| |
| Reading your partner's emails...how serious an offence?
Posted: 3/27/2008 12:22:50 AM |
Ill probably tell my girlfriend about it anyways. She can go ahead and read about my brothers problem or my moms issue with us. I dont care if its an invasion of privacy on any account. What I know she is free to know.
That's exactly how I feel. If you can't share things in your life, be open and honest, what the hell are you doing in a relationship to begin with.
I think you're missing my point. That's all fine and dandy if EVERYONE knows there's not going to be any privacy in regards to anything they share.
So the first poster's brother tells him something - oh, let's say a medical or financial or emotion issue - and the girlfriend reads all about it. She tells her sister about it, who tells her boyfriend (honesty and openess, right?), and suddenly a bunch of perfect strangers know all about the brother's personal business.
Oh give me a break! If it's that personal, I believe it would be said in person, or over the phone, not in an email, that believe it or not, is not really private at all. And I wouldn't be with anyone that is spreading gossip about other people I care about. And if they are perfect strangers, who gives a shit anyway. | |
|
| Reading your partner's emails...how serious an offence?
Posted: 3/27/2008 7:52:33 AM | /\ /\ /\
Fair enough, and I agree that it's unlikely deeply personal things would be shared in an email. It's possible, though, and my point is IF a couple lets each other read their emails (or old-style letters), they should have the decency to let writers know beforehand. | |
|
| Reading your partner's emails...how serious an offence?
Posted: 3/27/2008 10:16:03 PM | PEOPLE PLEASE read this post .... and ask yourself what do you see ????
http://forums.plentyoffish.com/datingPosts9617743.aspx
goddess__110
Joined: 11/22/2007
Msg: 1
view profile
History
am i being played?
Posted: 3/27/2008 12 27 PM
I started dating a guy on pof 6 months ago, asked for marriage, moved in, I am paying all the bills he has given me a total of 200 dollars since January, I have 2 older kids so he claims why should he pay for their food, I found a letter to his ex girlfriend on his e-mail and he claims the only reason he wrote her was because she owes him 200 dollars yet he was wishing her a merry x-mas and asking her why she has not been online ( we were seeing eachother at the time it was written). I am starting to feel like a schmuck and could use advice... | |
|
| Reading your partner's emails...how serious an offence?
Posted: 3/28/2008 6:52:54 AM | Hey Mister computer chair detective .....EEEEET WRONG!!!!
The op was NOT a goddess...
When I see a thread like this I think it is just a man trying to burn his candle (I mean penis) at both ends... and he got burnt (I mean caught).....before he could get it lit.
Hard to say in this case though as he never came back to this thread and now has cancelled. (He could have put a disclaimer on his one and only post such as * This little scenario is NOT about me or my lovely wife!!!!!) IMHO!
Next time Mister Detective might I suggest you try armchair time travel? | |
|
custis
|
Joined: 3/16/2005
Msg: 306 | |
| |
| |
| Reading your partner's emails...how serious an offence?
Posted: 3/28/2008 12:25:06 PM |
Oh give me a break! If it's that personal, I believe it would be said in person, or over the phone, not in an email, that believe it or not, is not really private at all.
Not really the case. My father e-mails about EVERYTHING from finances (he has a good accountant that I go through, and they're states away) to personal events-- to the point where I actually had to make it a rule that if I'd met a family member and they died it should be communicated as a phone call and not a short e-mail.
For me it's a trust issue. I wouldn't dump someone because they read something personal... I would dump someone because they trusted me so little that they felt the need to guess my password (I don't keep it saved) and read my e-mail. If I care for someone I am very open about myself. Someone who wants to be my partner can bloody well ask to read my e-mail. We might have to have a little talk about trust and where the relationship was going-- because I really don't see a reason WHY someone would need to read my E-mail... but I'd show her the E-mail.
For me all it says is, "I don't trust you." I like to think that I'm a trust worthy guy.... and I believe that relationships are built on trust. So why the hell would I want to be with someone who doesn't trust me? | |
|
| Reading your partner's emails...how serious an offence?
Posted: 3/29/2008 11:03:30 AM | .marc
If you, or your father, were in a serious, long term relationship such things would be discussed anyway...what does it matter if someone has access to those emails? If they weren't being discussed at that point I'd wonder why not.
I wouldn't be involved with someone who would trust me so little that I didn't have access to his email...and vice versa of course. If you're open about yourself than allowing access shouldn't be an issue. | |
|
| Reading your partner's emails...how serious an offence?
Posted: 3/29/2008 12:20:19 PM | I've made the mistake of invading an ex's privacy, I'm not ashamed of admitting things when I have done something wrong.
However, I don't regret it because a lot was brought to my attention and a lot was learned, but I don't condone it.
It was a pretty serious relationship, he was new to town and I knew nothing about his life from back home.
I knew a few of his friends and kept hearing stories about him and his ex from back home that he had a 4 year relationship with.
I still to this day don't really believe that they ever broke up, they just couldn't be together because he had decided to travel.
Either way, I didn't go through his belongings for a thrill. I know I should have just approached him at the beginning when I first got that gut feeling, but I felt like he wouldn't understand where I was coming from.. He is probably the most stubborn person I have ever dealt with and he shows minimal compassion or sincerity towards others.
I have also had trust issues ever since I can remember, so that also didn't really help the situation.
But either way, the thing that I didn't really get was that if everything that I saw in between him and his exes was so innocent, which I do believe to be true because that's the way he viewed it, but it was able to have such a big impact on me, then why didn't he do anything about it every time I brought it forth to him? It seemed as if his past relationship were more important to him than working through the current one.
So that was that relationship, but anyways. Now I'm working through my issues, slowly but surely.
But there really is no point in being in a relationship if both people can't give a 100% and if one feels the need to hide something and if one feels the need to snoop, it goes kaput sadly. | |
|
| Reading your partner's emails...how serious an offence?
Posted: 3/29/2008 1:36:39 PM | Not having read the entire thread, I do not know what others have said. Trust of your partner is a must, so is sharing. When in a relationship one should be willing to share everything, no matter what. If ground rules have been set for some "private" space or territory, then that agreement should also be honoured.
Many a cyber tryst has caused relationship breakdowns, even if the cyber tyrst has been work!! Don't with-hold anything from a partner if you want it to work out
JMHO | |
|
| Reading your partner's emails...how serious an offence?
Posted: 3/29/2008 3:52:46 PM | ^ Yes, but it's a matter of being able to give and take. If you ask for something you can likely get it, but a lot of people snoop.
I don't really understand when people began to think it was their right to look at other peoples' correspondence. Maybe it's my age, maybe it's the fact that my last long term relationship was with someone whose job involved sensitive information-- but I have a hard time with people thinking that it's somehow a requirement to view e-mail.
I mean, I have nothing to hide-- so you're more than welcome to look at all of the old cell phone bill receipts, Amazon.com shipping orders, etc. --- but what's the point? What is the purpose?
If I were the kind of scum bag that would cheat on someone I would just have a separate e-mail account for it. I think that people are really just looking for a false sense of security. Anyone who has been on the internet for any amount of time knows that you can get plenty of free e-mail accounts. (Hotmail, Gmail, Yahoo... the list goes on)
How is having access to my main account going to help you if I have a sub account? (I have a hotmail for education, bills, and acquaintances & a yahoo for my online handle- message boards, live journals, and games.) What good is having both of my accounts if I can just create another at any moment? That's what I don't get.
People say that it's about trust, but what does it do aside from placate your ego? You're not any more protected than you were before you could read my old bill statements and the occasional message from mentors and relatives, you just tell yourself you are.
I would share the information with someone that I cared about enough to have a stable, long term relationship with--- but the Catch 22 of that is that anyone that I would really want to have a stable, long term relationship with wouldn't have a need to read through my e-mail in order to trust me. Anyone whose known me privately can tell you that I'm loyal. | |
|
| Reading your partner's emails...how serious an offence?
Posted: 3/29/2008 5:31:32 PM | | I recently went through something similar, someone I was seeing who said she loved me like no other started to give me indications of something else going on....I wasn't comfortable and thought about a P.I. he told me that I didn't need him at 500.00 an hour but to put recording and video devices where I lived...which when I priced the stuff out seemed ridiculous....but I did it and what I saw was pretty freaky...at any rate if you have a "feeling" you are probably right...if you got the bucks I am sure you can witness it all...if you don't have the $$$ walk....!! | |
|
| |
| Reading your partner's emails...how serious an offence?
Posted: 3/30/2008 4:03:48 AM | you done messed up getting busted is the worst thing you could do. Tell him or her you accidently ran across the emails and are sorry if you do it again be more careful. I rad my mans all the time but I do not let him know whas up...... I find out all kinds of stuff i need to know that he normally do not talk about some things i like some i really hate. One things fr sure i keep the up on him he stil has secrets but he knows if he gets caught hes history.
He reads mines too but i am faithful so i don't care he does not even know i know about it | |
|
| |
| Reading your partner's emails...how serious an offence?
Posted: 3/30/2008 4:20:46 AM | I think automatically dumping someone for looking at a personal email is too extreme. To decide an appropriate punishment for an offence, you need to know the circumstances of the act, mitigating or aggravating factors, the intent or reason behind the action, and other issues. One also needs to consider as to whether the partner was permitted or not to read personal or private mail.
These things depend a great deal on context and a general rule I don't think helps much in judging the situation. | |
|
| Reading your partner's emails...how serious an offence?
Posted: 3/30/2008 8:30:05 AM | I'm fairly sure that it's illegal to read someone elses private email. Comes under one of the rules about hacking maybe, something like "unauthorised access to private data". Even if there is an open email on someone elses computer, I'm sure you're breaking it if you go to read it without the recipients permission. Just because it's available doesn't make it fair game to anyone who wants to see it.
It's basically wrong and shows lack of trust, and should be confronted as such.
Actually - just found the UK legislation for it
1 Unauthorised access to computer material
(1) A person is guilty of an offence if—
(a) he causes a computer to perform any function with intent to secure access to any program or data held in any computer;
(b) the access he intends to secure is unauthorised; and
(c) he knows at the time when he causes the computer to perform the function that that is the case.
(2) The intent a person has to have to commit an offence under this section need not be directed at—
(a) any particular program or data;
(b) a program or data of any particular kind; or
(c) a program or data held in any particular computer.
(3) A person guilty of an offence under this section shall be liable on summary conviction to imprisonment for a term not exceeding six months or to a fine not exceeding level 5 on the standard scale or to both.
So as you can see, unauthorised access to an email account is applicable to section 1.b) of the Computer Misuse Act 1990.
Awesome. | |
|
| Reading your partner's emails...how serious an offence?
Posted: 3/30/2008 8:35:13 AM | It seems clear to me that this persons partner has got serious trust issues, this perhaps stems back to a former relationship where this person was badly let down or was the victim of infidelity... with this in mind.. although it is 'wrong' in principle to do this, it might be worth taking to the person about it in a non-accusatory manner, getting info on that persons reasons and maybe if required, give her the reassurance needed...
People with that kind of baggage can be hard to deal with, cause the effects of the baggage can take time and patience to deal with.. however if this girl is worth it then 'god loves a tryer'
Good luck   | |
|
| Reading your partner's emails...how serious an offence?
Posted: 3/30/2008 8:54:00 PM |
Fair enough, and I agree that it's unlikely deeply personal things would be shared in an email. It's possible, though, and my point is IF a couple lets each other read their emails (or old-style letters), they should have the decency to let writers know beforehand
I totally agree with you. | |
|
| Reading your partner's emails...how serious an offence?
Posted: 4/14/2008 4:35:18 PM | No one should read another persons e-mail, text messages, or snail mail. These are personal and everyone is entitled to their privacy. Someone might say what is she hiding. If I have a serious relationship with someone, I would be monogamous and should be trusted. On emails I may vent with my friends or talk about a surprise party I am planning for him. I have both male and female friends, but can be completely trusted and hopefully that someone special will trust me, as I would trust him.
I'll get off my soap box, sorry :( | |
|
| |
| Reading your partner's emails...how serious an offence?
Posted: 4/17/2008 2:58:33 PM |
Ok, just out of curiousity I'd like to run a situation by you all.
Let's say you've been involved with someone for several months in a live-in relationship or more when one day you find out out that your partner has been reading your personal email without your knowledge.
How would you handle the situation?
I would dump that person immediately.
There's hardly a worse way to have your trust betrayed. A man snooping around my computer in general and reading my e-mail in particular is not worth any of my attention and has to go. | |
|
| Reading your partner's emails...how serious an offence?
Posted: 4/17/2008 3:26:44 PM | | Well they shouldn't be reading them without telling u. I believe if your in a serious relationship and more so if u live together then u should not be hiding anything from them. U should always be open and honest if u are serious about this person. | |
|
| |
Home
login 
