| | Out of the closet... a Woman at my age?Page 3 of 6 (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6) |
ummm, in case it matters ... I get a stiffy whenever I see a Red Ferrari.
ah, an auto erotic LOL...
OP, I lived/live in some of the most conservative places in the US(Dutch West Michigan and bluecollar retiree north central MI) but I have seen this situation before, where a divorced woman drifts into a lesbian relationship out of a need to be half of a "we", but carrying deep hurt/distrust of the opposite gender. I think this may be what is happening with you. So far I have never seen one of these relationships become a true LTR( to me an LTR is like 5 yrs, not 5 months).
I think you are enjoying the attention, the fact that she listens to you,etc. Nothing wrong with that. And she may well be a lesbian "player" drawn to someone she sees as vulnerable.
Just because this is another woman is no guarantee that the relationship will last.
But then again, I doubt the world will stop turning if you do jump the fence. Depending on your community/social environment, it may not be real easy to jump back.
Initially I used to have reactions about like steveracer...until I saw a dear longtime friend "turn" gay after her husband left her for another man. I still think it was my friends need to be "we" instead of "I" that was the driving force, rather than sexuality. No, the relationship did not sustain.
I have to agree that I think what's happening here is you feeling a need to be validated by the interest and attention of another adult.
Cindy O | |
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| Out of the closet... a Woman at my age?
Posted: 2/18/2008 10:10:00 AM | ^^^^^^
When you used the word "queer" and were denigrating the lifestyle choice of this woman you were actually SUPPORTING her?
Ohhhh...I see...
Please...
Anyway, how ever the OP decides to go w/ this she should do so w/ caution and patience.
You have as much time as you're going to have.
Use it wisely. | |
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| Out of the closet... a Woman at my age?
Posted: 2/18/2008 10:18:42 AM |
In scripture, Jesus was gentle with all. The only time he lost his cool was when the tax collectors were in the temple.
You need to read that part again, it was the money changers (banks) he got ticked off at. He said give to Caesar in reference to the tax man.
Then, you're expecting us to believe he didn't act like a normal teenager that would get ticked off at anything his parents said.
All we really know is what was written by a couple of men trying to justify having congregations of men donate their money to a church which they also said Jesus wasn't too happy with.
Funny how selecting some of those scriptures can justify making judgmental statements about judgmental statements by saying we should give up being judgmental.
Did you ever consider reading about other religions to see how they also justify separating people from their money?
Do you think Jesus said it was OK for the romans to have sex with kids too? | |
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| Out of the closet... a Woman at my age?
Posted: 2/18/2008 11:03:24 AM | OK, queer, gay, lesbian, they are words that mean the same thing, pick one and thats what I will use. No I was not supporting that life style and never will, of course if that's what turns you on so be it. I try and use time wisely, sometimes it does not work out though.
And just because your on a sinking ship and cannot swim does not give you the right too take others down with you. | |
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| Out of the closet... a Woman at my age?
Posted: 2/18/2008 11:14:36 AM | I am not one who criticizes others for their choice of sexuality. Simply because it does not match mind, does not make the other person bad.
It is not my job to sit in judgement. Heaven knows, when I hit the pearly gates, I too will have my chit to answer for! And no, ain't going to disclose any of it!
There are ways that we can choose to voice our opinions. It can be done without name calling, and trying to make others look small. I think some of us need to think about that.... | |
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| Out of the closet... a Woman at my age?
Posted: 2/18/2008 11:22:36 AM |
When you used the word "queer" and were denigrating the lifestyle choice of this woman you were actually SUPPORTING her?
Where in my post did I use the word "queer", or denigrate ANYBODY'S lifestyle?
I'm probably the straightest arrow in the archery tournament, I just absolutely cannot GET why 2 men or 2 women would want to get sexual. I still can't speak to mens' reasons but I have come to wonder if for women it's as much, if not more about companionship and couplehood as it is about sex. I don't judge or denigrate those who chose alternative sexuality/lifestyle. Seeing my friend( who is the mother of 3 college age children) enter a lesbian relationship certainly caused me to become more compassionate. Additionally I have a male cousin who "turned" after having a female fiancee break up with him.
I'm sure not all gay and lesbian people "turned" that way in response to being deeply hurt in a hetero situation. But I do think it might be a more significant factor than generally acknowledged.
In this specific instance, the situation the OP has outlined, it's my opinion that she's not a latent lesbian. I just think she's lonely, probably self esteem has been bruised and the interest shown by this new acquaintance is a positive affirmation. Nothing wrong with that. But I wanted her to take a long hard look at her particular social environment BEFORE she jumps the fence,should she chose to do so.
Cindy O | |
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| Out of the closet... a Woman at my age?
Posted: 2/18/2008 11:29:09 AM | | I'm sorry but any name I used is just a word, but they all mean the same thing, and maybe I should not have used queer, but it's too late now. I'm not trying to make someone look small, other do a better job of that than I do. And none of us can say we have never Judged anyone, evidently I'm the only one that gets crucified for it for whatever reason. I still will not change my beliefs or my right to speak them. I fought for that freedom, and I will not step to the side now, I think I earned that right the hard way. Ranting Off now. | |
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| Out of the closet... a Woman at my age?
Posted: 2/18/2008 12:17:42 PM | | Excuse the misnomer-----it should have read money changers, I understand scripture. The point I was trying to make is that he often talked to others about their life and how he did not agree, but he did not attack them. He probably did act like a normal teen. And no, I don't think it was OK for Romans to have sex with kids and I can read nothing in my posts which would indicated such. | |
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| Out of the closet... a Woman at my age?
Posted: 2/18/2008 12:30:05 PM | | A woman who is sexually attracted to both women and men is not "gay", she is "bi". A no sexual orientation (as long as it involves consenting adults) is something "sinister"! | |
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| Out of the closet... a Woman at my age?
Posted: 2/18/2008 12:45:38 PM | | I have to agree with the majority here - you are lonely and the attention being given you is a refreshing change. Moonchild, Outofthedesert, LadyC4 and others have all given you good advice - go slow, question yourself and your motives, open your mind to what and why but go slow because you are vulnerable. | |
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| Out of the closet... a Woman at my age?
Posted: 2/18/2008 12:58:24 PM | Steveracer
I absolutely understand that you and many others are uttlerly revolted by homosexuality. Had I not seen people dear to me enter into homosexual relationships, I probably would also be utterly revolted. I still don't GET homosexuality. But I won't throw rocks at them.
Cindy O | |
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| Out of the closet... a Woman at my age?
Posted: 2/18/2008 1:29:05 PM | OK I give up on this place, when you get crucified for speaking how you feel it's time too move on. I did not throw any stones, if I did you would know. I'm starting to see where Mac is coming from on some of his posts. You can say whatever you want, I will not give up MY right to speak out. I'll say it again, I Earned The right too speak out, how many others have?
It's the same old story, if you don't like what you read move on too something else, it's a big old nasty world out there. Lady4c the queer statement was not aimed at you it was aimed am Me, so don't give it another thought, I'm pretty tough and I have taken plenty of punishment, what's a little more. | |
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| Out of the closet... a Woman at my age?
Posted: 2/18/2008 5:56:37 PM | Until I read ankka's last statement....I was thinking she and Stevie should get together!
I'm so dissappointed in both of you.
On topic: Like I said before...just have fun! | |
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| Out of the closet... a Woman at my age?
Posted: 2/18/2008 7:20:10 PM | | I think maybe she sees you as a friend just as you do with her. She's gay..and she feels comfortable with you, and like any other friend she invites you to a part of her life, just like friends do. Maybe she knows you would be ok going anywhere with her, and just enjoying the fact of having a good friend that she can trust and talk to. Most everyone is curious..because it's something different- you've never been around gay people, so it makes you think about it because all of a sudden you have a good friend that happens to be gay. Just relax, be yourself, dress how you feel comfortable...and just have a good time with friends. | |
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| Out of the closet... a Woman at my age?
Posted: 2/18/2008 9:23:48 PM | I certainly don't know the OP so I can't comment on my opinion of her sexual orientation, but as a woman what I do understand is that sometimes when you are in a very unhappy long term marriage to a man and you feel it was truly bad... that many times you are isolated in your friendships and lose that closeness or connection to another... when your friends are other marrieds who you don't feel would understand your unhappiness especially if they go on about how things are going positive in their lives then you find very little in common....
So coming out of a unhappy relationship as a woman who meets another woman that you feel a connection with and only to discover that she is also gay, I can understand the confusion that you might be feeling at the moment... its hard dealing with loneliness and to find the one who touches you is gay well.... you may find yourself questioning or maybe you would like to find yourself to be so because you trust another woman with understanding living and relating through feelings...women are just that way... they discuss intimate things with close girlfriends and don't worry about ridicule because for the most part they understand your processing... they do it too... just realize that this does not equate being gay....
I find it strange that ppl would be revolted by your thread but then again I suppose yes they are entitled... if I felt that way I probably would just have skipped this thread altogether... but as has been stated be prepared for disagreement and when they disagree they should feel prepared for rebuttal... | |
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| Out of the closet... a Woman at my age?
Posted: 2/18/2008 9:33:34 PM |
Why don't you give it a try and then come back and tell us. We 're gona like you just like before anyway... Your accepting and loving POF family! Aw, that is so sweet! I accept!
Sodom and Gomorrah. I don’t think so.
OP...you didn't say whether or not you have ever experienced something similar to this in the past.
For you to seriously consider this means that you probably did. I said, only been with one person, my husband, and no, never had this sort of thing happen. To tell the truth, didn’t expect anyone to notice my question.
If you don't...you may end up w/ feelings that you can't handle and you may end up damaging or destroying the friendship anyway. I’d rather have friendships at this time in my life (I know I asked 'why is my body talking')
did not say join them, I say be a friend to her you ‘all’ sure did, and this as well:
You've got plenty of time...so just take things slowly. I feel like I’ve gained a bunch of brothers and sisters. What a nice feeling that is.
Then when she's Shunned by a lot of people, she will come here and BooHoo about that. I really don't give a rat's putooty what she does. No I will not! And you seem to be taking it very much to heart what I’m doing/not doing from reading all your posts. With all your years in the pof, bet you’ve seen a lot of things. But this next one: most disgusting? Is that true.
but this is the most Disgusting thread I have ever seen on here, and there have been quite a few. Maybe this should go to a queer site to be discussed. Did I miss that rule? Or place this in wrong forum. And you have most seniority here, member since 05.
Stating your prejudice against gays or their lifestyle wasn't the topic of the post.
The topic was the OP asking about what she should do in a situation like this. Absolutely spot on
Let's agree too disagree, she posted something that would bring comments she would not like, No, I didn’t!
you can state your view, (which is your View by the way) and you can get verbally attacked for it,
don't ask the question and don't come here thinking everyone is going too fall all over them selfs to totally agree with what you post.
I think these forums could be a good avenue for learning but the fighting and name calling are driving a wedge between the Women and the Men here, it would be so cool if that could stop. And what I’m reading tonight is you are doing all the name calling, with the ‘I can get away with it’ factored in.
I'll say it again, I Earned The right too speak out, how many others have? Is this what seniority brings?
msg 66/67, woodstar /knight less, that’s exactly what happened! good time with new friends! I wore a dress, why? because I forgot I’m a lady. It felt good. When I got there, guess who I met? Her SO of 25 years! And a whole bunch of ladies.
I gotta say, upon entering, a lot of these gals resembled men. How do I explain this. The way they carried their selves, and yes the way they dressed. It throws one off!! I thought I was looking at men, but upon closer look, nope. They had such an energy, sitting at the bar, resembled men.
My friend watched me, laughing. She ‘knew this would happen. She said, it happens to all men and women who arrive first time in a club as this. She said a lot of things to me, thru the evening. Well, it began in afternoon. Her SO, knew all about me btw, and turns out we went to High School together! HA!
I danced my tush off! Got phone numbers! HA! Me?? So funny. Seems, like speaks to like (as a poster said), and I just needed this unexpected, pre destined, event. To run into someone new, (Why, she was at our local haunt night I met her… next post) | |
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| Out of the closet... a Woman at my age?
Posted: 2/18/2008 10:41:09 PM | | You know what, I would have to say, "go for it", and me sitting here in Kentucky thinking Love is so rare, and hard to find. Never been in a situation like that, but I guess its good to have different options. Do what you feel, do what you want. dont worry about what others think of you. For goodness sakes, your over 50, if you cant do what you want now, when can you? | |
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| Out of the closet... a Woman at my age?
Posted: 2/18/2008 10:50:32 PM | | And for all the Bible people, If God brings you to it, He will get you through it. He has made each of us, with all of our defects, if you will. But God doesnt make mistakes. We will each, ultimately do, what He wants us to do, to learn our lessons of life. And maybe what isnt our lesson, is a lesson for someone close to us. I find this thought has gotten me through a lot of tough days. Looking for the lesson. | |
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| Out of the closet... a Woman at my age?
Posted: 2/18/2008 11:03:11 PM |
you may find yourself questioning or maybe you would like to find yourself to be so because you trust another woman with understanding living and relating through feelings...women are just that way... they discuss intimate things with close girlfriends and don't worry about ridicule because for the most part they understand your processing... they do it too... just realize that this does not equate being gay....
Well said, and great teaching for certain folks who seem to have gotten way off track with my OP. It is exactly what we girls do.
thinking Love is so rare, and hard to find....For goodness sakes, your over 50, if you cant do what you want now, when can you? I think 50 is a good age. I have done for everyone my whole life, it's 'me' time now. Getting (another) case of the guilts would be so exhausting.
My whole life was to follow other peoples rules, as were most of us I assume. I don't know what the future holds, but I heard... 'we don't really know what we (women) were put on this earth for until we reach 50.' Oprah, sorry guys, I can see the cringing now. 'Oh that Oprah', my husband use to say. I rarely watch her, but that stood out in my mind, when she turned 50
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| Out of the closet... a Woman at my age?
Posted: 2/19/2008 6:33:11 AM | Almost sounds as if you *want* us to say 'hey, you're really gay afterall--- go for it.' Almost sounds as if you've always been gay and are simply looking for confirmation, consolation, affirmation. Almost sounds like your post is more of a fishing expedition, than an innocent question. Almost.  | |
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| Out of the closet... a Woman at my age?
Posted: 2/19/2008 8:03:37 AM | Explore what excites you......just be aware that same-sex relationships have almost EXACTLY the same problems & pitfalls as a heterosexual union.
People are people...doesn't really matter much on which side the bread is buttered!  | |
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