| does internet dating make it a level playing field for geeks or ugly women/men?
Posted: 2/19/2008 12:57:41 PM | norheast, I respectfully disagree.
You are entitled to your viewpoint, but my experiences have been different than yours. For example, a lot of women on POF ( and other dating sites ) would not date a man under a certain height. In "real life", height seems to be a less important issue for women that I know. | |
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| does internet dating make it a level playing field for geeks or ugly women/men?
Posted: 2/19/2008 1:37:51 PM |
No. I think internet dating makes it harder for the "less attractive" people. People will look at your pic and your stats ( height, weight, age etc ). If you don't fit their criteria, then they often wouldn't give you a chance.
Northeast has it here.
The downside to internet dating is that your potentially disqualifying stats are right there on display:
You're 5'11? Sorry, I don't date midgets.
Wait a second...in your interests you state "going out". Nope, I don't like alcoholics.
You're 35?! SURVEY SAYS!!!!....Keep moving, grandpa, my age cutoff is 34.
All three of those "characteristics" as well as many others can be specifically mentioned on a person's profile, and subsequently used to pass on someone who could potentially be a really great match for you. Yet, unsurprisingly, they are more difficult to ascertain or even perceive in the real world.
While it is all well and good that everyone, including myself, has preferences (/requirements)...being online seems to cement those qualities in the make or break categories. When in real life...things are MUCH more flexible.
Actually, I think that is why there are so many "Why should I settle?" threads being made on here (mostly by women). Online, with everything laid out...one would be "settling" for that shorter/older/whatever guy. I'd bet dollars to pesos that things would be different otherwise.
In real life, people might be more willing to overlook physical appearance to some degree if there are other things about a person that is appealing to them.
More truth. Google "the halo effect" for more.
F. | |
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| does internet dating make it a level playing field for geeks or ugly women/men?
Posted: 2/20/2008 1:00:10 AM | | While you have a very valid point about many people looking out for the next best thing, I still have to disagree. I’m short – 5’1”, will 52 next month and fat (not dumb enough to put my weight here). When I’ve gone out to bars with friends they were the ones being asked to dance. Most of the time I just got to watch. When out and about on my own, I’ve had a little attention from men, but not much. Men I’ve worked with like me as a person, but I’ve never been hit on at work. This leaves the internet where my odds of meeting men have greatly improved. Over the past few years I have met several men, most have been nice - two have been exceptional. Things didn’t work out, but I did meet them. | |
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| does internet dating make it a level playing field for geeks or ugly women/men?
Posted: 2/20/2008 4:02:44 AM | Thebugisback, you look nice in your primary photo. You expression tells me that you have been working hard and now you are taking a break. Within 25 miles of your city and within 5 years of your age there are twice as many guys as women on PoF so that could explain why your odds have improved.
In my case, college is still the most productive place to meet guys, but I believe the Internet is a way to expand my dating pool. Also, I am not competing with such a high number and percentage of very pretty college girls. | |
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jf468
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Joined: 12/4/2007
Msg: 30 | |
| does internet dating make it a level playing field for geeks or ugly women/men?
Posted: 2/20/2008 9:25:37 AM | No. I think internet dating makes it harder for the "less attractive" people. People will look at your pic and your stats ( height, weight, age etc ). If you don't fit their criteria, then they often wouldn't give you a chance.
I also agree with this. On the internet, a man who is 5'11" might get rejected by a woman because he isn't 6 ft tall. In "real life", a woman wouldn't know a man's exact height. The difference between being 6 ft tall and being 5'11" isn't that noticeable. On the internet, a 29 yr old woman might get rejected by a man because she is under 30. In "real life", a man wouldn't know an woman's exact age. Some 29 yr old women might actually LOOK older than their actual age. | |
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| does internet dating make it a level playing field for geeks or ugly women/men?
Posted: 4/28/2008 8:49:56 AM |
Northeast has it here.
The downside to internet dating is that your potentially disqualifying stats are right there on display:
You're 5'11? Sorry, I don't date midgets.
Wait a second...in your interests you state "going out". Nope, I don't like alcoholics.
You're 35?! SURVEY SAYS!!!!....Keep moving, grandpa, my age cutoff is 34.
All three of those "characteristics" as well as many others can be specifically mentioned on a person's profile, and subsequently used to pass on someone who could potentially be a really great match for you. Yet, unsurprisingly, they are more difficult to ascertain or even perceive in the real world.
While it is all well and good that everyone, including myself, has preferences (/requirements)...being online seems to cement those qualities in the make or break categories. When in real life...things are MUCH more flexible.
Actually, I think that is why there are so many "Why should I settle?" threads being made on here (mostly by women). Online, with everything laid out...one would be "settling" for that shorter/older/whatever guy. I'd bet dollars to pesos that things would be different otherwise.
But the things you just mentioned is exactly why I like internet dating! it's like going to the grocery store...you can pick and choose the characteristics you know you don't want.
I'm 5'9...if i see 5'5.....no dice.
I'm 28...if i see 42....no dice.
on and on and on....it makes life so much easier!
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| does internet dating make it a level playing field for geeks or ugly women/men?
Posted: 4/28/2008 12:38:29 PM | There is a lot of craziness and lying going on here and other sites. For all the men that whine about women not looking like their photos, or lying about what they look like...there are women whining about the same thing. I'm surprised at just how many men lie about their age....and their height. I've learned to just take two inches off whatever they say they are. Unless they are six ft and above, they tend to fudge.
The people who put one age in the searchable line but in their profile say I'm really # kill me. They'll say they made a mistake when they signed up but it's obvoius they just want younger women to be able to find them in a search.
If you do online dating long enough, you learn the lies, the lines, the schemes...it's the newbies who often get duped. | |
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| does internet dating make it a level playing field for geeks or ugly women/men?
Posted: 5/2/2008 2:18:47 AM | Ched27,
I don't think you'r here anymore, but to answer your question, "NO", internet dating does not level the playing field.
I'm sorry to say that you are not being rational. There's nothing to think about. You create a fake persona, and then "get to know" the other person, right? Well what got you interested in that other person?
I was watching a movie recently. One of the guys was a "geek/nerd/dork" and he was trying to hook up with a pretty girl. Well, she turned him down, saying that she likes him a lot and enjoys talking with him. In other words, "let's be friends".
The geek/nerd/dork could ask himself "Why do I want to date the pretty/popular/hot girl?" Isn't it because she's pretty/popular/hot? So if the geek/nerd/dork isn't seeking to date other geeks/nerds/dorks, then why should others? It's like you want others to like you, but you refuse to like yourselves. Well if you don't like yourself, then change whatever you can about youself that you don't like.
To me, the question is silly. You already know the answer. Just accept the fact that if you create a fake persona, then you are doing it for a reason, and that reason is that you know that most of the people you really want to date do not find you to be desirable. Oh well. Accept it and figure out how to get the results that you want.
If you have the ability to convince people that you are someone that you aren't, then why not reinvent yourself to become as much like that fake persona as possible? What dictates that you must think and act one way or another? If you want to see a movie that addresses this issue somewhat intelligently, then watch Fight Club. Just pay attention to the characters and how they change themselves, not the plot.
Bottom line is that you can buy new clothes, adopt a different perspective on life, start interacting with people differently, and go to the gym. If you decide to change who you are, that's OK. You are no more "real" or "fake" than anyone else for doing it. The only time it becomes a problem is when you don't look or act like you do in your fake profile. Just think what you would do if you "got to know" some attractive person online, only to meet them in person and be told "Oh, I really don't do this or that, and I don't look like that, as you can see. And I really just like to do XYZ"...is that what you'd want? | |
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| does internet dating make it a level playing field for geeks or ugly women/men?
Posted: 5/2/2008 4:56:34 AM |
Internet dating makes it harder for geeks and ugly people. It is much easier to make a snap judgement about them based on their face, their stated body type, etc rather than risking getting to know them.
that's exactly correct, people. when was the last time someone said hello to you in a hall and you pulled out your tape measure to see if that person was within your ideal height requirements? i hope you say "this has never happened." in real life you'll meet a lot of people who fall outside of your physical requirements, yet impress you with their kindness and personality. you'll start to look forward to spending time with them or you'll begin to feel yourself releasing tension when you realise you get to work with this person again on this next project. it won't be love, but it'll be wonderful comfort. then you'll tell this person about all the troubles you're having with the person you dated last evening and your friend will listen sympathetically while realising that you will never understand why you're so comfortable in that presence, that you, the attractive person, will never see your friend as the perfect match.
when was the last time you looked at a man across the room and knew instantly that he likes to camp, fish, prefers reading over playing sports, has children but does not want anymore, likes redheads best? can you also tell that he stuttered as a child and is conscious of a possible relapse every time he opens his mouth?
maybe we should carry manila folders containing every possible detail about our lives, so if someone says hello or even looks at us, we simply hand her the folder and wait for her response. she might just leave the folder on another table for you and leave without telling you. saves both of us the terrible task of getting to know each other gradually. saves us from possibly finding out appealing details that were left out of the folder due to some clerical oversight.
But liars are liars and faking info on your profile is just stupid. Geeky or less than pleasant people often are fantastic people but liars won't ever be trusted.
oh, i don't know about that. people embellish their resumes all the time just to show what they can really do if only someone would give them just one chance. of course, there's some difference between embellishment and lying. | |
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| does internet dating make it a level playing field for geeks or ugly women/men?
Posted: 5/2/2008 5:06:58 AM |
Internet dating makes it harder for geeks and ugly people. It is much easier to make a snap judgement about them based on their face, their stated body type, etc rather than risking getting to know them.
that's exactly correct, people. when was the last time someone said hello to you in a hall and you pulled out your tape measure to see if that person was within your ideal height requirements? i hope you say "this has never happened." in real life you'll meet a lot of people who fall outside of your physical requirements, yet impress you with their kindness and personality. you'll start to look forward to spending time with them or you'll begin to feel yourself releasing tension when you realise you get to work with this person again on this next project. it won't be love, but it'll be wonderful comfort. then you'll tell this person about all the troubles you're having with the person you dated last evening and your friend will listen sympathetically while realising that you will never understand why you're so comfortable in that presence, that you, the attractive person, will never see your friend as the perfect match.
when was the last time you looked at a man across the room and knew instantly that he likes to camp, fish, prefers reading over playing sports, has children but does not want anymore, likes redheads best? can you also tell that he stuttered as a child and is conscious of a possible relapse every time he opens his mouth?
maybe we should carry manila folders containing every possible detail about our lives, so if someone says hello or even looks at us, we simply hand her the folder and wait for her response. she might just leave the folder on another table for you and leave the room without telling you. saves both of us the terrible task of getting to know each other gradually. saves us from possibly finding out appealing details that were left out of the folder due to some clerical oversight.
But liars are liars and faking info on your profile is just stupid. Geeky or less than pleasant people often are fantastic people but liars won't ever be trusted.
oh, i don't know about that. people embellish their resumes all the time just to show what they can really do if only someone would give them just one chance. of course, there's some difference between embellishment and lying. | |
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| does internet dating make it a level playing field for geeks or ugly women/men?
Posted: 5/15/2008 8:53:05 PM | I don't think internet dating is good for men at all, unless you consider crushing the last vestiges of hope from a guy's soul to be a beneficial experience.
For the women who would never get a moment's attention anywhere else, it has been a positive boon. Remember that a girl's sense of desirability is the most important thing for her and sites like this give women who are starving for the affection they would never get anywhere else. | |
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