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| How come single mothers don't want single fathers
Posted: 2/19/2008 11:04:25 AM | I'm clearly in the minority, but I would rather date someone without children, even though I have a daughter.
I don't want to deal with the extra drama and baggage that kids & exes bring. Maybe that makes me a hypocrit or selfish, but it's honest. | |
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| How come single mothers don't want single fathers
Posted: 2/19/2008 4:00:30 PM | | Ironman, don't give up hope. I honestly don't believe that single mothers don't want single fathers. Maybe you just havnt met the right woman yet. Most people come onto pof to find a mate and yours will except you and your children as a whole. You sound like a confident man who has his priorities in the right place ,so you know what they say... patience is a virtue. | |
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| How come single mothers don't want single fathers
Posted: 2/19/2008 4:33:56 PM | | I personally don't want to date a man with children - even though I have them. That's all I've ever dated and it's never worked out. It's got nothing to do with drama or excess baggage, whatever the hell that means (I think that's a stupid way to term someone with kids). | |
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| How come single mothers don't want single fathers
Posted: 2/19/2008 4:46:55 PM | Having just joined POF I find it a bit disconcerting that women wo dont have kids just dont give you the time of day..
Although I have picked up one or two friends on here and they take me for me kids and all.
Having said that I have joined this site to date and to find that one special Lady who wouldnt even care if I platted my back hair  the fact I aint got any would make this fun to see
Edd | |
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| How come single mothers don't want single fathers
Posted: 2/19/2008 6:09:25 PM | | My dream would be to find a man with a little ones, middle or teenaged children, I am still clucky as crazy, I would take home a whole orphanage full of little ones if I could. So OP there are women out there who would dream of meeting you. Some of us mums, just can't get enough of motherhood and there are others who just were never able to have any children at all. A dad who has got his act together, is a big man in my eyes and a proven "real man" . Good luck in your search. | |
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| How come single mothers don't want single fathers
Posted: 2/19/2008 6:46:36 PM | I know this'll sound hypocritical, but I would prefer to date a guy without kids, even though I've got 2 of my own and here's why: I can discipline my own kids how I see fit, talk to them the way I want to, etc. but the thought of co-parenting, step-parenting or whatever someone else's kids terrifies me!
I would feel as if I had to be extra nice or whatever to his kids and my kids would obviously think, what the heck? Silly? Maybe... But I wouldn't have a problem with a guy offering help with parenting skills 'cos I could probably use a bit 'o improvement  (note* I said a "bit" of improvement, lest anyone thinks I have problem children...).
But this doesn't mean I wouldn't date a guy with kids; it's just that I would be leery of meeting the child, getting to know them, worried they might think I'm the wicked step-mother so if I do date a guy with his own kids, I'd prefer they were younger; that way, they don't have their opinions/judgments fully developed! | |
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eyes35
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Joined: 6/12/2007
Msg: 33 | |
| How come single mothers don't want single fathers
Posted: 2/20/2008 2:19:01 AM | kids are a blessing as far as Im concerned as the relationship will speak volumes and I have my own kids.
Who else could possibly understand the time starved schedule of a parent other than another??
Awesome luck I say :) | |
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| How come single mothers don't want single fathers
Posted: 2/20/2008 5:31:49 AM | Interesting question and all of the answers make for great reading.
I have no kids but would love to be a Dad. I find myself dating single Moms about 75% of the time because I feel they usually have a focus on family rather than career or partying. The trick for us single men with no kids (when looking at single Moms) is finding one who wants more kids. I would gladly accept and love a pre-made family but would also like the opportunity to experience the process at least once. I hope that makes sense. | |
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| How come single mothers don't want single fathers
Posted: 2/20/2008 9:02:16 AM | I have no issues dating a single dad. There would be some mutual understanding of the challenges one faces from the get go, and that's gotta be a bonus. ( I might also be able to get some advice on how to deal withe the "WHY?" stage if their kids are a little older )
The only proviso I have is that his KIDS are ready for him to socialise, to the point of at least being willing to meet me for a trip to the park if we decide the relationship has "long term" potential. I hate it when people "foist" children who not emotionally ready for it onto new partners.
If it gets serious realise that I'm always going to show the biological mother of your kids respect, and talk about her in a respectful manner, and would expect the same with my child. | |
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| How come single mothers don't want single fathers
Posted: 2/20/2008 10:33:36 AM |
The trick for us single men with no kids (when looking at single Moms) is finding one who wants more kids.
That's an excellent point and one that resonates with my own experiences. I've been searching for a partner who has:
-wisdom, maturity, adaptability and tolerance (characteristics often developed through parenthood, but also through other major life experiences such as caring for an ailing relative, say)
-NO crazy ex in the picture. We all, in partnering, must accomodate the partner's picadilloes and life circumstances (aka "baggage,"), and if we commit we do so knowing that future, likely unpleasant, life circumstances may also appear: poor health, layoffs, etc. But we can also communicate early on in the dating process which kinds of partner burdens are simply not possible for us to share. I, like several women on this thread, am simply not interested in dealing with "ex drama." (I'm not being a hypocrite; my ex isn't in the picture at all, so my partners wouldn't have to deal with such drama, either.) I'm also leery of divorced men who are still too chummy with their exes, who keep replicating the old family unit (sharing kids' birthday parties and holidays; calling each other for home or car repairs) instead of moving on. Not saying that's bad in all circumstances - just explaining that I wouldn't want to get involved with that situation.
-no longing for his own biological children (or "more children," if he's already a dad)
So my "target demographic" has often been nonparent men (because single dads whose ex is completely gone are rare, and those whose co-parenting relationship with their ex is mellow with good boundaries are often too old for me). And yup, just as you say, nonparent men often want their "own" children. (Again, not criticising that preference - just saying I can't accomodate it.)
It's a struggle. | |
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| How come single mothers don't want single fathers
Posted: 2/20/2008 12:08:39 PM | UGH is all I have to say.
I was engaged for 2 years to a woman I loved with all the heart I had and she finally broke it off because of my kids... talk about heartbreak. It was OK for all that time, then... well, I thought I learned my lesson. Lately, here on this site, I decided to try and meet some children without kids... I told them I had kids... by date 3 they finally told me they don't want to date guys with kids!
The funniest part is that (not funny i guess) is that they are like 35-42 and say they want kids "someday" and they have not been in a serious relationship yet...
WHAT PLANET are these chicks from?
They are NOT having children, they are NOT that special, and they are NOT even relationship material, and they will never be FIRST to anyone, so get real out there single ladies over 35 and settle.
You're about to to "hit the wall" any day now.
Single fathers (without kids at home) are the most reliable, loving commitment-friendly and responsible people out there.
You may never be "#1" but how can you trust a 40 year old man who's NEVER COMMITTED TO ANYTHING?
Enjoy the heartbreak, those guys are players, I KNOW THEM, and when you are 75 and alone you will look back and say, "Why did I dump all those good men with kids? Boy was I stupid!"
MARK MY WORDS. | |
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-1-
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Joined: 9/6/2007
Msg: 38 | |
| How come single mothers don't want single fathers
Posted: 2/20/2008 5:26:43 PM | I think in the age of instant gratification alot of women want the man all to themselves ,and feel they shouldn't have to come second,or they feel that a man can't raise a child by himself and dedicate all his time to them(meaning the womannof his life) I have ran into that myself, I have one son whom I fought to get sole custudy of ,and it seems like ladies think us guys with children are looking for a mother to raise them,we aren't we are just looking for companionship,is that so wrong?where did the lines of communication get so crossed up,I wonder if all of us single guys were rich would we still have this problem.who knows I hope the best for all of you single fathers out there ,may you find what you are looking for/searching for   | |
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| How come single mothers don't want single fathers
Posted: 2/20/2008 5:32:01 PM | That's funny, I am more likely to want to see a man who puts his kids first because I am a single mom. Granted, it might be more difficult to find time to get together if you both have kids full-time, but a single dad would be more likely to understand what I am going through.
Just my opinion... | |
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| How come single mothers don't want single fathers
Posted: 2/20/2008 7:10:20 PM | | As a single mom of 2 kids, honestly, i have been in two relationships with men that brought their own kids into my life....and here's the thing. The mothers of these children did nothing but cause problems. I just recently ended things with the second guy and his childrens' mother has done everything from accuse me of abusing her kids so she could try to split us up by using the children as pawns, to going behind my back and calling him while he wasn't home and subtly calling me the worst mother around. I am a VERY good mom, my kids have never wanted for anything despite my financial limitations. I teach them morals and values that my 9 year old tells me she's the only kid in school that she knows has. Point is, I had grown to love these children in both relationships, and my children grew to love them and their fathers as well. Now i don't know if I even want to introduce a man to my kids until we're heading for the church! i'm so afraid they're going to get hurt again and i don't want to ever see that happen again. I'm not opposed to dating and falling in love, but the man will have to understand that i can't take the chance of them getting involved until I KNOW he's forever, and I've already been fooled twice....=( | |
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| How come single mothers don't want single fathers
Posted: 2/21/2008 3:19:03 PM | Wow - I am so sorry to hear your experience, my friend. I, too, am a single parent - a single mom - of 3 awesome kids whom I adore......I don't know why the single moms you are meeting don't seem to want a relationship with a single dad, but don't give up, there are plenty that do! You will find the right one some day. My advice: Keep being the best parent you can be, and keep becoming the kind of person you would want your dearest sister to end up with.......become the kind of person you hope to end up with.........you will end up with someone who is right, and who deserves you :o)
Best wishes ! | |
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| How come single mothers don't want single fathers
Posted: 2/21/2008 5:31:59 PM | | Ok so I never post on forums, however I figured since i have some experience with this i thought id share. First,wtf? Ok chances are the majority of us single parents looking to date are most likely looking to find the one, ya know the "L" word, Im not saying everyone is but i will get to that after. Ok.......so single moms dont want single dads, sometimes neither do single women without children,who cares? waste of your time anyways.....love is unconditional people,you accept that person no matter what......it doesnt just come around everyday......so if you meet someone, possibly a single mom, who you just feel you have that "thing" with and so does she,but she doesnt accept you, who the hell cares, would you want to be with someone like that anyways? i think it is a responsibiliy of a single parent to weed out the dirt of the earth and find someone good, not only for you but more importantly for your child (maybe not so applicable with older children) because it is your job to protect them and surround them with love and happiness. Serial dating is not good for your child,unless they arent meeting the person. to involve someone in your childs life, you must be very very selective. those 3 and 5 and 6 and 8 year relationships take a toll on a childs life, seeing so many men or women come and go. Now im sure we have all met someone and thought this is gonna be good,bring them into the situation and then they are gone and were left wondering?? well i have anyways, you learn your lessons, you know what to look for. now im cant speak for what women thing of men, but ive been there done that with all situations, single moms, single women with no children, some 20 some 30 some 40......everyone is different, ive dated single moms who just couldnt do it, why, because they couldnt open their heart up enough to love another child (in ten years shes had another kid with you and fuked off with your house and bank acount) then you'll date younger one s(that trend is tyoically under 35 nowdays) that seem all sweet, but god they are so barbie ish, oh and everything is good, then its the bar, the partys, and u cant come then they cheat because, well ur no fun u have to stay at home with your kid, yes some of these are single moms too......then you will even meet the ones who from the bottom of their heart thought they could, just werent ready yet, not bad people, but look for the signs of immaturity......but then there are the ones, no matter what age, who are just who they are, they didnt become different, close to their family, (single moms and single women) down to earth, dont need to get attention from everywhere,know their beautiful without having to say "hunny im gojng to the bar with the girls to dance, see you in the morning" ps....that means going to get attention, maybe even something else...true, why do u have to go to the bar to dance? because they have drinks....we have drink? because my friends are there......invite them over......they have loud music........so do we........its just a chance to get out,......why dont you go shopping? lol biggest sing of an attention seeker, u dont want her, most men compliment their woman enough....anyways my point is ive lived through it all,i raise my daughter on my own, i met her mother when her mother was a single parent of a daughter whos father walked out of her life....i accepted them both with all my heart, 3 years and lost of abuse later i finally had the courage to leave when my child was old enough to know me,yes this includes coming home to other men in my home, assault with weapon and other countless acts that u just dont need to know....but i stayed for her and the sake of her step sister......joint custody, residing with the mother (stay at home mom and a sibling cant beat that in a court)....i visited with my daughter according to schedule ....oh and wait, every weekend the mother was suppose to have her, she was at the bar haha......well 7 months later....come and get her shes all yours cant do it anymore (kept the other daughter)...........have heard from her a few times in the last year......i still regularly visit with my daughters step sister through my daughters papa, he gets her step sister every weekend, shes at the bar .....anyways my point i guess guys is that ive seen it, my brother all have custody of their children, many of my friends do to.......my perspective on most women isnt great....althought that doesnt mean all of them, there are still alot of good ones out there......but honestly just be cautious....look for the signs, have your guard up but try not to judge.......and in my opinion if your going to date a single mom, look for the over 30 crowd, they seem to have it together better, single women without children however, dont judge by age, you may be suprised at the maturity of some of them.....but i find the young single moms are looking more for stability and reasurance rather then true feelings, seems like it at first, but the deeper you get the more they want to back away, i just believe its an inner selfishness, posssibly from being hurt before.......who knows im no expert, seen enough to know what i want and what to look for though.......other then that if you just want to be a manwhore, you still can, but pick your weekend to go out with your buddies and get a hotel or stay with one of them and find a willing combatant for the night, the young ones are good, they like the experience and arent crazy in the morning when u tell them thanks, then tell them you have a kid lol anyways good luck..... | |
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| How come single mothers don't want single fathers
Posted: 2/21/2008 6:18:13 PM | | I have 1 kid, and I am generally turned off by single dads because I know I want more kids in the future. I went out with a guy with 3 kids, but think about it.. if it "worked out" that would be like 4 kids! More then I could possibly handle. I want 1-2 more of my own. | |
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| How come single mothers don't want single fathers
Posted: 2/28/2008 3:49:07 PM | | I have two children.... And to meet a man that has children is what i've been looking for.. i can't have more children of my own. But i am willing to accept others... It was interestin to see how many single dads there is... It gives you that little bit of hope | |
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| How come single mothers don't want single fathers
Posted: 2/28/2008 5:14:35 PM | | Just my point of view...I am sick and tired of crazy baby mothers or men that still mess with there baby mother. I was with my ex for 2 years and his baby mother was crazy and he cheated on me with her...just because he could. (makes no sense to me) so me personally not all woman are like me and dont want there baby father back . | |
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| How come single mothers don't want single fathers
Posted: 2/28/2008 6:25:06 PM | I have no problem with single dads...my last ex had 3 kids of his own he was raising alone, and I had 3...jumped in with both feet.
It would have been great had we been more on the same page with discipline and rules...I was harder, he let them do whatever. We tried counselling, but since he was unwilling to compromise, it always was a struggle.
It takes mature adults to blend families, and be willing to compromise and see each other's point of view. Lots of balance, but not impossible. | |
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| How come single mothers don't want single fathers
Posted: 2/28/2008 6:31:50 PM | I love the single dads, myself. The more we have in common, the better. Now that my kids are teens, I look more for dads with older kids, but not necessarily, because I can relate to a parent with kids of any age. I've been there and done that.  | |
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| How come single mothers don't want single fathers
Posted: 2/28/2008 10:31:01 PM | Having only been back into the dating scene for about 9 years now....yeah 9 years....I don't know that I could say single moms are the exclusive. In the last 9 years I have had only one serious relationship and it was with a single mom with 2 kids, ages the same as my daughter. Honestly thought I would marry this woman....until....the first time I said anything negative about hers. That was the day I should've left.
I truly have been blessed with a wonderful daughter. Straight A's since day one. Cheerleader since kindergarten. Basketball since first grade. Now at the age of 14, class president, basketball, volleyball, softball, still straight A's. All that's great. What's better is....she's a positive influence for other kids, she's respectful, considerate, caring, helpfull....and yes....she's lazy, has to be told to clean her room, do the dishes, call her family members....she's absolutey perfect....and she's not.
The thing is, no one is. But when you're in a relationship with people with kids, whether you or they have any, parenting is a shared responsibility. But you must be on the same page. That one serious relationship taught me one important thing. If as a parent, you can't handle someone else parenting your kids, do not get involved. Does'nt make you right or wrong, just human. Realize it and deal with it by being honest about it.
And with all the success I've had meeting decent women, it's kinda looking like I'm gonna have to wait until my daughter and their kids are out of the house. It's ok though. I don't want to put my daughter or anybody else's kids in the postion of getting attached and then losing that person like my daughter and her kids "lost" their other parent. (yes, my daughter has not seen or talked with her mom in almost 3 years and her boy's "father" is an a**hole and should not be allowed within 100 miles of a kid)
This does'nt mean I have quit looking for that special person in my life. It only means that it is going to take and extraordinary person to become a part of my daughters life while she is still at home fulltime.
For all you single parents out there, especially you fathers who have stood up like men should (which historically is not that common) taking care of your kids, usually without the proper help from the other parent, your kids will, if they have not already, realize and appreciate everything you have sacrificed and done for them. Congratulations...be proud of yourselves.  | |
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