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| Why are guys afraid to ask women out?
Posted: 5/27/2005 7:45:39 AM | Pickups in a bar are usually far more difficult than anywhere else. The main reason for this is few women go to bars by themselves. In any group or women, there's always the shepard. The shepard is the most effective****lock known to man. Some shepards will go as far as to make simple conversation impossible. In a group of guys, this usually ends up in one attempting to take one for the team and distract the shepard.
In addition, you're hard pressed to make an approach alone for another reason. It makes you seem sketchy. Where are your friends at? Who goes to a bar by themselves? All that BS.
There's more to it, but I'm cooking my breakfast right now. | |
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cazar
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Joined: 4/28/2005
Msg: 78 | |
| Why are guys afraid to ask women out?
Posted: 5/27/2005 7:56:09 AM | I agree with the above..there is always the shepherd ..or the herder ...and if she doesnt like you ...toooooo bad
another reason ..rejection
another reason .. masculinity or male pride
another ...just plain shy
and for the threads above... if men will do anyone ...some men will NOT do anyone..
I for one has some morals n scruples....
never claimed to be a saint...
respects | |
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| Why are guys afraid to ask women out?
Posted: 5/27/2005 7:56:30 AM | It used to be very difficult to ask out women for myself. I don't do things the same anymore. I used to see a woman, usually in a bar setting, think she was hot, and walk up to her and ask her to dance thinking maybe I'll get her to come home with me TONIGHT. I had no reason to believe that she was interested in meeting anyone, I didn't know if she had a boyfriend or husband, I didn't know if she had her eye on someone else that night, I didn't know if she was looking for a long term or short term situation with a man, if any. There's probably a lot of things I didn't know about her that don't come to mind right now. All I was thinking is, she's hot and I want to f--k her.
I've discovered that women want some things from men in their encounters with them and if you don't find out what they are, your odds of getting anywhere with them have gone down a great deal, unless you happen to get real lucky. This used to lead to lots of rejection and lowered my self-esteem alot because I thought my value was based on what others thought of me. Now I want to get to know a woman before I make any type of sexual advances because I'm actually looking for a healthy long term relationship and I want to figure out if she can meet my needs in one(other than sexual needs). I now am also interviewing them as they interview me to see if we like each other rather than just hoping she's going to want me. I accept that I'm probably not what most women want but I'm only looking for the ones that are interested in me anyway. I have a need to be wanted in a relationship too so why chase someone that's not interested. The only way most women will consider you as a potential mate is if they feel good about themselves around you. If they just feel like a piece of meat or a trophy around you, a quality woman with any self-respect is going to dump your a$$ extremely fast.
Now, I need to know a little more about a woman other than 'she's hot' before I'll ask her out. Never know, you might find out she's not really what your looking for by talking to her for 10 minutes and save yourself a rejection and whatever it would cost you for a date. | |
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| Why are guys afraid to ask women out?
Posted: 5/27/2005 8:03:30 AM | | who's affraid? I ask but they don't come out, we get close to the date and boom somethin comes up and they can't make it. Don't be affraid to ask, cause you will never know unless you ask! | |
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| Why are guys afraid to ask women out?
Posted: 5/27/2005 8:20:59 AM | red dress, that was sddude. Personally, I don't like doing the moving from one woman to the next, thing I like to study body language to learn as much about a woman as I can before making an advance. And I will have a game plan in mind. I always try to make it look and feel as coincidental as possible. Give myself an excuse for going and standing next to her. If her initial reaction to something I say is warm and inviting, I follow through. If not, I end the conversation and go in full retreat. I’ve made a lot of good female friends in this manner and gotten a lot of dates in this way.
edit: When you can't think of a way to manufacture an opening, a great opening line is "I came over here to say something smooth, but once I made it over here I realized it just sounded dumb. So I figured I would just go with 'Hi, I'm _______.'" It's actually worked for me.
I have a question for the ladies ... it’s not uncommon for women to “hit on” men these days. What’s your approach? | |
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| Why are guys afraid to ask women out?
Posted: 5/27/2005 8:25:50 AM | yam Well I'm bolder than most. Like other people have said, if you don't know ask, if they say no, big deal....
I just walk up to them, and once I have their attention, depending on the setting, I just say hi, would you like to dance, or are you here alone? do you mind if I join you or would you like to come sit with me? Whatever. I've never ever been said no to. Which doesn't mean diddle. I just think that first off most men are just shocked that a woman would come up to them...whatever.
Maybe I need to start going out and trying different approaches. I'll take a notebook, make a journal and write a damn book!! Would you guys buy it? I'll take prepublication orders. | |
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| Why are guys afraid to ask women out?
Posted: 5/27/2005 9:03:20 AM | About ds asking out 14 women in one night... I feel he would have much better luck
appraoching it a different way and maybe this applies to other men as well.
He is going on numbers... and he isnt putting much onto it then getting a yes .. going on numbers...
He doesnt see that his particular gift is HUMOR. This guy is soooooo cute and funny in his repsonses.
Instead of being so straight forward... maybe let a woman see that side... the personality... if your forte is humor.. use it...
will not only make her laugh but show his personality... make them (women) less defensive because you know men are all coming at it HEAD on and its a turn off.
Maybe that would help some of the guys to lower the number of women they ask out... and TALK TO THEM !!!! in a non threatening way... let them see if you have a good sense of humor... and then when they are comfortable with a guy.. she is more likely to say yes when asked out... because she has gotten to know him some, likes him... and he didnt come at it head on assault
guess its somewhat about marketing yourself in a way that is right for you, based on your strong points...
@bus. I am writing a book :) | |
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| Why are guys afraid to ask women out?
Posted: 5/27/2005 9:16:29 AM | LOL, Bucs ... I was thinking the same thing, but it's hard for me to describe what works for me and why. I usually can tell by body language if a woman is interested or not. But I have had a couple of women pick me up when I thought that’s what I was doing, LOL. It’s a pleasant surprise for a woman to make the first move. It tells me a lot about that woman, too. That she definitely has some qualities that strongly interest me. | |
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| Why are guys afraid to ask women out?
Posted: 5/27/2005 9:37:52 AM | @yam
Off topic of this thread, your question about women who hit on men...
yes there are, of course... and the same prinicpals would apply... only its easier for a woman to get a yes... so she is going to be more selective.
There are women who are just as hollow and overinflated with false ego as men... guess this is why people are attracted to someone like them... at their level... because they can relate to each other. My personal exprience and feelings with hitting on a man... no way.. haha
and its because I know that would out me at a disadvantage, so if I am interested in a man... I let him know by my body language I am... the rest is up to him in appraoching me.. and if he comes on too strong or in a highly sexual way... does not seem to be interested in knowing me... well I turn off and give him body language to say .. get lost.
Some other women most likely like me.
If I like him and he has passed all that... then I might ask him to go to home depot or lunch or something... keep everything real casual until I get to know him better.
back on topic.
Insecuirty is a turn off for sure
its bad in all ways and those insecure ones are often HOSTILE if rejected... which may explain why women dont respond to a man and have no interest in him.. if they sense he is insecure | |
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| Why are guys afraid to ask women out?
Posted: 5/27/2005 10:11:26 AM | | This is all true and all but why dont women ask guys out, this way we would both feel the pain of rejection though if I had some chick come and ask me out I would be really happy | |
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| Why are guys afraid to ask women out?
Posted: 5/27/2005 10:15:20 AM | Try this...
next time you leave your cave, bring a club. him them gently just behind the head and drag them back to the cave...we hope you live near by. then if they recove from the blow, cook them supper...and have lots of sex. if they like you they will stay a second night...
NOTE: this still works in this day and age minus the hit to the head.
Take cooking lesson dudes.
-M | |
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| Why are guys afraid to ask women out?
Posted: 5/27/2005 10:45:00 AM | Okay, I even have a difficult time just talking to women that are not attractive at all. Like a cashier, even small talk. I get so incredibly flusstered (is that even a word?) I can't think of what I want to say, then I start to almost stutter, then the words won't even come to me, then I feel my face blushing, I get so that at that point in the pathetic conversation, I feel like running away... I get such a stomache ache that I have problems even standing straight up... Severe anxiety has prevented me once again from even saying "boo" to a woman that I am attracted to... Or even one that I am not attracted to, and I still blow at talking... That is why I have problems asking a woman out... | |
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| Why are guys afraid to ask women out?
Posted: 5/27/2005 11:14:37 AM | librric
The best thing to do, is not to ask a girl out right away. They will run. Talk to them. Get to know them. Fake interest in what they have to say. Learn the powerful statement of "you are absolutely right"...or if you can't muster that, just say "uh huh". Ofcourse I'm kidding (maybe), but you need to just talk to women and see if there is any sort of spark or enough to build on to even making it your while to ask them out. Looks alone won't cut it. It's great, but if you're looking for something more, there has to be more too. You have to have things in common. Not everything, but something. There has to be something to go on. Don't worry about if you do things "wrong" say something you shouldn't or what have you. If the girl decides not to talk to you....oh what a punishment that is!!!!....laugh it off. Women, like guys are mostly morons. There are more girls out there, better ones too. The right one will find you eventually, but you have to start asking them out.
The best way to look at dating females is to look at it like a numbers game. If you were to play the lottery and you only bought a ticket once and you didn't win, would you be heartbroken? I would hope not. Would being out 2 bucks deter you from trying your luck again? Again...I hope not. You increase your odds of finding someone suited to what you want the more you date. The bonus is you'll feel a lot more comfortable and will stop looking at dating as the "be-all-and-end-all of your happiness". Girls are more likely to make you miserable than happy...on average.....find the right one for you after having talked to a bunch and dating a bit, and maybe you can find a girl that can enhance your life. The money you save by not having to buy a dishwasher (the right one will do your dishes) you'll end up spending on her. Chicks are expensive!
Lots of luck,
Your friendly neighbourhood Yardape_99 | |
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| Why are guys afraid to ask women out?
Posted: 5/27/2005 11:18:51 AM | librric Women DO ask men out, but apparently a lot of guys on here haven't not personally experienced that. And I'm not even inferring anything about you personally, librric...
I would think that younger people (I'm older than dirt....HA!) this would be more common. My daughter goes out with a lot of guys where it's just friends going out together, but they kinda flirt and all. So kind of a date but not really "date". And she's 20...I know she is a little on the shy side, but I don't think she'd have a problem asking a guy out. But it'd be someone she knew from school or work or somewhere. | |
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| Why are guys afraid to ask women out?
Posted: 5/27/2005 11:24:33 AM | @yar that is exactly what I was saying.
your defintion of numbers game does not include hitting on 12 women in one night.. lol
and makes a lot of sense. I am most comfortable with the type of man who presents himself in that way....
which is reflected in the post before yours.
yes chicks are expensive.... but the better qaulity ones also pay back :) | |
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| Why are guys afraid to ask women out?
Posted: 5/27/2005 11:31:24 AM | newbegin Geez, I take it you're not the president of Toastmasters?? Seriously, that's some serious stuff you have going on. You may need to get some professional help. If you can't even talk to someone checking out your groceries without blushing and stuttering, and stomach aches. You need to talk to a professional about this.
Or else maybe try using flash cards, a dry erase board?? | |
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| Why are guys afraid to ask women out?
Posted: 5/27/2005 12:15:20 PM | | I think a lot of us fear rejection. Here in Minnesota, a lot of women seem to make themselves unapproachable so it's extra hard to ask them out. I guess if you want it bad enough, you'll muster up enough courage to ask her out! | |
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| Why are guys afraid to ask women out?
Posted: 5/27/2005 1:06:08 PM | @bucsgirl
You need to talk to a professional about this.
Yep, I am already... I was just answering the OP's question of this thread...
What I have is what is called "Social Anxiety or Phobia". It is what keeps me at home, where I am comfortable in my own skin. A very lonely existance... Which is why I have so many hobbies to keep myself busy... On a more possitive note, I will do anything to find someone that will eventually marry me!
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| No big deal.
Posted: 5/27/2005 1:23:43 PM | Lib, it's no big deal, man. Just handle rejection the way I do. It works very well, and the women who rejected me are never seen or heard from again. | |
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