| a racist slur from someone your dating....what do you do?
Posted: 2/13/2008 9:46:39 AM | My aunt sent me this a couple of weeks ago. It was written by a man in Texas and I thought it was pretty funny. Maybe your friend should take a look, OP.
When I was born, I was BLACK,
When I grew up, I was BLACK ,
When I went in the sun, I stayed BLACK,
When I got cold, I was BLACK ,
When I was scared, I was BLACK ,
When I was sick, I was BLACK ,
And when I die, I'll still be BLACK .
NOW, You "white" folks....
When you're born, you're PINK ,
When you grow-up, you're WHITE ,
When you go in the sun, you get RED ,
When you're cold, you turn BLUE ,
When you're scared, you're YELLOW ,
When you get sick, you're GREEN ,
When you bruise, you turn PURPLE ,
And when you die, you look GRAY .
So who y'all callin'
COLORED folks? | |
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| a racist slur from someone your dating....what do you do?
Posted: 2/13/2008 10:07:12 AM | I generally avoid people like that who makes jokes about people's ethnicity, gender or sexual preference.
As far as im concerned people who spurts out slurs probably has no idea how damaging the joke could be the person they are joking about. | |
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| a racist slur from someone your dating....what do you do?
Posted: 2/13/2008 10:24:51 AM | packagedealx3 says: " I have had blacks and Hispanics treat me badly because I am white and what I don't understand is how someone can complain about being discriminated against, etc., then turn around and do the same exact thing to someone else."
This is the problem packagedealx3; I'm debating this issue right now and am blasted for suggesting that this issue maybe a cross that we may have to bare. An African-American who I respect asked the question, " Why is it that Germans, Irish, Polish, Chinese and all other hyphenated americans can identify with their communities, but if a Barack Obama was to identify with his community there's no way he would be elected president" ? My response to this question as I thought about it was that, "The Germans, Irish, Polish or even the Japanese after having been put into the enturnment camps, never had a civil rights movement, they suffered in silence." Because of the civil rights movement, being a bit silent, may now have to be "The Black man's burden". The reason for my view is that today, there are white children being born today who may not know anything about the past or too much of it. As a result, a bit of silence may be warranted. Some may disagree with my point of view.
As for canadian indians what is the general opinion about respecting the life of Archie Stansfeld Belany (Grey Owl). I learned about this man about 6 years ago and am a huge fan of the life of this man. I'd love to know how he's viewed by canadian indians? | |
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| a racist slur from someone your dating....what do you do?
Posted: 2/13/2008 10:46:43 AM |
Sometimes when people get mad they let things like that slip.
My friends make racial comments all the time with one another...none of us are racists... we joke about it(I know it sounds bad) but we would never use it in a derogative way at another person
IMHO, Anyone... ANYONE... who tells racist jokes or uses racial slurs is a racist. I'll go even further, anyone who laughs at those racist jokes is a racist and anyone who tolerates racist jokes in the workplace or anywhere else, lends their tacit approval to the racist.
Ergo, anyone who doesn't tell their significant-other or person they are dating how they feel about racist jokes and slurs becomes part of the problem, not the solution. If this kind of behavior continues, she should find someone else to date. | |
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| a racist slur from someone your dating....what do you do?
Posted: 2/13/2008 10:51:28 AM |  YIKES! I (sometimes unfortunately) live in Cracker-Land, i.e. Georgia. Prejudice is a two way street here..esp Blacks vs Whites and Whites vs Blacks...never ending. You'd think 2008....sigh. Even tho we have had several black mayors...it changes little in the minds of the good ole boys...
I dated, a long while, a guy who was prolific in the use of the 'N' word, anti-abortion (women have no control over their own bodies) blahblah...and THOSE very characteristics of his are why it did not work! Intellectually, I was tiptoeing in the relationship. Walking on eggshells. Not pleasant or fun. (NEVER again.)
Why I am a firm believer in getting one's beliefs out on the table before a true emotional investment is made in any dating scenario...
Like smokers and non..it can work, but SOMEONE is compromising their feelings, belief system to MAKE it work...never a good formula for a successful partnership. | |
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| a racist slur from someone your dating....what do you do?
Posted: 2/13/2008 12:37:07 PM | | The fact that there are even different grouping categories by skin color only serves to encourage discrimination and differences instead of promoting how much the same we really are. Equality isn't about being separate at any point. | |
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bsg789
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Joined: 12/4/2007
Msg: 59 | |
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| a racist slur from someone your dating....what do you do?
Posted: 2/13/2008 1:51:50 PM |
The fact that there are even different grouping categories by skin color only serves to encourage discrimination and differences instead of promoting how much the same we really are. Equality isn't about being separate at any point.
Sigh....in a PERFECT world.
Sadly, it is the REAL world we have to deal with.... | |
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| a racist slur from someone your dating....what do you do?
Posted: 2/13/2008 2:38:13 PM | | op.... sounds like your " man " is a super freak... like a CONTROL freak. ish!! Your best bet is to buy yourself a self- defense course, and take lessons. Take control back from him, step by step. Get with it, sister!! ... it is for your protection. If your friend is saying sly, nasty remarks about minorities, and making generalizations to boot, I can almost become a fortune- telling gypsy, and tell you that you and boyfriend are going to be at odds with one another continually over these verballities...... | |
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| a racist slur from someone your dating....what do you do?
Posted: 2/13/2008 11:55:20 PM |
He is extremely controlling, insecure, and has violent outbursts. He expects his behaviors to be excused because he was mad or whatever he said just slipped out.
The least of your worries is his use of the N-word. Even if he'd never said that, you're in an unhealthy relationship. You have to ask yourself why you're so concerned with why he's with you, instead of the other way around. | |
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| a racist slur from someone your dating....what do you do?
Posted: 2/14/2008 10:58:26 AM | | Sorry just to repeat...this isn't a relationship going on now...he had one violent outburst and was gone. He didn't hurt me or anything but I got him mad and he raised a fist...so that was it. I don't need to be hurt to know when its time to go. I just don't understand why anyone would date me when they clearly have racist beliefs....I can understand short term just to try it out but he wanted long term with me...still does. I just don't get that. I have also met men who wanted a minority wife because they felt they were better "traditional women"......stupid stereotypes...i just don't get why anyone would bother being with someone who on at least some level they don't respect. | |
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| a racist slur from someone your dating....what do you do?
Posted: 2/14/2008 11:06:33 AM | SnowAngel,
Keep in mind that the guy may be Antisocial. If that's the case, it would explain his controlling nature, and even using the slurs as a way to shock and intimidate other people. Being a controlling, violent, foul-mouthed person is not synonymous with being a racist, and it's likely that this dude would show antisocial traits even if he were with a white female. It's more about him being an antisocial personality than a racist. At any rate, it's best to forget about this bottom-feeder. You'll probably never know exactly what was going on in his head. | |
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| a racist slur from someone your dating....what do you do?
Posted: 2/14/2008 11:15:52 AM |
So how could he use language like that and not have a problem with blacks?
One couldn'T , and? 'HE' has More *PROBLEMS* , than I would be Willing/ABLE to deal with. 
He seems mad at me for calling him on it....hunh?
He 'seems' - Just Plain ... M A D .... Period.
Does anyone really believe someone could talk like that and not be a racist ass?
I cannot speak for Anyone Else. ME? "NO , I do Not believe" (that AnyOne whom 'talks like that' is Any'thing' BUT ... a RACIST)
How does he justify being with me?
I doubt that 'Justice' is something that dis guy even considers. As for 'being with' a person of differing race , than HimSelf? Probably akin to 'How' the Plantation Owners 'justified' being the Biological fathers of ... 
Can we even be friends?
Well, Again ... Cannot speak For OP / AnyOne else. ME? "NO , Absolutely NOT!"
I could NOT be friend/lover/Any'thing' ... to or with a RACIST.
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oshan
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Joined: 1/5/2008
Msg: 66 | |
| a racist slur from someone your dating....what do you do?
Posted: 2/14/2008 11:31:06 AM | I'm so confused... (I am half black BTW) So how could he use language like that and not have a problem with blacks? He seems mad at me for calling him on it....hunh? Does anyone really believe someone could talk like that and not be a racist ass? How does he justify being with me? Can we even be friends? what are your thoughts on it? Here's what I think, snow*angel: He can use language like that because at a very deep level he DOES have a problem with blacks, but he is either unconscious of his racist attitude and/or in denial of it. Either way, he is not someone who will bring happiness to a relationship with you. The fact that he "....seems mad at [you]", is a huge red flag, and a clear indication that he is unable/unwilling to look at how what he says effects you. He is not open to your feedback, and unable/unwilling to identify when he has made a mistake and take full responsibility for understanding himself or you in terms of why you would feel as you do, and why he would say what he says. No, one cannot talk like that without being "...a racist ass." I have no idea how he, with such a racist attitude, justifies being with you, who is half black, but I will hazard a guess that he thinks he is superior to you in more ways than one. Furthermore, if I were in this situation, the relationship would be toast, and there is not one shred of doubt in my mind about that. I could say more about all of this, but suffice to say.......RUN p.s. Look for someone who cherishes you, and who admires, and is intrigued by the fact that you are half black. Be proud of who you are...love yourself, and love yourself wayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy too much to allow anyone to disrespect you in any way, shape or form. Good Luck finding the special person who is out there waiting for you! | |
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| a racist slur from someone your dating....what do you do?
Posted: 2/14/2008 4:04:26 PM | To the OP......
I'm sure that racist is the correct term for this type of person. I think that only incorporates PART of what he is. He seems rather "extreme" in his views, highly opinionated and rather militant about expressing his views too.
People have their own likes & dislikes, it's just what makes us people. What really shows our character is how we react to others that have differing opinions than our own. When someone is so extreme as to viciously attack another person for a point of view they're more than racist. They're just outright bad news.
Do you want someone in your life that sees the world the way he does? It's a my way or the highway mentality...and that will come back to haunt you when you are involved. And when he doesn't get his way in a relationship, what will he do to "push" his agenda on you? Extreme people use extreme measures to get what they want. This is a far larger problem than him just having "anti black" sentiment
Get out now. And don't look back either. This guy is incredibly bad news. Remember, we tend to show the "best" sides of ourselves initially. You get the real good stuff when you move in together.
As for the woman that commented about guys looking to "tap some black a**" Not sure if that's racism. Those same guys are looking to tap some "white a**" too. At the least it's a poor choice of words, at the worst it's not racist, but sexist. It shows a complete disrespect for people (women)....
If people cannot respect you for what you think and who you are...they are not worth the time. Lifes too rich for that | |
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| a racist slur from someone your dating....what do you do?
Posted: 2/14/2008 6:43:01 PM | Prejudice exists.. and I know sometimes I have to stop myself and say hey you are generalizing... and that can go with many things in life...
but as OP states she has made a good choice and has gotten rid of him... he has issues on many levels, which makes me wonder why he felt the right to raise a hand to her to begin with... and these so called christian bible thumping, picketers against abortion, yet the whole family spews vile remarks in such a unchristian way.... hypocrocy.....
the sand...... he refers to.... well I have a niece and three nephews that are half Palestinian and I'll not tolerate any disrespect against my family... the world is prejudice right now and with war it makes it strikingly so as here is where the ideas and myths start.... the stereotypes.... because of some radical thinking ppl.... but when there are conflict just as in our fathers time with the Japanese, so many of them were placed in camps due to the fear in the hearts of americans back in that time... which as it boils down to fear sparks prejudice.... and ppl really need to be informed...
Now I would like to add to the list and say that I have a special needs brother.... he grew up in an era where people were labeled "mentally retarded"... and let me tell you just because someone is afflicted doesn' t mean their feelings don't get hurt when you call them RETARDS...... because they have an idea that it is derogatory.... so next time teasing a friend and you think about using the word RETARD.... think again... it truly is offensive too... | |
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isam26
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Joined: 6/30/2007
Msg: 70 | |
| a racist slur from someone your dating....what do you do?
Posted: 2/14/2008 8:35:46 PM | I believe that no one just lets the "n" word slip. If you use it among your small group of friends, You Are A Racist! There is no "oops" when using this word if you use it you meant to use it and you mean every bad thing that comes with using that word. Don't ever try to fool yourself into thinking that you don't really mean anything bad when you say that word because you do.
My tiny piece of advice for you snow angel is try to educate your friend on the usage of the word. If you are proud of your black heritage tell him how him saying the word belittles everything that piece of your history fought so hard to retrieve. Don't let him off the hook, if he wants to be with you tell him he needs prove to you he will work hard to remove this word permanently from his vocabulary. If you like don't stop being friends with him but definitely make hold him responsible for his words. | |
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| a racist slur from someone your dating....what do you do?
Posted: 2/14/2008 9:04:05 PM | | OT: on stereotypes. Stereotypes exist because they are true a lot if not most of the time. And people please put aside your indignation and acknowledge that a LOT of time black women are indeed loud (or much louder than their white/asian counterparts), that born-again christians are often intolerant or preachy, that Americans as a nation are overweight, Russians like to drink etc etc etc. We can with a straight face insist it's not so, but most of time it is indeed so . Doesn't excuse calling people names, but I find it laughable when people try to deny the obvious with straight face. Sorry to be the one saying that "the king is naked" among all this PC indignation. | |
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| a racist slur from someone your dating....what do you do?
Posted: 2/14/2008 9:14:53 PM | Well, Snow*Angel, there was a time here in the U.S. that unless you were 100% white you were not considered to be white, but you whatever else--black, Asian, Indian, etc. If you were 1/16th black, but the rest white, then you were black. I am betting there are still people that think that way.
I know a woman who I admire in some respects, but I could never be in a relationship with her because she is a racist. She does not overtly make racist comments, but it is subtly in her belief system. She believes that people of different races should not have children together. The community in which we live here in Wisconsin was one of the whitest cities in the U.S. maybe 40 years ago. Today we have a minority population of Hmong refugees from Laos who fought for us in Vietnam and were promised by the CIA that if we lost that we would take care of them. Because they fought for us they were and are being persecuted and killed in their homeland--there is no place for them to go back to. Yet my friend has the "why don't they go back where they came from" attitude. We can be friends because she does not harp on those things and I just avoid the subjects. (I have a friend who is like a father to me and we are on as opposite of the political spectrum as you can get, but we still love and respect one another and just avoid discussing politics.)
As far as the guy you are dating is concerned, I wouldn't waste my time. Words have meaning and words have power. There is nothing funny about putting people down or labeling them because of their race. People cannot change their race. Life is too short. Move on. | |
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| a racist slur from someone your dating....what do you do?
Posted: 2/14/2008 9:23:10 PM | | Well I do sort of agree with the guy you were dating. Its the same anywhere in the world, if your aboriginal or negro you can get away with almost anything cause white people are usually to afraid to do anything. But that's just my oppinion and I don't think asians are bad drivers, pakis are as I've been t boned by one before and whooo was I enraged, got out the car and abused him black and blue, said a few racial comments (to his face) and he didn't know what to say .. | |
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| a racist slur from someone your dating....what do you do?
Posted: 2/14/2008 9:42:43 PM | PS: Remember stupid Jesus was Jewish
It's not nice to call jesus stupid.
Sometimes punctuation is just that darn important. 
YIKES! I (sometimes unfortunately) live in Cracker-Land, i.e. Georgia.
Since we're all about PCing shit in this here thread, you do know the slur "cracker" isn't referring to white people having skin the color of crackers, right? It's referring to the slave drivers who cracked whips on the slaves' backs; "crackers" for short.
I don't think asians are bad drivers, pakis are..
Yeah, cuz that's different. *eyeroll*
as I've been t boned by one before
So, um, one guy t-bones you who happens to be pakistani, and you have the balls to say all pakistani people are bad drivers? Are you really that dense?
and whooo was I enraged, got out the car and abused him black and blue, said a few racial comments (to his face) and he didn't know what to say Your mother must be proud to have raised such a winner. | |
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| a racist slur from someone your dating....what do you do?
Posted: 2/14/2008 9:58:39 PM | | a sand n*gger is actually someone of middle eastern descent... so technically i would qualify to be a sand n*gger.... obviously that says a lot about his upbringing. maybe mamma should have spent less time conducting protests and more time raising up young jimmy jones and teaching him proper manners... or it could be worse... maybe the whole family thinks and speaks like him. get out while you're still alive!! | |
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