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| why do guys have problems asking women out?
Posted: 5/27/2005 2:02:55 PM | | Thats fine and all but the woman that I want to ask is a long time friend and I just cant seem to muster the right words that work the best you know what I am saying? I know she is single and we have gotten along so well since we met 15 years ago now I want to date her, but when I approach her everything I want to say just leaves me their stumbling over my own words, someone help me | |
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| why do guys have problems asking women out?
Posted: 5/27/2005 2:10:10 PM | | Lib, there may be a reason you are having a hard time talking to somebody you've known for 15 years??? It might be a little voice inside telling you to not get too close. Just be yourself, and have no expectations, and if she dumps ya, you won't be so sensitive. If you are intent on having this woman, you've got to make yourself put a soft kiss on her fine, moist, sweet, perfect lips, glide over gently, and leave it at that. Lip lockers aren't always the best way to start off a serious relationship. Be soft, kind, and gentle before you get into the pull toward ya that cuts her breath off, and get really passionate. These things require a certain modicum of respect and decency when you first test the waters. | |
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| why do guys have problems asking women out?
Posted: 5/28/2005 9:57:43 AM | | Well it isnt that I want to hit the sack with her right away it is the I want to spend more time wither than just seeing her at where she works, is that so bad I mean I am honestly not in it for just a booty call now I just want to be with her. | |
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| Why are guys afraid to ask women out?
Posted: 5/28/2005 10:25:28 AM | I've been rejected too by a guy whom I thought and I'm sure yet that he has
strong feelings for me. But, I remained patient with him and accepted him as
a friend. After all, there was a good, logical reason for his rejection!  | |
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| Why are guys afraid to ask women out?
Posted: 5/28/2005 11:14:45 AM | | Why are guys afraid to ask women out? A lot of women are evil and get a real kick out of hurting a guy's feelings. Welcome to the world. | |
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| Why are guys afraid to ask women out?
Posted: 5/28/2005 11:16:37 AM | | They're afaid because some women aren't mature enough to reject a man without making him feel like he's inferior and they've been burnt before. | |
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rc3
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Joined: 4/29/2005
Msg: 107 | |
| Why are guys afraid to ask women out?
Posted: 5/28/2005 11:25:15 AM | Look.... Rejection isn't a biggie.... If you are a guy and ask out 100 women at least 10 will say yes (some just because they feel sorry for you or will date anyone... but who cares?).... It only takes one to say yes...
Get over your ego... get dressed up... wear cologne... meet women... ask them out regularly...
Now in the case of the long term friend... that gets difficult.... Try this.... If you have a cell phone call her when you know she doesn't already have plans and will be home.... Ask her if she would like dinner.... Now, here is the trick! Listen close.... Since your already a friend .. you know what she likes to eat.... make this call when you are VERY nearby and line up the phone call so that she agrees right as you hit the driveway.... then tell her to look outside.... bring the food she likes and bring wine or something equivalently nice... This works nicely because people who are "just friends" don't put that kind of effort forward.... Tell her you want more later... after you eat... (and the best part is if you get seriously nervous you can say nothing and you just had a nice unexpected dinner) | |
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| Why are guys afraid to ask women out?
Posted: 5/28/2005 11:30:17 AM | You know it takes a real special woman, to make a rejection feel like a near miss. I do not know if its class or just a individual character trait, but yes there are a few that can say no without making you feel like a loser. | |
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| Why are guys afraid to ask women out?
Posted: 5/28/2005 12:47:04 PM | Why is it on the man to ask a woman out? If a woman is concerned that a man might be "afraid" to ask her out,isn't SHE being afraid to ask HIM out? | |
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| Why are guys afraid to ask women out?
Posted: 5/28/2005 3:10:03 PM | I have been asked out by women a few times. I liked it. It shows
initiative and it tells me what kind of person they are. very bold and
respectable. very interesting. cool. | |
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| Why are guys afraid to ask women out?
Posted: 5/30/2005 9:34:43 PM | Ok Gals and Guys, how about this for example. Lets say, that a guy sees a nice lady, who he would like to get to know.
He approaches her, and complements her by saying, I like that refreshing smell of your perfume, that you are wearing.
Or, I like your sparkling eyes.
Just a little something special, for her, to make her FEEL SPECIAL.
And then introduces him self to her, telling her his name, and then asks for her name.
From there, he then asks her, what kind of music she likes, or movies that she enjoys watching.
He is asking these questions, because he is taking an interest in HER, by trying to find some area, of her insterest, that she would enjoy talking about with him.
After a pleasant conversation with her, he then asks her, if she would like go out.
Now, if she decides to reject him, and his offer, and instead of him, getting bent ALL out of shape, and making an a$$ of him self.
However, instead, he replies, by looking at her straight in the eye, gently holding her hand, and saying.
Thank you for your time, it is my pleasure to have met, and spoke with you, and to get to know you, a little better. I enjoyed our little conversation. Complements her, wishes her a good night, and gives her a little kiss on the cheek, before leaving.
Ok gals, now it is YOUR TURN.
What would your response be to that, if a guy did ALL that for you, even after you had rejected him, and his offer.
How would you feel about him, now.
Would you give the guy, a second chance.
And, if you would give him a second chance, would YOU, then take the iniative, and make the first move, like he did with you.
Your thoughts, gals.
Sincerely
Neill | |
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| Why are guys afraid to ask women out?
Posted: 5/30/2005 10:03:15 PM | To me it still all seems like a big game. If I say this, she might do that. My chances are better if I give this response. If I approach her in just this way, she might not actually reject me.
The reality that I see here is that this is all an attempt to completely avoid the inevitable...rejection.
When someone rejects you, it's not about you, it's about them and how they perceive you. It's theirs to be responsible and might I add that each time you get rejected, thank them, because they would have been hell for you if they had given in if they didn't want you in the first place.
Ever see a fisherman throwing a TT on his boat because he lost that last bite? It rarely happens...men expect more from women than fish though...and vice versa.
Show your best colors. Be who you really are. Just say, I think you are pretty. Do you find me attractive? And then give her a license to say no and accept that to her...you are not attractive. That has nothing to do with her and everything to do with you.
And for god sakes guys, get a sense of style...combing your hair over your left ear is no longer the trend...wear something nice looking, care a little about your appearance and stop wondering why you are being rejected when you are blatantly making yourself unattractive because you refuse to rid yourself of that ridiculous haircut that NO ONE thinks you look good in.
Some just need a major make over LOL! Seriously... | |
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| Why are guys afraid to ask women out?
Posted: 5/31/2005 12:30:02 AM | It seems to me that most people believe that men don't ask out women because of rejection. I don't think that's true at all.
I think men are more afraid of getting embarrassed in a humatingly way. People in this thread have stated that the worst thing that can happen is she'll say no. That's not true either (at least in my experience)--some women (and men as well), will go to great lengths to embarass someone who likes them. I feel it's the embarassment of being humiliating by someone in front of a crowd, perhaps in front of friends that deters people from asking someone out. Also, ironically people that are concerned about the womans feelings--afraid that she'll think he's just like any other guy that wants play, may hesitate to ask someone out, especially in a bar setting.
As far as rejection goes, a lot of women aren't even capable of rejecting someone. Because they're so "sensitive" they'll prefer to lie to them and tell them that it would be fun to go on a date with them, only to lie to them again at the last minute, telling them that they can't go. It's pretty obvious that if this happens enough times, you're going to be discouraged from asking out people in the first place... probably much more so then if she says honestly, "sorry, you're not my type." or "that's sweet but I'm in a relationship right now." American society is such that you can't even open a door for a "lady" without getting looks of "why did you do that?" What makes anyone think that you can try to converse in a converstation with someone you don't even know at all, only to ask them out minutes later?
It was also stated that men will have sex with any woman, so I'd think going up to 14 or 15 different women in one night, would give a scent of desperation to your plea of "being with someone," possibly even decreasing your odds of being with somebody in comparison to just asking two or three women out.
The lottery analogy was perfect being that your odds of winning the lottery are less then getting struck by lightning. Playing the lottery is akin to throwing your money away in almost all cases.
It's particularly amusing that in the feminist age, many of those that expect and believe women are equal to men, can't muster up enough energy to ask men out. | |
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sddude
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Joined: 11/4/2004
Msg: 115 | |
| Why are guys afraid to ask women out?
Posted: 5/31/2005 1:40:48 PM | well , I must add something to this thread , I have always had problema asking them out or even for just a dance , many usually cut me off before I say anything , I had alot to learn , I studied techniques, some courses, now I do much better , much better but I cannot get myself to go to the next step yet , after getting the number and calling after 2 days , i am still burned from so many woman flaking out or canceling . I have to learn to get them not to flake out , got to study on how to manipulate them during that time ,
Many of you may be laughing , thinking on how a loser I am that I have to study on how to date women but I am doing that , I have to everything I have done was wrong , being myself , funny and nice was a real bad way for failure .
Last week I pulled some of the stuff I learned and women really responded , one asked me for some coffee and a movie at her house , yeah right , hahahha , turned her down , she got a little upset , called me an ass, I guess she had her hopes up .
Two girls that I bought drinks for and worked them over psicologically wanted a threesome with me , they insisted and I rejected the offer , I guess I am still to moral , trying to change though to adapt one day , They both said I had to be gay cuz they were both hot.
I know I have a great personality and I am not bad looking but all I needed were some techniques , Why are woman so complicated ? that I had to study the study the subject and one guy here had to have a degree in marketing to be successful .
Woman may not agree that it is not necessary for them and it will not work on them , I say baby it works on ALL women at any age . | |
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sddude
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Joined: 11/4/2004
Msg: 117 | |
| Why are guys afraid to ask women out?
Posted: 5/31/2005 2:04:57 PM | one more thing for some reason I never had problems with underage girls , they always have crushes on me ,
I have never posted this fact out of embarrassement and the major flame storm that will follow , I never had sex with any of them , my best friend is 18 , another friend who is 16 , we go to the movies alot and hang at every amusement park we can find . One who is 17 is my surf partner sometimes and always wants to know what I am doing during the weekend .
These young girls love to talk to me for hours at coffee shops .
Question why is it that these girls are so easy with me for going out and want something more with me ? (but I have to reject them in that manner, of course, in order to protect myself cuz everyone around me always tell me I will get in big trouble one day if I piss them off , even if I just drink hot cocoa at my fav coffeshop on the beach with them . I know their parents , I always do , my policy .)
What makes these girls different from women , why are they way more attracted to the way I am than woman , are girls less shallow but become shallow and difficult when they are legally woman ?
Is it because woman get hit on so much that they become mean and difficult and do not let me put a word to them with my normal nice guy persona ?
I do not have to put any tricks to get a girl to talk and get interested in me , even if that is not my intention at all , they seem more natural less painfull .
Two girls this weekend gave me their number just for being me , one a surfer girl I met on the beach , we talked about fun places to go in Tijuana , rosarito and San Diego , she told me she wants to hang with me everywhere cuz I am a great funny guy . She wants me to take her to a dance club that turns into a bubble bath party this friday , I was going with a bud , now I am going with her . She is 17 . she calls me several times a day .
Another one I met at the mall at a novelty shop , I was talking to a girl about how to pull really crazy jokes on people or on a teacher in school . She invited me to go to a camping trip and party , since I know about camping and fun stuff , she wants me and her to share tents to plan pranks . I think she likes me too much , she calls me every day , she is 16 . I am going , have my box of pranks ready ...
Ok , is there something wrong with me or something right ?
Am I so jovial that women overlook me for a serious acting guy?
I am still celibate and hope to overcome my archiach moral values to be just a normal guy , will never do anything to any legally underage girl but it is so fun to have them interested and almost beg me to go places with them .
What is it , am I strange ?
I never mentioned this because I know people will intrepret this wrong especially women here that love to cut a guys balls off , just for talking to a young girl .
Tomorrow , a 17 year old best friend and I will be at my fav coffee house on the beach to watch the sun go down , we will down some smoothies and she will recite poetry will I beat drums for the effect.
Is that bad , ? to have friends that young and be alone with them .
What is wrong with Woman < I wish they were like these young girls, life would be so easy and fun , they just make things difficult , I guess that is why women get in trouble alot by changing and playing games , can't most woman retain their natural way of being . | |
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| Why are guys afraid to ask women out?
Posted: 5/31/2005 3:27:25 PM | Rejection really isn't that bad... yeah, you may be afraid of rejection, but think about it this way: if the woman can't see what's good about you, then you don't need her. Move along.
Trust me, I used to be a whole lot like that. 'Til one day, I took a deep breath and asked a girl out. She rejected me, and it didn't feel so bad. In a way, it kinda felt good. Wanna know why it felt good? I asserted myself, and though I didn't succeed, I tried. It just makes me a little angry with myself that I didn't try harder before with other females, after I realized how little it really hurt to be rejected.
Now, I'll be the first to tell you I don't have an aggressive personality.. so the whole "male aggressor" thing has been lost on me. I have thought of myself as sorta thin-skinned, as well, so my reaction to being rejected was a lot better than I'd have EVER thought it'd have been.
Really, I can safely say that I'm happy with what I've done, though I haven't had a girlfriend in three years. I feel good knowing it's not because I'm not putting any effort forward. It's just 'cause women don't like me. 
Just take a deep breath and give it a try. Rejection is *nothing* compared to the question "What if?" | |
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| Why are guys afraid to ask women out?
Posted: 5/31/2005 5:00:15 PM | what if i do this what if i do that, huh? what? how? when? do we go here? do we go there? does she like me? is she going to embaress me?
Hate to sound a like a ass, but you guys are doing that to yourself. no women pulls that kind of stuff at all. except in extremely rare cases. i think of one person who pulled that on me, out of a countless number of people i talked to over the last 6 months. but she had a few personal problems to deal with anyhow so I don't blame her.
to the dude, who said minors is attracted to him, 16 years old they are children. I have a 5 year old newphew when he's by for a visit the kid is always tugging at myside they like attention. everyone likes attention it's a part of growing up. it's the way kids are. that's all it is. plus i wrestle with him. | |
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| Why are guys afraid to ask women out?
Posted: 5/31/2005 5:02:03 PM | | On a different note, you wanna go out and if your coming from a what if?? state of mind. your odds of GETTING shot down are good. you wanna go out and not even thinking of that paranoid stuff, your odds of NOT being shot down are really good. | |
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| Why are guys afraid to ask women out?
Posted: 5/31/2005 5:21:22 PM | WHy are men so afraid to ask women out , well I can tell you why I dont typically approach women unless introduced. I dont because , Usually If they are not interested they dont just say , "sorry , I m not interest but thanks anyways" Typically you get a much ruder response. Not to mention that It is such a game anyways, You sit there and try to think of the right way to approach a women , and nothing seems quite right. If you go up and say "Hi my name is(insert name here) hows it goin tonight , whats your name." the automatic impression is that you are some creep out to get laid. Now in all honesty , I am not saying that I dont like to get laid, but damn 99.9% of the time I am truely just trying to meet someine that I can go out and have fun with. Also some women are so damn picky, and ready to stereotype a man that they dont even take the time to engage in a little conversation and see if maybe this person is a cool guy that they might like to hang out with. wether or not they have a romantic interest in them or not. I am not saying that us men are any better, but I have to say that for the most part I think that at least in the circles that I hang out in , my friends are at least willing to talk to a women before making a stereotype!      | |
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| Why are guys afraid to ask women out?
Posted: 5/31/2005 5:51:41 PM | hey how ya doing?
what ya drinking?
do you always shop for rabbit food?
what do you think of ...... ?
smile, she smiles then you: hi, she: hi, you:how you doing? her:good You: conversation....
if late evening: say good morning.
shopping again: HEY YOU DON'T WANT TO BUY THAT! <--- if's like umm milk, make some BS story up. Funny stuff | |
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| Why are guys afraid to ask women out?
Posted: 5/31/2005 5:58:39 PM | gtxblueyes Well this is what I normally say if it's an email from a site like this. Thanks for writing, but I don't think we'd be a match, or I honestly don't think we'd be compatible. Good luck and I wish you the best. Short sweet to the point. Saying not interested is a little cold, like you're not an interesting person and much easier to take personally.
I try to say something to say no with consideration of their feelings. I put on there local guys only so I don't care if a guy's Mel Gibson, there's just NO WAY!!
You should respect what women say in their profiles and not feel that you're worth her making an exception when she already said that's not what she wanted. The door swings both ways, so you should only write someone if you feel you meet her criteria, and vice versa. In person, it's just too different to cite a good overall example. | |
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| Why are guys afraid to ask women out?
Posted: 5/31/2005 6:07:42 PM | eh..... i've come up with a halfway decent way to go about this.....
do something unique or creative
set yourself apart from everyone else....... it's gaurenteed to leave an impression
.... take this for example.......
it's a little something i've discovered works quite well with Cashiers / anyone who handles money
cut out a piece of paper..... the same size as a bill....... wirte some spiffy little poetry on it
(some good poetry..... none of that robert frost crap)
insert it into your roll of cash..... spend it approperately
by doing something like this...... accomplished many things for approaching someone if you're shy
avoids the initial rejection of face to face confrontation
shows you're making some sort of attempt at showing interest in her
allows you to gague her reaction, before re-approaching her
depending on the poem, it might make a lasting positive impression
if rejected, it's very easy to shrug it off | |
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| Why are guys afraid to ask women out?
Posted: 5/31/2005 7:59:21 PM | | everyone talks about how rejection can just be shrugged off and forgot move on to the next woman who cares, but for guys we have to get the nerve and curage to work our way up to asking on of the hardest questions we ever have to do, then if we get rejected we feel like crap all of the work and time thinking of the perfect line to use how to open, and what tone, pitch, and rate to use, all down the crapper along with our hearts, and were just suppose to forget about it I dont think so. | |
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