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| How come single mothers don't want single fathers
Posted: 7/8/2009 12:28:49 PM | | Sounds like you are okay with your situation and didn't really need feedback. The one observation I can make is that women who do not want men with kids may end up with some of the most rotten of men. Men that act like they do not have children but they have abandoned them. A man like that can never be trusted but a woman will trust them thinking they do not have kids. They will only find out his true character when they get pregnant and he dissapears like he has with so many other women. Sad. | |
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| How come single mothers don't want single fathers
Posted: 8/4/2009 2:52:49 AM | | Not all men want children and there is no rule to say that everyone has to reproduce,some people want to have a lifestyle which doesn't include children and that is up to them to choose - that is why we have contraceptive devices to use.Some men and women are single parents,some by choice, some by circumstance. Yes I suppose there are some who will think a single man may have more money but will that relationship last the course if that is the only attraction ? - very much doubt it. Personally if a single person doesn't want to date me due to the fact of me having a child then that is their choice - I won't be having sleepless nights because of it and it wouldn't take any time at all to work out who is with you for your money or yourself. | |
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| How come single mothers don't want single fathers
Posted: 8/4/2009 6:03:29 AM |
Not all men want children and there is no rule to say that everyone has to reproduce,some people want to have a lifestyle which doesn't include children and that is up to them to choose - that is why we have contraceptive devices to use.Some men and women are single parents,some by choice, some by circumstance. Yes I suppose there are some who will think a single man may have more money but will that relationship last the course if that is the only attraction ? - very much doubt it. Personally if a single person doesn't want to date me due to the fact of me having a child then that is their choice - I won't be having sleepless nights because of it and it wouldn't take any time at all to work out who is with you for your money or yourself.
You are right that not every man wants to have children, but that is not the only reason they wouldn't want to date women with children. Even men who love children and cannot wait to have them, sometimes do not like to date single mothers. Why? Because they want their own children, not another man's children. | |
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| How come single mothers don't want single fathers
Posted: 8/4/2009 1:49:19 PM | Ok... honestly?
I'm a single mom. I hestitate dating a man with kids only because of this... A single guy coming into the family at some point is still going to cause issues and adjustments for my kids. (I know this, after my divorce I was with a guy for a ltr.) You have to make sure the kids are ok, accept the new person, etc.
If you bring in someone with a family already, well... then not only do the kids have to adjust to the new man, but also to his kids. This is where I see things get really tricky. Both sets of kids are likely to feel jealousy, rivalry, etc. It multiplies the amount of adjustment that has to happen. No matter how much we want to say it's not... it does make things more difficult.
After my divorce, I dated a single man. My ex dated a woman who had 2 kids. In fact, she was a family friend. My kids definitely adjusted much faster to my partner than they did to her and her children, even knowing them extremely well before they ever dated. In fact, they still struggle with feeling left out, favoritism, and jealousy that sometimes their dad spends time with her kids when ours aren't there, and they have been together 18 months.
So, for me it's mainly the fact that I think the ajustment on my kids would be harder, and of course, my kids have to come first.
Another factor... time and schedules. I choose now to date only when I do not have my kids. If a man has kids, then his time is just as limited. Therefore, being able to get together, without involving the kids right away, can be a challenge. A single man does not have those worries. I think partially because I do not want to introduce my children to anyone else at this point, and don't want to meet anyone else's children either... unless things were very serious.
That being said... I would not rule out dating a man with kids, but also would do so with very realistic expectations of how the relationship would look, due to our respective family situations. | |
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| How come single mothers don't want single fathers
Posted: 8/4/2009 4:54:18 PM | | I actually prefer dating single fathers with kids near my kids' ages. Right off the bat, we have something in common. Scheduling a time is a bit challenging, but it makes the time we have together that much more precious. My kids are older and don't need a sitter, so it's not hard for me to get away for a couple of hours a week. I already do it anyway with other activities in which I'm involved, and my kids have their own activities as well. We still manage to make family time. | |
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| How come single mothers don't want single fathers
Posted: 8/5/2009 11:02:19 AM | I think you said it best, OP;;;; the kids are your life. Women love a man that loves his kids, but not to make them the entire center of their life. You should make time for you and the one you love (with our without the kids).
Women like men that pay attention to them; wouldn't you? | |
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| How come single mothers don't want single fathers
Posted: 8/5/2009 12:16:00 PM | I, for one, can honestly say that I'd actually PREFER another single parent now. There are many challenges we face as lone parents and I fully believe that you'd have to be one to understand one.
Most single guys with no kids just don't get it. =) | |
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| How come single mothers don't want single fathers
Posted: 8/6/2009 9:22:05 PM | I know it's so hypocritical, but I would just rather date a man with no children. I personally don't have any drama with my child's father and refuse to deal with any drama he may have with his child's mother. To avoid that all together, I usually don't date them.
However if a single dad is proven to have no drama, an obviously ended relationship with the mother, is a great father, and only one child then I can give him a shot. | |
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| How come single mothers don't want single fathers
Posted: 8/15/2009 8:10:46 AM | Personally I don't care what anyone thinks of me being a single dad!!.. My Priorities are God and family!! I am fortunate enough to have been able to be in a place I could retire to dedicate ALL my time to family as my 2 youngest are special needs children!! What I am tired of is the superficial gold diggers wanting a piece of the pie pretending to care for the kids!! I almost took my profile down do to it!!.. Yet ‘if’ a genuine woman came along her kids would be treated equal as mine as I have treated every child of any woman I have ever dated!!!! I have always felt A ‘true’ relationship is ours not yours, mine and ours…It’s ours, we both bring strengths to the table!!…. And I have to admit I am blessed as I have no ex to deal with as I have full legal and physical custody of my awesome children!!
To me it is family and all about the kids!!..... My experiences on POF are it’s all about the woman!!… Not saying every woman is like that, just has been my experience with the woman I have been contacted by here ….Have yet to meet a real genuine caring one!!… And the sad part is there mask doesn’t come off and there true colors exposed for the 1st few months and after they have met the kids!! Seam’s to be a lot of polished up phony’s out there…. I could and probably should for reference post the link to a member on here I experienced that with so all can see what she writes of self, then I could share what really is there… But I won’t… I’ll just pray for any guy unfortunate to fall for her web of deceit!!… I will give you men a hint though, stay away from Kalispell Montana and the poem forums:-)… What appear is NOT so, actually quite the opposite!!
After reading this thread it turns my stomach at all the shallow people out there!!… Yet to those of you that aren’t ~ kudos’!!
My kids are better off without the crap out there for woman I have met these days!! And those ones certainly do not deserve what I have to offer her and her kids!! As for me I am enjoying life, doing some traveling with the kids and lounging at our lake home this summer soaking up the rays content just the way things are…… And I trust in god’s timing there is one great gal out there that will arrive one of these days.. Until then I will continue to have a hoot of a time being a dad!! And a little bit mom too:-)….
Also…..What baffles me is where did the 'mom’ go? And as I also see it where did the dad go?.... Come on everyone ~ Love life, your partner and all then innocent kids out there!! | |
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| How come single mothers don't want single fathers
Posted: 8/15/2009 8:47:33 AM | It can totally work, but my advice is to ease into a romantic relationship very slowly, prior to getting the kids involved. Look for "like" values, alignment in parenting goals/strategies. Look for similarities in education and class (sounds shallow, i never thought this would be a problem, but it was). In my opinon, when single parents co-mingle in a romantic relationship, it is almost as if "marriage criteria" must be applied right off the bat (i know...this excerpt comes from "how to make a man flee in 30 seconds flat..ha") This man/woman will be a role model for your child AND you will be modeling the type of relationship that you want your children to pursue when the time is right; while the role-modeling happens regardless of whether 2 single parents unite or not, the damage that results from things going horribly awry is compounded by the number of children affected...basic math.
this said, i believe that much of a person's true character emerges thru witnessing what type of parent they are. Here are some examples of some things I noted about the partner that I just emerged from a 2 year relationship with, a custodial parent of 2 girls, and i have one daughter. in the end, total dealbrbeakers!
1. when it's conveniant for him, he sends his daughters to stay with their mother, who lives with a man that allegedly molested his eldest (mostly, this conveniance revolved around the opportunity for him to get laid)
2. while i never miss an opportunity to teach my daughter a life lesson, he never missed the opportunity to convince his daughters to blame all mishaps on others
3. in a fit of anger, he broke all the dinnerware and vases that i ever bought him (nice stuff, too. fiestaware). his daughters were watching. in another fit of anger, he got rid of all the items I ever purchased for his children , including really nice, plush bathrobes
4. at restaurants, he limits his daughters' trips to the restroom
5. he attempts to change the way that his daughter's walk and talk, because it reminds him of their mother, his ex-wife
6. his house is consistenly sloppy and messy, yet he wonders why his kids won't help him clean it
7. he insists that his daughters shower daily, yet they often must pick wet, dirty towels off the floor in order to do so
8. if his ex-wife did not do his daughters' laundry, it wouldn't get done
9. when he "accidently" downloads porn on his computer, he blames his daughter (note that it was his decision to make her aware of the issue, NOT mine)
10. he exercises every morning, yet injests approximately 4-5 beers nightly
11. his children have the best of the best materially, yet lack family and friends that love them because their father cannot be bothered to sustain relationships. my daughter's situation is pretty much the polar opposite.
12. i have a very healthy co-parenting relationship with my daughter's father (albeit, a recent phenomena), while he still bad-mouths his ex wife in front of his children
these are the types of things that can almost only be discovered once you're in too deep! my advice is to really get to know a person, feel out who they really are, truly LISTEN to the things that they say...before embarking down the relationship path. the more children, the more heartache in the end! Yet, the right combination of mature, single parents compunds the happiness and success!
best of luck! | |
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| How come single mothers don't want single fathers
Posted: 8/16/2009 12:53:03 AM |
that is not true at all there is nothinjg wrong with single dads
Sure there is, and must of us guys have heard it hundreds of time. " all we are looking for is someone to raise our kids" ............it on the top ten "broken record" list  | |
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| How come single mothers don't want single fathers
Posted: 8/16/2009 8:05:35 AM | Seems to me that Single mothers dont want single fathers. I maintain a parental relationship with my ex, who has her "boy toy". She is 35, he is 21, now I know it wont last, and I really dont care anymore. My problem is this, I have my 2 girls 99% of the time. She is able to do what she wants when she wants and I have stepped up to the plate to maintain a sense of security in my kids lives, and all of the responsibility that comes with it. I really wouldnt want it any other way, yet single women with no kids dont want a single father and single women with kids dont want a single father.
Younger women want older men, and older women want younger men, thats the way it is and thats the way it will always be. Lucky for me, I am happy raising my kids on my own, at least I know theyre safe and provided for and cared for properly. I dont want a woman for the sake of raising my kids, I can do that on my own, they have plenty of other motherly figures in their lives. I would just like to find someone who shares the same interest and passions, someone to join me fr dinner, or watch a movie with some stimulating conversation. | |
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| How come single mothers don't want single fathers
Posted: 8/16/2009 9:48:10 PM | lilDimple -
I'm a single mom. I hestitate dating a man with kids only because of this... A single guy coming into the family at some point is still going to cause issues and adjustments for my kids. (I know this, after my divorce I was with a guy for a ltr.) You have to make sure the kids are ok, accept the new person, etc.
vickvick -
I know it's so hypocritical, but I would just rather date a man with no children. I personally don't have any drama with my child's father and refuse to deal with any drama he may have with his child's mother. To avoid that all together, I usually don't date them.
It amazes me beyond belief that single moms have the unspeakable gall to admit the aforemetioned above. This is truly shallow and selfish more than anything, to actually admit that any man you meet must be willing to put up with your schedule, your children, your Ex, your time constraints, etc....But you can't put up with his?! Just because you think that your life is drama free doesn't mean that it is and that it will always be. How can you with a straight face come out and say my single motherhood life is complex and hetic so yours must not be. Unbelievable! Exactly what did you do to deserve the easy way out?
Another thing, you will notice how these single moms who admit that they do not prefer to date single dads, will skip over the tried and true cry of single moms everywhere who state, "You are limiting your dating choices and shrinking your dating pool by eliminating single moms as partners". Well when single moms eliminate single dads as possible mates what does that mean? It means that you have pratically no one to date because you are greatly shrinking your dating pool by not being open to single dads, so that leaves only the childless men, and out of the childless you have to consider that most are not willing to become serious with a single mom, so that makes your pool even smaller, then of those left, how many will be good men, then of those left how many will you be attracted to, then of those left, how many will be willing to settle down with you............People let single moms get away with saying this crap, because afterall single moms only feel this way because it is what is best for them and their child/children. | |
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| How come single mothers don't want single fathers
Posted: 8/16/2009 11:57:18 PM | Single mothers, like anyone else, can have whatever preferences they choose to, including not wanting to take on someone elses kids.
I dont mind if a man has kids, i do mind if they have crazy ex drama, as i do not.
If i dont want to be with single dads, it doesnt affect me in the slightest, I have no problem meeting good men that are childless. | |
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| How come single mothers don't want single fathers
Posted: 8/17/2009 2:25:46 AM | | each has it's own upside.a single dad know all about the demands that come with being a single parent.that works for many women.a childless man has unwavering freedom and that works for many women as well.i've found there are about equal parts of either so its not hard to find those it works for. | |
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| How come single mothers don't want single fathers
Posted: 8/18/2009 3:05:58 PM | | Could not agree more, but both have to understand that if you have kids both of you have ex's to go with them. Putting your kids as a priority, means keeping in contact with your ex. about the health and welfare of your kids. | |
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| How come single mothers don't want single fathers
Posted: 8/18/2009 7:03:59 PM |
Single mothers, like anyone else, can have whatever preferences they choose to, including not wanting to take on someone elses kids.
They can have all the preferences that want.....It still does not make their demands unrealistic, shallow and selfish. You refuse to take on anyone ele's kids, but you ae the package deal the the man must adher to and accept as his own. Is it realy practical to become prejiduce towards your own kind? I think not!
i do mind if they have crazy ex drama, as i do not.
Well in case you didn't know, kids are drama too, and if they are there, part of the Ex is there. In remerberance, mannerism, ego, and actions.
I have no problem meeting good men that are childless.
Oh really? Are they the handsome, 6 figures plus, Wall Street type, or the cigarette smoking, trailer dwelling, looking for an easy lay type? | |
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| How come single mothers don't want single fathers
Posted: 8/18/2009 7:45:28 PM |
They can have all the preferences that want.....It still does not make their demands unrealistic, shallow and selfish. You refuse to take on anyone ele's kids, but you ae the package deal the the man must adher to and accept as his own. Is it realy practical to become prejiduce towards your own kind? I think not!
I did not say i would refuse to take on anyones kids, i said that single mothers have the right to not want to as a preference.
I can be as shallow selfish and unrealistic as i want, and a man can accept me, or not.
/hairflip.
Well in case you didn't know, kids are drama too, and if they are there, part of the Ex is there. In remerberance, mannerism, ego, and actions.
I have been fortunate that the men i have been involved with have been big enough men to not feel threataned or insecure around a child. Kids are drama in your opinion, and of course you are entitled to have your preferences to not get involved with children. But you dont speak for everyone.
Oh really? Are they the handsome, 6 figures plus, Wall Street type, or the cigarette smoking, trailer dwelling, looking for an easy lay type?
The husband was handsome and made 6 figures, albeit not on wall street, he was a police office and owned limo srvice. So 2 outta 3 there. Didnt do to awful in choices of a spouse, i think. The new boyfriend is handsome, and while not as wealthy as my husband was, he works hard as a cook at a resort, and lives comfortably, and is far from being trailer dweller looking for an easy lay.
Neither smoke. | |
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| How come single mothers don't want single fathers
Posted: 8/18/2009 9:58:39 PM |
I have been fortunate that the men i have been involved with have been big enough men to not feel threataned or insecure around a child.
There you go again with the single mom rant "real big" or "big enough men". There are plenty of "big enough" men who are not at all threatened or feel insecure around a child. They are "big enough" to know what they want and not let society of a group os single moms make them feel guilty for not taking on another mans responsibilty or being and extension of his family period! They simply feel no need to adjust their lifestyle to accommodate that of a single mom. And just because a man dates a single mom doesn't mean that he is so "special", "real", or "big enough". It just means that he's some guy to decided to date a single mom. | |
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| How come single mothers don't want single fathers
Posted: 8/19/2009 9:55:02 PM | I married a man with kids and we had a nice blended family, then the sh*t hit the fan and I have to bend over backward to see my stepkids. That sucks and I miss having them as a constant in my life. Because of that alone, I wonder if I would want to date a man with children ever again. Its hard to let go when you get attached to the little ones.
Your kids are cute and I hope you find someone nice to make a life with. | |
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| How come single mothers don't want single fathers
Posted: 8/19/2009 9:58:25 PM |
I married a man with kids and we had a nice blended family, then the sh*t hit the fan and I have to bend over backward to see my stepkids. That sucks and I miss having them as a constant in my life. Because of that alone, I wonder if I would want to date a man with children ever again. Its hard to let go when you get attached to the little ones.
Your kids are cute and I hope you find someone nice to make a life with.
I'm sure the children are feeling the loss as well. Why did the two of you get divorced? | |
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| How come single mothers don't want single fathers
Posted: 8/19/2009 11:24:59 PM | I did not mean that men who choose not to be involved with mothers are not big enough men.
I meant that a man feeling insecurity over a child, is pretty pathetic.
If i choose not to date a single father, the fact that his child is related to his ex -love is not part of the reason why i d0nt want to be involved. I am woman enough that if i did get involved with a single father, i would not be threatened by his child. | |
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| How come single mothers don't want single fathers
Posted: 8/20/2009 1:30:39 AM | I did not mean that men who choose not to be involved with mothers are not big enough men.
I meant that a man feeling insecurity over a child, is pretty pathetic.
If i choose not to date a single father, the fact that his child is related to his ex -love is not part of the reason why i d0nt want to be involved. I am woman enough that if i did get involved with a single father, i would not be threatened by his child.
Maybe it's not that these men are threatened per say, maybe it's more like they aren't willing to make such a huge personal investment into children that belong to someone else. Being a parent is a huge sacrifice with very little technical, tangible reward, but as parents we rarely see it that way. People who aren't related to the child may see it that way. | |
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