| Why are guys afraid to ask women out?
Posted: 5/25/2009 9:30:42 PM | "I've tried asking out several women....and every time I get the same response. I'm sorry but I have a boyfriend. It seems all the nice girls are taken. I often wonder are there more men on this planet than women? "
LOL Dude, I FEEL YOU.
By the way, I didn't notice how long ago this thread started. HOLY SH** lol Anyway though, most times when a girl rejects you, at least when I've been rejected, they were nice about it. Unless you're really sensitive and insecure (sorry guys if you are), it shouldn't bother you that much. If you're being decent and polite/nice/whatever, what reason does the girl have to act like a b****?? You'll probably get a rejection like the one above^^^ lol
What helped get my confidence up is the last time I was "broken up with" (we weren't seeing each other long and never made it "officially" exclusive). This was the first time in a long time that I felt I really was starting to get into a girl and open up, so it really hit me in the gut when she said it was over and she was seeing another guy. After that, I just got to the point where I didn't care anymore. In the few weeks, I probably asked out numerous girls in various situations (work, school, etc.) I thought of it this way: The pain from being broken up with is MUCH WORSE than a rejection trying to get some strange girl's number. | |
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| Why are guys afraid to ask women out?
Posted: 5/25/2009 10:12:59 PM | I'm NOT afraid... I don't C the point of asking a woman out that I clearly have NO interest in!!
If u want to go out with her.. then ask her out.... UNLESS u noticed something trifling about her!! | |
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| Why are guys afraid to ask women out?
Posted: 5/26/2009 5:31:17 AM | women are evil, take all our money, throw rocks at you, kiss you and make you cry.
-at the drop of a hat -they would suffocate you with your own pillow, run over your dog, poison your best friend, drive your car on empty, or until the engine runs out of oil and seizes up...
so why do we keep messin with them -and never learn
-(probibly has something to do with great breasts) | |
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| Why are guys afraid to ask women out?
Posted: 5/26/2009 7:00:54 AM | | Fear of rejection really it's what gets most guys while they wont admit it they don't like the idea of getting rejected so they don't bother. | |
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| Why are guys afraid to ask women out?
Posted: 5/26/2009 7:44:02 AM | You're not afraid of asking her out. You're afraid of what to say and do once you get there-! Maybe it's not a fear of rejection, but a fear of acceptance-! "OK, she likes me...now I've gotta be interesting and sexy...oh boy..." It's just a fear of the uknown. Once the uknown becomes known, it's no longer scary. And hopefully she won't get bored and stray by the time you know her lol.
Talk to her BEFORE you even consider asking her out. That'll "test the waters" (so you can determine whether she's a complete psycho) and will establish some comfort on YOUR end. Try to be funny but sensitive to her feelings, and enjoy the visual splendor of her. The fear will turn to excitement. YOU have some power here too, y'know? | |
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| Why are guys afraid to ask women out?
Posted: 5/26/2009 8:19:24 AM | I have a hard time breaking the ice with women off-line as well but I would also argue that, in my case at least, it has nothing to do with fear. I'm not afraid of women, nor do I put them on a pedestal. I'm a pretty confident person and have no shame about who I am. I also have no problems with rejection, especially from someone who doesn't know me. As far as I am concerned, the loss is mutual. However, there are a few reasons why I will often fail to create an initial rapport with women.
One of them is physical, approach anxiety they would call it. I get it every time I approach a girl I find attractive. It's like I hit a brick wall and there's nothing I can do about it. Not sure if this something I am genetically predisposed to have or if it's something that I unconsciously developed in my childhood but it's there non-the-less and it definitely doesn't feel like fear.
Another reason I have is that will often assume that the girl I am trying to approach already has a boyfriend or isn't looking for one. So with that in mind, I really don't want to feel like I'm bothering her with my advances. I know if I was in her situation, I would dread having strangers constantly approach me while I am about my daily business. At least with dating sites like this one, I can make a safe assumption that women are really here to meet people.
An other behavior that will hurt my approach the most is over-thinking it. For one thing, I'm usually trying to find something practical/logical, appropriate and comical to start a conversation on but I also don't want to come off as if I'm trying too hard (Which I am) or as if I'm "Some guy who's only trying to get in her pants" (Which I'm not). If I can't find anything good to say, then I won't say anything at all; usually waiting for a second opportunity that will so often never come. It doesn't help that I really don't enjoy making small talk either. (Talking about nothing with a stranger just for the sake of conversation isn't something I'm fond of doing.)
Anyway, those are my "excuses" for not asking women out. My question now is, why are women afraid to ask men out? I know there are some who do, but the majority don't; even though men are socially a lot more receptive to a females approach than the other way around. It's also very hypocritical to belittle others for not doing something you are not willing to do yourself. To conclude; I disagree with mentality which dictates that the burden of courting rests entirely on the shoulders of men. | |
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| Why are guys afraid to ask women out?
Posted: 5/26/2009 9:44:59 PM | | I don't know why you guys are afraid to ask women out. I'm a woman, who is considered to be cute to look at, but I can't even get the fat ugly guys to write me. Much less ask me out. | |
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| Why are guys afraid to ask women out?
Posted: 5/27/2009 12:07:09 PM | wow....
life is all about choices....
either you can sit there and complain about how hot the sun is-or you can go find shade....
there's really nothing to be afraid of....
you should be afraid of what you're missing out on because you're allowing your fear to run your life.....
10 no's are worth the happy moment that you have with that 1 that says yes...especially if you look back on that happy moment days later and smile....
take a breath, adjust yourself and speak- | |
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| Why are guys afraid to ask women out?
Posted: 5/28/2009 9:23:03 PM | Women like a man who is confident. If you give off certain vibes alot of women will pick right up on it.
Yes rejection sucks. But it is all in how you look at it. Don't take it personal. Women get rejected too. Just not as much as men. Because alot of women will not ask a man out.
Don't be afraid to ask them. If they turn you down. Just look at them. Give them a sly smile and say...your loss babe!
Just don't let it discourage you. And get that confidence in yourself showing. The babes will pick right up on it. | |
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| Why are guys afraid to ask women out?
Posted: 5/28/2009 9:34:35 PM | Guys are afraid for one simple reason: Rejection.
There may have been this girl you see around work or some other social setting, and dream about going out with her and all the fun times you guys might have. That alone makes you feel good, but in reality you don't know what she feels or thinks of you and the only way to find that out is if you ask her out. At this point, this is the reality check... So yeah, it can be a very scary situation. Because if she says no, then your dreams go straight down the drain.
That's part of the game I guess, get rejected and move on to the next.... Unfortunately, I have problems doing that myself heh.... | |
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| Why are guys afraid to ask women out?
Posted: 9/14/2009 12:33:47 PM | | Also some Men have a hard time making the first move and starting a conversation not because we are shy, we just do not know what to say. | |
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| Why are guys afraid to ask women out?
Posted: 9/19/2009 6:19:29 AM | Well, I'm new to the forum side of things, but I figured I'll give my 2 cents.
Like many, I'm afraid of rejection, but even more so, I just don't know what to say.
I've never dated and have no experience with girls outside of casual friendships (I've just not been interested in it until a few years ago -- I know, I know, late bloomer and all of that), but it just doesn't feel natural to even go up to a stranger and say "Hi." To me, even that could come across as creepy. | |
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| Why are guys afraid to ask women out?
Posted: 9/19/2009 8:01:39 AM | sddude,
I'm probably wasting my keystrokes here, cheap as they are, to point out something quite obvious.
I agree with you that women will never know how it feels to be rejected by 14 different people from the opposite sex in one night. And I'm sure it's not from your own experiences, likely a close friend of yours; but if he's been rejected by multiple women in the same night the answer is within the riddle.
I'll just hope that it was a speed dating event which is the only place I can imagine something like that happening. If that's not the case then it seems a man in this situation would be working the women like a herd of wildebeasts and as odds would have it, eventually a weak one will fall.
Happy hunting, dude | |
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| Why are guys afraid to ask women out?
Posted: 9/19/2009 9:06:40 AM | You guys who are afraid of rejection, ask yourselves what really bothers you, is it:
The actual rejection by a woman whom you have gotten along without so far?
The worry that if you ask a woman with whom you are friends or acquaintance, and she turns you down, it will forever change the relationship between you for the worse?
The possibility of being turned down and looking foolish in front of other people?
Is your fear of "rejection" actually the fear of some other kind of social awkwardness? If it is, you might be able to work around that fear in some way if you can recognize it for what it really is. | |
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| Why are guys afraid to ask women out?
Posted: 9/19/2009 9:15:28 PM | Women can be cruel when they reject a guy, but then again people can be cruel in many aspects of life.
If you are feeling significant pain when you are rejected, you may be waiting to long to ask for the date. You should be asking people out when you are first attracted to her. If you wait to ask someone out, you tend to build up significant emotional attachment, and a rejection then causes significant emotional harm.
If it is a sticky situation such as mutual friends or a coworker, that is a tougher decision, and you will have to decide if the risk is worth the reward. | |
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| Why are guys afraid to ask women out?
Posted: 9/19/2009 9:45:07 PM |
You guys who are afraid of rejection, ask yourselves what really bothers you, is it:
The actual rejection by a woman whom you have gotten along without so far?
The worry that if you ask a woman with whom you are friends or acquaintance, and she turns you down, it will forever change the relationship between you for the worse?
The possibility of being turned down and looking foolish in front of other people?
Is your fear of "rejection" actually the fear of some other kind of social awkwardness? If it is, you might be able to work around that fear in some way if you can recognize it for what it really is.
Contrary to popular belief, most go guys do not approach just any woman that looks good... most of us approach the ones that we personally find attractive regardless of what our friends think of her...
So in a sense we have bonded with her physically, her appearance, her mannerisms, how she behaves around her friends and acquaintances, her smile...ect...
by the time we approach her, we have decided that we want her for everything that she appears to be... and if she turns us down, then we have just been informed by the very one who gave us an undescribabley wonderful ( albeit mushy feeling ) that she is off limits to us; cannot have her and never will...
So to have that happen 14 times and not be deeply affected? He would have to have not been truly attracted to any of those woman. | |
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| Why are guys afraid to ask women out?
Posted: 9/20/2009 9:10:14 AM | Good point.
I don't think I've ever been attracted to a movie star (except for maybe Christina Ricci). I think many of them are hot, but I don't think they're interesting beyond that.
I've been attracted to overweight girls and to very plain-looking girls, because they had more abstract qualities such as personality and aura that literally made her look more attractive.
My problem is that I'm intimidated by anyone I'm attracted to. I don't think I have high standards, but I just freeze up toward anyone I want to get to know. I get into hoping that she'll notice me and come talk to me, but alas, it's never happened. | |
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| Why are guys afraid to ask women out?
Posted: 9/21/2009 9:15:25 PM | | I'm not intending to be rude however I'd suggest that perhaps poor grammer, screen name, or maybe you're looking in the wrong places. | |
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