| Reading your partner's emails...how serious an offence?
Posted: 2/12/2008 1:17:27 PM | I think he'd be pretty bored to do this! The only person I email regularly (excluding work) is my mum. I am as certain as anyone can be that my partner would not intrude on anything that he thought could possibly be personal, he's very intelligent in these matters. My feelings tend to be obvious and emotional intimacy is something we both value dearly, so something really big would have to be on his mind for him to be reading my emails.
If I discovered that he was reading my emails I would be worried -- worried that he was so worried about something as to make that choice and worried that I did not know him as well as I believed. think the first worry would take precedence and I would assume that something really big was bothering him and I'd be extremely upset with myself for failing to notice this and anxious as to the nature of his concern/problem. | |
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| Reading your partner's emails...how serious an offence?
Posted: 2/12/2008 1:18:32 PM | | If my sweety read my e-mails the only crime that would be committed would be boredom in the third degree. Seriously, I have nothing to hide; I do not password protect my e-mail. If I’m in a serious relationship, he can access my ‘pute anytime he likes. Well, with the exception of birthdays, Christmas, or any other time I’m getting him a surprise. No peeking! | |
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| Reading your partner's emails...how serious an offence?
Posted: 2/12/2008 1:35:35 PM | Hey,
I'll make up a scenario since you asked for an example: You have plans to go to a friends house for something one evening...your 'guy' suprises you with tickets to a show you really are not interested in seeing...but the gesture was awsome and there is no way you are going to hurt his feelings and say "I have plans already".
Shouldn't you have the right to be honest with your friend and say "I'd really rather hang with you than see that show, but he really did a sweet thing in suprising me, so I'm gonna have to reschedule our nite"...without worrying that your "guy" is gonna snoop your emails and find out?
This is along the lines of Birthday surprises. Now, can you give me another example outside of this situation, where secrecy between partners is warranted? | |
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| Reading your partner's emails...how serious an offence?
Posted: 2/12/2008 1:44:03 PM | I don't condone snooping,but secrective behaviour breeds distrust.
If this is a long term relationship,there should be no secrets that could hurt the other party.
Sounds like there needs to be some major communication started.
The secritive behavior in the action of the snoop, and it shows disrespect and a lack of trust.
There is a huge difference in Hey Hon, who do you email??? (Communication)
AND
Ransacking someones private communications WITHOUT ASKING (Disrespect)
Within the confines of our relationships we need permission for the following:
Private Communication ... Wheither via phone, email, mail ect.
Wallet/Purse.... NOONE Should open with out EXPRESS Permission
Bank Accounts..... All relationships need Three Accounts ....His, Hers, and the house | |
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| Reading your partner's emails...how serious an offence?
Posted: 2/12/2008 1:54:11 PM | I have been married and have had a live-in GF before. I consider the following things off-limits unless set-up jointly or given permission to use:
-email accounts
-bank accounts
-wallet/purse
-cell phone
-anything that has a lock and you don't have the key/combo
To me there still is some assumed privacy even when living with someone. I don't have any real secrets and always give the OK when asked. But be respectful and ask, not just go snooping around. First time I'd have a serious talk, and change the password. Second time, we'd be done. | |
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| Reading your partner's emails...how serious an offence?
Posted: 2/12/2008 1:56:05 PM | | well sounds like ur partner is not totally trusting you. if u have nothing to hide then dont let it bother you. everyone wants to know what their partner is up to. its a natural thing. but if it bothers you talk to her about it. | |
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| Reading your partner's emails...how serious an offence?
Posted: 2/12/2008 2:18:13 PM | Regarding the OP
That kind of conduct is grounds for dismissal, because to me, that says the trust in the relationship is gone and that the violator no longer respects your privacy and or personal boundaries. | |
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| Reading your partner's emails...how serious an offence?
Posted: 2/12/2008 2:21:43 PM |
Offence? - It is a crime. No matter of the content of an email. Plus, it is not just against me but also against the sender.
This is a False thought. It really depends on what State you live in, especially community property States like Texas. Each state has privacy laws, BUT.. they fall apart when your spouse is the subject of debate.
When the police or a private detective want to scan your hard drive for data, or read your emails to find information... the basic rule is. It's legal if:
1. A resident of the home willfully and without coercement gives the officer free access to enter the home.
2. The spouse knows the password to the computer in question, knows the administrators account, or has access to the harddrive.
a. The password issue applies if the data is encrypted on the drive.
3. Mail is federally protected until it reaches it's destination. Once in the house/computer that mail is no Open domain and free to whomever has access to the letter and/or machine.
So, if you are hiding something illegal on your harddrive or cheating on your spouse and your spouse has access. Do you trust your spouse with your secret? If you are cheating on your spouse and they 'find out' then your harddrive and password better not be at home.
You are deluded if you think you have rights to protect your 'private' life away from your spouse. Your taxes and finances are mixed.. eventually they will see the bill or expense. Everything you own is 50% theirs, at least in community law states. This is why they can grant access to detectives and people helping to find your activites.
The law cannot force a spouse to turn on their SO. They are protected, a little in that fact, but the law doesnt stop them from turning on you if there is a reason for them turning on you. Suspicion of cheating and otherwise.
You want privacy? Don't get married, Hide your activities on an email that isnt on a home machine, Use paperless bills, Lead a secret double life... see how long your marriage lasts because you are acting like someone who has something to hide. Someone who cant trust their spouse. Why should your spouse trust you?
It's not a relationship that I want. I want forever. Merge bank statements, common phone bills, shared email accounts that hide nothing, and someone to sit across the dinner table and talk about whats on their mind. Let me know when their vision of the relationship feels threatened or stagnant. Egads.. thats my vision of a wonderful relationship that I could grow old to. :) | |
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| Reading your partner's emails...how serious an offence?
Posted: 2/12/2008 2:22:39 PM | | If I don't want someone to read my e-mails, I don't give them my password.... But lets say she's a hacker... I wouldn't care. Shows she likes me enough to see if I'm cheating on her. Knowing me, I wouldn't be, so I've nothing to hide. Then I would start siting things from her diary that I've read. Just so we know I'm even. | |
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| Reading your partner's emails...how serious an offence?
Posted: 2/12/2008 3:20:19 PM | Interesting situation....
on one hand the first response would be wtf!?
if I had something to hide I'd be like Oh ****... what did she see!
but more than anything I think I would be intrigued (sp?) that this woman is actually that interested in me that she wants to know what's in my emails... obviously she is interested... perhaps worried... maybe insecure... or maybe trying to see how I tick... anyway you slice it (unless you are dating some whacked out stalking physco, which you probably aren't as you would have discovered this well before 2-3 months), what is shows me is this person is giving themselves to me... investing more... and for one reason or another... either wants to insure that before they give more... I'm on the level... i.e. no hidden secrets etc.... or just wants to know more about me. So I say cool.
I would bring it up to her... not in a threatening or embarrassing way to her.... and ask her what does she want to know... let me know and I'll tell her.... I don't have anything to hide and if she wants to read my emails... cool... maybe she can filter out my junk mail too!!! | |
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| Reading your partner's emails...how serious an offence?
Posted: 2/12/2008 4:05:28 PM | | Oh ...sounds like someone has trust issues...Personally if I found out that my partner was reading my personal email, to me that would be the same as if he were going through my purse....there are just certain things you don't do.....I would tell him that its an invasion of my privacy and that if he continues to do this, there won't be anymore mail to read...'he would be out the door....The big issue here is trust and if my partner feels he can't trust me, I wouldn't be able to be with him. Even in a committed relationship, we all need a bit of privacy.....Even if you start reading hers to get back at her, you're no better than she is and before you know it, the resentments start, then the fights ..well..you know what happens next... it's the beginning of the end... | |
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| Reading your partner's emails...how serious an offence?
Posted: 2/12/2008 4:21:20 PM |
I don't condone snooping,but secrective behaviour breeds distrust.
This isn't about secrecy, it's about privacy. I wonder how people's responses would change if the OP was about a man reading his girlfriend's diary.
It's unrealistic to believe that there should be no secrets between any two people in any kind of relationship. As a writer who writes for no other reason than to exercise my creativity, I have a right to decide that my projects are private until I decide to share them. And when I'm having an issue with a relationship and seek advice from my best friend, who happens to be a woman, that gets to remain private also. Doesn't matter if it's email or in person. Then again maybe this is just one more reason that I'll likely always be single. | |
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| Reading your partner's emails...how serious an offence?
Posted: 2/12/2008 4:27:29 PM | I don't like this... only because I grew up in a home where all my mail was open and read by my parents.
As an adult I do not want anyone to pry into my personal mail. I do not open my children's mail... nor did I ever open my Ex's mail.
my thinking on this?... change your password... and see what happens next.
If she makes a fuss... then handle it. | |
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| Reading your partner's emails...how serious an offence?
Posted: 2/12/2008 4:32:09 PM | How would you handle the situation?
Women are snoopy creatures by nature!..................... it's something they have no control over, its like asking why is the sky blue? it's just something they do. So just get over that.....
BUT !!!!
another thing to consider is obviously trust and privacy issues?
what are the triggers???? does she have a reason to snoop? what are you hiding 7 months in to a relationship.? that EVEN worst case scenario she was a nosey parker and read them???.....HOW and WHY did you leave your privacy open in the first place.......
if your upset and have something to hide then I suggest you be better at it. | |
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| Reading your partner's emails...how serious an offence?
Posted: 2/12/2008 4:38:34 PM | If someone is reading your mail there is either a trust issue or they want to confirm that you aren't doing anything detrimental to the relationship. Some people have been betrayed from previous relationships and have huge trust issues that have nothing to do with their new relationship, but on the other hand, if you've got nothing to hide and they KNOW that, then they probably wouldn't even think to read them.
I'd say that if you're honest with her and aren't hiding anything she needs to worry about, then talk to her. When there is open communication, there isn't the need to know everything the other person is doing, and both should feel secure in knowing that. | |
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| Reading your partner's emails...how serious an offence?
Posted: 2/12/2008 4:50:37 PM | | that is a serious offense and there is no excuse....you do not read anyone else's mail, regardless if it is email or good ol' snail mail...it is NONE of your business, unless your partner shares it with you... | |
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| Reading your partner's emails...how serious an offence?
Posted: 2/12/2008 5:31:29 PM | i would feel very disrespected and that my personal space had been invaded
if he had a good reason or was concerned about something in particular, then i'd want to hear that and would consider that in how i reacted to it.... but if he just felt like being nosy then i'd let him know that if he did that again, i wouldn't be around - and i would also let him know that even if he did have a "good" reason for it, then i'd ask him to ask me to allow him to see what he needed to, so i wouldn't feel my trust in him had been betrayed | |
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| Reading your partner's emails...how serious an offence?
Posted: 2/12/2008 5:53:58 PM | | I'd change my password, confront the person, and ask why they have such a lack of trust in me that they feel it is necessary to invade my privacy. If they don't have an answer, I'd insist they never do it again. Privacy is something someone who hasn't violated anothers' trust has a right to, if the other person respects them. Not respecting my privacy shows a lack of respect for me and my integrity - someone I care for had better not cross that line if they don't have bloody good reason. If they have a bloody good reason, then we have something to talk about. | |
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| Reading your partner's emails...how serious an offence?
Posted: 2/12/2008 5:57:06 PM |
Let's say you've been involved with someone for several months in a live-in relationship or more when one day you find out out that your partner has been reading your personal email without your knowledge.
How would you handle the situation?
Change the dang password! | |
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| Reading your partner's emails...how serious an offence?
Posted: 2/12/2008 5:57:37 PM |
Deal breaker for me. That person is out. Period. End of story. No excuses.
god i'm having a howl over some of these replies to this thread..
ending relationships because some one read their email ,how silly is that !!
jeezus grow up.
If some one reads my mail I hold myself responsible.
"so why did you guys break up?"
"she read my email" | |
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| Reading your partner's emails...how serious an offence?
Posted: 2/12/2008 6:04:50 PM | I'm also inclined to agree with one point made above... How would peoples' answers change if it was some boyfriend snooping into a girl's diary? Would anyone saying "no secrets" care to tackle this subject, or are not all privacies created equal?
To me, it's because a person has nothing to hide that they deserve privacy. It is a luxury to be earned, but when it is earned, their partner has no bloody right to take it away. When it isn't earned, that's another story. And some people have raised the practical concern of "How will I know when they're cheating/being bad?" Isn't that a little selfish on their part? Is your own security so much more important to you than respecting your partner's own little secret space that you'll violate it just to potentially cover your own ass? And if you're so committed to having nothing to hide, why can't you confront your partner with your real concerns that drive you to snooping - and instead just hide them until you have evidence? If you demand, or to a lesser degree expect, openness and no secrets from your partner, but hide your concerns and feelings while snooping through their private documents, you're a hypocrite, plain and simple. | |
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| Reading your partner's emails...how serious an offence?
Posted: 2/12/2008 6:18:41 PM | A wife and husband should have no major secrets
so you are saying...if a good friend confides in you something that is between the two of you....then you WIFE/SO is privy to that info....
not in my house.
my friends are my friends and his friends are his friends....and most are both are friends, but somethings are best between the original older friend...ie]guys tell guys guy stuff and gurls tell gurls well gurl talk....well...you know what I mean 
that is what I mean by individual identities.....sorry....not all is an open book...now if it has to do with me, heck yeah...it is an open book, I hide nothing from my partner, but I do protect my friends privacy, that is what I meant. | |
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