?
If I took any longer..I might need a snorkel | |
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Posted: 2/10/2008 8:07:13 PM | You can't have one with out the other, if that booty call is something you would like to remember for a long time.
And as for your x, maybe you should have considered if she would have awaken after a second orgasm, what lay behind that veil maybe forever unknown to you now, but some of us have dared to find out. | |
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Posted: 2/10/2008 8:08:40 PM | Do you put in all the effort for just a booty? Or do you hold back?
Funny, i was thinking about the same. When i was married for a very long time my ex hubby would make sure i get mine and if for some reason occasionally I did not get it before him he
would "finish" me after.
My post marital experience shows that many guy don't give too much sh*t .(sorry, just trying to make its simple). Many do. However, all of them promises great and satisfying sexual experience, blah blah blah... I especially hate when they ask me when i am gong to come or just telling me to do so  Guys, as soon as you ask "When?" it's not going to happen....  | |
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Posted: 2/10/2008 8:35:25 PM | | OP, I think whoever said that foreplay starts with the mind is dead on. That is the only way you will be able to pick them out of a crowd. If one is anticipating a sexual experience that evening. The foreplay might come in the form of calls or emails to your intended throughout the day, with innuendos about what the future holds. Once together, penetration is about the very last thing on my mind, literally. I love to run the very tips of my fingers all over..every square millimeter, heightening all of her sensations, while whispering in her ear what I am about to do to her body. Kissing is a such a big part of the foreplay, from the lips and neck down to the toes and back up again. Talk is so key for me. I love to say how beautiful she is, how good she smells, how much she turns me on. The wet spot on the sheets is an indicator it might be time for oral. Take your time. Make it last. Don't even think about penetration until she cums at least a couple of times. For me, climaxing in definitely anti-climactic, no pun intended. The key is for the male to truly enjoy what he is doing. If he doesn't he will rush through and not do a very good job. The pleasure a man can get from hearing those moans, heavy breathing, giggles is just too good to pass up. My two cents. | |
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Posted: 2/10/2008 9:07:25 PM | I totally agree that foreplay starts in the mind. Foreplay can start during the day with even a simple phone call to say you miss me. After dinner, stimulating me with sweet words or even erotic words in my ear, touching my cheek, holding my hand, playing with my hair, hugging me tightly...and those are just some ways. Once you get into my mind, I can't resist it.
What I have been disappointed with in men is their rush to stop the kissing. I love to kiss and passionate kisses will push me running to the bedroom. I feel kissing is very important, but to many men give you a few kisses and then that's it.
As I grew older and more confident as a sexual woman, I have found that men do like to be told what does or does not feel good. I would want them to tell me! I have even told men to tell me what he wants or if I am doing it right for him. I, on the other hand, gently tell or guide the man to what pleasures me. With movements and my verbal responses, he usually picks up on the fact it feels good.
No one wants to make love to a dead fish. You got to let yourself go and enjoy it so your partner can get pleasure from pleasing you.
Guys...if you get into her mind, you will get into her pants! | |
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Posted: 2/10/2008 10:09:07 PM | Hello Ms pta1024,
Seems like you may been around some one that simply weren't taught correctly.
That does leave you a way to custom trane them to your own preference
doses it not?
One is usually less tense than the other in a couple. Only danger there is the other might feel slighted. MUST NOT HAVE AN Y ATTITUDES IN THIS AREA....danger danger
iF YOU WANT ANY OTHER ADVICE, FEEL FREE TO ASK
lATER,
TENSAWEAGLE | |
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Posted: 2/10/2008 11:51:38 PM | A couple of points. Not all women are the same, like the same thing, are turned on by the same thing, like particular things at the same time ( level of excitement), etc etc etc .
Sooooo.... it is both a matter of women being willing to show/ demonstrate/ scream when something is good/ bad or indifferent.
I don’t talk to men about sex. I have talked to a lot of women. I hear things like:
“ If he licked my ear one more time i was going to puke....” but she didn’t want to “hurt his feelings” , so she just hoped he would move on. Just an example..... Ladies, if ____ is not a good thing, speak up or we will keep doing it.
And i understand some guys are less than generous with foreplay. ( “Hey! I got mine! If she didn’t it is her problem” OR “ There is no such thing as premature ejaculation. I did it, liked it, so it was right on time”) One solution comes to mind: DON’T SLEEP WITH THESE GUYS! I know, it is sort of hard to figure out who is selfish until you are in the middle of things, but Pavlov figured it out a few years ago. If they are to dumb or selfish to learn to salivate at the sound of a bell, cut ‘em off. Eventually they will learn or get lonely. Maybe that is to simple..... It probably is.
I assume these guys must have great looks, or wonderful personalities or some other feature that keeps getting them laid despite the fact that they are less than wonderful in bed. Do they just wander from woman to woman, leaving behind a trail of disappointed and frustrated people ?
Last question. Are there that many guys out there that don’t enjoy foreplay ? I don’t want to come off like people who are desperate for attention so they post anything that they think will appeal to the opposite gender, but damn foreplay is great ! Why hurry once you are in bed ? What is going on in the rest of the world that can compete ? Yeah, the ending is good, but the path to orgasm is a hell of a lot of fun also!
Ok...I’ll shut up now and let everyone get back to drooling over cowboy. | |
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Posted: 2/10/2008 11:58:57 PM | OP, great thread… thank you. And, lost cowboy, you go on my hero list! Bravo for saying what had to be said! Like he said back in his first post: no owner’s manual, but there is an owner. Waaaay back when, in those early days when I was trying to figure things out, a brave woman once said something to the effect, “Hey, you’re doing it wrong.” So, I listened and learned. In the years since, I’ve also learned that every woman is different. (Whoa! There’s a news flash for ya!!) Some prefer foreplay/touching, some oral sex, some penetration… and, of course, there are still other things. If a guy is a MAN, then he will take the time to learn, experiment, talk/ask, take/be aggressive/do, and above all else, make sure that it’s enjoyable... very enjoyable I don’t have a vast experience, but enough to know that when a guy behaves as such and the woman reciprocates… well, the result is an awesome sexual experience… for both! (And, ohmagawd, may such feelings and desires stay with me for many, many, many, many years to come!)
So, tell me guys, what do you think we women should do if we get in bed with a selfish man and despite our efforts to guide you and help you, the sex is still bad?
Quite frankly, OP, at our age, why would anyone get into bed with someone selfish?!?! Sounds like a lack of self-esteem issue. Or a booty call. (And, please, I am not pointing the finger at anyone… just my opinion of the general issue at hand.) Maybe the lesser experienced make such an error once, maybe twice. But once we gain some knowledge, time to put it to use – ditch a loser like that! | |
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Posted: 2/11/2008 5:26:56 AM | The foreplay might come in the form of calls or emails to your intended throughout the day, with innuendos about what the future holds.
I've gotten to the point where I don't even like that any more. I've heard so many promises..."passion won't be a problem".."I'm gonna make love to you all night". THen they can't get it up, or are completely unpassionate and mechanical, or last 2 minutes. It's not worth getting worked up over.
And i understand some guys are less than generous with foreplay. ( “Hey! I got mine! If she didn’t it is her problem” OR “ There is no such thing as premature ejaculation. I did it, liked it, so it was right on time”) One solution comes to mind: DON’T SLEEP WITH THESE GUYS! I know, it is sort of hard to figure out who is selfish until you are in the middle of things, but Pavlov figured it out a few years ago. If they are to dumb or selfish to learn to salivate at the sound of a bell, cut ‘em off. Eventually they will learn or get lonely. Maybe that is to simple..... It probably is.
Sometimes we actually love these guys for other reasons. That's why I stayed in my marriage so long. Now I 'try out' a man early in the relationship; I had bad sex for 25 years, and I don't want another 25 years of it. It's moved way up in my criteria for a relationship. I stop seeing them if they are bad and don't seem willing to learn. BUT...I'm still guilty of not telling guys just how bad and selfish they are. There is no 'nice' way to tell a guy that he sucks in bed. Men are SO touchy about that, I just leave them thinking they are a stud and disappointing the next woman. I wish I had the guts to tell them; I'm very open and forthright about anything else, butI can't bring myself to tell them that. With the last one, I told him that I needed more, but he just thinks I'm just another deluded, demanding woman, thinking that life is a romance novel (his words). I don't think they WILL figure it out...these are the guys who tell me "Ya know, I just don't understand women". Clueless.
Last question. Are there that many guys out there that don’t enjoy foreplay ?
In my experience, yes. I've only slept with one man who truly loved foreplay and was good at it. My early experiences were college 'quickies', so maybe they don't count. I have less experience with older men (in their 50's), but some are very bad at it, or don't do it at all. I think some older men were in marriages where their wives got disgusted and encouraged them to 'just get it over with', and that is the habit they fell into. I admit that I did that with my ex...he had premature ejaculation most of our marriage. He liked foreplay, but only liked doing what HE liked, and only the way HE liked it...no matter how many times I told/showed him what I liked, he didn't do it. His idea of oral sex was slobbering...no light kisses, but very wet licking...all over my body...avoiding any spot that might actually get me off. It was like being attacked by a big, affectionate dog. A little of that goes a long way. Then he started taking medications and developed ED. He pretended he didn't have it...I'd try to get it hard, then he'd spend several minutes trying to get it (half limp) in, then give up without a word. This went on for a year or so, then we gave up on sex. | |
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Posted: 2/11/2008 6:25:26 AM | Booty call...
Hell no! You go all in for a booty call! ;-) From the logical point of view, "if one wishes to be invited back again at a later date, one must behave in a manner conducive to that". ;-)
But, then, that's me talking through my cowboy hat.
While I can understand the concept, a proper booty call, from up here in the cheap seats, would require damn near post-graduate level work in sex. Naked bomb disposal, as it were ;-).
One misstep, one hurt feeling, and a booty call blows up into being just the prostitute you didn't pay... And yeah, I know, that's seriously harsh, but all you have to do is scan through the forums to find guys and ladies that feel they were used exactly that way. Not stuff to be taken as casually as some do.
I've known a few ladies that were either ostensibly into polyamory, or were content to be "mistresses" to married guys, and EVERY ONE said they were happy, it was what they wanted, it was right for them, it was all good, and, it always comes out, in the end, EVERY ONE of them was lying.
It's very true, some folks don't want sex to lead to marriage just yet; they're young (or old!), they want to have some real fun, and if somebody knows something more fun than great sex, bottle it! But, end of the day, near as I can tell, everybody wants to be special to somebody, nobody wants to be tossed aside and forgotten.
And dude, as for wearing your lady out after one good O and getting left hangin'...
Dude.
In a compassionate relationship, you take turns ;-).
Cowboy | |
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