| I'm an idiot
Posted: 2/19/2008 11:11:45 AM | Your just human go easy on yourself he put your through enough
and you were not weak to cry in front of him
cying and feelings are not a weakness
BUT
offering to take him back is a big fat one
and you deserve better
you should be dumping him not him you and you willing t take him back
he lied about all the sex
hes got baby mamas galore
man what a mess
there is nothing wrong with you your human and you trusted
unfortuanly most men are not worth trusting
sorry but sad to say and t rue
best you can do is go much slower next time and liek the other person said have them earnnnnnnnnn your trust
dont just give it away for free
they need to earn it
sorry this happened to you
and Thank God you have all the support you do
I wished I did
you can get back to feeling good soon enough the way you were before himmmmm
just go slow and stop beating you up
good for you for hitting him lol
beat him up in your mind every time you think of him
remind yourself of all the bad parts
take control over your thoughts
every time you glorify him when you start to miss him
thinkof all the bad things and the lies and all
okkkkkkkkkkkkkk
you dont want or need someone like this back
you can do much better
Good luck
God bless | |
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| I'm an idiot
Posted: 2/19/2008 4:08:01 PM | | Okay you've flagellated yourself quite enough. Made a mistake? Hard to say. Error in judgment with J**? Perhaps. The desire for a little companionship or love is not an ignoble goal so stop worrying about it. You can't beat yourself up forever. How many times do I have to say this before somebody listens? Pick yourself up, dust yourself off and move on. You'll be okay. | |
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MNM08
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Joined: 1/14/2008
Msg: 53 | |
| I'm an idiot
Posted: 2/19/2008 4:52:35 PM | Most of you women love guys that are idiots and are full of drama. You will complain and complain about the guy, but will continue to go back and go back. Not every woman is like this, but I would say 7 out of 10 are, and 3 out of 10 are married.
The guys who would actually treat you well, you would not want anything to do with them. The next guy will probably be a legit good guy, but you will play games, then dump him for no reason.
Going around and getting drunk and flirting with guys and playing games with them, yeah that is the answer, just do the same thing the guy you are pissed at did to you. | |
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MNM08
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Joined: 1/14/2008
Msg: 54 | |
| I'm an idiot
Posted: 2/20/2008 5:40:11 AM | | I would forget about this guy, tell him to get lost, wait a little, and someone will come along. If you keep your heart away from everyone, or every guy who is interested, you might end up bitter and lonely. Do not let this guy or others from the past ruin it for you and someone else who might be a legit nice guy. I have been screwed over a billion times by women but I keep marching on. Do not feel bad for crying, it is not a sign of weakness, just shows you care.... | |
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| I'm an idiot
Posted: 2/20/2008 5:56:26 AM | No, you're not an idiot
I can beat that - I sold my house (which I owned) to buy one with my last partner.
When he decided he wanted a newer, younger model, he managed to scrape some cash together to buy me out, so I could start again (with a mortgage this time)...but not until he had an affair in the November and then moved a woman he works with, in to our home, when I was out...
She was into designer stuff in a big way - I won't tell you what I did with their toothbrushes though, but I'm glad I never used them.
I still feel angry and bitter - but in the end, he is the loser. | |
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| I'm an idiot
Posted: 2/20/2008 6:16:14 AM | wow ok ugadog99 and the op just got me totally in tears lol...i was in that no men aloud void for years and i mean years..then i met my x and let him in..got pregnant got treated like utter garbage n felt just like the op when it was all said and done...but let me tell ya..you do pull yourself out and you do go on...while i still am in a not to sure about men state,and am much more gaurded and choosey w men i still want a relationship..alot of people do...weather it is to be loved or what have you...we all want someone there for us...and yes if we could wouldnt it be great to just get away from everything and just vegg n not think about things..but...no matter what they will still be here when we get back...so the best i can say is no matter what the guy does DONT take him back no matter how tempting...cause he will be the same lieing skeezy jerk he was in the begining...remember that....get your life on track,think about you,your kidd,and bettering your life...forget him and try to find someone that can appriciate you for you...thats about all u can do at this point. hugz n stay strong n remember how he ticked you off when he comes wagging his finger at you..either that or imagine him w devil horns on lol | |
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| I'm an idiot
Posted: 2/20/2008 6:24:01 AM | Hey there are some men out that are using the old "I am still in love with the ex routine." I don't know where they are getting some of the lines they are using to snare us in and blow us off but they are being schooled to pull in the fish and then throw them back. I had a best friend this Summer and I fell for him but he used that line on me. It is very hard to deal with but I didn't want to cry I wanted to punch his lights out. I didn't lol but it sounded good for a minute to take a nerf bat and beat him about with it. lol Good luck remember if he sounds too good to be true he probably is. There are good guys out there. Usually they are the ones that dont' always say the right things and aren't feeding women any lines. They don't have an "act" down, because they are for real.
Dawn | |
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| I'm an idiot
Posted: 2/20/2008 6:36:23 AM | | I don't think your an idiot for wanting to be wanted or desired. Crying in front of someone is NOT the end of the world. It only shows you were "emotionally invested" and were hurt. However, wanting to get drunk to ease the pain is not the answer - you have respnosibilities. After the drunk the pain is still there AND you have a hangover. There is no situation were a good drunk won't make it worse. You seem to be greiving for your loss but you need to work through the pain. Personnaly, I wouldn't want someone (jackass) like your J... in my life. I wouln't trust him as far as I could throw him. In fact you should throw him in the trash. How would you like to evenually marry this guy and have him paying child support for a bunch of extra kids -- not your own. Though painful, forget him and move on. | |
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| I'm an idiot
Posted: 2/20/2008 6:37:37 AM |
I got uber drunk Valentine's night. Can you blame me?
Actually, yes.
When you woke up the next day you had a hangover and were still the same situation.
Alcohol is not an answer to problems.
Hmm... someone who gets drunk, has a bad temper and assaults people as a result of anger (baseball cap or not, that was domestic violence), and you think you're the best thing that could happen to him?
Man, what has his life been like up to now? I got along better with my last wife and we came close to exchanging gunfire....
And somehow you think getting drunk, dancing, flirting with the cute guys is your answer....
I have another option. Stay home and care for your daughter instead of foisting her off on your mother while you go out and party.
I get sad when I read posts like this..... | |
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| I'm an idiot
Posted: 2/20/2008 6:41:45 AM | | Go let your hair down and make yourself feel good and keep telling yourself over and over until it sinks in "these guys didnt deserve me" you are worth so much more of yourself and deserve the very best like the rest of us "good uns" lol Keep your chin up and concentrate on your daughter she will pick up on the fact your down. Its not fair that some people know how to get to us so we dont let them now matter what they say or do always keep them at a safe distance its best all round until you know for sure its going to work. You have no need to be pissed off with yourself, your not the first person to fall for a guy and you deffinately wont be the last. He has got himself in a right mess getting 2 women pregnant so do you really want to be involved with a guy that has no thought for what the 2 women are going through, he will realise 1 day what a fool he has been and it will be to late! If you allow 1 person to treat you wrongly the rest will do it so stop it right now that in itself is will show you that you deserve much more.........be strong and you are not in idiot......those blokes are the idiots (laugh it off) | |
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| I'm an idiot
Posted: 2/20/2008 7:02:49 AM | hunny,youre not the idiot,he is.dont beat yourself up.pick yourself up,dust yourself down.take a look at yourself in the mirror and say"im a good person and i deserve better".the only person you can trust is yourself.hold out for that good guy,im sure hes there wishing he could meet someone like you.the pain will heal,but you will know with time that patience is the best virtue.this guy is so stereotypical of guys who just havnt grown into their calvin yfronts yet.dont take him back,be strong and you will feel great when you tell him to sling it.trust me,you will be fine,we all will.
all the best to everyones who has been dumped on..our day is coming.x | |
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| I'm an idiot
Posted: 2/20/2008 7:02:58 AM | Ummm...never get the kids involved until you do a Criminal Background check and make sure he ain't a More Serious Problem. Pop his name into the Sexual Offender website and see whatcha get.
it's too bad there isn't a site for Baby Daddies so that gals can see how many kids a particular guy is popping out and with how many women  | |
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| I'm an idiot
Posted: 2/20/2008 7:48:30 AM | | It happens to the best of us Hunnie, Move on, just dont let it happen again til you are ready for another heartbreak. I feel your pain! Hugzzzzz Talula | |
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| I'm an idiot
Posted: 2/20/2008 8:26:27 AM | Marcia76... you're not an idiot All of us, men and women have to go through things just like the one that you just went through It's called life and sometimes in life we come across people that say things, do things, and make us believe that they are being honest in all of their actions towards us. Only to one day just disappear out of our lives without any thought of how it effects the person or people that they just played Yes... it's disappointing when nice people fall in love because of the way that someone lead them to believe. It even hurts in ways that are hard to describe in words. I think that everyone on this site can relate to that pain of investing our time, our love, and our lives to someone that can't love back. Most of the time it's a simple case of that person not being able to love anyone. Simply because they haven't began to love themselves yet. It's all so confussing to have to go through as well as painful. On the up side is that you didn't have sex with him That's one of the things that he was, even though he never said was having the most trouble with. Because if you step back and look at all the information that you have now, you can see that he obvisously was getting what he was out to get from others before you.
Trust me.. on this you did more damage to him by not falling into his web of deception, than anything that you can say or do to him.
As for hurting and crying that's all a part of learning from our mistakes it's something that so many need to do but don't.
Go out.. Flirt... dance like no ones watching, love like you've never loved before and grow into a more beautiful woman than you already are | |
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| I'm an idiot
Posted: 2/20/2008 8:40:16 AM | First off I want to say thank you to all the people who said good words of encouragement. I needed that.
Second, I'm NOT going to go back out with him. I don't need that kind of crap from anyone.
Third, do all the people lambasting me for letting him be around my daughter - he already knew her. I've KNOWN J for years, we just didn't hang out enough to really get to know each other before, but we both knew each other's kids.
I'm gonna pick myself back up, get my self-esteem back up to where it needs to be and rock on!
Already started: new college term starts today and I added a couple classes to my load to keep me busy and I'm gonna enroll my daughter in aqua tots again (she's such a little water baby!)
and ya know what? If I meet a guy... great! If I don't... that's great too!
And to end this thread on a lighter note:
(BE WARNED!!!! OFF COLOR JOKE!!!!! DO NOT READ IF YOU GET OFFENDED EASILY!!!!!)
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What is the difference between love, true love and just showing off?
Spitting, swallowing and gargling
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| I'm an idiot
Posted: 2/20/2008 8:51:13 AM | | Well I don't think your letter shows you are an idiot (a person deficient in mind and permanently incapable of rational conduct) . You don't have a relationship in two weeks. It just doesn't happen. I found out that I didn't have a "real" relationship after three years. That was difficult. Choosing a drunk rather than being alone is not giving yourself a fair chance. It was a good thing that he moved on. You are always responsible for your actions and reactions. Only you choose to act "like a fool". You mention you have a daughter. She needs to be your first priority. She learns behaviour from you, her mentor. Choose to be the best you can be and save her from making poor choices as she grows up. You say you live in a small town... do some investigating when someone wants to date you. Find out about them. Don't believe everything someone says right off the bat because experience has taught me that "talk is cheap".... you know the proof is in the pudding and the bowl may be very deep and you may have to get down to the bottom of the bowl to find the proof. Take a breather. Remember that alcohol will never be your friend. More irrational behaviour happens under the influence and more children are conceived. You have to learn to be your own best friend. Believe in yourself. Hold your head up high and step into the light. Only you can make a difference in your life. | |
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| I'm an idiot
Posted: 2/20/2008 10:34:15 AM | | I agree with post #59. I don't think your an idiot for going out with someone. I think you and idiot to say your in love with a guy after 2 weeks and then to still think he was some great catch after he just got 2 women pregnant. Your way better off with out him, but don't let guys like him make you think all men are bad. Heck the fit you thru doesn't make you sound like any winner to me either. Domestic abuse is wrong weather it be a man doing the hitting or a woman. | |
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| I'm an idiot
Posted: 2/20/2008 11:04:50 AM | I think that if you're 'perfectly happy and content with your life' then you wouldn't need to break down when your relationship failed. Sounds like you're expecting a lot from the wrong guy. He's obviously has his own expectations too and probably feels as if what he's giving doesn't measure up to what the relationships worth, and I think it's possible that he values sex more than he's willing to admit to someone who is telling him that she doesn't want that from him(but still hangs the possibility in front of his nose). But that's not to say that I'm on his side, in fact he's probably just a big dumb jerk who doesn't know how to get what he wants by other 'more respectable' means. My priceless advice on this matter is that if someone is blowing you off then that's the worst time to 'corner' him, I mean come on do you really think you can push him into feeling comfortable about telling you why
he doesn't want to talk or just the opposite(!). Also are you going to get mad at him for being himself? Wouldn't you be better off just accepting the fact and moving on? If your expectations aren't being met and you still expect a fairytale ending to the story then you are an idiot...(or maybe it's just that all the women around here are!)(joke!) If you are seriously serious about saving this gem then perhaps you should have his baby!
(DRINKING DURING PREGNANCY CAUSES BIRTH DEFECTS!) | |
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| I'm an idiot
Posted: 2/20/2008 3:45:06 PM | Wow!
You should'nt be angry with yourself, all you did was be open to love, and you believed you had met someone special.. Well, every woman does that.
You sound like you have a lot going for you. You sound like someone who would be a great role model and a good friend. Don't beat yourself up for being a good woman.. | |
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| I'm an idiot
Posted: 2/20/2008 4:47:24 PM | I am so sorry. What a terrible story. Your not an idiot you just took a chance. All men are not like this. Do your self a favor. Look at it as a learning experience. I wish you all the best.
Oh and you are better off you found out so soon. | |
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| I'm an idiot
Posted: 2/20/2008 6:47:35 PM | | My only advice from this point...get out of Iowa...head to more interesting places. | |
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| I'm an idiot
Posted: 2/20/2008 8:33:19 PM | | Yeah.... I shoulda stayed in Louisiana. But then a big a** hurricane would have destroyed my house...... I moved to Iowa about four months before Katrina hit. Saw photos of the house I had. Big tree RIGHT through the middle of it! | |
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| I'm an idiot
Posted: 2/20/2008 8:46:12 PM | | Make no mistake, there are plenty of good guys out there. Also remember that it's risky for us as well. Believe me, we're not bullet proof. | |
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| I'm an idiot
Posted: 2/21/2008 11:43:02 AM |
I moved to Iowa about four months before Katrina hit. Saw photos of the house I had. Big tree RIGHT through the middle of it!
Some people call this "divine intervention" from the Universe. You and your daughter are blessed to not have been there. As others have said, you should not be so hard on yourself because you opened yourself up to the possibility of being loved. It seems like you are learning a hard lesson from your experience and the jerk isn't worthy of you. You seem to be getting back on track. Best to you. | |
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