| Reading your partner's emails...how serious an offence?
Posted: 2/12/2008 6:20:27 PM |
Find that person who makes your doors open and makes your life an open book. Then and only then are you destined for a real happy ending. Very good!
Until in such a relationship, though, I think ANY one who sneaks into ANY one else's emails to read.. is just that, a Sneak. | |
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| Reading your partner's emails...how serious an offence?
Posted: 2/12/2008 6:21:29 PM | If someone did that to me it would be OVER OOPS OUTTA HERE! I have nothing to hide and everyone has a right to their privacy. I don't care what insecurities they might have ,its never their right to just take privileges that don't belong to them. I conduct myself with openess, honesty and integrity, and don't feel that anyone has the right..( no matter what vibes they get from me, or their past relationships) to snoop. I won't pay for someone elses bad behavior. Everyone who meets me KNOWS where I stand with my own inventory... | |
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| Reading your partner's emails...how serious an offence?
Posted: 2/12/2008 6:21:39 PM | Shaft ....RIGHT ON
I've often found that some of the most trustworthy men ...I mean people ...are also some of the most trusting. I have also found that those who are the least trustworthy...fear the snooper ha! just kidding.
We all have the right to our privacy but I wonder if when you live-in/marry if maybe not as much as when we're single. I mean what do ya got to hide???
Hey did you hear this one? What do you call a handcuffed man?
Trustworthy.  | |
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| Reading your partner's emails...how serious an offence?
Posted: 2/12/2008 6:31:36 PM | "We all have the right to our privacy but I wonder if when you live-in/marry if maybe not as much as when we're single. I mean what do ya got to hide??"
Oh, there is always something. Let's say your best friend mails you and tells you that she doesn't like your partner... Or is pregnant... Or has an STD... Or just broke up and needs to vent her private grief to you, her best friend... Or you're planning a surprise party for your anniversary and are organizing it with e-mails... Your partner snoops and - is any of that his business? Some issues are between you and the person you're talking to - not your partner and the person you're talking to.
Again, I maintain... If you expect your partner to have no secrets, no side of their life that's private to you whatsoever, but at the same time are unwilling to voice any doubts you have about them that lead you to snooping before you snoop, you're a hypocrite, demanding they reveal all to you while keeping MAJOR and relationship altering secret thoughts to yourself.
"Hey did you hear this one? What do you call a handcuffed man?
Trustworthy. "
Hah, that's actually quite funny ;) | |
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~tag~
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Joined: 2/7/2008
Msg: 80 | |
| Reading your partner's emails...how serious an offence?
Posted: 2/12/2008 6:35:06 PM | I love my S.O., and I have nothing to hide. That said, we're not married, not engaged, and not living together. Until that time, the things that are mine shall remain mine, and the things that are his shall remain his.
I will have no problems inviting him into my inner sanctum when the time approaches, but if it's violated without my permission before then? Yes. I will be upset, and our relationship will have difficult issues to traverse. | |
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| Reading your partner's emails...how serious an offence?
Posted: 2/12/2008 7:19:34 PM | I remember a moment when I was crushing on a particular woman and a friend said to me that he would never date her, as she was arrogant and conceited and in general, a snot.
He ended up marrying her.
I have to wonder then if that conversation shouldn't be revealed to her, or should it be kept secret?
I chose to keep it a secret. | |
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| Reading your partner's emails...how serious an offence?
Posted: 2/12/2008 7:33:32 PM | I'm very private and I respect your right to privacy. I don't want you to look through my cell phone, my postal mail, my e-mail, my desk or my purse. Conversely, I won't go through your cell phone, postal mail, e-mail, desk or wallet.
Fair is fair.
Your boundaries need to be established at the onset. | |
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| Reading your partner's emails...how serious an offence?
Posted: 2/12/2008 7:34:05 PM | BTW.. I find the whole 'Snooping' is a Women's Thing...and you got to expect it...it is just what we do.... I find that to be complete and utter Bull Shit!.
We are to take for granted that this is part of the Female Psyche and it is normal?... so deal with it guys. BS again!
it is just freaking disrespectful. I am not being old-fashioned or too serious...I am being realistic about how a relationship should work...and how pple should conduct themselves as adults. | |
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| Reading your partner's emails...how serious an offence?
Posted: 2/12/2008 7:44:43 PM | to me it's not about whether or not you've something to hide or whether or not you trust them - it IS about the principle of the matter, i'd feel it a betrayal of trust in someone that they would respect my privacy and the trust i put in them to not invade areas they've not been invited in to
it's not about finishing with someone, "because they read my email"... it's "because they weren't trustworthy" | |
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| Reading your partner's emails...how serious an offence?
Posted: 2/12/2008 7:50:00 PM |
god i'm having a howl over some of these replies to this thread..
ending relationships because some one read their email ,how silly is that !!
jeezus grow up.
If some one reads my mail I hold myself responsible.
"so why did you guys break up?"
"she read my email" Snazzy post Gunner :)
Frankly this whole thing stinks a bit.. I mean.. the OP is married.. so is the "live in" situation hypothetical.. ? Or is he referring to an actual scenario in which his fingers were caught in the proverbial cookie jar? Kinda makes one wonder what the whole story is... no?
Personally I would want to speak with my spouse about it and decide whether or not it was something I could forgive... as opposed to sharing it with an entire forum of people to let them decide for me...
But to each their own I suppose. | |
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| Reading your partner's emails...how serious an offence?
Posted: 2/12/2008 7:50:53 PM | BTW.. I find the whole 'Snooping' is a Women's Thing...and you got to expect it...it is just what we do.... I find that to be complete and utter Bull Shit!.
We are to take for granted that this is part of the Female Psyche and it is normal?... so deal with it guys. BS again!
it is just freaking disrespectful. I am not being old-fashioned or too serious...I am being realistic about how a relationship should work...and how pple should conduct themselves as adults.
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I agree with you about it being disrespectful... but can you honestly say you have NEVER snooped..ever?????? Because I call bullpuckey on that...it ranks right up there with I have NEVER told a lie and I have NEVER masterbated...oh and I NEVER had sexual relations with that woman! | |
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| Reading your partner's emails...how serious an offence?
Posted: 2/12/2008 8:06:52 PM | I would sit the person down and explain about privacy. If it's a serious relationship, I would tell them they're more than welcome to see my email *while I'm at the computer* (and mine their's) at any time, but they need to respect the *sender's* privacy as well. If a friend or family member is having a personal issue and is discussing it with me in email (which is my main form of communication these days), then it should be for my eyes only...
I was dating a guy for a little while last year. One night he came to take me to dinner and I wasn't ready. I let him in and told him I'd be a minute. When I came back into the kitchen (not 5 minutes later), he was sitting at my computer reading my email!! I was floored! I looked at him and asked what he was doing and his reply was (I'll never forget this LOL) "Ah, you have nothing good here anyway" and sighed. I tried to explain to him how it was an invasion of privacy ... he said since I had left it on, it was his right to look. I then asked him if he had gone through my mail/bills that were on the counter and he said "of course not!" and I told him it was the same thing. Needless to say, we never did go to dinner... and I didn't see him again. The kicker was... no matter how many different ways I tried to calmly explain it to him, he didn't get it... he felt I was being "silly".
If someone can't respect something as basic as privacy, I don't need to associate with them.
Now, I feel cell phones are something different... to an extent. These days, cell phones are the norm. If my phone rings and my partner is closer, I would expect him to answer it... and vice versa. I wouldn't go through their phone to look at texts or incoming/outgoing calls, but I see no problem answering it.
If I ever got to the point where I feel I should snoop in my partner's computer/phone, then I know there's a problem already and we should sit down and talk... not be sneeky. | |
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| Reading your partner's emails...how serious an offence?
Posted: 2/12/2008 8:23:10 PM | Honestly, I would be pissed. It's happened to me before and feel it's a violation of my privacy. I'm not someone that's ever cheated, I've never done anything like that, and I never would. So... reading my email without my PERMISSION is a big no no. I'm sorry, but I feel that I'm not trusted on top of that, so I will definitely be feeling ill about it. Even if they let me read theirs, it's a big thing to me.
I think the best kind of trust is someone having access to that, but knowing they won't do it without your knowledge or permission. It's like going through someone else's mail just because you can get your hands on it. | |
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| Reading your partner's emails...how serious an offence?
Posted: 2/12/2008 8:31:49 PM |
god i'm having a howl over some of these replies to this thread..
ending relationships because some one read their email ,how silly is that !!
jeezus grow up.
Nah, I would suggest you grow up. Reading someone's email without their permission is pretty much a major violation of privacy. It says that the person I am involved with is not able to maintain boundaries and respect my privacy. That is major. That says that the person has major issues that are going to manifest in more ways than just email.
What would posses someone to read their SO's email? Even if you suspect they are cheating, you have no right to invade their privacy. You do not own them, you have absolutely no right under any circumstances save with a search warrant issued by a judge to inspect someone else's email. Period
Nope, YOU need to grow up, Gunner. And if someone goes through my email without my permission, they aren't going to find anything "bad" but they are going to be kicked to the curb instantly the second I find out about it. Same with going through my wallet or other personal belongings where I have a reasonable right to expect privacy.
It is a *big* deal, particularly for someone who has been in a relationship with someone who had problems respecting boundaries. | |
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| Reading your partner's emails...how serious an offence?
Posted: 2/12/2008 8:35:01 PM |
I was dating a guy for a little while last year. One night he came to take me to dinner and I wasn't ready. I let him in and told him I'd be a minute. When I came back into the kitchen (not 5 minutes later), he was sitting at my computer reading my email!! I was floored!
This is not a committed relationship. I would be equally floored. How would you feel about your *husband* reading your email? | |
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| Reading your partner's emails...how serious an offence?
Posted: 2/12/2008 8:41:44 PM | | If your partner is reading your emails either you or another man has given her reason to have difficulty with trust. If you DO have something to hide don't be a jerk and make out like its her fault for looking at your email. If you don't then you can be darn sure she has been burnt before so if you care about her then discuss it with her. If you care enough to be living together you should care enough to find out about what was probably a devastatingly painful event in her life. It would have never occured to me to read his email until a woman called the house and left my Ex-boyfriend a sexually suggestive phone message. Come to find out she knew all about me. Boy was I surprised to find out that he had told her that he and I were in an open relationship! | |
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| Reading your partner's emails...how serious an offence?
Posted: 2/12/2008 8:43:57 PM |
BTW.. I find the whole 'Snooping' is a Women's Thing...and you got to expect it...it is just what we do.... I find that to be complete and utter Bull Shit!.
snooping is in some Women's blood they are born with it.
 I can spot a snooper a mile away. | |
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| Reading your partner's emails...how serious an offence?
Posted: 2/12/2008 9:13:31 PM | I could care less. I don't hide anything in a relationship. If I do, I shouldn't be in the relationship.
When I was married, whoever went to the mail box, opened the mail, all of it. That's how I feel about email too. It should all be open. He had an account, I did too. As far as I know we didn't get into each others, but if he had wanted to, I sure wouldn't have cared. Why even be in a relationship, if you have all this hiding to do, all these privacy issues? You are suppose to share your life, not hide it. If I'm involved with someone that has trust issues, fine, check me out all you want to, you won't find me doing anything wrong, if it makes them feel better, or more secure, the better it is for me. If I'm in a relationship with someone, and they can't be open and honest, then it's not the relationship for me. | |
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| Reading your partner's emails...how serious an offence?
Posted: 2/12/2008 9:25:55 PM | It isn't that they look--- it's that they do it without asking.
I don't care if you go through my dresser.... but if I catch you rifling through my underpants drawer on my way back from the bathroom, I'm libel to be pissed off about it. | |
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| Reading your partner's emails...how serious an offence?
Posted: 2/12/2008 9:32:37 PM | Who.. damnit.. .I wish I did snoop.
The shit hit the fan in my relationship when I got a postcard in the mail notifying him that his post office box was coming up for renewal...holy smokes...what PO BOX?...and I asked him... he said it was nothing... I let it go.
Then OUR joint AMEX bill came and yes...it was in both our names....he was overseas... I opened the bill to pay it...and wow... he had bought Mistress #1 gifts on our credit card and sent them to Los Angeles where she was living.
How did I find this out?.. I called AMEX to find out what the purchase was cos it was a mistake and not our purchase... they gave me all the info.
yes... I wish I did snoop...but I never did... I had my very strict parents snoop on me... and reading my diary... I was a mess with that kind of mistrust.
my daughters.. I encourage them to keep diaries and I do not read them...their Father... my EX...he has read them and my eldest is very upset.
No.. I have never snooped. It is an invasion of privacy issue for me and mine was invaded. | |
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| Reading your partner's emails...how serious an offence?
Posted: 2/12/2008 9:37:41 PM | Use it to your advantage. Make dummy hotmail accounts of hot women emailing you for dates and you turn them down because you "trust your gf too much and would never do anything to hurt her" for your gf to see.
...then go rifle through your gf's mail. | |
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| Reading your partner's emails...how serious an offence?
Posted: 2/12/2008 9:55:00 PM |
This is not a committed relationship. I would be equally floored. How would you feel about your *husband* reading your email?
Without asking......... equally as upset.
Most times, when I was married, after perusing my mail I would had it off to my wife so she had the option of reading it. If I was out of town and it looked pressing she would call and ask if it should be opened.
To many are missing the point, it is not about reading my mail, or going into my wallet it is doing it WITHOUT permission.
The person you are in a relationship should get THE MOST RSPECT offered, not the least. You don't disrespect strangers by sneaking into their email WITHOUT permission, why would you do it to the person who lives to honor you.
Privacy is such a basic right that, like breathing , our forefathers didn't think they had to put it on paper. | |
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