| Are there dating rules for us Boomers?
Posted: 2/18/2008 8:43:09 AM |
We did what we used to call 'heavy petting' but there was no 'intimate' sex. He seemed to understand when I told him that I don't have sex unless I'm in a relationship. Yet, I sensed he was angry, but he didn't come out and say it
I'm wondering about your timing. The time to say what your limits are are DEFinitely before you start the heavy petting. Also, face it, guys think of sex every couple of seconds, no matter how old they are. That being true, if you engage in heavy petting, he's going to totally forget the boundaries you established, and think that either he's a great lover and can convince you or that you were teasing. It's a tough tightrope to walk. That's why I always meet a man for the first time in a public place where there's no temptation. In that kind of setting, the topic of sex doesn't come up. I want to get to know him, and although I'm sure he has an agenda as well, I'm not a mind reader, so the only person I can satisfy is me. And I ask lots of questions, check out his body language, listen to his words and do my best to see who is in front of me. Better safe than sorry!
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| Are there dating rules for us Boomers?
Posted: 2/18/2008 8:46:05 AM |
If you believed in the Golden Rule as you were taught when a child, you should believe in it today as well.
But I do want to practice 'Do unto others as you would have them do to you' but I want others to try kicking me in the head so I can practice my kicks to their head.
It's just sooo difficult to find anyone that can kick that high. I'll just have to keep kicking those door jams by my self | |
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| Are there dating rules for us Boomers?
Posted: 2/18/2008 10:33:41 AM | It certainly is different now in the dating world, and it takes some adapting when meeting new friends or dates.
I read through the responses, its amazing how differently we all think...which is perfectly good. I dont know the dating rules, and if I knew the rules I probably wouldnt follow them anyway.
Every one of us is unique in what we are looking for in a relationship , and no-one has any right to judge another on their personal preferences.
All I know is ....I know my own standards, values and preferences and continue to look for a compatible partner.
I reckon if I am patient enough I will meet my match, but in the meantime I enjoy life and enjoy meeting new people, without compromising my standards , or sharing personal details of my life ( such as when did you last have sex, what is your bra size, how many partners have you had ) with any Ton,****or Harry that asks.
My advice would be....be patient , be true to yourself , dont worry what they expect but spend time acknowledging what you are looking for, and be proud of yourself.
Good luck ! | |
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| Are there dating rules for us Boomers?
Posted: 2/18/2008 10:54:51 AM | Is it OK to have "heavy petting" sessions outside of a relationship? Isn't there a rule for that?
So you go on a date, you lead him on with "samples" and at the end tell him no sex till he concedes relationship.
If I were that guy, I would not call you either. This type of behavior is fitting for a juvenile, not a mature woman.
This in fact, sounds like blackmail to me. | |
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| Are there dating rules for us Boomers?
Posted: 2/18/2008 10:59:55 AM | Yes OP, there is a rule book.
Unfortunately I took the last copy and used it to kindle a campfire, the marshmellows I toasted over it were DELICIOUS...
And yes unfortunately a fair number of men using online dating seem to think that the women using online dating are free whores willing to spread their legs in repayment for a couple of drinks and dinner.
If you make it abundantly clear before you even meet that sex is not gonna happen, your number of dates will drop of sharply, but the dates you DO get will be quality ones. They may not result in a "relationship", but I have to tell you that in my experiences, having sex on the first or 2nd date doesn't result in one either.
I know it is a great temptation to use the lure of sex to generate dates, but many of those dates will be royally pissed if you don't deliver wht they thought you were promising. This is probably what happened to the guy you referenced in your original question.
The other thing you need to watch out for, is that a lot of the guys who are in this big ass hurry to have sex are "sex starved" men in "loveless" marriages. Maybe your date disappeared from the site because his wife found out what he was up to.
My personal recommendation is that you make the first couple of encounters with someone you meet online,be just a quick meeting for coffee or a soft drink, or an activity in a public place. Save the makeout sessions for later.
Now, having said all that, I can certainly relate to you having an itch you need scratched. Nothing wrong with that, as long as you are careful, and don't expect a "relationship" to arise from a roll in the hay.
How many sexual partners you've had and or how long it's been since you last got laid is YOUR business. For a man to ask such questions on a first date is a dead giveaway of his dating priorities.
Cindy O | |
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| Are there dating rules for us Boomers?
Posted: 2/18/2008 11:15:44 AM | I went to see Jeff Foxworthy a while ago, and he explained Men to the Women in the audience. They think of only 2 things Beer(or Soda if you don't drink), and Sex. That pretty much sums it up right there. Does that explain anything?  | |
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| Are there dating rules for us Boomers?
Posted: 2/18/2008 11:40:34 AM | {quote}So you go on a date, you lead him on with "samples" and at the end tell him no sex till he concedes relationship.
If I were that guy, I would not call you either. This type of behavior is fitting for a juvenile, not a mature woman.
This in fact, sounds like blackmail to me.
I had to look again to see what age range this forum was! lol
We are not kids anymore. I remember what Momma used to say to me...Playing with fire? You simply can't get into all that and then draw back playing the part of being Miss Priss. Should you not wish him to go there, then don't lead him on! Simple as that! | |
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| Are there dating rules for us Boomers?
Posted: 2/18/2008 12:15:31 PM | I really messed up the quote thingy! lol
But tis true. It does not take a rocket scientist to figure out that if you are going to lead a mature male man on with heavy petting, that he is going to want to finish it off? I can't get over some gals to be quite honest. We are not in highschool anymore. | |
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| Are there dating rules for us Boomers?
Posted: 2/18/2008 12:57:16 PM | | That is great; I often call myself a 'born again virgin' when pushed. Can't tell you how many times this has happened to me. Patience is a virtue that I have and would like to see in the guys I date. Anticipation is not a bad thing! | |
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| Are there dating rules for us Boomers?
Posted: 2/18/2008 2:42:28 PM | I don't know what the rules are either. However I was clued in about a few things.
Never ask a woman out for a drink. She'll think you are a lush, want a quickie, or just turn you down on general principles.
Never ask a woman out for dinner as a meeting. You'll be trapped with someone that orders lobster and explains that she is expecting a proposal of marriage before dessert.
Never just shake hands with a woman at the end of the first meeting. She'll think you are gay, or not interested, or gay.
Never try to kiss a woman on the first meeting. She'll think you area a sex fiend, or that all you want is sex, or that you are a sex fiend.
Don't confuse hanging out, with friends with benefits with dating, with a relationship. How you tell them apart is still a mystery.
In the end I decided I would just be myself. If other people don't like it, I don't have to spend time with them. I COUNT TOO!!!!
And that last part is my advice to you. Don't worry about the rules. I think it really is very much like highschool (with cellulite and varicous veins). You have to kiss a lot of frogs before you find a prince.
Lots of luck
ed | |
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| Are there dating rules for us Boomers?
Posted: 2/18/2008 3:33:06 PM | @ a second life
Absofreakinlutely right! I'm sorry I didn't save you some toasted marshmellows.
To the OP, I'm amazed that you have not been recommended about fortyleven different self help books to increase your confusion.
Just do what feels right. If you aren't OK with sex on the first date( which is probably the SAFEST course of action) then don't. But you do gotta be careful about "leading on" and "teasing". Getting yourself into a makeout session with a guy you don't know from Adam's off ox is borderline dangerous,IMO. I've heard a lot of stories that may, or may not be, tall tales about first dates where the woman all but raped the guy.(See why I said they MAY be tall tales?) Most of the guys reported feeling cheap and used, and never saw the woman again. ( my tongue may , or may not be, in my cheek right now)  
Cindy O | |
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| Are there dating rules for us Boomers?
Posted: 2/18/2008 3:37:55 PM | I think Suecat had the rules right, if there are any. A contradiction? Yes. I believe at our age each one of us has a past, has a story, and has expectations or pre-conceived notions. The picture you want to paint should start with a clean canvas. You have an idea of what it might look like, but that doesn't mean it will look like what you imagined. Your date has one going, too. The paintings from both could be far apart, a vague resemblance or even a dead on look a like. React accordingly. Get the hell out, go on a second date or enjoy the benefits of spontaneous combustion. Do what feels right for both parties.
Guys calm down and don't be jerks. Feels better when it is not one-sided.
Whether it is sex the first meeting or the fifth. Who should care at our age! | |
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| Are there dating rules for us Boomers?
Posted: 2/18/2008 4:12:18 PM | Yep,,
Don't
Must not be
Don't
Must not be
Don't
Must not be
Don't
Must not be
Don't
Must not be
That should just about cover it :   | |
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| Are there dating rules for us Boomers?
Posted: 2/18/2008 5:35:53 PM | OP, I've learned that "heavy petting" is not a good idea if you are not interested in having sex that night. The guy got all worked up so naturally he is angry. As others said, this is dangerous to do too.. you never know when you might get a guy that will not take "NO" for an answer. Maybe it would help to know who initiated. If he did, maybe you need some skills to stop him. I know sometimes if you are attracted and you get into the heat of the moment it can be tough to stop.
I find it helpful to chat a few times with a person before I meet them. Sometime during the chat we may talk about how we feel about when to initiate sex, not detailed but just what our expecations are about the subject. I find that in many cases, there will be no meeting because of this talk and that's just fine to me. Then I don't have to deal with an octopus later! | |
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| Are there dating rules for us Boomers?
Posted: 2/18/2008 6:27:54 PM | Honey before you even go on another date I want you to read "Sex and the Seasoned Woman, Pursuing the Passionate Life" by Gail Sheehy.
Every woman is an individual and the only rules are your rules ... a gentleman, and the right man for you, would accept that. Hoping and expecting are very different. It should play like a scene from the movie "Phenomenon" where John Travolta's character is asked by the woman he's trying very hard to date ... "you expecting to go to bed with me?" and he replies very sweetly "no, ... just hoping". The only hard part should be when you meet a man you have a passion for and suddenly want to break your own rules.
Do separate searches on widowers, divorced men and then separated men. You will get far more hits in the second and way more in the third. Goodness knows how long the last bunch have been starved for love and TLC or sleeping on a couch in the basement ... but there is a plethora of them and it's not your job to fix that for all of them or even to fix it for one of them. | |
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| Are there dating rules for us Boomers?
Posted: 2/18/2008 9:46:44 PM | | Personally I believe that you engaged in something that you felt you wanted but it started getting out of hand for your standards OP.... so you said no.... now a man my age to be put to a halt I expect him NOT to throw a tantrum and "become angry" cause I didn't give it up to him.... sorry ladies I'm not letting the man off that easy either... maybe next time you won't go further then what you feel is "ok" for a first date and who knows what your idea of a "heavy petting" session is... but trust me, he's not worth this effort to worry about him deleting his profile.... lol... he didn't have honorable intentions anyway in my book.... many are looking for a fast hookup here and when you don't let them get into your car after a kiss or too they can go poof... it is part of the dating game and not to be taken personally.... I think you need to just play it safe and realize that most of the time there won't be that connection from either you or him... just keep fishing.... | |
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| Are there dating rules for us Boomers?
Posted: 2/18/2008 10:21:42 PM | Methinks the modern day lady is turning men into irritable beggars .... sad isn't it , you strip us of our very purpose to exist , then you want us to respect you , court you , charm you , care for you , and be your everloving support in times of need .
Question...... what's in it for us ?
I see a set of rules . me , myself , and I ........ the new rules for the 21st century.
And I don't consider myself to be a low-life jerk . I was once a gentleman . Now merely another male on the scrap heap of society .
I wonder how long this will go on!!!! Hope the next generation fares better .
Perhaps this could be a new rule ..... consideration for the one you are dating !!!!!
Not cynical any more . just lost interest .
Interesting world we live in .Next time op , wait till he's about to explode , then pull your pants up , that should do the trick . | |
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| Are there dating rules for us Boomers?
Posted: 2/18/2008 10:28:17 PM |
Methinks the modern day lady is turning men into irritable beggars .... sad isn't it , you strip us of our very purpose to exist , then you want us to respect you , court you , charm you , care for you , and be your everloving support in times of need .
Question...... what's in it for us ?
....Hmmm, let me think. Uhhh can I get back to you?
...maeflowers | |
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| Are there dating rules for us Boomers?
Posted: 2/18/2008 10:40:47 PM | As the sister of six brothers, I'd say perhaps the first and most important rule is do not do anything that's likely to produce blue balls. Don't start stuff (or let stuff get started) that you're not willing to finish. It's neither kind, nor fair. And as some other peeps posted, possibly not even safe.
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| Are there dating rules for us Boomers?
Posted: 2/19/2008 6:18:40 AM | Rules! Rules! Rules! Our lives are filled with them and lord only knows we can never have enough of em lol.
The only rules for dating are the ones YOU make for yourself. They can be rules that work quite effectively leaving your intended partner wanting to know more, or they can be rules that confuse the hell out of him, frustrate him, hence seeing him shake his head as he walks out the door. We can "pet" but not have sex. That's like telling a sugar junkie we'll go into a candy shop but ONLY to look.
If you don't want to 'engage the engine', don't turn the key! If you want to 'wait' before becoming intimate with someone, be clear about it and actually PRACTICE what you preach.
I'm beginning to realize that after talking to both men and women, there are far too many 'mixed messages' thrown out. This not only confuses and blurs the mind, but adds definite frustrations to all parties involved.
If I want to wait til I get to know someone better on a intellectual basis, then all other aspects of 'coupling' will have to wait and my partner will have no 'fuzzy' notions about it. He'll be told from the get-go. If 'coupling' becomes such a strong urge for BOTH of us that nothing else matters, he'd better hope he's well rested and has his toothbrush packed. There'll be no confusion as to what I have in mind
Men are not pets! You don't rub their bellies and tell them what good boys they are if you don't want them to stand up and begin to hump your leg lol. | |
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| Are there dating rules for us Boomers?
Posted: 2/19/2008 6:28:26 AM |
We did what we used to call 'heavy petting' but there was no 'intimate' sex. He seemed to understand when I told him that I don't have sex unless I'm in a relationship. Yet, I sensed he was angry, but he didn't come out and say it.
You should never lead if you’re not willing to finish the dance.
Another Saturday another date
She would be ready, but she’d always make him wait
In the hallway in anticipation
He didn’t know the night would end up in frustration
He’d end up blowing all his wages for the week
All for a cuddle and a peck on the cheek
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| Are there dating rules for us Boomers?
Posted: 2/19/2008 6:28:57 AM |
As the sister of six brothers, I'd say perhaps the first and most important rule is do not do anything that's likely to produce blue balls.
Blue Balls? The first time I heard that the girl explained she was going to have sex with me so I wouldn't get them. I laughed so hard that she actually believed it I couldn't have sex with her and she got angry at all the guys that let her believe it and at me for laughing.
She insisted it was true because some guy showed her a picture of a guy with balls the size of baseballs and they were blue. The next day I showed her and encyclopedia with the same picture and an explanation they came from bad sanitary conditions.
There's a reason laws say a woman has the right to say no at any time she wants and men that can't oblige should be charged with rape.
And there's good reasons for men to avoid confused women that lead them on. | |
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