| Would you date someone who had a vassectomy or their tubes tied?
Posted: 2/10/2008 1:24:40 PM |
Are you pretty sure you don't want kids? or are you giving adoption a choice if at the time you do want kids?
I'm positive.
It's not like it's something I gave 3 months of thought. This is years of soul searching and thought that were put into it.
I'd just not tell the women I got a vassectomy(Not that I was ever planning to tell anyone, anyways, hence me annonymously starting a thread online about it). 
This is only something you'd tell a woman, if you planned on marrying them. Otherwise, unless they ask, it's irrelevant. So i'm not really limiting myself at all. I was just curious on how people perceived it.
If anything, it'll just make me keep the vassectomy to myself when entering relationshsips, but I will be going forward with it, for sure. | |
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| Would you date someone who had a vassectomy or their tubes tied?
Posted: 2/10/2008 1:56:48 PM | | Considering how often the women I know go through pregnancy scares I would say it is better to tell them! If you know they are childfree (and I certainly hope you're dating people who have said they do not want children and not stringing along women who might want a child with you) then you will ease an enormous mental burden. Not to mention giving them the option of getting off birth control if they so desire. | |
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| Would you date someone who had a vassectomy or their tubes tied?
Posted: 2/10/2008 2:52:19 PM | regarding the OP
At 36yrs old I’m pretty certain I do not wish to have children thus I would most certainly prefer a woman who has had a tubal ligation. However for you at 25yrs old having had a vasectomy you have severely reduced your dating pool and you are going to be surprised at the number of women who wont even consider dating you.
While they may not admit it, many women who say they do not wish to have anymore children still like to toy with the possibility of having just one more child - but with you women know that possiblity doesnt exist. | |
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| Would you date someone who had a vassectomy or their tubes tied?
Posted: 2/10/2008 3:16:44 PM |
If you know they are childfree (and I certainly hope you're dating people who have said they do not want children and not stringing along women who might want a child with you) then you will ease an enormous mental burden.
No worries on that.
I avoid women looking for future baby daddies, like the plague.
They're like kryptonite to me, and I can smell one a mile away. | |
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| Would you date someone who had a vassectomy or their tubes tied?
Posted: 2/10/2008 3:37:29 PM | It's an easy question for me because I have kids and no longer have any burning need to reproduce. If I had tried to have kids and failed I believe I would probably have adopted so if I wanted to have the experience of raising a child with someone I could adopt if that was my wish.
I think people that see this as a deal breaker fail to recognize just how hard it is to find someone that is suited to you. There are many unplanned pregnancies and those babies need good homes. Also I think while I might still have yearned for one of my own, if I had come across a man who had kids I would have embraced his as my own.
But then again I am not one of those people that would ever say he/she is raising someone else's kids. If you date someone with kids, you are essentially dating the kids too so not being able to have a kid with someone I don't think would probably have been a dealbreaker. Without knowing whether I could reproduce I could be as incapable as the guy with the vassectomy, and those procedures can in many cases be reversed if you want a child badly enough.
If you avoided women looking for fathers you would put no in wants to have kids, so to some extent, you are willing to at least let a woman think you might have a kid, if we go by your profile. And might I ask why, at your age, you think you know that you will never want to have kids? My brother and I both didn't want kids when we were your age. He has 5, I have 3. Is there a reason not to wait at least until you are 30 before doing a procedure that you seem sure cannot be successfully reversed? I hope you might at least consider putting some sperm on ice in case you change your mind.
You will also run into people who say they don't want to have kids when they really do. I had a guy date me that thought I could be talked out of the not wanting kids. I can't because in addition to a tubal after the third kid, most of the plumbing is now gone as well. You say you have thought long and hard about it. I would recommend doing some more thinking. I know other guys that didn't give a fig at your age but by 30 found they too had a biological clock that was ticking. | |
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| Would you date someone who had a vassectomy or their tubes tied?
Posted: 2/10/2008 8:40:00 PM | As they say its a package deal, it may just involve more than first comprehended. lol
And there's something to be said for always being ready any place anytime.
I viewed a reversal on the health channel, not this fella never at anytime. | |
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| Would you date someone who had a vassectomy or their tubes tied?
Posted: 2/10/2008 9:14:21 PM | Think long and "hard" on it before you do it. First thing for all those women who say it does not matter, I haven't meet one young enough to have a child that it did not matter to. And it is a deal killer faster then anything. Did you also know that there can be a lot of serious side affects down the road. Do some research I have had 3 operations since the big V in 1989 and now have to live with some of the side affects. They will tell you well 1 in 27 or 3 in 34> You don't want to be one of those numbers I know.
Forget it at your age no matter what you may feel or think today.
I was going on 36 when I had mine, have made four kids. I was sure I didn't want anymore life don't work out the way you plan most of the time. Sixteen years later women were telling me but I want a child with the man I marry. It still isn't having kids with me it is all the pain and problem's, that came with it I know 6 guys my self inclueded 3 of us have had trouble. | |
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| Would you date someone who had a vassectomy or their tubes tied?
Posted: 2/11/2008 7:21:37 AM | | I was having an opposite problem - running into guys in their 40s who wanted to have kids. It was "huh??? what???", but hey, to each his own. My decision not to was years in making.. I'd prefer someone who has no desire/ability to have kids, so I do not have to worry about them changing their mind(midlife crisis or something)... | |
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| Would you date someone who had a vassectomy or their tubes tied?
Posted: 2/11/2008 7:45:22 AM | First thing for all those women who say it does not matter, I haven't meet one young enough to have a child that it did not matter to.
Hi. I'm Jessica. And I repeat: I had my tubes tied at 24. Not all of us are wishy-washy on what we want and don't want. There is a large childfree (NOT childless) community out there. I find it insulting, and even more so annoying when people make comments on how EVERYONE wants kids. No. We don't. Not everyone does things just because we're supposed to. Some of us actually put thought into our actions and lifestyles. People need to worry more about those who are having kids and shouldn't, rather than those of us who "should" but don't. | |
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| Would you date someone who had a vassectomy or their tubes tied?
Posted: 2/11/2008 8:01:37 AM |
usually people get a vassectomy or have their tubes tied after having 'their quota' of children... all I have to say to these people is BRAVO! These are personal choices..
I guess I qualify - so I will accept your Bravo! 
I have a son and a daughter and my (then) wife and I decided that we didn't want anymore children. I felt it was easier for me to get a vasectomy than for her to get the equivilent surgery. I have never regretted it.
One sad thing I have observed is in some (but not all, of course) large families (4 or more children) that the parents are so busy working to provide the necessities of life (i.e. food, shelter, etc.) that the older kids end up "parenting" the younger kids. I felt it was better to be more available to my two children and give them equal time with their Dad then have them raised by an older brother or sister. | |
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| Would you date someone who had a vassectomy or their tubes tied?
Posted: 2/11/2008 3:49:08 PM | You will be hard pressed to find a dr willing to do it on someone your age. If you do, let me know... I have a friend who does not want children and would like to have it done as well.
As for the original question.. not a dealbreaker, so I guess I accept it. I'm at an age where I know having another child is risky to start with (not only for the baby's health but for mine as well!), so I'm not about to do it. Besides, while I love the whole baby stage, I don't really want to live thru the 2's and 3's again. I just don't have the energy to do it!!!
Last two men I dated were clipped... was nice knowing it was done. | |
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| Would you date someone who had a vassectomy or their tubes tied?
Posted: 2/11/2008 3:53:40 PM | I don't work tomorrow, so here comes a long, but well thought out post...
OP, I really am trying to understand your stance. There are people out there who don't want kids for many reasons. Some just don't like, or don't want the responsibility of children, or more children. This is understandable, but I have to tell you: My twin sister and I gave birth to what we thought were our "last" children -- having been the family babysitters, and being scared, or wary of ever having our own children -- about 9 or 10 years ago.
We both briefly considered tubal ligation, and were SO HAPPY THAT WE DIDN'T -- after seeing these children that were "unplanned," and that I personally thought, due to the state of my marriage, I didn't "want" AT THE TIME. Though I haven't had any more children, I JUST RECENTLY -- after divorce, and after 40, as a matter of fact -- decided I might want more. I don't NEED to, but might want to. I'm not married, so it's kind of a non-option, but she is -- and just had the most beautiful baby boy I've ever seen. If I were still married, I would DEFINITELY HAVE MORE.
Just don't want you to suffer from what I understand, to you , is NOT a premature decision. Not a whole lot of girls feel like I did/do, though, so I hope you listen. Even though my marriage was falling apart, when that second baby I was so worried about being pregnant with was put in my arms -- in my 30's, remember -- my first thought was that, no matter how awful my husband was, I'd eventually like more. It hasn't/didn't come true, but I'll NEVER forget how that feeling was so markedly different than everything prior that I'd felt in my 30+ years.
Also: My undergraduate degree is in anthropology. I know, and at one time thought that since the earth was so overpopulated, that I should not reproduce. Around age 30, I discovered that it was people who were genetically like me in intellect, work ethic, etc., that were the MAJORITY OF THE TAX BASE, and/or leading this country. Hence, the survival of the human race depends on people like me reproducing. Don't bash please, anyone, as I didn't say "all", and have no intention of responding to any such assumptions.
Now that I see my and my sister's kids, with their intellect, drive, and attitude, I see hope for tomorrow. JMO.
Hope I don't get hacked up for this. Just pointing out another side. | |
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| Would you date someone who had a vassectomy or their tubes tied?
Posted: 2/11/2008 4:03:55 PM | Having a vasectomy is a great plus, especially if you're sexually active (monogamous or not) The operation is fairly routine, although reversing it is not.
On the down side, I have a friend who's new wife wants children, but he had a vasectomy and froze some sperm. So they are now spending like $10k to try in-vitro fertilization. Thats 10k for each try! And they've tried unsuccessfully three times now.
My advice is that you be absolutely sure that you do not want children before doing it.
So, to answer you question, Yes! | |
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| Would you date someone who had a vassectomy or their tubes tied?
Posted: 2/11/2008 7:07:13 PM |
You will be hard pressed to find a dr willing to do it on someone your age. If you do, let me know...
You probably could in mexico. For 60% percent of the cost in America!
But would you really trust some ultra low cost Mexican doctor with an online certificate to operate on your "boys"? Mess around getting a vassectomy in Mexico, and you'll probably wake up with female genitals.
You're right, though. Any legit doctor, will not operate on anyone my age or younger. If they're willing, you should start getting red flags of how legitimate or experienced that they really are(Thats pretty much the only thing that has stopped me from getting one right now). I'll have to wait until i'm 28 or 30. I'll be pushing hard for 28, and am hoping I won't have any problems, knowing how sure I am of my choice.
I don't know. I hate using words like "Clipped". To me, it's just as if I were to say I got "neutered".
Should I get neutered, i'd want ping pong sized titanium balls implanted as a replacement. No less.
I'd go jogging with those, just to see reactions as people would hear me running along. Doing jumping jacks in my spandex suit, for effect. | |
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Icene
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Joined: 6/26/2007
Msg: 46 | |
| Would you date someone who had a vassectomy or their tubes tied?
Posted: 2/11/2008 7:18:35 PM | | It would be a deal breaker for me since I would like the option of having children with my mate. As far as "just dating", I would see it as a waste of time since we have two different goals in life. I'd be better served focusing on myself or on a person in line with my life view. I'd wish him the best and move on. | |
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| Would you date someone who had a vassectomy or their tubes tied?
Posted: 2/11/2008 7:25:36 PM |
You will be hard pressed to find a dr willing to do it on someone your age. If you do, let me know... I have a friend who does not want children and would like to have it done as well. Who were you talking to? I wasn't sure if you were referring to me, since the only people between our posts were 40+.
Hence, the survival of the human race depends on people like me reproducing. lol. The world does NOT depend on you to keep it alive and running. | |
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