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| I'm an idiot
Posted: 2/18/2008 3:08:05 PM | First of all, I'm sorry to learn of the loss of your husband.
I don't think you're an idiot.
I think you're just a person who deep-down was hoping to find a sincere relationship with someone you and your daughter could both enjoy having around; and while getting to know this guy, you started to hope he was that person. It doesn't make you an idiot.
It turns out that he wasn't the person you'd have a stable, lasting relationship with. At least you found out before it got too serious.
and he also found out that his last one-night-stand is pregnant.... along with another one from two months ago. And although one is getting an abortion the other is thinking of keeping the baby. This from the guy who told me he hadn't been with a woman since his ex left. Well, it sounds like he really wasn't a guy you'd want a relationship with anyway. Was he?
If he had recently gotten 2 women pregnant, despite telling you he hadn't been with another woman since his ex: who knows what else he was lying about.
I just want to get drunk and party ("like a rock star" LOL!) and not have to worry about getting home to take care of my daughter. I want to dance, and flirt with cute guys who flirt back so I KNOW I'm worthy of attention um... Is that the best way to prove to yourself that you're worthy of attention?
Methinks it's just a way to earn the attention of other guys who have knocked up a couple of their one-night-stands during the past few months.
You're pissed off at what this guy did to you. Why try to get the attention of others like him? | |
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| I'm an idiot
Posted: 2/18/2008 3:09:10 PM | Hello i am rob: I dont think your an idiot one bit, hey you have a guy that don't know anything about love, all hes worried about is sex it seems to me, and hurting woman one day karma will kick in, like it did to me, hey ive done woman wrong when i was younger, but now i can say i know how it feels, and your not a fool dont even talk like that, my ex left me not for another man cause i ran out of money, I lost my appliance store and it hurts alot, like a big huge peice of your heart is missing, and you can't get it back, cause you gave the person a chance once, but they did it again, so no i can't have her back ever, cause if you have them back they think that they can leave whenever they feel like it, no its not your fault angel and dont think for one minute it is Thanks Rob. ps sorry about your hurting...  | |
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| I'm an idiot - no he was was an idiot !!
Posted: 2/18/2008 3:21:39 PM | There are jerks in both sexes and both sexes make mistakes. I had a lady do a similiar thing to me. you sound like a great lady and the guy is an idiot. There are plently of good guys around, unfortuneately the law of large numbers applies. All you can do is stay in the game and hopefully do better next time. I suspect I am a little old for you since I will be 60 next month.
Good luck | |
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| I'm an idiot
Posted: 2/18/2008 3:35:28 PM | No you are not. You will only be an idiot if you get back with him.
If you can afford it take your daughter and yourself on a getaway. Some where nice and get yourselves pampered.
You will feel better and be able to look at this with a fresh outlook.
Also from some of the stuff you said I think you were very lucky to find out about this bottom dweller right away. | |
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| I'm an idiot
Posted: 2/18/2008 3:48:22 PM | Wow, I was there not that long ago. Mine went on for several years... not this bad, but anyway, I stuck my tail between my legs and said all females are pigs... After a short while I chose to let it go, stop feeling sorry for myself and NOT let another persons lies keep me from beingg happy for the rest of my life. Gotta do that. There are some good women out there for me and there is a good man near you. Lets go find them when the time is right.
One thing bothers me and I must say it... next time (and the time after that) DON'T let someone new into a childs life till you are very serious. Children don't need to build a relationship with someone that may not stay- two weeks in not near enough time, even if you had been friends for a long time. Once you are talking marriage then its time to introduce the children to him. | |
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| I'm an idiot
Posted: 2/18/2008 4:02:31 PM | | well here we are, i just got a mental, emotional spanking from a woman that did not deserve me. We were dating for 4 months and i spent over $2000 on her debts. I had major surgery and she came to spend 3 hours with me, 2 days after the surgery, and did not call me on 2 other days to see how i was doing. She says i am selfish... godd bye to her and her out of control bs | |
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| I'm an idiot
Posted: 2/18/2008 6:44:13 PM | If you're an idiot, then we are both idiots.
You are alot like me. You were your heart on your sleeve. There are positives and negatives with people like us. The positives are, when we are in healthy relationships, we have alot to offer the people we are in love with. We offer passion, romance, love, caring, hope, and dreams.
The negatives tend to lie with the other halves of who we are with, if they are not themselves healthy, or used to healthy relationships. They don't know how to handle people like us.
Sometimes they think we are too good for them, and work to sabotage the relationship. Sometimes they think that relationships simply cannot last, and again work to sabotage the relationship. And sometimes they think that they aren't deserving of a healthy relationship, and choose not to work on it, allowing it to fall by the wayside.
Regardless, the end results are we have our guards down further than they do, and tend to be the ones most hurt.
I've tried keeping my guard up around people I date. I don't like the way it feels, and I certainly don't like the side it brings out in me. I come across as cold and unfeeling. So, I let it down. Sadly enough, in recent months, my own heart has been pretty well stomped on.
The only options we have available to us are either the option of keeping our guard up permanently, and end up being lonely....................or to keep getting back up on the horse just one more time, each time after we get knocked off.
I wish us both luck in our searches for our respective Mr./Ms. Rights. | |
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| I'm an idiot
Posted: 2/18/2008 8:07:52 PM |
Marcia wrote:
> Then I grabbed his baseball cap and started hitting him over the head
> with it and telling him what an idiot I thought he was.
At which point, I probably would have called the cops.
Ladyc4 wrote:
YOU GO, GIRL!!!
Whack, slap of the hand, punch, hitting -- man to woman, woman to man,
in any degree, violence is violence. And there's just no excuse for it no matter
how idiotic the other person has been. So with all due respect, shame on you
both Marcia & Ladyc4.
Apolinary | |
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7Patt
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Joined: 9/12/2007
Msg: 34 | |
| I'm an idiot
Posted: 2/18/2008 8:12:06 PM | well I'm pissed of FOR YOU also, OP . . . .
but you're not an idiot . . . . .we all make those "fatal errors" from time to time. It happens. We gut burnt . . . . we heal, we think we''re "ready again" . . . . so we roll the dice and guess what . . . . . you know the deal.
I too, let someone get to me. I thought we really had something special. But ultimately it was revealed that it wasn't quite as special for her, as it was for me. It hurt, yes . . . . . but like somebody else said . . . . better to learn it early on, as opposed to having a couple years wrapped up in it. Christ . . . . good thing we didn't have a baby together.
So, now it's even more difficult to get close to me than it was before. But that's life . . . and the phucked up things we choose . . . .
Not sure I can really offer you any advice, except . . . . if you REALLY want to "party like a rock star" . . . . lol . . . . come on down to southern florida. I'll take you to Key West and you can party your little heart out. NO STRINGS ATTACHED ! ! | |
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| I'm an idiot
Posted: 2/18/2008 8:29:36 PM | I agree on taking a little vacation. I am ready too!!  | |
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| I'm an idiot
Posted: 2/18/2008 8:52:03 PM |
The only thing you're an idiot for is having him spend time with your daughter after dating him for only 2 weeks. If they were as great together as you say, then your daughter is the big loser in all of this.
^ That's what I was gonna say. Two weeks is not ample enough time to allow a stranger around your child, especially saying something like "he wanted to be the man she ran up to and hugged whenever she saw him" when he barely knows you. WTF were you thinking??? | |
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| I'm an idiot
Posted: 2/18/2008 8:56:21 PM | | I really dont understand why you can allow your self to be so wound up in a man that you have only dated for 2 weeks, havent even known that long. Did you all even have sex? What is wrong with your self esteem that you would let a man bring you down, to where you would even cry or even write this post about. Maybe you need another focus, besides the men in your life, if you are going to let them upset you like this. I could understand if you all had been together for a few months. anyway, everyone is different, thank goodness. good luck, if this keeps up, maybe you should try therapy. | |
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| I'm an idiot
Posted: 2/18/2008 9:08:56 PM | I realize that the pain is still uber fresh and you are angry, natural response but really, for this man to "do" anything to you is now a choice.
One of the things I have learned that allows me to get over this type of situation, and I have been there too, not with the drunk and pregnancies but the guys that think they are ready for a relationship until things get serious and then they bolt. If you remind yourself that he did not set out to hurt you, that he genuinely believed he was ready for a relationship, it kind of takes the momentum out of the anger.
He is really a pathetic human being but he did show you something valuable, that despite the wonderful life you built for yourself, it would be richer with someone in it. And don't beat yourself up over the daughter thing. You have learned a valuable lesson for the future and kids are resilient, if you were only together two weeks she did not spend ooodles and oodles of time with him and children learn that people go in and out of our lives whether it is because of people moving, falling out with a friend, whatever. Just be smarter next time and wait until you have had time to shake the monkeys from the trees.
You also should recognize that you have dodged a huge bullet because anyone that is this big a dupus would have made a huge mess of your life. So he has done you a favor by taking a walk and reminding you that there is a woman inside you, and while this does not look particularly comforting now, it is a good thing. Why would you not believe yourself worthy of attention because he is a moron? This says nothing about you but everything about him. Don't see it as him throwing you away, but you having enough sense to run the other direction because no way you want this guy back in your life.
You can remember this as a positive experience because you choose to believe that he was genuine for those two weeks as you were. With the right guy, those two weeks can last a very, very long time, you just need to find the right guy. And as far as not hating him, that is also a good thing because you are wasting your time and energy on emotion that has no purpose but to ultimately hurt you more so your inability to sustain that makes you a decent human being. | |
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| I'm an idiot
Posted: 2/18/2008 9:10:53 PM | Marcia, you are not an idiot..just lonely and new to this scene. It also sounds like you are stuck in a small town and trying to work with what's available to you there....and got frustrated at having reality jump up in your face.
Next time, keep your daughter out of the equation for a very long time.
Next time, don' t slap or hit even though it was only with a baseball cap. That IS assault and if he wanted to be a jerk, he could have called the police, and you COULD have been arrested, and you COULD have had your child go to CPS. You don't want that. NO man is worth that.
Most of us single women have been through this sort of behavior many times over. Please don't let it completely harden you. Be wise, be safe, but still try to not completely close your heart off and go for payback.
Most of all, be very thankful it only lasted two weeks.
LASTLY
Anything that seems too good to be true usually is. Its a small town. Ask around next time. Get the skinny before you get into anything. (I say as I come back from yet another first meet where the guy said all sorts of complimentary things, asked for my address, and then instructed me to call him. And having been through this several times before, I know that means I'll never hear from him again.) | |
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| I'm an idiot
Posted: 2/18/2008 10:27:25 PM | Marcia.... Your story is the same for a lot of people.. Marcia you have to grow from this. Really , did you know this loser already got two women pregnant ? If you did your skin should have crawled away from him and not let him under.
Knowing what you do now... I hope you would never consider having anything more to do with him. He wont change, there are many guys that run around , in heat, no different then dogs do. They are immature pansies that dont have a clue of what it takes to be a man. A man would take care of his responsibility., like the first pregnant girl. The problem with today, women are too willing to give themselves away, when they have sex with a guy they actually give a piece of their heart to him as well. The guy also bonds in a suttle way and when he ignores it or gets away with it , it hardens his heart to a degree....a peice of him is also missing, and the more you give away the more empty you become...until you have nothing to give to anyone but a one night stand, and in liberal societies like ours they could go like this for years, never being able to bond to anyone, and the next woman becomes just another picture that he had some physical interaction with. Love and caring for someone is left out of the equation . Marcia if you do find someone and you end up in weakness sometime having sex.... give it all you got and never do it again... Make it so good that he is panting at your door...but be sure to tell him never again until you have a commitment
... I could go deeper into this but I will stop for now...if you want to contact me for more advice ...go ahead...no strings attatched. sincerly Quallity. | |
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| I'm an idiot
Posted: 2/18/2008 10:54:25 PM | | wow,I can't believe all this drama even had time to form in 2 weeks,your joking me right?you made this up,I know you did,how could so much go down in 2 weeks,I thought I was reading about a 10 month long relationship or something,.why would your daughter meet someone so soon anyway.You didn't want to date him,but went into like a california firestorm,it doesn't add up,I think you made this up,you should cut down on the red bull. | |
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Mary1K
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Joined: 12/13/2007
Msg: 42 | |
| I'm an idiot
Posted: 2/18/2008 11:46:06 PM |  Don't settle for the first thing that comes along in your life. Because I tend to be a poor judge of people. I took time for me . To learn who 'I" AM. If you step on a peice of glass,do you go back where the glass is?If you don't take the time to heal you take all these bad feelings into your next relationship and when you do that person is judged by what the last person that hurt you, they can nerver live up to your expectation,because your still hurt.{Food for thought} Ask yourself would I want my daughter to be seeing someone like this person? Your someone special and you said it you don't need a man to complete you ; I'm on this site to find my "bestfriend" not a "boyfriend" .   | |
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Mary1K
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Joined: 12/13/2007
Msg: 43 | |
| I'm an idiot
Posted: 2/19/2008 12:39:20 AM | | Don't settle for the first thing that comes along in your life. Because I tend to be a poor judge of people. I took time for me . To learn who 'I" AM. If you step on a peice of glass,do you go back where the glass is?If you don't take the time to heal you take all these bad feelings into your next relationship and when you do that person is judged by what the last person that hurt you, they can nerver live up to your expectation,because your still hurt.{Food for thought} Ask yourself would I want my daughter to be seeing someone like this person? Your someone special and you said it you don't need a man to complete you ; I'm on this site to find my "bestfriend" not a "boyfriend" . | |
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iliose
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Joined: 2/14/2008
Msg: 44 | |
| I'm an idiot
Posted: 2/19/2008 1:32:32 AM | I don't know... being so desparate for love that you "fall in love" in less than two weeks doesn't sound like such a good game plan.
Love that lasts comes when you love yourself and you understand that two weeks is the absolute perfect time for introductions and getting to know a person, not to start pinning all your hopes on them. | |
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| I'm an idiot
Posted: 2/19/2008 4:15:49 AM | YOU GO, GIRL!!!
I don't even call it "Dating land" or "Adventures in Dating" anymore...I call it IHOP because of all the waffling guys.
Ahahahahhahahaha! Thanks so much for that Ladyc4. Heh IHOP ...waffling boys. Loving it!
Man, i just went through some major wafflage, and trust me there was not nearly enough whipped cream, or strawberries or chocolate syrup to make up for the frustration, confusion and hurt. No man had ever tell me again that it's just us women who play games and are hard to understand and love drama.... all people do it, including the guys!!
I've been told not to rush into things, to not care too much, that i wasn't caring enough; it just kept on going -opposing messages. Where the hell is the sticker that says "This end up".
oh well... such is life, and in the meanwhile IHOP will make me chuckle... heh i know i waffle at times too so i'll refrain from applying it only to the guys.
OP i decided recently that i wasn't going to stop loving and feeling just because i might get hurt. I'll try to be careful, but i'm not going to go through this life shut down and constrained in case i'll get hurt. Heck may as well count on getting hurt and carry on living life the way you want knowing that. Not in a pessimistic way, but free, because why worry about it? Look out for yourself but savour the moments that do work, even if they are only a moment, or two weeks, or two years..... | |
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| I'm an idiot
Posted: 2/19/2008 5:27:38 AM | Marcia, I don't know where you live.....but, hun....if you wanna few days away...come stay with me....I'll take you to meet some gorgeous English guys....(we don't all have bad teeth and honking laughs you know!!!)...you can drink yourself stupid (i'm a nurse so can get you to the front of the stomach pumping queue in the emergency room) and you can go home and tell everyone you laid Hugh Grant (hey...everyone else has!!!) ha ha ha
And on that note....I hope you smiled at this, if nothing else....you know where you're making mistakes.....thats half the battle won....stay strong (it would seem you have been through a lot of trauma and survived) and someone who truly deserves you will find you eventually..... | |
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| I'm an idiot
Posted: 2/19/2008 5:39:57 AM | its ok i was like that too...i kept falling inlove to easily and i would always get used for sex and then get hurt....but now im going slow cause i have a little 3 month old boy and he comes first...i guess it all depends on your speed but if you can you should try to move slow so you dont get hurt that way if the guy picks up and leave you wont care | |
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fubar4
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Joined: 2/12/2008
Msg: 48 | |
| I'm an idiot
Posted: 2/19/2008 6:26:42 AM | OP, there's no reason to feel like an idiot. You didn't sleep with him and it was the VERY early stages of dating. This is what dating is for-- to figure out if this person is right for you. You found out he wasn't and now you get to move on while his life is a complete catastrophe.... and will probably only get worse. You're no worse for wear other than you're heart broken. It happens to the best of us. It's happened to ALL of us.
You have to change your perspective from "dumped by a loser" to "smart girl took her time and is ten steps ahead, in life, from the loser that doesn't know what he wants". | |
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| I'm an idiot
Posted: 2/19/2008 9:34:55 AM | Gawd, I could have written what you did.
No words of wisdom either, just I so understand and know it sucks. I had actually begun to wonder if I had the ability to feel anything at all again, ever since the second time that happened to me back in the early 90's. Then she 'appeared' . Five months of perfectiong and then nothing, no closure no nothing. I knew better, I knew to be guarded and defensive in a relationship, I knew, I knew... but somehow I felt any way. There is no feeling in the world like that feeling of being alive again, totally, hopelessly stricken. And not feeling like the oid when its gone.
I hope the vacation, flirting, and alcohol helps. | |
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| I'm an idiot
Posted: 2/19/2008 11:04:27 AM | | Most of you don't get it. Sounds to me you were a bit on cruise control. This was good and that was good. So you took a chance with someone and it did not work out. Do it again. And when that does not work out, then do it again, again. You will feel more alive. When it does not work out, don't view it as a rejection. Just another experience. That is why we are alive. | |
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