| Rejected once again
Posted: 3/24/2008 11:52:57 PM | I'm wondering how long you have been seeing the person when you start to tell them how you feel? This happened to me once. I had been seeing this guy for 3 weeks when one night he starts getting all serious and talking about love and stuff. Personally, I thought he was either after something...... or was desperate.
People (men & women alike) seem to want what they can't have, so if you are giving yourself too easily, it can be a turn-off. Try a little "hard to get", or at least be somewhat aloof. You might be surprised! Earlier, someone suggested checking out some of the dating advice sites. I would start there.
Good luck. | |
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| Rejected once again
Posted: 4/6/2008 9:56:21 PM | | Well to answer I have know her for about a year and a half but have really gotten to know her over the last 4 months or so. All I know is that she makes me happy in a way that I thought was lost in me. She makes me laugh every day, and for the first time when I am with her I don't feel the pain of my ex-wife leaving me. I just feel alive again and wanting to spend every minute with her that I can. | |
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| Rejected once again
Posted: 4/6/2008 10:46:13 PM |
Well to answer I have know her for about a year and a half but have really gotten to know her over the last 4 months or so. All I know is that she makes me happy in a way that I thought was lost in me. She makes me laugh every day, and for the first time when I am with her I don't feel the pain of my ex-wife leaving me. I just feel alive again and wanting to spend every minute with her that I can.
Jack please read what you wrote and then read it again, and then maybe a third time..
Especially the part of she makes me..........
I am not saying you do this, but I have met my fair share of people who do...They depend on other people to MAKE THEM FEEL HAPPY, ALIVE, EXCITED...
Sure that is a GREAT FEELING, don't get me wrong at all... BUT if all the other times you are NOT feeling great, and only can get that fix by the other person, THAT IS DRAINING...
Finding inner happiness, and self love is the greatest gift you can give yourself. It is also something that radiates outwards, and people will naturally gravitate towards you to get some of those good feelings.
It is perfectly great to want to spend time with another person, however if the person doesn't feel the same, or isn't the type that has that need of being with others, then once again it becomes overwhelming...
These are just suggestions... Believe me, I have been on both ends of the stick, and it doesn't feel good either way... In fact I just told someone we needed to slow down, because his rate of wanting to be with me was overwhelming... He had a TOTAL hissy fit...Said that I wasn't interested in him, and that he had been told those things before, and the woman wasn't interested...
Needless to say we don't speak at all...He apparently feels I some how pushed him to the curb, and all I asked was for him to slow things down...
Like others have said learn to feel good about YOU... Enjoy YOU, then the rest starts to fall in place... | |
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| Rejected once again
Posted: 4/7/2008 7:42:18 AM | Well you know I have to say I had the biggest reject this weekend. Met someone off of POF and of course I dont know why he would think I lie about being a BBW surpasses me especially when I have sent a ton of photos LOL. So we talk for 2 wks on the phone, and meet on Saturday. He says to me "you know you are such a sweet woman and I really like you, but I'd be just way to embarrassed to hang out with you in the bar because you are a bbw."
Oh rejection to me makes you just grow thicker skin for the next crazy moment in life. | |
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| Rejected once again
Posted: 4/7/2008 7:48:06 AM | | I would imagine that most people's initial reaction to being rejected is that it is one too many times even if it is the first. Hopefully you realize that it is just not that big a deal in the grand scheme of things and quickly regain your composure recognizing that the rejection has saved your time and energy so that it can be better spent elsewhere. | |
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| Rejected once again
Posted: 4/13/2008 2:42:46 PM | | It's a numbers game, hun. My ex keeps saying that too. He's a very attractive guy with a lot on the ball and he keeps getting dumped. It happens to all of us. I think because of the Internet, we're all exposed to many more people/dates, so of course it seems like a larger number of rejections. In reality, it's probably the same percentage as in pre-Internet days, but the absolute number increases because you're meeting more people to begin with. Keep in mind, you were obviously successful enough with women to have gotten married (even if divorced). Try to be objective about it. BTW, the Internet dating thing also creates a weird psychology. People always think there might be something better just around the corner, so they tend to reject much more quickly than in pre-Internet days when choices were more limited. Ironically, these same people eventually begin to realize the Internet isn't quite the panacea they initially thought it to be. They begin to realize the grass isn't always greener as they find themselves in unsatisfactory encounter after unsatisfactory encounter over time. I know: I've been there and done it. We all tend to get so picky over time that nothing satisfies. Then we're left with no place to go. It's really strange. | |
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| Rejected once again
Posted: 4/13/2008 2:55:59 PM | I feel for you man. I know exactly how you feel. Lately I've been seeing a therapist because I'm so tired of feeling that way, and he made me realize a lot about myself. As a kid, I never really had my parents love and approval. So I've always turned to relationships to provide me with the love and comfort I need; I never really learned to be ok with myself.
I've gone out with a lot of girls, most of the relationships lasted for at least 4 or 5 months, a couple as long as a year. I've been flat out in love twice, and both ended disastrously for me. I'm always feeling like I'm never going to find the right person, which is my biggest fear. The only thing I really want in life to find someone that I can love and care for and will do the same for me.
I've made a lot of progress with my therapist and my friends. The most helpful thing I've heard is to stop looking. To quote Lost: "I found what I was looking for the same way anything that's lost gets found. I stopped looking."
In the end, if you are a good person, you will find the right woman. Because you deserve to. And if you believe that, it will happen. | |
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zeeba
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Joined: 3/27/2008
Msg: 133 | |
| Rejected once again
Posted: 4/13/2008 3:31:42 PM | That's a great response, goodfella. And speaking from years (and years and years!) of experience, it can be all too easy to fall into the trap of "No one wants me, therefore I am no one." Try not to do so, though. Over the years, it's helped me considerably to literally get OUT of the house or apartment. Don't throw yourself mindlessly into activities, but if you can be around other people, it really helps to break that mindset.
I shall try very hard not to sound like the proverbial crazy cat lady...but I do think having a pet helps during the long lonely times. I've got my one cat who is a pretty spoiled mess (gee, wonder how that happened!)  For me, having something else to take care of gets me through some tough days! Hang in there. | |
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| Rejected once again
Posted: 5/9/2008 4:17:08 PM | Hello there!! I feel ya on this ..... I don't get rejected too often... mostly here on POF.. lol
But I don't go out looking for men really.. I don't go to clubs too often , and I don't approach men at all.
I say.. when you do find the one for you.. All of this will just go away..and you will forget all these bad feelings.. until then.. maybe try not looking and just sit still for awhile.. enjoy life and try not to stress on finding someone..
good luck to you ...
april | |
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| Rejected once again
Posted: 5/9/2008 4:24:45 PM | wow!!!! well you know what? You are lucky you didn't get with a pig like that.
That is so insulting and I really hope you don't take that to heart. You are gorgeous and he had no right talking to you like that. Men can be a real piece of work. And have such a way about them sometimes. Don't pay him any attention.. wow.. I can't even believe that..
I have never been through anything like that.. and I guess this is why I don't approach men..lol although maybe one of them men may like me .. I just can't do it.
take care...
a | |
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| Rejected once again
Posted: 5/9/2008 4:54:51 PM | | I'm right with ya man. Sometimes I have to just STOP thinking about this stuff or trying because it can drive a person crazy. It shouldn't be that hard because all the ladies want is just a kind, handsome, intelligent, confident, funny, hard working, sensitive, adventurous, mysterious, attentive, bad boy who can make them laugh and isn't me. Somebody is getting the ladies' attention, because they all complain about how he had sex with them 400 times and then left them for no good reason and now he doesn't call and he's just a jerk and all the guys they meet just want sex and nobody wants to be their friend and get to know them before jumping their bones. Then when you try to contact them and be their friend and be kind, patient, generous, romantic, and understanding they tell you to go away..."Don't go away mad, you're really a nice guy, I know there is someone out there for you, but you really need to go away and leave me alone...or I'll call the police!" And then you see this total loser, no job, pierced eyeball with a tatoo saying "f*** u" on his forhead, hanging with this total babe - and so...next chance you get, you ask an attractive lady "Hey...just wondering, but is there something about me that is, like, really repulsive"...and they lie: "Oh no...you're fine" but it's a lie because if it were true I wouldn't be so alone and so lonely and so angry that I'm always alone and always lonely. | |
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| Rejected once again
Posted: 5/9/2008 5:09:07 PM | | yea, i feel your pain. i am sick and tired being rejected also. you email for weeks and they seem interested, and you really like them and you think they really like you to, and you start thinking this may really go somewhere they seen pics of you so they know what you look like and then boom, when you meet them nothing. i give up to. tired of the heartaches!! i would just like to know what ever happened to giving someone a chance? i am more than willing to take one with this guy. hope he will. good luck to you. | |
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| Rejected once again
Posted: 5/25/2008 7:42:36 PM | OP: This just means you haven't met the one that is meant for you. Most want things to happen on their time schedule, and that is surely not the case. This online forum enables one to meet people (many) that you wouldn't normally meet, but it does not guarantee that it's going to happen quicker.
Just be patient, don't take it to heart and enjoy your life! Things will happen accordingly................ | |
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| Rejected once again
Posted: 5/26/2008 10:08:03 AM | DO THE OPPOSITE.
Women say they want this and they want that and looking for this and looking for that and it's what sounds great when they hear themselves say it or think it but the truth is, it's the opposite.
Lie, BS, be someone else, take for granted, be mean, laugh at people, don't give anything
just do the opposite of everything you think is right - and you'll have tons of women.
Lots of people are going to oppose this theory especially women but ask them which guys stand out in their mind the most - that's right - THE WRONG GUY - every time. | |
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| Rejected once again
Posted: 5/26/2008 11:42:36 AM | I think people are looking for the wrong people. I think people have a concept of who they want, but that may not be best for them. That is what dating is all about, learning what is best for you.
So many people jump into relationships out of fear of being alone. I think rejection is a good thing. The guys who have rejected me did me huge favors. They really weren't the right men for me.
Unless you plan on being a lone forever, rejection is a part of life. | |
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| Rejected once again
Posted: 6/4/2008 8:33:09 PM | I agree that most people are looking for the wrong people that they usally end up with someone that will treat them badly I just don't understand why. I am not desperatly seeking someone to fill an empty life I am happy with who I am and I know that I have a lot to offer someone, it is just that no one wants to give me that chance here or anywhere. I havn't been able to even get a chance to meet up with anyone to go out on a date in years I ask I even get the "ok give me a call" and we talk for a while but when it comes down to actually going on a date all of a sudden they stop messaging and I have to start over and I do keep the conversations very polite how was your day, what do you do for a living what do you like to do for fun types of things. I just don't get it.
I thought that people on here were looking for new and interesting people but if no one wants to give others a chance then what are we here for. | |
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| Rejected once again
Posted: 6/4/2008 10:59:21 PM | Ya I know the feeling....22 years old and all I get is rejected.
Dated one girl for two weeks and she dumped me which sucked because I really liked her.
Every other girl that has entered my life has played head games and it just sucks.
I have been rejected so many times that I just don't even try anymore because I know nothing will happen or work out.
I know I'm not like most guys but I am a pretty nice guy who's just looking for someone that can be my better half.
...Oh well some of us are meant to be alone I guess. | |
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| Rejected once again
Posted: 6/5/2008 8:50:05 AM | | I heard that. It seams that all the women that I find are "looking" for a good man to be with someone that they can trust and share their lives with someone that will truly be there for them when they need someone to talk to and support emotionally bla bla bla but when it comes right down to it "a lot" not saying all but the vast majority of women are looking for the pretty boy, or the bad boy type. They worry about will that person make them look good to their friends and strangers passing on the street, but the sad truth is that "most" again not all of those types of guys almost never work out as good friends or life partners for long. Mostly because generally those types of guys are just there until the next hot piece of ass crosses their paths and they move on and the women are back here writting in the broken hearts section. Even the "lets say less than pretty" women out there are hoping for a chance with one of these guys. I know this sounds like a rant "and it is "but before you start to **** about what I have writtin take a look at those past relationships and see if any of this fits. All I am saying is that maybe it is time that we all put our pre-concieved ideas of what will make us happy i.e. the eye candy and give that person that you wouldn't give the time of day to a chance to see what they are all about inside and what they can offer you in the long run. | |
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| Rejected once again
Posted: 6/5/2008 9:04:51 AM | | If I were in your situation, I'd be reading books to find out what I could be doing differently. Someone on a "helpful books" thread suggested a book called "No More Mr. Nice Guy" or something like that. If you keep doing the same things and getting poor results, maybe it's time for a change? | |
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| Rejected once again
Posted: 6/5/2008 9:22:39 AM | | Nexthyme - very well put. And it's not fair to another person to make them responsible for your (my) happiness. I alone am responsible for my happiness within myself. That doesn't mean that I can be happy with someone in my life, just can't make them responsible for my inner happiness. Being healthy means learning to be ok w/or w/o, being content with self. It not good to give so much power over my emotions to another person, for myself or them. | |
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| Rejected once again
Posted: 6/5/2008 9:39:41 AM | | The problem is that I like who I am and if I have to change who i am for a person to like me then I don't know if that is a person that I want to be with, don't get me wrong I am all for trying new things and learning about something new , the point of my last message was to illistrate that most of the people on here are not giving others a chance to get to know them because of what they look like and other pre-concieved ideas that they have. There is nothing wrong with being a nice guy in point of fact that is what the vast majority of the women on here say they are looking for but I feel that a lot of them are judging the book for its cover and not what is on the inside. I am a nice guy and to change that to become one of those people out there that just treat others like crap and look out for just them shelfs the "No more Mr nice guy" kind of mentally is not who I want to be and according to the people on here that is not what they are looking for either. Maybe it is time for others to start being honest about who and what they are looking for if you are going to be looking for the type of guy that is going to treat you like crap cheat on you every chance they get or treat you like a piece trash ok fine but don't post up on your profiles that you are looking for a guy that will treat them right with respect and caring and blow those who would be good matches them for the ones that they say they are trying to aviod. | |
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| Rejected once again
Posted: 6/5/2008 9:55:31 AM | | All I was trying to say was that this person made me feel good. I don't understand why people don't think that I am happy without someone. The way that you and others are putting it is that your happiness is always and for most focused inwards and the happiness that other people can bring into your lives is irrilivant. And as for the not letting someone have power over you that to me is a safety net for those who are to affaid of finding a real commited realationship. I am not saying that you should let someone run your life or suppress who you are but if you don't learn to give that person a place in your heart it is the same as dating someone for five years and they don't let you keep anything at their place because it is "their" place not your place together. | |
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| Rejected once again
Posted: 6/5/2008 11:22:00 AM | I thought that people on here were looking for new and interesting people but if no one wants to give others a chance then what are we here for.
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Jack, where does it say people are on here to "give you a chance"? IF I was a lady here, you know what I would be looking for? Someone who is intelligent, hardworking, fun, INTERESTING, ACTIVE, experienced, wise, polite, CONFIDENT, HEALTHY, with archetypal manly looks. None of us want someone who is sitting on a pity pot, do you?
So, no one is asking you to change who you are...but if you don't do everything in your power 24/7 to be the best man you can offer, then you probably won't find a woman worth your time at that. Do you dress nice? Are you clean and smell good? Do you read the paper and keep up on current events? Do you have interesting hobbies? Are you a good conversationalist? Can you 'flirt' or at least act romantic, or speak like a man to a woman? Do you exercise and keep in shape? Debt is a big no no. Is your car clean and shined?
You have no doubt heard FIRST IMPRESSIONS ARE EVERYTHING. Are you confident you can make a good first impression?
Work on those? Tell us in a week what self-improvements you have made.
JACK, THERE ARE MANY GOOD BOOKS on Dating and Relationships, go to the library or used book store and get some. Don't take my word for things....I'm single and broken-hearted too. I have lots of "issues" I need to improve before taking another hostage. | |
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| Rejected once again
Posted: 6/5/2008 11:39:27 AM | | I am the best person I can be every day. I am just saying that there never seams to be anyone that is looking to give that chance to get to know that side or any side as far as "speaking like a man" what is that supposed to mean are you saying you need to be the dominate voice in the room that your woman needs to conform to your wishes and desires if so then you sound like the kind of guy that most of these women are attracted to the kind of guy that has to "act" romantic to get what he wants. I am confident I know how to carry a conversation and dress nice etc but if no one takes the time to get to know me how are they going to see those qualities. I am not looking for pitty I am looking for women that are tired of the same bs boyfriends that seam to dominate these dating sites. | |
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| Rejected once again
Posted: 6/5/2008 11:59:10 AM | ...you know, it troubles me that the first thing you would assume about Jack's situation is that he must be having trouble meeting women because he is overweight. This is flawed logic on so many levels; there are MANY women out there who PREFER a larger man; just as there are just as many men (if not more) that enjoy larger women. Besides, who wants someone who's so shallow they don't want you because you aren't a size 32 waist anyway?
My father gave me a fabulous piece of advice during a difficult time in my life once, that I've always held onto and has come in very handy. He said, "...when you find the person who is truly right for YOU, they'll love you for who you are, and who you aren't, and they'll love the way you looked the very first time they saw you - they won't WANT you to change anything about yourself..."
So, all this "get in shape" and "lose weight" crap is just that - crap. If you have health issues or another reason to drop the weight, got for it. But as far as dropping weight so someone will love you, or so you won't get rejected anymore? Oh please!
When the right woman comes along Jack, she'll love everything about you. All the best!
MJ ;) | |
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