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| Why are guys afraid to ask women out?
Posted: 10/12/2009 10:36:48 PM | I agree with EST74. If you get rejected you have to deal with it. If it makes you frustrated you have two choices: you will be passive about it, don't make any decisions and end up avoiding asking women out. You can end up getting addicted to something too.
The other choice: you have to make a decision.
It can be destructive (victim thinking, complaining, regretting, revenging) or constructive (you take the courage to do the right thing, do whatever it takes to change it by getting help, learning new skills, even if you afraid)
If the challenge (in this case asking women out) is too hard to handle, you need new skills and mindsets to deal with it.
If it means you need a therapy, a seminar, reading some books or getting any kind of support, you do it. You invest in yourself.
You learn new communication skills, body language and start to master your boundaries. You take a "development detour" for long term success. How do I know? I'm on it.
Desirable women can have anything they want.
What they want is a challenge… something that keeps their interest. If a woman can have anything she wants, anytime she wants it, then why we guys think that we’re going to be interesting by doing the same thing that every other guy doing?
Studies indicate you have realistically closer to 4 seconds to make a good first impression on those you come in contact with.
Because attraction isn't a choice, a girl makes consciously, you need to spark the attraction by flirting with the girl from the very beginning of the interaction.
If you interact with a girl, she will form an impression of you.
If she isn't attracted to you, there is nothing you can do about it.
If she feels attraction for you, there is nothing she can do about it.
There is nothing you can do to stand out in a woman’s mind faster than to let her know that you are selective when it comes to women. You have to communicate her that
"You are interesting enough to talk to, but you're going to have to do a lot more than just look good to impress me. You need to communicate from the mindsets like:
there is no downside (nothing to loose), detach from any particular outcome, I'm a catch and time with me is valuable, she wants me, but I'm going to tease her to see how much, and she has to prove that she is above average.
I recommend you to read the e-book "Double your dating" by David DeAngelo, and get on his free email newsletter. (it's the minimum, because there is a lot more great books/programs out there.) Here is an article about the top ten reasons why men fail with women: http://whymenfailwithwomen.blogspot.com/ | |
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| Why are guys afraid to ask women out?
Posted: 10/13/2009 1:09:37 AM | ya' get into a phase were yur ballz suck back up into your gut and it's hard to just walk up to her. in that phase, she's something to you much more than just a person. you've gone so long without her that she's a demigoddess and it's hard for you to muster up the courage.
just walk up to one, grab her and kiss her. take the slap and run. you'll feel better.
(don't do this)
just walk up and talk. she'll likely know you're nervous, but who cares. keep firing until you hit target. | |
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| Why are guys afraid to ask women out?
Posted: 10/13/2009 11:57:50 AM | You should ask her out as a group ie me an some of my friends are going out on bla bla you should come along it'l be fun , see really easy an if she don't turn up it no biggy.
simples. | |
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| Why are guys afraid to ask women out?
Posted: 10/14/2009 10:45:42 AM | | Why does it usually seem that it's harder for a guy to get a girlfriend after high school? it seems that the older a guy gets, the more difficult the pursuit and chase becomes, like women raise there standards as they get older. | |
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| Why are guys afraid to ask women out?
Posted: 10/14/2009 4:22:07 PM | | I'll tell you why I have a hard time making first contact. I've been in this internet dating things since it started and messaged a lot of women at first. I find most women have a certain look or type so I tell them if I am their type to send me a message and I will chat. I will ask them out after a couple online chats and a phone call or two, then it is easy for me. I have heard the "you're not my type" thing way too many times to message every woman here I liked after reading their profile. Women don't scare me at all I just like to know I am at east in the ballpark of what they like first. | |
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| Why are guys afraid to ask women out?
Posted: 10/15/2009 9:23:12 AM | Stop pandering to women then.
I'm not going to adapt myself to them or waste my time talking with them if all they do is give me a look of "huh?".
Dense girls and women, they must think they're princess perfects with these sites, haha. Just reading a fair few profiles gives me reasons as to why they're so picky and yet crap in selecting men for dates.
"waaahhh I've had bad dates, waahhh so many fakers waaaaaaaahh no real guys out there".
Its depressing. | |
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| Why are guys afraid to ask women out?
Posted: 10/15/2009 10:03:59 AM | Acastus39 said:
Because attraction isn't a choice, a girl makes consciously, you need to spark the attraction by flirting with the girl from the very beginning of the interaction.
No offense man, but this is bullshit. Attraction is a conscious choice that every person makes. If it weren't under a woman's (or man's) control, why would ever hear a woman saying "He became more attractive to me the more I got to know him"? It's a conscious choice.
As to the OP's question, there are a multitude of reasons why guys are more hesitant to ask women out these days than might have been the case in the past. Some of them aren't good reasons (the man can't handle rejection, the man is just timid and afraid, etc.), some of them are very valid reasons (the man has repeatedly encountered women who don't know what they want, and cause damage to every man they interact with as a result, etc.). There's no one answer to this question. | |
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| Why are guys afraid to ask women out?
Posted: 10/15/2009 12:37:47 PM | Just ask them to go out. Don't be a stalker but don't give up either on the first try. Pretend it's a job interview, lol, wow that sounds a little weird. Don't worry about rejections. I've been rejected, woke up next to a hairy wildebeest, been hog tied down by gypsies and had my whole body stripped of it's hair (gypsies i guess like hair). hell you might bump into the girl 3 weeks down the road and she takes you up on the offer after small talk.
Or if your out and meet someone and as you ask for their number and they say,
" sorry not interested".
you just say,
"thats ok, i understand ..... by the way can you get this tab."
ha ha just kiddin ladies, just kiddin  | |
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| Why are guys afraid to ask women out?
Posted: 10/20/2009 12:59:07 AM | The reason why Women don't ask Men out is this:
Why should women take it upon themselves to approach when siting back, relaxing and waiting for the date puts them in a position of absolute power? | |
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| Why are guys afraid to ask women out?
Posted: 10/20/2009 11:49:19 AM | This thread is funny. It's been roughly four years since I last posted to it and the responses all seem the same. It's as if years' worth of knowledge and insights contained in the earlier pages are ignored.
Bottom line is this: Man up, guys!
If you're afraid to approach a woman, you probably also have been drinking Classic Coke all your life, wear the same shirts on the same day of each week, have a the same pair of jeans you had when you last saw Bon Jovi ... in '92 ... and work at the same crappy job that you hate everyday because you're afraid to take a chance. Cowards! | |
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| Why are guys afraid to ask women out?
Posted: 10/21/2009 6:40:37 AM | on rejection: is it fair that guys get much more rejected then women? No, but what are you going to do? Go cry about it? Be my guest. Honestly, there are two ways of dealing with it. One is to accept it and move on, the other way is to hide and cry in a clauset. One way leads to better things, one doesn't. Choose.
Now to the OP's question, when you ask women out you most likely feel anxious, not afraid. Your emotions don't know the difference but your brain does, doesn't it? So how do you deal with anxiety? You can either let off some steam doing some physical activity, accept it as a good thing and actually enjoy it cuz that's where all the sexual tension's at. It's one of those things women hate to love sometimes.
Look let's face it, you like a girl and you want to ask her out, and you're excited about the prospect of going on a date and it gets the better of you as you can't control it. Then you have doubts come inside your mind that poison this entire experience. Then you start to wondering if she'll consider you worthy or not, and whether or not she'll reject you. This is about the time your brain begins to perceive this excitement as fear and you freeze up, unable to make a decision like a deer in front of headlights. I got news for you buddy, it's really not your business what she thinks of you when you ask her out, it's hers as it's only a date or even a simple hang-out, not a marriage proposal.
I hope you now understand what's going on better, but if that's not enough I'll give you a short term and and a long term piece of advice. In the short term, go do something to blow of some steam. For example I like first person shooters, so I play one on the hardest difficulty, and everything then becomes ok. Figure out what works for you.
In the long term however, learn to accept and embrace the anxiety as a part of you, and see it for what it really is - a sign that you really dig that chick. Like I said embrace it, love it, enjoy it, and control it. It will definitely feel uncontrollable the first time she says "sure! I'd love to" - I'd know, but then you just get used to it, and like I mentioned, you'd like it. It's not at all that bad :). | |
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| Why are guys afraid to ask women out?
Posted: 10/21/2009 11:50:26 AM | This paragraph states how it is unfair for a lot of men in our culture and society, in which men are expected to initiate everything with women:
In reality, it is much more difficult for a man to meet a woman than it is for a woman to meet a man. Women are able to approach men and are also able to wait to be asked out. Men can not wait and rely on women to approach and ask for the date because men WILL NEVER BE ASKED OUT. Men have to do everything in order to get anything with a woman. Women have the god given right of never having to deal with rejection or incur any of the pain associated with it. When a man gets rejected he has to shrug it off and his friends would tell him to “be a man”. On the other hand, if a woman gets rejected, she would most likely take it as a personal insult on her inner child and her friends will comfort her. A woman is automatically accepted by society as a woman; whereas men have to prove themselves at every turn. A shy woman WILL get asked out without having to over come it. Men have to work more on themselves than women do. Men must have confidence, real self confidence, that is not based solely on how they look, but rather understanding and acknowledging their self worth in order to approach. Building up this type of confidence takes time and understanding. | |
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| Why are guys afraid to ask women out?
Posted: 10/21/2009 3:00:19 PM | obviously you don't know women that well Drusurfer, even some of the hottest women out there encountered rejection, sure guys get rejected more, but then again, we set ourselves up for rejection more too, but in the end like I said, Life's not fair so you can either:
a) go cry about it. I've been there it sucks, and it always will.
or
b) deal with your emotional insecurities and low self esteem and work on improving your strengths and smoothing your weaknesses. I've been there, it sucks, but it gets better as you go. | |
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| Why are guys afraid to ask women out?
Posted: 10/22/2009 3:12:36 PM | the reason i never ask a woman out is because i have the assumption that they are already taken...plain and simple in my case | |
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| Why are guys afraid to ask women out?
Posted: 10/22/2009 3:50:37 PM | your first mistake is the use of the word DATE. Its too formal, puts too much pressure upon the event itself, show too much interest, plus dates are boring, make the time fly by awkwardly, and finally it puts you in a situation of looking like a stiff. Instead you should use the word HANG OUT. That way there less pressure on the girl to say yes/no. When you are "Hanging Out" you should take her to do activities like rock climbing, hiking, and etc. You want to appear your taking a girl on some sort of adventure and showing her a good time. Avoid going to the movies or taking her out to dinner at all cost. Movies doesn't help to build a connection between couples and dinner can make the girl awkward and might feel self conscious about her weight.
For your being shy to talk to women your gonna have to get over it and start working on cold approaches. This is a contact sport the more people you contact the better your chances. | |
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| Why are guys afraid to ask women out?
Posted: 10/23/2009 12:20:50 PM | It is important to know a couple of facts in the beginning. A woman will be more likely to say yes if somehow she is attracted to you before you ask. How that happens is as varied as the kinds and number of stars. But you can help it happen. The other is that the women that are always all smily and outgoing and appear social and approachable; they are taken. Do not waste your time and energy on thoughts that you may get a date with her. It does not matter if you know she is not married and seems so right for you and all that - that is all in your mind not hers. You don't need to know what her real situation is, don't waste your time. It is the woman who often seems in a different mood maybe even frowning a lot that has an aura of stay away about her, there is the woman to pay attention too. If you ask and she rejects it is often simply because you took her by surprise not because she is not attracted. With her back up and leave an opening for more time and another time. If she continues after that to have the stay away look around you. Stay away thats all. It is a game that is much more natural for some than for others out there, but one thing is for sure, if you do not step forward and ask, you will continue to be alone.
And if she rejects you? There are ways to think that ease the pain. No, not they are all a bunch of ****es.
Wait and see is one - like I say a woman who is not taken often like you becomes resigned and focuses on other parts of their life. That you show a sincere interest begins a thought process about you. Another is to know that you have... smiles... most likely saved yourself substantial cash in a myriad of ways, emotional pain of an uncertain amount, and that you are completely free to do whatever the heck you want whenever you want. They have given you an wonderful gift that you already had. | |
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| Why are guys afraid to ask women out?
Posted: 10/25/2009 10:14:03 AM | As guys , women will never know how it feels to be rejected by 14 different people from the opposite sex in one night , they always remeber the horrible moment of their one or two rejections they had in their lives.
---------------
Obviously, considering the fact that alot of them don't even have the balls to step up to the plate. | |
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| Why are guys afraid to ask women out?
Posted: 10/26/2009 9:30:51 PM | | Shit, I gave up asking women out. After witnessing a guy hit on multiple women and getting all their numbers, I quit. They were all in the same room and had fiancee, husbands, and boyfriends. He clear cut told them he didn't care and I forgot to mention this was in college. I don't mind being rejected, happens to me almost everytime, just the thought that the women will go for douche bags over an honest man. So, I come with the mind set that I will not be the one asking women out, they have to ask me out. To this day, no women showed any interest in me. | |
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| Why are guys afraid to ask women out?
Posted: 10/26/2009 10:28:02 PM |
So, I come with the mind set that I will not be the one asking women out, they have to ask me out.
That's like playing football with the mentality that you'll only score a touchdown when the ball automatically rolls into the end zone.
Know how many interceptions Joe Montana threw in his career? Know how many times Babe Ruth struck out? Know how many shots Kobe Bryant has missed in his career? How many times Wayne Rooney has completely missed the goal with a shot?
In the end, all those failures don't matter. What matters is how you respond to failure. If you just give up because you claim it isn't worth it, I feel no sympathy. You just have to keep climbing over that wall. Or, as Randy Pausch quipped, the brick walls are there to keep the people out who don't want it bad enough.
I have no sympathy for those who give up because of a few -- or a few thousand -- failures. | |
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| Why are guys afraid to ask women out?
Posted: 10/28/2009 10:08:10 AM | | Actually, Joe Montana thew more TD passes in his career than he did interceptions, it says so on Wikipedia, it sounds like you are trying to say that you will always fail more than succeed. | |
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| Why are guys afraid to ask women out?
Posted: 10/28/2009 9:20:21 PM | For me, I don't care if I get rejected or not. I just don't really know what to do. Like let's say I'm at a bar (cheesy I know, but just for the sake of the situation) and there is a girl I find attractive. Well first of all, if I find her attractive, then every other guy in the bar does too -- and chances are, they are probably already doing something about it before I have a chance to blink. Or let's say that hypothetically a situation came up where I have the chance to start talking to her. Well believe me, I can talk a mile a minute. But when it comes to meeting someone new, I just freeze up. I can't think of anything to say, don't know what to ask and I just come across as empty and boring I think.
But yeah, for me the rejection part -- that's fine. If I gave it an honest attempt and got rejected, then fine. I can totally understand that. I just can't even get to that point. lol. | |
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| Why are guys afraid to ask women out?
Posted: 10/28/2009 10:14:09 PM | ^^^ Pookie... then you must broaden your horizons aka lower your standards.... there are probably tons of other women in the bar, why set yourself up for failure going after the one who is waaay outta reach? You're not god's gift to woman. Holding out for the bar star is not the answer.
Somewhere, probably skulking over her drink in the corner is your female counterpart, pissed/angry/frustrated and bewildered why she never gets asked out.
There is two sides to every story guys. If 90% of you chase after 3% of women... well whose fault is that? | |
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| Why are guys afraid to ask women out?
Posted: 10/29/2009 12:17:39 AM | Well I'm not even saying I'm looking for the bar star. I mean, take your average dive bar. You go in and there are about 20 guys to every 1 girl and usually that girl is being talked to by someone -- and that someone is usually that one guy. That one cheesy "bad boy" guy who is at every bar, saying all the smooth things and has every girl melting in his hand with his cheesy lines, his tattoos, muscles and brand new Ford Mustang parked right out front. I don't stand a chance against *that guy*! (And incidentally, he is usually the same guy you find the girl crying about the following week because he hurt her in some way -- ruining it for everyone.) And THAT is why guys are afraid to ask a woman out I think.
I think we've been lost in discussion about rejection in this thread. But this thread is missing the fundamental point. It's not the solely being rejected by her that is the problem,.. it's the being rejected by her in a public place in front of lots of people and knowing that *that guy* is going to win her attention instead. It's the competition that goes on with this sort of thing. And that goes for meeting people anywhere. At school, work, or wherever. It's hard to capture a girls attention these days. If you are a guy and you aren't a rock climbing, director of marketing with 3 masters degrees and a yacht, then you might as well get used to being single. I'm not talking about the bar star here,.. It could be any girl that a guy might be interested in. It's very rare that this isn't the case.
And for the record, I don't consider myself god's gift to women. I'm just a dorky, opininated guy. :-P | |
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