| Rejected once again
Posted: 2/15/2008 9:49:54 PM | Bumbed out? Tell me about it! But hang in there, new prospects will be coming along all the time. Read some books or do internet research to get a better handle on understanding women and relationships, get more social exposure, learn from your mistakes, take a break every now and then if you have to and whatever you do- keep your standards high.
Other advice- get out- do stuff- have fun- get in shape- travel- take up new things- learn all the good places to eat- wineries- concert halls- hiking trails- horseback riding- dance halls etc are in your area- go to these places and do things even by yourself- not only will you have fun- you'll pick up new skills that make you a more appealing guy and also have a long list of fun activities to offer for a date- and who knows- you might even meet someone at one of these places!
JF | |
|
| Rejected once again
Posted: 2/15/2008 9:50:59 PM | My advise is to reject them first!!!hahhahhahahhhahahahahahahahhahaha!!!!
THAT WILL SHOW THEM. Another thing to remember is this: WHO CARES? HUH?
Hey---maybe quit being so "nice." Now don't be a siphon, big guy. Hey! Its all just a game---UNTIL SOMEBODY LOSES AN EYE!
Seriously though. Try this: " I care, but I don't care."
What the h-ll. One has to be careful for what one wishes for.
In closing---don't forget to be a little bit mean once and I while. Keeps them honest. I let these ladies know that I am interested in being friends, and I DO MEAN THAT. But if I'm attracted I am sure to let them know that.
THEY MUST FEEL THE WAVES OF LUST EMANATING FROM MY FEVERISH MIND ---meanwhile we are talking about some BS; like say, global warming or something else I don't give a hang about.
women: Can't live with them; can't live without em! hahahahahhhahahahhahahahahahaha!
JESSE | |
|
| Rejected once again
Posted: 2/15/2008 10:06:41 PM | Sorry Jack,
Been there, not just on this site. People (men AND women) are looking for...something: I've had plenty of decades to refine what I want, but that doesn't mean I have found it or that I know how to successfully find the right person or ask the right questions or be the right person.
Don't give up hope, don't try to be all things to everyone (one person wants a reliable banker, another wants a youthful beauty, and all the while, the sub-text has been...too close, not close enough, too intense, to reserved...too, too, too.
My advice (because I DID follow the rules "be yourself" and it will happen) is to ask yourself some tough questions of what YOU are willing to offer, what you are looking for. I take it that you have gained the "big brother" trust of many, but not the dedicate myself to the man. So, ask a tough question on dates: what are you looking for in a man...what would you seek in an LT relationship ...we women all differ, too. And (don't expect honesty, whole blueprints) meditate on how it feels with each person. I know I have been the nurse, the bridger of gaps, the forgiver of shortcomings--yet I'm "seen" as demanding and/or intense...the next lifecycle, I'm too friendly. That's why I suggest to THINK and ASK and LISTEN in all these relationships you seem to be going through.
Good luck, don't give up!  | |
|
| Rejected once again
Posted: 2/15/2008 10:12:03 PM | | Been there and recently went through that and I have no idea how to accept it and get over it. I made that same mistake, telling her how I felt and also got the lets remain friends speech, yet again. I also got that ol stand by part too, the good ol "it's me not you, you're a great guy and it's nothing against you, it's me" ahh ya right, I seem to hear that A LOT, so I know it's me, but I just keep on movin on and remain hopeful. Like others here have said, just keep trying I guess OP and see if it works out well for you. | |
|
| Rejected once again
Posted: 2/15/2008 10:19:54 PM | | It happens to all of us, just remember that. It is a fact of life.......... You just move on. No matter what you have to believe in yourself first and foremost and ya, call me crazy, but, i do believ there is someone out there for everyone!!!!! | |
|
| Rejected once again
Posted: 2/16/2008 12:26:50 AM |
I am begining to think that I am just one of those guys that women think of as the big brother type, they like to hang out and be friends but thats it.
I'll let you in on a secret that most girls you like would never tell you:
"Big brother types" = not attractive.
"Let's hang out and be friends and that's it." = I am not attracted to you even though I have a great time interacting with you. | |
|
| Rejected once again
Posted: 2/16/2008 4:37:58 AM | | You know' I have sat here and read this whole thread. Some people are trying to give the OP good advise and some are just being a-s-s holes. Some of you might as well say are calling the kettle black when your just as bad. Hey' I am a big guy and i love myself just the way i am. I wouldn't be afraid to bet that if we could put all of the ones that want to call people fat or try to tell someone to lose weight in one room i know i could take one look at each of you and find something wrong with you be it in your appearance "How you walk" "How you talk" How you act. We all have our flaws. Be it in our size or in other ways. No man or woman is perfect. In other words i dated a woman that didn't want to go out with me because of a mole that was on my for head. "Gone now" The thing was when she smiled she looked like one of those crash test dummys you use to see on TV and she walked like Donald Duck But i didn't say anything because it was a flaw she was born with. What i am trying to say is before you call someone fat or anything else look at yourself first. You may not be fat but you might walk like Donald Duck. | |
|
| Rejected once again
Posted: 2/16/2008 5:04:08 AM | Mopar4ever...I agree with you....
we are who we are........sure I could go to the gym and get all "buffed up"........I hate every mintue of it............my sons love it........
I could also ice skate and rock climb but that's not me.......now take me to the Theater or my fav concert...that's me
we are all different...accept us for who we are for that outward beauty leaves.......just look around.......it's the heart/soul that remains
it's about attraction.......and I don't feel you have to be in the world of size 8 or even whatever??? .......does it help???? hummm..........I guess to some it does.......
bottum line...be true to yourself and what makes you happy...not what others want you to be
hang in there.............she's coming right around the corner.....I like to say....a little slow but she's coming.............. | |
|
| Rejected once again
Posted: 2/16/2008 7:09:45 AM | Inevitably, this thread has degenerated into a debate about the sex appeal of overweight people.
OP, all I have to say is not to get sucked into it. Your body size is what it is. If you want to change it, then go for it. If you don't, then be aware that your body size restricts your dating pool. There are many women who will be put off by your weight. But there are those who will not be.
This is the point which Ricky seems to be missing. I have most definitely dated men who were overweight, and it was NOT their weight that led to the dissolution of the relationship.
In fact, my current partner was much heavier when we met. I joke that he gave his extra weight all to me, because in that time I have gained what he lost. I have "average" on my profile because that's where I was at when I wrote the profile 2 years ago. As I indicate in my profile update, I am now working on taking off the weight........not for appearance's sake, or because my partner takes issue with my weight gain (he waxes poetic about how much he adores my body), but for health reasons.
OP, you are who you are. If any relationship is going to work for you, it will be with a woman who accepts you just as you are. It may well be with an overweight woman, who is more likely to be accepting of your body size.
In any case, I still recommend that you poop on those who knock you for your weight.
A parting thought.......I far prefer a man with a weight problem than one who's an azzhole. | |
|
| Rejected once again
Posted: 2/16/2008 9:44:12 AM |
But there are those who will not be.
yes, and those are rare
if he is having a hard time finding that right lady. Maybe he is attracted to the kind of women who are not into his body size. If he wants to change the restriction, as you said it. He has to take control of himself and his own image. It may be shallow to think that this is the way things are, but there is no other way around it.
There are many women who will be put off by your weight.
That is the word, Many, there are many and not enough of the open minded ladies who will keep a guy chubby. If there were, you would be seeing a lot of guys not working out and just not changing their own bodies to pleas these women.
If you don't, then be aware that your body size restricts your dating pool.
you may think that i am missing the point. Yet, you just made the point i wanted to make by that comment. Just having the kind of body any guy has restricts in his own dating pool and the kind of women he is able to ask out. True with women as well. But hits hard with men at this time and age. | |
|
| Rejected once again
Posted: 2/16/2008 9:52:12 AM |
You may not be fat but you might walk like Donald Duck.
yes, but there is a difference. One you can take control of, you can get rid of the fat and the weight. The other, the walking like a duck, you can't and just have to learn to accept it as being part of yourself. The thing is!! how to accept that the over baggage of fat is a part of you, when you can do something to change that. That is how I used to think, that my body fat was a part of me and there was no way I will try to get rid of it cause it is a part of me and I should love who I am, brainwashing by your own friends and attractive people. That is until something in me made me realize how everything is and how shallow this whole society is. The only way is to adapt to this society and just do something ,I never really enjoyed doing in the past, restrict my eating habits and work out. If i were born in japan,I bet that i would be happy to be the chubby guy that I am. But here in the US that is not the case, adapt and self betterment is the best thing for everybody. This is what i am trying to show to the OP, that chances are that his body type is putting a restriction on who he can ask out. I bet that his good lady friends are of the attractive nature, cause for some reason us chubby guys are always the ones able to attract the friendship of a few good looking ladies. | |
|
| Rejected once again
Posted: 2/16/2008 2:29:23 PM | Don't listen to people who say that you are fine the way you are. That statement is well meaning, but ultimately destructive. It's a platitude that encourages people to stop growing as human beings.
It's just good sense to try and keep your weight down. Excess fat is unhealthy. Losing weight will make you feel better, improve your health, and reduce your chances of getting conditions like hypertension and diabetes. You'll have more energy, too.
Besides, hunger is a good feeling to experience. You'll find food tastes that much better when you've gone without it a while. The notion of quality over quantity may be a foreign one to the U.S., but it has its charms. | |
|
| Rejected once again
Posted: 2/16/2008 3:02:05 PM |
people normally perceive you as you perceive yourself. you ever notice that if you buy a new jacket that you really like, you may get attention that you otherwise didn't get? and after a while, that same jacket, no matter how new it may look, doesn't do the same....its not the jacket. he will be perceived the way he perceives himself, and if he feels good about himself, other people will too. i'm not saying that he *shouldn't* feel good about himself, but from his post here, its quite obviously that he feels pretty lousy about himself. which is why my advice is geared towards getting into a better mental state by changing things outside. you can be a great person inside, but if you don't have the tools to make people want to know that person, that person will remain hidden for eternity.
Wowsad you hit it on the head pefectly! Perfectly. Brother, workout. The confidence a few workouts will give you is incredible! The guy that said he buys the jacket because only he likes it and any compliments that he gets are unexpected is full of it. If that was the case if he felt like wearing a Spiderman costume out or a clown wig and nose on a date he just would. Damn everyone else.
The feeling that you get when you know that you look good will shine. That is what will get you attention.
Ladies, sometimes men need to do something a little extra just to get you to notice us. Just to get our foot in the door. Not all of us look like Brad Pitt, have a crazy six pack or are charming, funny or cool. Most of the time we just need to do something for the chance to show you who we really are.
Yes while rejection is a part of the game, you do not have to just sit back and wait for luck to play out. Be assertive. Get out there. | |
|
| Rejected once again
Posted: 2/16/2008 3:41:21 PM | damn canam!!
you destroy the nail with that comment.
Great reply | |
|
| Rejected once again
Posted: 2/16/2008 7:07:45 PM | Truth about weight is........most people that are over weight are not truelly happy with themselves for that reason their for can not be as confident as they really are.
I know some over weight people that are totally confident with who they are and they have no problems with dating some good looking women.
Problem is people worry about their weight and lose focus of what they really have too offer.
If someone is not confident and secure with theirselves they will never be able too make the other sex feel confident, safe and secure with them.
Even if the guy thats overweight gets the girl he wants and he isnt confident in himself he will drive the woman away worried about the cute in shape guy taking her away.
I am a bit overweight and I would love too be back in perfect shape and will be soon but I have learned that if a woman wants too pick a guy that is less then me just because he is in great physical shape thats her loss most of the time......
although physical attraction is very important confidence and security in yourself will increase the physical attraction anyone sees in you. | |
|
| Rejected once again
Posted: 2/16/2008 9:05:18 PM | | trust me bro I know how you feel I have gotton that lets be friends speech way to many times its been 9 years sence I had a girlfriend and it gets me down hard . don't worry bro your not alone | |
|
| Rejected once again
Posted: 2/16/2008 10:05:49 PM | I love all of the exercise advice...anyway.
I find those responses annoying and condescending. It's like the "perfect people" think that they have the solution to your problem, OP.
Now, that being said...I actually agree with the general sentiment (didn't see that comin', did ya?)
Let me explain:
I am a big girl.
I know this.
Having someone on the internet tell me that I just don't meet their expectations doesn't affect me at all. It doesn't change the way I live, eat, move, work, drive, etc.
But I DO think that those of us who are overweight KNOW that our chances in the dating world are worse than those of a person who might fit into a certain "perfect" mold.
Let's pretend that I looked like Elizabeth Hurley.
I have the attitude of an absolute ****, I'm hot and I know it.
Then let's look at another woman, 5'6", 200 pounds, nice as the day is long. She gives to charity, she always has a smile on her face, she's got tons of friends, she's clean, she dresses nicely, she's got a good job.
Out of these two women, who is NEVER going to have to worry about being single?
You guessed it, the Elizabeth Hurley look-alike. It's just a fact.
We all know it.
Now, OP, I am not going to tell you to lose weight, because that's really none of my business.
I think that you just need to relax a bit and keep yourself out there. You're an attractive man, you sound like you might be a nice guy. You will meet her someday. Don't let the rejections of a few change you.
I don't know too many people who haven't been rejected a few times in their lives. Hell, I'm heading for a record. Maybe you and I should have a contest. Most rejections wins.
I started looking at it this way: At least I tried. At least I put my interest out there. If a man rejects me, that's okay. I don't hate him for it. I don't blame him because I'm single. It just wasn't meant to be. We weren't right for each other. | |
|
| Rejected once again
Posted: 2/17/2008 1:34:12 AM | If you are getting the friends speech that much, chances are there is a problem.
Hint: Go to the gym, get in shape, pick up some girl friendly hobbies. E.g. Dancing. | |
|
| Rejected once again
Posted: 2/17/2008 1:38:20 AM | | RickyMonch. I guess i am 1 in a million. I can truly say i don't give a hooters damn what anybody thinks of my size. Maybe that is why i get dates. When i said i love me just the way i am i meant every word. I have confidence in myself and my capability to get a woman. So far i have not been able to find one i want to stay with or maybe marry but so far my size doesn't keep me alone at night and i do get laid every now and then. No matter what your size you have to believe in yourself. To me there is not one man on this earth that can do anything i can't do. I am just as good as the skinny buff guy on my left and just as good as the guy twice my size on the right. It's all in how you look at yourself. I am 5ft 10- 235lbs and i have a gut. I have been out with women that were way smaller than me. One i knew wouldn't bust 98lbs and very good looking to me and we had a lot of fun and plenty of dates afterward. I have been out with women my size to. I like them big' little' short' and tall. I don't discriminate. The guy who started this thread can do the same thing i can. But first he has to get off his pity pot. Wake up and realize that the ones that turn you down are really not good enough for him. I don't want a shallow woman. And he shouldn't either. Every man worth his salt wants a woman that wants him for him. Not his money' Not his size' him. If a woman can't look past the size of a man on the outside and see the hidden man on the inside then she is lacking herself and not worth me. I have no problem with being alone. If i can't have what i know is right then i am better off alone. CONFIDENCE. | |
|
| Rejected once again
Posted: 2/17/2008 2:17:12 AM | well, you are from Georgia
maybe men are bigger over there, and the smaller women have no choice than to be open minded. Not here in California, women here are picky. cause they have the right to be.
as for the big man against skinny guy next to you...i think the skinny guy would beat you in a 4 mile race. LOL
joking | |
|
| Rejected once again
Posted: 2/17/2008 3:39:09 AM |
I was wondering if there is anyone that has been rejected one to many times? It just seams like everytime I start to care about someone and am dumb enough to tell that person how I feel that I get the lets just be friends speech. I really don't know what to do I haven't been on a date or had any real relationships with anyone since my divorce and am at the end of my rope here.
Hi Jack, I'm just going to reply to your original thread here. Sounds like your not being upfront enough. Personally I like to make it quite obvious that my approach is one of interest in a being more than just being friends. I do this by flirting a lot with them and never leaving it too late to ask them out. This way I know upfront if their interested or not and either way it's all good, I haven't invested too much emotion anyways.
It sounds like a lot of the woman really weren't expecting your interest to be that way. So when you state your intentions, they are surprised and get taken back.
am dumb enough to tell that person how I feel
I don't think it's dumb to tell how you feel. But don't get too deep when stating it. It'll come across as creepy. | |
|
| Rejected once again
Posted: 2/17/2008 4:46:05 AM | | I really feel for the guys who make most of the effort and have to get so many rejections. I don't know how you guys toughen up to it. It doesn't happen to me very often, but it still hurts to see that READ/DELETE. However, I take it as a sign that this is not the right person for me and just move on. For the OP, you may be looking for too much too soon. If you start out just taking an interest in someone as a person but having no expectations that they fill some sort of need for you, you will make some very good friendships. And you never know where those friendships will lead. I think it's really, really important not to project too many of your needs and fantasies onto someone you hardly know. It does tend to scare people off. | |
|
| Rejected once again
Posted: 2/17/2008 5:27:31 AM | It's nothing to do with size.....but all to do with personality....and loving yourself........I think.
Do what you need to do to be happy with yourself...... dont assume from a few dates that a relationship is your choice.....(been out with a few guys who because they decided they liked me I should automatically want to be with them), it does not work that way.........Dont leave yourself open to situations that you will perceive as rejection. I do not automatically think I can have anyone I meet and that I like.....therefore, if they do not want me that way....I do not see it as rejection......... I see it as they are not attracted to me and I can accept that.  then move on because I know they do not owe me an obligation to be with me. I really do think of each new acquaintance I meet as potential friends before I start marking them as my personal property. I prefer they be man enough to make even the let's be friend speech........ but even if they disappear.......so what? They did not lose me somewhere in the wilderness.........it hurts, but.....Life goes on! | |
|
| Rejected once again
Posted: 2/17/2008 6:57:43 AM | OP, here's a question for you: who are the women whom you have been pursuing?
Are they the women whom 90% of the male population are pursuing? The women whose photos are rated 8 and 9 and 10?
These may not be the wisest choices for you. Just as you would hope a woman looks beyond the surface to see the beauty within you, perhaps you need to have a closer look at the women whom the majority of men pass by. Within this group, you may find your gem.
This is not "settling". This is recognizing that all that glitters is not gold, and that gold does not necessarily glitter. | |
|
| Rejected once again
Posted: 2/17/2008 1:47:58 PM | RIGHT ON DUMAH! you nailed it!
Getting in shape ONLY if you are doing it for yourself!
Working out is all ''goal ''oriented. My goal in gym in school was to be tops on the Marine Corps test!.......I WAS!!!! When my weight lifter friend came in second, he congratulated me, lifted me up! Physically, as well as esteem-wise!
I DID IT FOR ME!!!
GET THEE to a LIBRARY! THAT is where the GIRLS ARE!
Women hang out there, where ''angels'' fear to tread!lol READ...READERS DIGEST..its filled with uplifting stories, advice, all kinds of good stuff!
Check the back issues! Stay away from most TV! OLD shows have better, uplifting ,esteem building stories!...SMILE! Take walks.
ROCKY! my friend ....''GONNA FLY NOW''!!!!Run that theme through your mind!
UPLIFT....UPLIFT!!!!Women will see, feel, your confidence! | |
|
Home
login 
