| How come single mothers don't want single fathers
Posted: 2/23/2009 11:53:21 AM | | I think most women with children would prefer a guy who dosent have any of kids his own. I think it is probably just easier for her to spend time with a guy who is more available to fit in with her schedule. Also, the woman wants some attetion. SHe probably dosent want to compete with his kids for that attention. Let's face it, time is short. With both people having kids, the couple has less time to spend alone together. That alone time is important too. In the end, I think it is more a logistical issue than an emotional issue for most women. | |
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| How come single mothers don't want single fathers
Posted: 2/23/2009 12:34:04 PM | i feel the same,,in my experience guys have asked me if i have kids, how old, do they live at home, answer, yes yes and yes,,,, then its do i want quickie,, answer, no,,, then for some reason they dont talk anymore,lol, cant understand that!!!   | |
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| How come single mothers don't want single fathers
Posted: 2/23/2009 2:54:24 PM | | Well I'd love to meet a single father! I come from a big family and loved it. I have 3 kids and a single dad of 4 boys has just caught my eye. Sure, lots of kids can be hard at times - but I really think kids are great fun and the more the better! Although I also think being away from the little angels is way more fun! | |
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nonees
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Joined: 1/22/2009
Msg: 104 | |
| How come single mothers don't want single fathers
Posted: 2/23/2009 5:35:11 PM | | I would actually prefer a single dad to someone who has no kids . I would probably not consider anyone without a child of his own. At this stage of my life my kids are priority and I would like to share my experience with someone who has been there, loves kids and knows what it is like to be a single parent . | |
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| How come single mothers don't want single fathers
Posted: 2/24/2009 8:49:09 AM | Many of us do want a man who is a real man, meaning the kind of guy who is a whole person. Someone who has a heart and soul, someone who not only stands up and takes care of his responsibilities, but WANTS and NEEDS his children. As a mother who just lost her youngest daughter (a 16 yr old angel ) and now only has her twin brother and a grown daughter who lives 3000 miles away with her own family, I would love to have more children. I'm 42 and past having any more of my own, but I would give anything to have more children! Not only are they life's biggest reward, but they make you who you were meant to be. Children reflect our own hearts and souls in that purity that only they still have the innocence to reflect. Any human being who would reject someone with children is someone I couldn't trust and wouldn't want around mine! Take your time, be choosy and cherish the time you still have with them. If that right woman comes along, then thank
God for the extra blessings that you have! BTW, your profile is absolutely fine. I do hope that the Lord blesses you and your family with whatever it is that you need! Take care and give those precious blessings a hug from a lady who wishes she could give her own just one more... | |
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| How come single mothers don't want single fathers
Posted: 2/24/2009 9:23:26 AM | | I'm thinking that many men with children are looking for a "substitute mommy", which is what women with their own children do not want to be. I've dated men with children and one wanted exactly that and the other totally took care of his own kids. I think women are weary of the first scenario. | |
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| How come single mothers don't want single fathers
Posted: 2/24/2009 6:55:44 PM | I agree with you 100% ttcmom! Having two children myself, I feel like it may be difficult for a man without children to understand the commitment. It may not always be true I suppose and I had a guy on here really get upset with me when I told him I was nervous that he didn't have children yet.
I find the wole dating thing scary in general after having been married for so long. Don't get me wrong....very happy to be free and I have dated since my divorce....yet as often as I get asked out on this site, I'm still afraid to take the jump and actually meet anyone!
Thanks for explaining how many women with kids must feel yet just don't know how to say it. Good luck with your new special someone! | |
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| How come single mothers don't want single fathers
Posted: 2/24/2009 8:27:22 PM | I am no parent, but from my little circle of close girlfriends I am one of 30 who is open to dating guys who have children.
My girlfriends think that if they don't have any children, they shouldn't date someone who does. They would prefer the joy of having their first child with someone who doesn't already have a child or children, and hope to enjoy their happiness with that person both enjoying such an experience of their first child together.
Another thing my friends worry about is baby-momma drama. Every relationship is different, even when it ends romantically, but some people can't handle that you have to deal with your ex all of the time because of the child or children. (Meaning the worry you still have a connection with the baby-momma.) Even if she is no longer in your life, my girlfriends get crazy and wonder if you would ever love them as much as you did your baby-momma. They may also wonder what went wrong--what was the problem, you or her?
Many of my girlfriends feel they cannot love someone else's child. Many of my girlfriends almost don't like children, or even hope to not have children.
Here's my take on it--from a single gal with no children. ---------------
I don't mind dating guys with kids. It is something I have done before, and I can handle it. The hard part is when the relationship ends between me and the guy, the relationship between me and the kid(s) also has to end (because they're not mine). There are issues with dealing with someone else's kids too--an understanding of what level I am allowed to discipline them (if at all), what kind of interactions he would accept me having with them (babysitting them ok? taking them to dr's apt ok? taking them out for ice cream without you ok?)--and what if the kid doesn't like me? I haven't come across that situation just yet--but it's a possibility I've always been ready for (if I am open to dating someone with kids). This entire children thing is something that I've decided I can deal with, something I can handle.
As for my girlfriend's thoughts, I try to avoid contact with the baby-moma as much as possible. I want to know as little about her as possible. This is to avoid any kind of awkwardness between me and her in the long-run. Again, I've dealt with situations like this before, and I would prefer to have as little to do with her as possible. So if you're dating someone, don't tell them all about your baby-momma--they don't wanna hear it!!! (Unless it's about medical conditions or something that she's passed down to your child or children, and you're trying to explain to me.)
A lot of times my friends think that something is wrong with a guy who has kids. The way I see it, if there is a nice guy out there and he's got a kid or kids, I can soooo deal with that and he is lovable and worth falling for. It would be better than me falling for any guy who's not nice and doesn't have any kids (which I have come across many).
All in all, it has to be something she is prepared for. She has to be emotionally ready to handle the situations she may be in just for being in a relationship with someone who already has a child or children. | |
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| How come single mothers don't want single fathers
Posted: 2/25/2009 7:47:02 AM | I've been on this site for 2 weeks and after observing the forums, especially this single parent one, I think there are a lot of you that are just outright ridiculous.
Maybe "it's not fair" for a single person to date a single parent. I get that; makes sense. But when you complain that you can't find a "real man", just remember that, single dads who step up and raise their kids and take responsibility for their actions are REAL men. You won't know with a single guy until he's taken time to prove it, but a man that can step up to responsibility and devotion to raising children is real.
So what if the kids aren't yours? Big deal. Kids are way more fun than you think. So many people have the disposition that kids are a drag. That's probably why so many dads (AND moms) walk away from their kids, but in reality, kids are so fun. My kids and I have more fun than I've EVER had going out to party.
So when you pass on the nice guy just because he's got kids, I send you my condolences. You miss out on the potential for something great. | |
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| How come single mothers don't want single fathers
Posted: 2/25/2009 8:12:31 AM | I'll feel pretty much exactly the same as Messiah.
To be honest it kind of stuns me that so many ladies are "put off" by single dads. I have had my girls pretty much on my own for a couple of years now. I have seen a few women that looked to be a pretty good match that seemed to be turned off by the fact of me having the girls. Some single no children and some were single mom's themselves. Many times not even taking the time to see that I still because of the work I do ect, that I am able to spend a good deal of time and focus on them. But at this point.... it’s their loss and I refuse to let it bother me anymore.
As usual just my .01
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| How come single mothers don't want single fathers
Posted: 2/25/2009 11:53:09 AM | | I date single fathers. I have children and it is great to have a man who knows what you are going through. You will find someone who will except you and your children. Just hold out for the right one. | |
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| How come single mothers don't want single fathers
Posted: 4/12/2009 2:19:55 PM | | As a single mother, I have to create a great deal of balance in my life. There are many people who count on me, not just my children. I think it should go unspoken that your children come first - TO A CERTAIN DEGREE. All good single parents have a unique obligation, in order to find and maintain other relationships outside of their children's, to find a healthy balance for nurturing both their kids and fostering a romantic relationship with someone. Personally, when I read, "My kids come first" that speaks to me that you are of one of two male camps: You may be an excellent father who assumes responsibility for the well being of your children, sometimes (maybe a lot of the time) to the extent where balance between your significant other relationship and your relationship with your kids suffers. Kids need to be strong and learn how to be independent and let their single parents be individual human beings who have their own needs, as long as kid's basic needs are met. I have found that these type of men sometimes use their children to avoid a deep connection to a significant other, under the guise of being an excellent father. The other camp is the single father who relies on the women in his life to give his kids all the true good stuff they need. Balance is hard for men, I have found, and it scares me, paradoxically so, to read how devoted a man is to their children because it means to me that I will never come first even if junior is just manipulating dad to get him away from dad's needs and interests - kids do this - mine do too - sometimes men just don't get that. Balance is tricky. | |
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| How come single mothers don't want single fathers
Posted: 4/12/2009 6:36:00 PM | Sometimes I think it's a more primal thing...
A woman with kids may not want a man with kids because she might see his kids as competing for the 'resources' that she feels should be only for her kids.... even if those resources are more than plenty for all concerned...
I don't even think they see themselves this way either...
If we were talking animals, the mother might even kill the other progeny so they cannot compete.... as humans, I'm sure a few of these traits are still buried deep in the subconcious of some... | |
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| How come single mothers don't want single fathers
Posted: 4/12/2009 8:14:19 PM | I think what everyone is saying is right. The right one will show up when it's right. I think single parents can get in ruts where they just can't seem to make time or are discouraged. I've got 3 girl's and after being single for 5 yrs I'm just now feeling like I know I can make time for myself and possibly others. Just hang in there she'll show up | |
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| How come single mothers don't want single fathers
Posted: 4/13/2009 9:02:15 AM | I feel if someone I am with that has children cant accept my children into the relationship tells me that they are selfish and self centered. These are the people I avoid, and it suprises me to hear a single mother say to someone, "in order to date you hasve to accept my kids, but i dont have to accept yours,'
Makes me wonder what their motives are....looking for a new daddy for their kids?
again, this is my opinion, and you know what opinions are like | |
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| How come single mothers don't want single fathers
Posted: 4/13/2009 10:53:49 AM | | I dont think that true. I'm a single mom and I honestly think I would prefer a man that already had children. I'm not sure I want anymore children but then again I'm not sure I dont. I'm only 24 and I say only because I feel that my daughter is the most important think and as long as I put her first I can put everything else in its list of priorities finding a man is at the end of the list I'm mostly on here for fun. | |
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| How come single mothers don't want single fathers
Posted: 4/13/2009 11:28:32 AM | I'd not thought about this much until I read this topic, I've had problems with single guys because they've competed with my child for my attention and can sometimes come over as a bit selfish (to a single parent anyway, it's all relative)- and that really wears me out. Also I've had problems with guys who had kids because our parenting styles didn't fit or there ex's parenting styles didn't fit or they expected me to completly take over the role of mum to all the kids while they laid back and watched. I'm more careful now about dating single dads and thoroughly check out the ex and their parenting styles first before anything happens, also I think the idea of a single guy in my age range, who I'm beginniong to think are generally just looking for a womb, is really starting to put me off as I've just gotten my career going again and need a few years of hard slog under my belt before I can think of taking some time off again. At the day I'm not going to stay with a single dad long if his kids are allowed to just eat cheese and chips and mine has to eat her greens, or if the ex complains because I want to put all the kids to bed at a reasonable time. Similarly I'm not going to entertain being with a single guy who's just waiting around for me to put my girl to bed, or get some time off because he thinks that's then his time to get my full, undivided attention and do what he wants (always forgetting that I'm in this equation somewhere!). I'm happy to stay on my own until my daughters left home if the right person doesn't come along but I can see a lot of benefits of being with a single dad, maybe the right one will appear magically :)
Peace. | |
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| How come single mothers don't want single fathers
Posted: 4/13/2009 2:11:47 PM | I know what you mean all too well. From being out there out meeting other single fathers and women I have concluded one thing. Men accept they are not taking the role of dad to a single mom's kids and have this general man to man understanding to give the kids' dad his space, his rights and respect...unless the relationship gets serious and the dad is a truly bad parent. But, by then, the man has invested himself and looks at it objectively to work through.
From speaking with women, they look at it as the coined "baby mama drama" and want nothing to do with the man's "baggage." Kids and an ex are baggage and don't fit the fairy tale or the preferred choice. Unfortunately, with fewer people making lifelong committments so you know what you are going to get is untainted, the preferred man is very difficult to find for those women. They want the man and her kids... no more.
I look at it this way, I will either wait till my children are grown andI don't care anymore, or I will find that RARE woman that understands a man with kids that is deeply involved with his children is a million times better than a man that ignores the lives he helped create. Children are innocent. Mine or not. Love them all. | |
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| How come single mothers don't want single fathers
Posted: 4/14/2009 7:31:23 AM | | I have found this post very informative indeed. When recently divorced and had a 4yo daughter most of the time..I started the online dating thing, myspace and some of these other sites. I confidently put pictures of myself and her on them, spent countless sentences talking about the things we do etc. Making sure I stressed how important family and raising children was to me. I was quite shocked at how few responces I got, and the difficulty I had even finding a pen pal. I thought at the beginning she was going to be an extra prop I could use to lure the women in,,not,,,I placed similar ads and just my picture and didnt mention her and the results were surprising..I guess it is good to know that men and women are alot alike in most ways and our planets arent too far apart, because if we are all completely honest and no matter how much we like kids it is just easier if we dont have to deal with someone elses kids on top of our own..that is my great discovery | |
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| How come single mothers don't want single fathers
Posted: 4/14/2009 7:59:50 AM | | I have no problem dating or being with a single father provided he is fully invested in being a father to their children and aren't seeking a babysitter to take care of his kids while they are with us. Shared parenting is fine also but I am not going to be with a man whose #1 priority is not being a parent to his own children. For instance if I met a single father and combined we would have 4 children (2 each)...I would not be willing to take the lion's share of the responsibility for all 4 children. When the kids need a drive somewhere, it wouldn't be assumed I would do the driving. When the kids are not feeling well, it wouldn't be assumed I would take time off from my job? I would not be doing the cooking, the cleaning, the laundry and the scheduling whilst he sits on his ass. Sorry, not for me, even if the man was the biological father of my children would I assume the majority of the responsibility of children created if I had a choice because I also work full-time. Now if he wants me to do that, then he would have to be willing to support me so I could stay home and do that or work part not full-time. Relationships have to be about negotiation, not assumption. | |
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| How come single mothers don't want single fathers
Posted: 4/14/2009 9:44:53 AM | I am a single mom with 2 kids. I had my kids young. Single dad's aren't un attractive to me. I have had more issues with guys with no kids than guys with kids. It is a great to see how a man treats and displines his kids. It is a great wasy to get to truly know him. Of course for him to see me with my kids as well! I am not a fan of the saying I should just wait to find someone to share my life with until after I have raised my kids. If my kids don't see me in a healty loving relationship, how are they suppost to know how to do it?
a man with 3 kids is not a turn off, but a man with 14 is, LOL!
have a blessed day!
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| How come single mothers don't want single fathers
Posted: 4/14/2009 11:19:59 AM | | Thats quite surprising. From my perspective I wouldn't mind dating a man with kids, they(single fathers) seem to truly know what responsibilty and respect is. As for having more children with someone who already has kids, thats rubbish, lol. I wouldnt mind having more children..of course with my son waking up at 5am...I am liable to change my mind | |
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marlzz
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Joined: 4/2/2009
Msg: 123 | |
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| How come single mothers don't want single fathers
Posted: 4/14/2009 2:23:22 PM | | Its easy... then they can't complain about how people don't want them cause they're single parents. That and non single mothers are bigger suckers when it comes to dating men with children. | |
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| How come single mothers don't want single fathers
Posted: 4/14/2009 6:59:59 PM | | It's not that women don't date single fathers, it may just be something entirely different. I just think that you are looking in the wrong type of woman!!!!!! don't get discourage, there is someone else out there that wants kids but they cannot have some on their own. | |
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