| What do you think of a man (or woman) who comes on really strong right away?
Posted: 3/22/2008 12:37:07 PM | Strong has many connotations--the offensive/sexual kind, and the controlling/commitment kind:
Right away, first phone call: the guy lacks cooth. All you can hope to do is ego wrestle, and hope some of it "sinks in."
Right away, first date: it is scary, offensive, off putting. It would be their personality style, and it might be a good match for someone, but not me.
2nd, 3rd dates: jealous and controlling. Any time first month controlling your arrival/departure times, when/how soon you return phon calls. Bye bye.
Within first 3 months wants to move in: yiiiii! yiiii! He don't know me, I don't know him! Run--or push back---but it would shut down the desire to see a future with him. | |
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| What do you think of a man (or woman) who comes on really strong right away?
Posted: 3/22/2008 12:48:52 PM |
Msg: 20 -- When it is not creepy, I think people are in a way excited and calm at the same time, just seem to know that it is right. If someone is asking this question it is probably a run in the other direction deal.
I agree TOTALLY with this. If I am the "bulldozer" and she chills because of it, OBVIOUSLY it was NOT meant to be! Goodbye and good luck! If SHE is the "bulldozer" I will try to work with it as best I can, COMPLETELY WITHIN my COMFORT ZONE. I am COMPLETELY OPEN to instant "love" if BOTH of us are comfortable with it.
If she "WANTS" and I don't, I make it quite CLEAR that the relationship and ALL communications regarding it are HEREBY CUT!
If I "WANT" and she DOES NOT, or SEEMS NOT, then I will TERMINATE communications MYSELF, if she has not already done so.
I have SOLE CONTROL over my relationships, but I will force myself on NO ONE. | |
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| What do you think of a man (or woman) who comes on really strong right away?
Posted: 3/22/2008 12:55:20 PM | When someone comes on strong like that, those are RED FLAGES!!! You need to stay in tuned to your inner voice that says Run…..
Everyone needs time to get to know someone. If they come on strong too soon, you can be assured they have need issues!
A good relationship takes time to build. If he wants you in the sack, by the second date, he is looking for one thing, and only cares about his needs. And shows no respect for your feelings. And telling you he loves you right away shows you he doesn’t know the true meaning of love. If it were me I would move right along. | |
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| What do you think of a man (or woman) who comes on really strong right away?
Posted: 3/22/2008 1:02:25 PM |
Msg: 24 -- Try communicating, and seeing if the guy is actually being honest, or just looking to get laid.
In REALITY, I am BOTH. I freely admit to looking to get laid. BUT, ONLY by my future LTR. If she really turns me on, I let her know that I want to FVCK her RIGHT NOW!
Of course, I EXPECT that she will probably refuse at THAT moment, but, if there is ANY SPARK there AT ALL, we WILL continue to see each other. If she is offended by my desire, then, quite simply, she is WRONG for me, and I have NO PROBLEM exploring other options. | |
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| What do you think of a man (or woman) who comes on really strong right away?
Posted: 3/22/2008 1:13:50 PM | good post,to me when a man or woman comes on too strong that is something that the two should be concerned with and all you can do is not run from the problem but meet it head on and see where that can go both ways not only one way it can be both ways it is a sign that one has not been in love for a very long time not desperate but is in needc of love and someone to love them back try to understand in that persons point of view its not desperate mood its that when a person comes on a little too strong that the other person has never been in that situation in being lonely andno one gives a ##### about from from ones heart and who needs love from ones heart . not desperation you just have to put yourself in that persons shoes ,, how would you feel if that was you in need of love and no one there for you?? | |
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| What do you think of a man (or woman) who comes on really strong right away?
Posted: 3/22/2008 1:17:14 PM | This same thing happend to me, i had been with a guy for a week and he introduced me to an aquitence of his as, 'the woman he was going to marry'. He continually told me that i was the woman he would spend the rest of his life with and i was going to be the mother of his children. This did concern me at this point but i didn't run and needless to say after about a month i really had fallen for him too and no longer minded him saying things like this. Everything was going great until he looked at my facebook account and became very jealous of what he said was me 'leading a double life' he then found my myspace account which i hadn't accessed for months. and then went through my phone and found an a couple of my ex's numbers (one of these guys is a friend who i only just got in contact with again, he lives about 600miles away and we dated over 10 years ago) and text him, with leading sexual comments. Of course he got a response he didn't want and went crazy over it.
Anyway after two months he worked himself up to be so jealous that he finally pushed me away. Less than a week after we split he was seen with another girl!! Bet she is getting the same!
So if anyone comes on too strong now, yes it does scare me off, cause like someone else has said if they can fall into love that easily then they can prob fall out of it just as easily. | |
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| What do you think of a man (or woman) who comes on really strong right away?
Posted: 3/22/2008 1:22:02 PM |
Msg: 25 -- Now, if a woman comes on strong in the beginning, I don't even bother going any further. I think love needs time to grow.
I disagree. I think each person, man or woman, should express their desires from the beginning. LIFE IS FAR TOO SHORT! To simply dismiss someone because a desire is expressed TOO SOON is ABSOLUTELY ridiculous!
But then, I suppose it is all a matter of perspective. Most who post here are quite young. I am 56 and quite realistically expect to be DEAD within the next 14 years. I want to make the most out of what I have left of my declining years. So, if a woman is a bit too wild with the declaration of her love for me, I have a bucket of WATER to throw on her flame. I SET THE RULES! I CONTROL THE RELATIONSHIP! If that drowns the spark, then so be it. But, if, on the other hand, that makes the flames grow more fierce, then SO BE IT!
She becomes MINE and I will treasure her so much more so BECAUSE of the outcome. If it approaches that stage, then the fear of infidelity will never be an issue. She is mine and I am hers. I will do with her as I will and she will enjoy it. I will have no desire for anyone else, and neither will she. | |
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| What do you think of a man (or woman) who comes on really strong right away?
Posted: 3/22/2008 2:45:05 PM | Msg: 40 -- No comment other than THIS: 20 years is NO flash in the pan. You had something GOOD. You had doubts at first, but kudos to you for the effort you both made to make it WORK!
BTW, I think ANY relationship that lasts LONGER than a YEAR is a lovely SUCCESS! And, what, yours went for 20? The average marriage can't compete with THAT! I think you did quite WELL for yourself!!!! | |
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| What do you think of a man (or woman) who comes on really strong right away?
Posted: 3/22/2008 3:00:23 PM |
Msg: 48 -- Does anyone have a 'Falling in Love Appropriacy Timechart' they can send me? It's just I felt overwhelming warm feelings of fuzzy love for someone a few months ago and I couldn't tell if it was appropriate or not.
SAY WHAAAT? A "TIMECHART"? Just go with your GUT! If it is meant to be there will be NO PROBLEM! If not, then say "OOPS" and move on! How difficult is THAT to understand? The one who is MEANT for you will be in SYNC with you and it will happen easily and naturally. How it happens and how QUICKLY it happens BECOMES your "TIMECHART". If your intended bails before you do, you know that person was the wrong choice. TRULY IT IS THAT SIMPLE!
Oh, and DON'T force the issue. Let your feelings be known, and if they are rejected, then bail and search for someone new. NEVER push, NEVER force. If it is RIGHT, it will happen. | |
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| What do you think of a man (or woman) who comes on really strong right away?
Posted: 3/22/2008 3:13:35 PM |
Msg: 53 -- at my age, and with my experiences, I'm game!!!- Why waste time???? Bring it on.
Precisely MY philosophy as well. I am 56, and I expect to be DEAD within the NEXT two decades. This prediction, right or wrong, is WELL WITHIN the law of averages. If I live to be 76 or beyond that COULD be fortunate. But if I live that long and perhaps longer ALONE, I'd much rather be dead. Guess what, folks, that is NOT fortune, that is a CURSE!
I WILL come on strong if I feel the attraction. "DAMN THE TORPEDOES, FULL STEAM AHEAD!!!!" If this makes my intended unhappy, then she is wrong for me. SNIP! NEXT! | |
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| What do you think of a man (or woman) who comes on really strong right away?
Posted: 3/22/2008 3:21:03 PM |
Msg: 54 -- try to see which way the wind blew before running this sail up.
Expressing my desire IS MY WAY of learning "which way the wind blew before running this sail up." I know of no other way. I also know that this method tends to creep many women out. So be it. If she can't handle it then she is wrong for me. Not a problem. the "NEXT" button is well within easy reach. | |
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| What do you think of a man (or woman) who comes on really strong right away?
Posted: 3/22/2008 3:30:31 PM |
Msg: 56 -- what about a person who after a couple emails and talks over the phone and then wants to meet . Would that be considered coming on to strong ?
This question, as it stands, involves TOO MANY VARIABLES, which can deflect many otherwise straightforward responses. With that in mind, I will answer this strictly from my own POV. The proper answer involves how BOTH persons interact with one another.
As for MY RESPONSE, I would simply say "LET'S MEET!!!" If she is reluctant, my "NEXT" button is WELL within easy reach. | |
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| What do you think of a man (or woman) who comes on really strong right away?
Posted: 3/22/2008 4:04:40 PM | I met my wife on March 27 1968 & fell in love at first sight & knew it was love,we were married on November 9 1968 & were married for 38 years.Life had it's ups & downs but we were in love .Some people know when they are really in love very early in the relationship,those that are not sure of the relationship i would tend to say GOODBYE.Everyone has to go with the feelings in his or her own heart.I hope the ones that are serious about finding true love find it.  | |
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23emz
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Joined: 3/17/2008
Msg: 117 | |
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| What do you think of a man (or woman) who comes on really strong right away?
Posted: 3/22/2008 4:19:16 PM |
Msg: 84 -- He also informed me he expects his woman to "obey him".
I expect the same and I see nothing wrong with that. This is a relationship preference.
Instant communication stopper!
For you, yes. Some women desire this form of a relationship and some don't. The man who offended you on this issue probably felt that such a requirement is essential for a good relationship, as do I.
The fact that you regarded this as an offense simply means that you two were wrong for each other. To find his desires unappealing is fine. But to find them offensive is a bit over-stepping, IMHO. What HE wants to satisfy HIS desires is fine, as long as it is mutually consensual. What YOU want to satisfy YOUR desires is fine, as long as it is mutually consensual. What HE wants is NOT wrong. What YOU want is NOT wrong. The ONLY thing WRONG is that your desires CLASH in a most UNDESIRABLE way, meaning you are both WRONG for each other. Clash is NOT good for a LTR.
I think that coming on strong right off the bat is a red flag for me. .
Fine. I have no problem with that. BUT, I WILL come on STRONG to someone I feel a strong attraction to. If this situation involves you and me, then BY ALL MEANS, TELL ME OFF!!! I won't change who I am or how I behave. But, if you find my behavior OFFENSIVE and you TELL ME SO, that will be the last time we see each other. In THAT sense, I WILL NOT offend you again. I am really easy going. I am ONLY harsh on what I require of a woman, IF she CHOOSES to belong to me.
But then harshness, like beauty, is in the eye of the beholder. The woman who chooses to be mine will not regard my requirements as harsh, as you apparently would. Not a problem for me at all. I would NEVER force my intentions on YOU. I WILL, however, force my intentions on HER, and BOTH of us will ENJOY the delicious encounters. | |
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| What do you think of a man (or woman) who comes on really strong right away?
Posted: 3/22/2008 4:27:49 PM | | This is a really great question and also kudos to the one who started up this thread...I will have to confess, being an "older" woman who was married for 20 years...and then getting back into the dating scene sure was sure filled with all kinds of uncertainty...my first few meet and greets I felt like I was pressured to do what the guy wanted...and if I didn't I felt really guilty....boy, was THAT wrong!! When I meet someone now, my credo is always "friends first"....the most I will give at the end of the date is a hug...don't care how much the hormones or the heart is pounding. It sure takes the pressure off and I feel so much better afterwards......saying NO really is OK!! If a man comes on too strongly too quickly, I have no qualms about setting him straight and I will not put up with any BS....oh yeah, that just gives me an idea for another thread, too! | |
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| What do you think of a man (or woman) who comes on really strong right away?
Posted: 3/22/2008 4:29:19 PM | There are plenty of love at first chat stories that really work out. But on the other
hand, if someone who comes on too strong makes you feel uncomfortable, it's a sign
that you don't feel the same way about them, so you may as well be honest with them
and tell them it's not going to work out. However, if you do feel the same way, it's
the best feeling in the world to have a whirlwind romance. It's entirely up to you. | |
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| What do you think of a man (or woman) who comes on really strong right away?
Posted: 3/22/2008 4:47:53 PM |
Msg: 86 -- when we have it happen to us we run ,,when we do it we scare them away ,or somtimes pray we do,,
That seems rather facetious. I come on strong because of my desire to do so. If it scares my intended, that simply means we are mismatched. That being the case, I have achieved the desired result, since I have NO DESIRE for a mismatch.
what do I think ? when its right its right for everyone .. when things dont go both ways it wasn't a welcomed match up....
I think this is QUITE correct, and pretty much a no-brainer. If all are content, all is well. If one is NOT content, something is amiss. Not much intellect is required to come to that concussion -- er -- I mean -- conclusion. :-) | |
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| What do you think of a man (or woman) who comes on really strong right away?
Posted: 3/22/2008 7:24:12 PM |
Msg: 99 -- he said I didn't make enough money to be with him
Say WHAT? WTF does MONEY have to do with this? Apparently, before you met him you were able to pay your bills and feed yourself, so where does money come in? What has that to do with love or attraction? Seems like a really sick @sshole to me. | |
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| What do you think of a man (or woman) who comes on really strong right away?
Posted: 3/22/2008 7:40:31 PM | | I just wanted to add a few things to what I have read. I was referred to this site by my sister and I was approached almost immediately. I am not a hot chick but I do have some good qualities. The first guy assumed I would sleep with him. The second guy misrepresented himself and I was disappointed. In the last couple of days I have started talking to two new guys. One was an accountant right here in Jacksonville that I thought we hit it off really well and he said he was ready for committment so I was trying to be romantic and make it a march- september like 'An affair to remember". Well instead of moving forward with me he blocked me which disappointed me...... so yes you have to be careful not to be lead into the trap of questions like come get in bed with me or I would love to comfort you... Be weary ladies. One guy I found out was three different people on one profile... Talk about being scared.... | |
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| What do you think of a man (or woman) who comes on really strong right away?
Posted: 3/28/2008 2:39:16 PM | | I guess it all depends on how you look at it and if you take it the wrong way. Do you run from love or someone who wants to get to know you and if you are sooo afraid of someone man or woman who comes on too strong its according how you look at it its not a red flag to me its something you have to look at both sides if its love and someone who needs love and thinks there is something there or maybe that person read you wrong or wrong signals that is the way i look at it not a red flag to me.. i am just a very level headed kind of man not a guy, a real man who knows what love is.. | |
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