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wil817
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Joined: 2/3/2008
Msg: 129 | |
| Mojo's Emmy-Award winning ANTI-REVIEW thread
Posted: 3/3/2008 6:40:39 PM | Hello. I've met someone online before, but she contacted me, and was very agressive and interested. i.e. she called me beforeI called her. Anyways, I'm thinking that is rare, and would appreciate some advice in making my profile more interesting/attractive. Please take a look at my profile, and be brutally honest. Being nice is nice, but I would rather change something, if it would help. Maybe my pictures, the text of my profile... Do I come off a certain way? I want to show myself in the most attractive way possible. Any advice would be appreciated. Thank you.
-Wilson | |
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| Mojo's Emmy-Award winning ANTI-REVIEW thread
Posted: 3/4/2008 12:22:54 AM | lil rock chick: Your "park pic" portrays pitifully poor personality, please purge! The last pic is a good "see I'm not fat" picture, but I think we both know you need a better quality, more alluring main photo. Someone in the UK has a good eye, find him and make him take your picture!
You would do well to cut down on your "interests" and only keep the ones that really make you stand out... unless you truly feel that "watching telly" and "listening to music" are what seperate you from the crowd!
Your essay is good, I would just ditch haha if not there's plenty more fish in the sea happy fishing - it lacks confidence!
gurl gone wild: Cute pictures, but I would suggest ditching that old school black & white digital camera. Unless you have a rare skin condition that renders your skin with greyscale pigmentation, post some pictures that show you as the world sees you! And consider displaying the much sought-after full body shot; people who list "average" and don't show off the goodies will always be assumed "fat." You've been warned!
Your mention that you're wild, and like to do crazy, spontaneous things, but the most you offer by way of suggestions are things like hanging out, listening to music and going for a walk. Now don't get me wrong, those little gems have paved the way for some wild nights, but if you're looking to attract people under 75, you might want to step it up and let people know just how wild this gurl can be.
Brownnie: Last time I checked there's only one "n" in "brownie," so unless the extra "n" is for "nincompoop" you might want to ditch it. Also, there's no "i" in "spontaneous." Are you getting the hint? Spell check is your friend! Not sure where to find a spell-checker on your computer? Look online. The first step to impressing the ladies is to prove you are smarter than a 5th grader! Or at least fake it.
Your pictures are fine, but personally I have a thing about people posting pictures with their children. I think it's creepy, and so do some of the women out there. Just mentioning you have kids is enough, showing them doesn't make you look better.
One last suggestion: please, get rid of the bouncing icons in your profile. Do you go to Nascar events waving around a little flag with a smiley face on it? Of course not, that would be gay. Get the picture? See previous posts for more detail. | |
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| Mojo's Emmy-Award winning ANTI-REVIEW thread
Posted: 3/4/2008 2:11:22 PM | I'm intrigued, this is like that car accident you don't want to look away from.
Anyway, I guess I'll hear what you have to say, some of what you say may be mean but at least it's true. | |
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| Mojo's Emmy-Award winning ANTI-REVIEW thread
Posted: 3/5/2008 1:12:18 AM | TODAY'S LESSON - HOW NOT TO BE FUNNY
snickers06: A favorite quote from a movie I can't remember is "everyone thinks they have a great sense of humor, even people who don't." Reading your profile reminds of me being in the audience while a first-time comic takes the stage and bombs; you keep thinking "I can tell that was supposed to be funny, but I'm not laughing!
I see a lot of attempts at comedy, and who knows, maybe there are some chicks out there shooting milk out their nose in total hysterics over your wit, but chances are they're in kindergarten. Let's go for the play-by-play:
Your headline: the sky is yellow n the sun is blue. I'm not even sure how that is supposed to be funny! Is someone intended to read that and think "but the opposite is true - wow, that guy is just TOO insane!" I have my doubts. An ironic statement along these lines that might catch a gufaw would be "Yellow sky, blue sun, me single!" Get it? There's a setup and punchline.
Profession: yes Aside from this being the most overused and obvious "joke" in this catagory, you seriously run the risk of a woman thinking you're either an insufferable smartass or a garbage man. Or both. Women seriously look at a man's profession to learn something about him, and if you're going to turn this into a joke you either need to be really funny or a super-hunk. Since the former is clearly your only option, here are a few off-the-cuff examples that might work better:
Profession: I could tell you but then I'd have to spank you
Profession: Pronunciation: \pr?-fe-sh?n\ Function: noun 1. a calling requiring specialized knowledge and often long and intensive academic preparation
Profession: Deleting lame emails
See how easy it is? I came up with those in five minutes and I'm not even a trained professional.
Now let's take a look at your essay... you've typed out welcome to my profile, with the text surround by ascii "stars and glitter." Are you sure you're not trying to appeal to the under-10 crowd? Seriously dude, you see that sort of thing exclusively on teenage girls' websites and, while I applaud your bold attmept to liberate that style for the rest of us, you may not want to spearhead that movement in your dating profile.
Overall, your essay really tells us very little, and your ATTEMPT to show what's IMPORTANT by capitalizing certain words comes across as ARROGANT and PREACHY.
And now, your pictures! You may have actually provided a big laugh for us with your personal photos (albeit unintentional). You have two photos of yourself posted, but you look like completely different people in each one. Do you or do you not currently have a beard? Facial hair is a deal breaker (or maker) for some women, so you really need to get down with the WYSIWYG thing. Your two "comedy" pictures have been seen dozens of times by the entire internet community and showing us a lake and some dogs come across as more of a non-sequitor than a glimpse into your personality.
And finally, you list "friends" as what you're looking for. Considering the utter disaster you currently have for a profile, even this might be optimisitc, but if you're looking for "more than friends," please consider the following steps:
1. Wire a series of demolition charges to your profile
2. After making sure all innocent bystanders are clear, pull the swtich and allow your profile to crumble to the ground in a giant pile of dust.
3. Sweep the area clean.
4. Start over.
You may wish to hire an architect (i.e. ask a female friend) to help you design a new profile that will be safe and fun for the whole community!
Congrats, Snickers, this is officially the cruelest & most deplorable reveiw I have written to date. But take heart, I also devoted more time to you than anyone else! | |
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kivega
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Joined: 2/27/2008
Msg: 136 | |
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| Mojo's Emmy-Award winning ANTI-REVIEW thread
Posted: 3/5/2008 1:35:22 PM | Mojo,
I haven't enjoyed reading a forum as much as I have today after landing here on this one.
You definitely provide a great service and I hope everyone is appreciating you taking the time to help them out.
I update my profile often with new pictures and verbage. I've added then subtracted.
I found just a few pictures and a shorted profile worked the best so far. Now I'm ready for your unprofessional brutally honest male opinion. I think.
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| Mojo's Emmy-Award winning ANTI-REVIEW thread
Posted: 3/10/2008 1:08:12 AM | Green Eyes In Florida: I like what I see and read, but naturally I can always find something to chime in on... I'd cut my essay a little short, I think there's a few comments that fall into the "unecessary b!tch-session" catagory: I would prefer someone that doesn't live geographically undesireable. Being in a relationship means being able to see that person on a regular basis and not having to travel great distances in order to see one another. No duh! This is a pretty obvious statement and, in my humble opinon, even the most innocent of "I don't want this" comments starts to let the negativity seep in. I'm guessing you wrote this because of a flurry of emails from guys who live far away, but you know what? We can't stop people from writing. Actually, wait, we can - you can always change your prefs to disallow mail from people who live too far away. And, as long as your clicking finger still works, hitting "delete" is a favorite option of the elite crowd.
I don't believe in "sowing my oats" so to speak. I am a lady first and foremost... that's all fine and dandy, but if this is supposed to scare away the men out there who just want to sow oats, good luck with that. I'd take this out, just be who you are keep your slime-ball radar on at all times.
Friends first and then something more would be the ultimate goal in life. I would like to get to know the man inside and out before committing to anything serious. As opposed to the people who like to committ to a serious relationship BEFORE getting to know someone? Snip snip! And you might want to change what you're looking for from "friends" to "long-term," because it sounds like that is your ultimate goal; guys looking for long-term may very well instantly click away from someone who says "friends" under the assumption that they're only here looking for shopping buddies. Good luck! And tell your dog to get off the couch.
RichardDeMontreal: While your profile is good, we need to shorten that sucker! So allow me to help you sharpen that axe and decide what should get tossed out the airlock... Career is very important and often takes priority... Sheesh, you might as well just come out and say "sorry, ladies, I just won't have time for you." I get the feeling that you probably don't shun the right girl for too many late nights at the office, so just scrap that line.
One of the things that distinguishes me from your average joe is my sense of humor... Oh lord, here we go again, yet another guy proudly proclaiming to be the POF equivalent of Steve Martin yet with a profile that exudes all the humor of a rusty nail. Now, to be fair, your profile does offer a slight hint of your jovial nature, but if you're going to claim "I'm funny" the gals damn well better be in guffawing by the time they get to that "email" button... so either turn up the jokeocity settings or just remove the claim and let your profile do the talking...
My philosophy is that no day is wasted if you learn at least one new thing and specialization is for insects. A true man should be able to cook a light and fluffy omlette, build a house, program a computer, care for a baby, care for a sick animal, speak eloquently, write a poem, be tolerant and kind, and defend himself and his own if the need arises. And my philosophy is "this paragraph sucks!" A lot of real men I know out there cannot program a computer and if they could make a fluffy omlette they wouldn't need a girlfriend. And if you are making this statement because you CAN do all those things, it sounds a little like you're just finding a clever way to boast. But most important, if you claim to be able to write poetry, cook and take care of a baby, one of these days you're gonna have to pay up! Keep those cards close to your vest, my friend...
So come on Ladies! My friends say that I am considered "the one that got away!" but in reality, I didn't - just got stuck in a bad relationship for a decade or so that has now ended. You need to delete this NOW. I'm guessing you added this after getting a serious lack of replies to your emails and it SOUNDS like it. No desperation, please! And revealing you were "stuck in a bad relationship for a decade" is like shouting "I have lots of baggage!" from the rooftops. "Stuck" in a bad relationship? Were you incapable of making it work or getting out? Sounds like something a "real man" should be able to do, wink wink. | |
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| Mojo's Emmy-Award winning ANTI-REVIEW thread
Posted: 3/10/2008 1:16:12 AM | | Go ahead, I'm new and would like all the constructive criticism I can get. I've modified my profile many times but it still doesn't look right to me. | |
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| Mojo's Emmy-Award winning ANTI-REVIEW thread
Posted: 3/10/2008 4:56:56 AM | | One more thing....what are you thoughts on listing Dating vs. Long Term....I go back and forth and see good and bad with both of them....Thanks, Mojo! | |
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| Mojo's Emmy-Award winning ANTI-REVIEW thread
Posted: 3/17/2008 12:48:52 AM | Hi folks! Remember what I said when I started this thread? I won't be timely! The demands of life, love and laziness sometimes eats into my thrill of profile chewing but take heart, I shall always return and, sooner or later, you will have your moment of glory!
And now, we tackle the next two lucky masochists...
HarmonyII: Looking good, can't find too much to throw rocks at... but then again, who says we're here to be mean? Maybe I should rejoyce at the opportunity to hurl nothing but candy and flowers at people for a job well done! And so we shall start with you. Actually, forget that, you said you're trying to lay off the candy so here just take a daisy or two.
You mentioned you're working on the weight thing, but you still might want to post at least one full-body pic to let people know if "a few extra pounds" in your case means "a few extra hot dogs" or "a few extra Baskin Robins franchises." Your essay makes you out to be an intelligent, fun loving, warm-hearted gal, so I'd leave it as is... but, that being the case, you might want to come up with another headline; I mean is the first image you want to put in people's heads when checking you out is of a girl stuffing a flute up her jay-jay?
dwkfym1: Too fast for love? Wow, what a great headline! So, you basically want to just tell people right up front that you're not interested in relationships and romance? Good going! If the goal of your profile is to make sure that everyone knows absolutely and beyond any shadow of a doubt that you're into racing, then mission accomplished, my friend. If there are any chicks out there dying to meet a self-admitted walking cliche (i.e. a young asian guy into street racing) then you're set.
On the other hand, since I'm guessing that while you may be proud of your wheels, you DO feel there is more to life than torque; as such, you might want to ease up on the throttle and let your profile focus on the other aspects of yourself. Seriously, most chicks are going to see a profile dedicated to racing and think "immature guy with a death wish." At the very least, tell us WHY you love racing so much and how it makes you unique.
Hey whats up? Not too much to say about me. I'm not here to waste your time either so I'll try and keep this short... I know you're just a college student, but if this is opening line were put on a Dynojet it would be pwned by an old Miata. Not much to say? Don't want to waste our time? Ok, then delete your profile. Otherwise, take a few minutes and sell yourself! The ladies are waiting... | |
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| Mojo's Emmy-Award winning ANTI-REVIEW thread
Posted: 3/17/2008 10:34:38 AM | | Thanks Mojo! Now I have to think of something clever for my headline. I was going for something that showed that I like telling stories....but I certainly don't want people to get the mental image of me and a flute dildo! LOL! | |
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