| Are there dating rules for us Boomers?
Posted: 2/21/2008 4:49:37 AM |
We are adults...if the OP only wanted to play feelsie, that is her choice...
**are some of you saying that a grown (or groan) man can't handle limits?**
Earthen Magik, explain to me what limit were presented me in the following scenario:
I met a lovely woman through another dateline. We instant messaged, emailed and chatted on the phone for about two weeks before meeting. Then we met at a restaurant, had a nice dinner and conversation and then parted without so much as a hug or even our hands touching.
The second date was dinner, a week later. Again, a nice meal and conversation and in the parking l ot afterward, a hug.
The third date was a movie. We met at the theater. The movie was a foreign film with very explicit sex scenes. During the movie she held hands in an intimate manner (her fingers, rubbing my palm suggestively). After the film, I walked her to her car and she asked where I was parked. I told her I was in the parking garage and she offered to drive me to my car. When we arrived at it, I leaned over to give her a peck on the cheek and received the most sensuous kiss I remember ever receiving. We necked in her car about 20 minutes and then I left. As I departed she said this was a great evening and she looked forward to more.
We went to dinner and the movies a week later. This time I picked her up at her home. I et her 16-year-old daughter. In conversation, she brought up that she hoped this weekend her daughter would be with her dad so we can spend some quality time at her house alone. The next weekend brought that opportunity and the two of us engaged in some hot sex.
Within a couple of weeks, I began sleeping at her house two or three nights a week, at her invitation. IMO, The sex was terrific during this time and I had reason to believe the feeling was mutual. In the meantime, I met one of her sons and daughter-in-laws. We engaged in public displays of affection that both of us initiated at various times. We made plans for Christmas, when her other son and daughter-in-law would arrive in town.
Then, on the morning of December 22, while driving to her house, I received a phone call. She felt things were moving too fast and we should not see each other until she had her head on straight. I asked if she was dumping me and she said she didn't like that terminology. I said, two days before the most important holiday of the year, one in which we made plans to be with each other and meet family and you dump me? You couldn't wait until after Christmas!!!
Earthen Magik, here is how I handled the limits imposed by my girlfriend. When I tried to contact her during the rest of the day and was rebuffed, I joined PoF, found someone who was destined, like me, to be alone during the holidays and went to her house for Christmas dinner that she prepared and then went to a movie on Christmas day. This woman then became my FWB, a relationship that lasted from December 25 to this past Sunday, when she found her Mr. Right through yet another dateline.
Now tell me what you think of what rules were broken and what rules were followed in this instance. What could I have done to change the outcome? | |
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| Are there dating rules for us Boomers?
Posted: 2/21/2008 4:57:02 AM | Ummm??
Though shalt not make like a rabbit, jumping from hole to hole?
Sorry, shouldn't have said that perhaps, but you sure didn't waste any time going from one to the other.
vvvv
Word? I can understand your being upset. That was not a nice thing to do at all. Most times though, running from one to another, doesn't work. In your case it did and you are fortunate for that... | |
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| Are there dating rules for us Boomers?
Posted: 2/21/2008 5:02:40 AM |
Ummm??
Though shalt not make like a rabbit, jumping from hole to hole?
Sorry, shouldn't have said that perhaps, but you sure didn't waste any time going from one to the other
I was so pissed at the way I had been treated and the fact that I had absolutely no place to go for Christmas, except my (at the time) future-ex-wife's house and her boyfriend was going to be there and I didn't fancy meeting him, that I joined PoF. Interestingly, it was my ex who told me about PoF, that having been where she found her boyfriend, who dumped her about two weeks after Christmas! | |
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| Are there dating rules for us Boomers?
Posted: 2/21/2008 6:30:38 AM | Word...you asked Majik what limit was set in your scenario...was that rhetorical?
dec 22nd when she said the relationship was going too fast...perhaps that was a euphemism...perhaps she ignored her internal struggles during the "hot sex" stage and couldn't ignore them one more second...we could conjecture ALL day...
but she made her boundary clear... dec 22nd...she ended it...and you were hurt...and you knew how to get your needs met...by reconnecting with someone else. | |
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| Are there dating rules for us Boomers?
Posted: 2/21/2008 6:50:42 AM |
...and you were hurt...and you knew how to get your needs met...by reconnecting with someone else.
And you know what? In January, when she found out I had an FWB and that we had been intimate (she found out about a hospitalization I had in which physical exertion contributed to), she called me all upset that I would go behind her back and have sex with another woman! Now that I look back, I think the best thing that could have happened was to have my girlfriend dump me. | |
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| Are there dating rules for us Boomers?
Posted: 2/21/2008 7:32:49 AM |
Now tell me what you think of what rules were broken and what rules were followed in this instance. What could I have done to change the outcome?
I don't think you did anything wrong. The woman simply did not feel a strong enough attraction to you and wanted to dump you. The timing may seem awkward, but being together at Christmas with someone you don't want to be with is also awkward. | |
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| Are there dating rules for us Boomers?
Posted: 2/21/2008 9:24:45 AM | | this thread is a great reason to NOT do the casual sex...and sexual activity....thing. dang. also shows that medicating with sex is not so healthy. give me racquetball anyday! talk about blue balls! | |
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| Are there dating rules for us Boomers?
Posted: 2/21/2008 9:38:52 AM |
this thread is a great reason to NOT do the casual sex...and sexual activity....thing. dang. also shows that medicating with sex is not so healthy. give me racquetball anyday! talk about blue balls!
Caveatdata, do you consider two weeks of daily communications, several dates and evenings watching TV together and more than a month between the first date and sexual activity, CASUAL SEX. I suppose technically any sex outside of marriage is "casual sex," but my definition tends to lean more towards one-night stands and never hearing from him/her again.
As far as using a FWB to "medicate," we both discussed the ramifications our arrangement would have on our emotions and decided we could handle it. We both continued to date and the only stipulation in our FWB arrangement was that if either one of us found the person who was right for us, we would let each other know and all sexual intimacy between us would stop. We still do things like going to the movies, antiquing, going to auctions, dinner and other cultural and entertainment venues. Caveatdata, what is so unhealthy about this arrangement? | |
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| Are there dating rules for us Boomers?
Posted: 2/21/2008 10:13:10 AM | "what is so unhealthy about this arrangement? "
This questions and many other questions in life, I have given up answering. Some questions come under the heading of "If the person asking it doesn't know the answer then there is no point in spending time explaining it".
There are different types of people in this world. Some selective, and some not selective in the least. | |
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| Are there dating rules for us Boomers?
Posted: 2/21/2008 10:30:59 AM |
This questions and many other questions in life, I have given up answering. Some questions come under the heading of "If the person asking it doesn't know the answer then there is no point in spending time explaining it".
So you answer with a non answer and reiterate the selectivity position and interject a a flame about how your too good and he's not... again.javascript:smilie(' ')
As to 2 adults deciding how to behave with each other, does the FWB bring along her new love of her life or is she going to consider him a FWB too.
I think it would be interesting to hear her point of view but I suspect this is just bragging. | |
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| Are there dating rules for us Boomers?
Posted: 2/21/2008 10:42:07 AM | Are we talking about , sex on a first date , or are we talking about , somone not interested in it at all ?
I don't think it makes a guy a jerk , if he is seeking a long term relationship , that quite rationally these days , would at some point involve sex , and he looks further , when he is told that it definitely will not . | |
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| Are there dating rules for us Boomers?
Posted: 2/21/2008 10:55:36 AM |
Some questions come under the heading of "If the person asking it doesn't know the answer then there is no point in spending time explaining it".
Let's see moraima, you are a product of our public school system, right? I am quite sure you are not a teacher (unless it is in the public school system) because teachers usually say "There is no such thing as a stupid question."
But you have coined a new rule for handling questions. And it sounds so George Bush-like. It goes like this: If you don't already know the answer to the question there is no point in me trying to answer it." I'll bet people enjoy listening to you in a conversation. I'll just bet you are extremely malapropistic, just like our very entertaining president.
As one of the different types of people in the world, I salute your inane sentence structure. Writers like you help bring joy to an otherwise monotonous day.  | |
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| Are there dating rules for us Boomers?
Posted: 2/21/2008 11:01:02 AM | Word...i referred to "this thread" not this post...perhaps i'm misusing the nomenclature? thread doesn't mean the the entire mass of responses? i meant the mass of responses.  | |
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| Are there dating rules for us Boomers?
Posted: 2/21/2008 11:17:40 AM |
Word...i referred to "this thread" not this post...perhaps i'm misusing the nomenclature? thread doesn't mean the the entire mass of responses? i meant the mass of responses.
Caveatdata, in the immortal words of Rosanna Rosanna Danna, "NEVER MIND
I stand corrected. | |
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| Are there dating rules for us Boomers?
Posted: 2/21/2008 11:41:11 AM |
but I swear I'm lost when it comes to understanding what today's older man wants.
Bottom line? Rock bottom?
HE WANTS A PIECE OF ASS.
Some want it within the context of a meaningful relationship/friendship/commitment(any one of those options or a combination thereof)
But most are lookin' to get their ashes hauled, plain and simple.
In your particular situation OP, are you fairly certain the guy wasn't a married guy looking to get a little somethin somethin on the side?
A lot of men come into online dating with outdated/inaccurate expectations of what internet dating sites are about.
My generic guideline is to have those first couple of meetings/dates where we both haul our own carcasses to a central/neutral public place. Physical contact is hugs and maybe a friendly kiss. I would not put myself in a position to engage in "heavy petting" with somebody Ionly just met from the internet right out of the chute.
You have to do what feels right to YOU, but just as a general rule of thumb, to a mature man "heavy petting"= foreplay, pretty much. He's going to expect sex.
If you don't want to get into the routine of sex within the 1st 3 dates, eschew anything but the most G rated affection.
If you allow yourself to give in to temptation, that's OK too, provided you heed sexual safety rules.
And keep in mind that it's not possible to unring a bell. If the guy is a marginal performer, you aren't going to be able to back up and start over. All you can do is pray that he subscribes to the double standard and you never hear from him again. Trying to put him into the friend zone after you've boinked him ain't gonna work.
Mostly the "rules" haven't changed that much except there really isn't "heavy petting" anymore. Engaging in what to all intents and purposes is foreplay, then shutting him down, is dirty pool, my girl. Either remain vertical or go for broke.
Cindy O | |
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| Are there dating rules for us Boomers?
Posted: 2/21/2008 5:00:52 PM | I have to giggle when newly singled boomers who are still trying to find their way, assume that all countries who speak English, write and spell in the same way. We now have two that think that their last place to hide is to try to belittle by bringing in how a person speaks/writes.
I have different boomer rules for people in different countries that have different cultures. First I have to learn about their language and their culture. Then I have to decide whether or not they should be treated differently than those in North America.
Finally I break down the rules according to how folks demonstrate the type of person they are by how they act.
How do rules work to calculate how different schools systems in different countries compare?
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| Are there dating rules for us Boomers?
Posted: 2/21/2008 5:12:37 PM | OK so let me wrap this up with 4 big works ...
Civil, Respect, Comunication, Tact.
Those should be the rules OK I made a corporate decision ... NOW all who don't agree.... YOUR FIRED
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| Are there dating rules for us Boomers?
Posted: 2/22/2008 4:57:01 AM |
Rotteiler's make better companions that a lot of people.
I have to giggle when experienced singled boomers who are unable to date, assume that all countries who speak English, have a different spelling for Rottweiler and can't learn to use the quote system.
How do rules work to calculate how different schools systems in different countries compare?
Huh? I must have missed something in my 'schools systems' grammar lessons.
If someone want's to correct me on proper use of spelling and grammar, feel free and I won't accuse you of having less humor that a couple of rottieler's. | |
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mimi48
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Joined: 1/27/2008
Msg: 146 | |
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| Are there dating rules for us Boomers?
Posted: 2/24/2008 11:06:25 AM | | I don't think this a relevent topic anymore... hahahah Google baby boomer death counter... In Canada we were 8 million left, US more, I forget but we are going fast so...... BOOMERS....... have fun now cause It's almost time for us to pass the torch to the next generation in life and in sex ......... what a somber thought | |
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| Are there dating rules for us Boomers?
Posted: 2/24/2008 11:10:45 AM | RULES
WE DONT NEED NO STINKIN RULES!!!!!!
We should know our selves by now and what
we are comfortable and or uncomfortable with.
Be safe !
And if you do have sex protect yourself! | |
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| Are there dating rules for us Boomers?
Posted: 2/24/2008 11:54:26 AM | | I have a rule about not having a death clock ticking in my ear. No matter how long I have left to live I will do it my way. | |
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