| Reading your partner's emails...how serious an offence?
Posted: 3/23/2008 8:36:32 PM | one it sounds like a trust issue mmmm miss trust issue she must not trust herself because if she did she wouldent be doing it,or been hurt in past like most women on pof,they think all men are nasty cheating low lifes because had one or two bad apples then in minds they think all men are same dude you need sit down and talk to her calmy and tell her that know what shes doing,and both love each other then things will smoth out peace have good one. | |
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| Reading your partner's emails...how serious an offence?
Posted: 3/23/2008 8:45:31 PM | From a privacy standpoint, I wouldn't really care to be honest. Probably because I don't deal with sensitive issues by e-mail. Same reason I don't leave sensitive stuff in my office at work... maybe I'm just paranoid and always covering my ass, or maybe I'm just cynical, I don't know.
That said, it obviously indicates there are some serious issues in your relationship if she's doing stuff like that. So you either have to have a serious talk or end it right there. | |
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| Reading your partner's emails...how serious an offence?
Posted: 3/23/2008 10:23:34 PM | | deagle. We're not quite to the cohabitation stage in our relationship as you seem to be, but then there's a family-in-peril where I prefer her to be till the time is right for her to escape on a more F/T basis. We've both have found ourselves using one another's computers to check our e-mail while away from whatever, and I would not be opposed to her reading mine ...if I can read hers, but ultimately, it shouldn't matter. | |
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| Reading your partner's emails...how serious an offence?
Posted: 3/24/2008 3:32:47 AM | Its very easy to say there should be no secrets in a relationship and in a perfect world full of perfect people that would be the case,but none of us are perfect and i for one value my privacy when it comes to certain things like my private conversations no matter how boring they are.
I would do what somebody else suggested and change the password and if the subject is brought up then voice your concerns. | |
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| Reading your partner's emails...how serious an offence?
Posted: 3/24/2008 3:41:19 AM | I haven't read all 12 pages, but I think I must be the odd person out here...my ex had my logon details and I had his--to everything. Once we decided to have a serious relationship we had decided to share finances and families--what would there be to hide in any email accounts? If there was nothing to hide there would be no reason to not give me full access and vice versa. Just to let you know...I never looked at his other than one time when he was travelling and needed me to read something out to him...and I don't believe he ever read mine.
Bills in the mail--they wouldn't be hidden
Letters from friends or family in the mail--they wouldn't be hidden
Unless there was something to hide...so why should emails be any different?
I know...it goes agains everyone's perception of trust, but to me it shows greater trust to open it up. | |
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| Reading your partner's emails...how serious an offence?
Posted: 3/24/2008 6:49:10 AM | It depends on whether or not your partner:
1) Explicitly requests their email or mail (or some parts of it) always be left private and confidential.
2) Trusts you implicitly not to invade their private mail or diaries.
I think unless you both agree that it is ok for you to read each other's mail, reading it without permission would be doing a wrong against a relationship, but it would not be serious enough in my view to end it (unless the breach was going on for a very long time and showed complete contempt for the partner). | |
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| Reading your partner's emails...how serious an offence?
Posted: 3/24/2008 9:14:06 AM | | reading your partner's email is an invasion of privacy...like going through their wallet or purse, or reading their private postal mail without their knowledge...it implies a lack of trust, and a lack of respect for personal space. if you both agree to share email access or something similar, then that's fine, but snooping around as if you're expecting to find something incriminating implies that you have bigger issues in your relationship already. | |
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| Reading your partner's emails...how serious an offence?
Posted: 3/24/2008 10:50:49 AM | | I liked reading everyone's answers to this one. There are two sides to this problem; one, is you, and the other, is your partner. Even if you have nothing to hide, having your email snooped through is violating. The other side that most concerns me, is why this partner is insecure and feels the need to read your email. Is there a present or past trust issue? There may be one that you might not even be aware of. I would sit your partner down and have a very serious talk about trust, and find out what the cause of this behavior is..... | |
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| Reading your partner's emails...how serious an offence?
Posted: 3/25/2008 10:17:50 AM | I am involved with a good man that I find to be deserving of my trust... although seriously interested in one another we are, at this stage, living in different states. This we will overcome in the future to be together under the same roof, but I digress.
IMO, sometimes (not always or every time) those who lack trust in another are likely not so trustworthy themselves & project their own feelings onto the other. As for reading my e-mails, or any other correspondence that I might have is open for his review anytime he might ask. I think therein lies the true issue we have regarding the "snooping", it is the lack of asking shows disrespect. And respect is something we all desire esp regarding our personal space & from those about whom we care.
cata | |
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| Reading your partner's emails...how serious an offence?
Posted: 3/25/2008 10:40:30 AM | I'd talk with them about it. There's a reason behind why this is happening...Trust issue....fear of an unknown....knowledge of prior discreet behavior.....etc.
Would I have a problem with it? In all honesty, yes. To me, this is the same thing as reading someone's personal mail (letters) and going through their purse/wallet.
I would hope that if already living together, we'd have a comfort level in communicating and not hold back conversations that deal with privacy issues. | |
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| Reading your partner's emails...how serious an offence?
Posted: 3/25/2008 11:16:51 AM |
There are two sides to this problem; one, is you, and the other, is your partner.
There's actually another "side" to this problem I haven't noticed being addressed much. What about the privacy of the other person writing the email? I'd be none too thrilled to find out the boyfriend/spouse of one of my friends was reading the private stuff I was sharing with HER. | |
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TPNW
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Joined: 3/15/2008
Msg: 291 | |
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| Reading your partner's emails...how serious an offence?
Posted: 3/25/2008 11:27:35 AM |
I wouldnt care at all. Those emails have nothing to hide contained in them.
That has nothing to do with it. If they don't trust you enough to give you your privacy, then you don't need them around. | |
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| Reading your partner's emails...how serious an offence?
Posted: 3/25/2008 11:30:47 AM |
I wouldnt care at all. Those emails have nothing to hide contained in them. Or do they?
So, let's say you wrote your brother or best friend asking him for advice about a very private, personal matter, or shared an experience that you meant for only him to know about, you'd be OK with his nosey girlfriend/wife reading your letter? Personally, I'd say it was none of her business.
I hope all the people who "share" everything with their partners have the decency to tell their family and friends that someone else is also reading their mail. | |
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TPNW
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Joined: 3/15/2008
Msg: 294 | |
| Reading your partner's emails...how serious an offence?
Posted: 3/25/2008 11:38:56 AM | | Ill probably tell my girlfriend about it anyways. She can go ahead and read about my brothers problem or my moms issue with us. I dont care if its an invasion of privacy on any account. What I know she is free to know. | |
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| Reading your partner's emails...how serious an offence?
Posted: 3/25/2008 3:56:16 PM | Oh the guilt...
I was really confused and over my head with this guy, just because I love him so much.. I read some of his msn conversations... I even read and translated the emails written in Romanian he sent to his ex in his native country..
Am I so wrong! Am I really! | |
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| Reading your partner's emails...how serious an offence?
Posted: 3/25/2008 8:12:26 PM |
Ill probably tell my girlfriend about it anyways. She can go ahead and read about my brothers problem or my moms issue with us. I dont care if its an invasion of privacy on any account. What I know she is free to know.
That's exactly how I feel. If you can't share things in your life, be open and honest, what the hell are you doing in a relationship to begin with. | |
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| Reading your partner's emails...how serious an offence?
Posted: 3/25/2008 9:12:29 PM |
Ill probably tell my girlfriend about it anyways. She can go ahead and read about my brothers problem or my moms issue with us. I dont care if its an invasion of privacy on any account. What I know she is free to know.
That's exactly how I feel. If you can't share things in your life, be open and honest, what the hell are you doing in a relationship to begin with.
I think you're missing my point. That's all fine and dandy if EVERYONE knows there's not going to be any privacy in regards to anything they share.
So the first poster's brother tells him something - oh, let's say a medical or financial or emotion issue - and the girlfriend reads all about it. She tells her sister about it, who tells her boyfriend (honesty and openess, right?), and suddenly a bunch of perfect strangers know all about the brother's personal business.
Funny way to live, in my opinion, but suit yourselves. | |
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| Reading your partner's emails...how serious an offence?
Posted: 3/25/2008 10:01:51 PM | | Well, don't like the idea of invasion of privacy. The overriding mentality, however, is the snooping party is feeling insecure. Doesn't mean the offender is necessarily insecure in general (although it could signify that). However, it definitely/always means the offending party is feeling insecure with the current arrangement. Hmm...have you given your lover reason to feel that way? Just curious. | |
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| Reading your partner's emails...how serious an offence?
Posted: 3/26/2008 2:12:46 AM | Up until the end of last year, It would have been something id never do,and would get angry if someone had done it to me.
Yet. My opinion NOW....dont leave your computer page of your pictures up with dates on them,when your lying to someone for 17 months. YES I went looking at all I could after I saw that.
More then I wish had....
But I have no regrets other then being THAT niave for so long. | |
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| Reading your partner's emails...how serious an offence?
Posted: 3/26/2008 5:30:47 AM |
:
I wouldnt care at all. Those emails have nothing to hide contained in them. Or do they?
So, let's say you wrote your brother or best friend asking him for advice about a very private, personal matter, or shared an experience that you meant for only him to know about, you'd be OK with his nosey girlfriend/wife reading your letter? Personally, I'd say it was none of her business.
I hope all the people who "share" everything with their partners have the decency to tell their family and friends that someone else is also reading their mail.
I've never been with a long term partner who wouldn't share such a thing with me anyway...the other thing is...if he's been honest and I have access to his emails I would respect his wishes if he said such an email were to be kept private. It's not about the trust...it's about the restriction. I've not had a partner I didn't trust, but I've not had one who has ever tried to keep something from me and vice versa. | |
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