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| Has anyone gone through an anullment in the catholic church?
Posted: 2/19/2008 11:30:47 AM | I was called once as a "witness" for a friend's annulment, and it literally did involve giving testimony after swearing/affirming to tell the truth the whole truth and nothing but the truth! It was very long and involved...seems to me I was there for several hours, and I was quite amazed at the questions I was asked. Because I had moved out of province not long after my friend was married, and therefore didn't actually witness a lot of what had gone on in their marriage, I was not able to answer a lot of questions. I was asked everything, from what their daily routine was at home, to the frequency and quality of their sex life! I wouldn't want to go through that exerience again as a witness, let alone the one getting the annulment!
SunnyD | |
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| Has anyone gone through an anullment in the catholic church?
Posted: 2/19/2008 4:54:39 PM | | What it means is they are planning to get married in her church. They won't marry them in the church unless his old marriage is null and void..as if you never happened. Its about her wanting to be married in the church and him holding that process up. I have had an anullment in the catholic church..I am catholic. Some catholic churches will expect him to become a catholic if they are getting married...it sounds like they are getting the paperwork ready for an upcoming nuptual. Ask your local church and what your lutheran roots say about it. Its a catholic thing not a legal thing. The catholic church has no right to know YOUR personal information. You are not bound legally by the catholic wishes. You do have rights and don't have to comply with their wishes. Let your ex get to where hes going on his own and leave you out of it...Its pretty insensitive on his part to ask this of you so he can get busy with his bride. Fact is...you both were married. HE LEFT THE MARRIAGE, now let him find his own way...without your assistance. I would be insulted...but you have rights and are not bound by their fancy wording. | |
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| Has anyone gone through an anullment in the catholic church?
Posted: 2/19/2008 5:17:35 PM | Actually always...I think its rather a beautiful thought.
Thanks Kyn, that is very nice of you to say..I guess I have just learned as I get older to let bygones... be bygones... and I was raised to try to put myself in others people's shoes.
In fact when all of this happened I went to visit my mom in the hospital and was telling her about it. She said (like she always does lol) Empathy is a forgotten art. Try to put yourself in her shoes and remember what it was like when you wanted your dream wedding...even if the girl may be living in a fantasy world and may want to marry a jack$#@ lol it's her dream. Gotta love mum, she always does the right thing but also speaks her mind lol.
Anyhow, I called my ex today but couldn't talk to long as I was at work. He said that he has just started the process and so far has only had to answer a few basic questions. I asked him on what grounds he was asking for the annulment and he just said that he told them that he was drinking heavily during our marriage. I told him that I wasn't sure if they would grant him one based on that and he just said he would cross that bridge when he came to it and that so far he hasn't actually proposed to her or anything like that yet. I told him to let me know what paperwork he received and I would let him know what I received and that I wanted to see copies of it so I could see what exactly was written otherwise I would request it from the Diocese or go to the hearing so I knew he was being honest and he agreed.
I told him what I had learned from the thoughtful POF community who has gone through this and it seems at this point I know more than him..unless he is just not telling me everything.
I also told him that if at any time I felt that I was being asked questions that I felt were none of their business or inapproriate in any way that I would not answer them. This is about him getting an annulment...not me.
I also learned from a poster that they assign a "Defender of the Bond" to try to prove the marriage was valid. How can a priest that neither one of us know, who knows nothing about our marriage, our history, or us...defend it? I don't get that at all! When I told him that he did agree with me that didn't make any sense.
For me, I honestly don't care if it is granted and I would never appeal it. I had talked to my minister along time ago and he said that if I ever wanted to get remarried that he would do it (with pre-martial counseling) so for me it isn't a problem.
Again, I thank everyone for all of the information and taking time to post or send emails  and keep in coming lol...I think this is going to be a very very long process and I could use all the help I can get..I hate surprises!  So the more info the better!
OH, And Sunny..I talked to a girl at work today who said she had to be a witness once and she couldn't BELIEVE the questions they asked her..so I am not surprised at all. She also said she would refuse to do it again if asked and that she felt very uncomfortable with the whole thing. | |
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| Has anyone gone through an anullment in the catholic church?
Posted: 2/19/2008 5:23:46 PM | The Defender of the Bond is like a fact finder. He had to take all the facts and prove that it was a valid marriage. The burden of proof is on the presenting party--you ex husband. The DoB wants to prove it was a good valid marriage and the bond should not be broken.
You do what is right and comfortable to you during this process. It is very kind of you to do the right thing. Holding grudges hurts no one except the person holding the grudge. It is time consuming and the other party does not care that you are mad.
I wish you well. | |
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| Has anyone gone through an anullment in the catholic church?
Posted: 2/19/2008 5:29:43 PM | Thanks Outofthedesert.. I appreciate all of your information and support!
Juniper,
I just looked at the paperwork they sent me from the Catholic Dicoese of Chicago and it's $500 plus $300 per witness he has. I think it varies from location to location. | |
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| Has anyone gone through an anullment in the catholic church?
Posted: 2/19/2008 6:13:24 PM |
Juniper,
I just looked at the paperwork they sent me from the Catholic Dicoese of Chicago and it's $500 plus $300 per witness he has. I think it varies from location to location.
holy cow!!! i thought they'd charge $30.00 or so and i'd get pissed about that!
thanx for letting me know. | |
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| Has anyone gone through an anullment in the catholic church?
Posted: 2/19/2008 7:16:34 PM | holy cow!!! i thought they'd charge $30.00 or so and i'd get pissed about that!
That'll be 3 Hail Marys and an Our Father for that one, Juniper!
Seriously though, it IS a difficult process; I think it's very admirable of you to approach this with the intent to help your ex. Best of luck!
SunnyD | |
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| Has anyone gone through an anullment in the catholic church?
Posted: 2/19/2008 7:27:23 PM |
That'll be 3 Hail Marys and an Our Father for that one, Juniper!
bless me, sunny, for i have sinned
seriously, that's a lot of money! but, i suppose at this point the church needs every cent. but, they won't get it from me. | |
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| Has anyone gone through an anullment in the catholic church?
Posted: 2/19/2008 7:33:09 PM | Hi OP Thank you for your caring, empathy and willingness.
I married a non-catholic in a catholic wedding ceremony. I was the catholic at the time. We were married for over 10 years and had 3 children, at least 2 baptized before our legal divorce.
Because I wanted to be free to marry, and I wanted to feel like his second marraige was legal both in the eyes of law but also in the eyes of the church in which I was raising our children; and because my current pastor happened to be very experienced at annullments (prior tribunal experience), I did file for an annullment. I agree with the long list of questions (52 as I recall which took me 18 hours of deep soul search writing to finish).
He and his wife were initially livid and thought this would make our children bastturds (sp to make it show) It doesn't ... they are still legal and baptized. Then they decided it was a great chance to vent against me. I heard (I never saw) from my pastor they had said plenty enough awful things against me. Bottom line, 2 years later (no wistnesses or any trial or hearings or anything ... just the pastor doing his thing) I received in the mail ... at a reasonable cost ... a paper declaring the annulment granted on the basis of: Inability to develop a community of life and love for the procreation of children ... on the part of the woman.
Irritated the heck out of me that he left me for another woman but I got the whole blame. I rarely think about it any more and figure that the reason really isn't that important. I knew I had my share of the blame and it didn't matter if they didn't know it took 2 to make it and 2 to break it. I wanted the annullment, so I took the blame.
Hope this helps. Feel free to do the minimal they ask and skip questions and just turn in anything. Let him do the majority of proof that he was the blame since he wants the paper.
Gandi | |
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| Has anyone gone through an anullment in the catholic church?
Posted: 2/19/2008 7:34:39 PM | I have done it and you are only one person they talk to and being the "Ex", they will take that into consideration if you don't respond.
They take testimony from friends and family and make a determination on all parties involved. It is probably around 75% he will get it with or without you.
it is no big deal and if you are still friends with him then what the heck...I think it is more important to tell him not to fall off the wagon and wreck another relationship that way ( I have a friend who is an alcoholic and drinks behind his girlfriends back) | |
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| Has anyone gone through an anullment in the catholic church?
Posted: 2/19/2008 9:26:45 PM | MacGyverRI said:
Annulment = you just pay them lots of $$ and buy your way out. The more you donate, the easier it is!
It's totally un-biblical....
That is your opinion. For me and many others, divorce from a sacramental marriage is un-Biblical and impossible ("what God hath put together, let no man put asunder." I believe this is read even in Protestant weddings).
Your definition of annulment is simply not true. The validity of an annulment is not dependent on how much money is paid. However, even canon lawyers must eat, and they must receive payment of some kind. I'm considering a career in canon law myself.
Anyway, to the OP, I suggest that you submit your information to the diocese out of charity to your ex and his girlfriend, but it's their responsibility to pay any and all fees. Also, please ignore the anti-Catholic bile that's being thrown around in here. It's really quite ridiculous, not to mention misinformed. | |
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| Has anyone gone through an anullment in the catholic church?
Posted: 2/20/2008 9:24:00 PM | anyoneouttheir said:
I may be way behine the times but it used to be you couldnt get married in a catholic church if you are not catholic i dont think that has changed
Actually, mixed marriages (between Catholics and baptized non-Catholic Christians, i.e. Protestants or Orthodox) have always been allowed, and in the church building, and even within the Mass. They're certainly not ideal, but they are allowed. To cite a few historical examples, all of the kings of England in the Stuart dynasty were Protestant monarchs (except for James II, who converted to Catholicism) who had Catholic wives (usually married from French or Italian royal houses). Those kings were James I, Charles I, Charles II, and James II. Charles II converted to Catholicism on his deathbed.
scotishthistle1967 said:
just to bring up a something for Jacobus........the bible also mentions...the widows, the virgins and the unmarried.........
Thanks, but that doesn't say anything one way or the other about the divorce/annulment issue. In fact, the verse you paraphrased (1 Corinthians 7:8) actually backfires against your suggestion. In the same chapter, two verses down, St. Paul wrote, "But to them that are married, not I, but the Lord, commandeth that the wife depart not from her husband. And if she depart, that she remain unmarried or be reconciled to her husband. And let not the husband put away his wife."
Now you've got me quoting Scripture and I feel like a Protestant.  | |
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| Has anyone gone through an anullment in the catholic church?
Posted: 2/26/2008 9:30:14 PM | | for anyoneoutthere....I dont know what Catholic church you go go, but mine has always allowed non-catholics to get married in our church. But I do find that different cities do things differently. Example: Cambridge(where I live), Communion and First Confession is done in grade two. In Brantford(sister lives) however, they do First Confession in grade one and First Communion in grade two. One Church does Communion in grade three.... | |
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