| Our First Relationship is with Ourselves
Posted: 2/20/2008 3:53:57 PM | This is a good forum.
I have to say for me I know love will come. As sure as the birds pair so will we. It's something that one can not stop. I have been very fortunate and very close to tying the knot. In the end something happened and it didn't work out but I am so fortunate to have loved and been loved by women that were simply amazing.
Despite the tears I know that I can love and when it's right it will work. Until then I have learned a few important lessons that Love teaches me. Sometimes there reminders of what I already knew but chose to ignore. Sometimes there revelations that bring me to a whole new place in life. Either way I gain. Either way I'm bettered.
Love sometimes feels like an enemy . So I thought for awhile but I have found that indeed it is a teacher and I a student that will continue until Love decides I know enough. Never its master only it prodige (forgive my spelling).
Take heart. It's not about what you get but what you offer. First be genuine to yourself and who you are. Choosing positve and real charicter. One day it will be habit and you a person richened by life. To give this is the most precious gift you have. | |
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| Our First Relationship is with Ourselves
Posted: 2/20/2008 4:03:29 PM | I have a great relationship with myself.
I talk to myself regularly, I sing love songs to myself, I flirt with myself every time I see me walk by. I make love to myself, feed myself well, I dance with myself(usually only myself since I hate other ppl getting in my way of having fun). I always put myself first, and I enjoy my company over everyone elses...man they gotta hurry up with cloning humans. | |
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| Our First Relationship is with Ourselves
Posted: 2/20/2008 8:19:49 PM | | ABSOLUTELY. This is one of the most important things we can ever do. There is a book called "Love 101", by Peter McWilliams. Every single person should read this book. The point is, we must be our own best friend, and love ourselves before we are truly able to be there for someone else. Know yourself, Love yourself, and you will be better able and ready to know someone else and Love someone else. | |
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| Our First Relationship is with Ourselves
Posted: 2/20/2008 8:29:57 PM |
I treat myself by reading and participating in forum discussions on PoF the realization that most here are screwed up worse than me is a relief. - DoUCanoe
> Such a marvellous way to feel superior, especially with people you don't know.
> What a treat!
> - Soul Union. | |
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| Our First Relationship is with Ourselves
Posted: 2/20/2008 8:44:15 PM | Highlander, please sit down for a minute. *hands him a beer*. Let's chat, bro.
You say:
" ... I know love will come. As sure as the birds pair so will we. It's something that one can not stop. I have been very fortunate and very close to tying the knot."
This is uncomfortable stuff. You talk about love as if it is a commodity and something outside yourself. Don't you think it's an emotion, which you create within yourself?
What about just working on being a loving person yourself? A priest at a church near me has a motto, which in part says "Love wastefully." I think the idea is that love is something you just give away without thinking about getting anything back. Did you ever read the lyrics to Malvina Reynolds' song "Magic Penny"? Google them up and take a look. She was one smart lady.
Next, there's your talk of "pairing." Really, dude, aren't you mixing biology with your own emotions, such as love? Pairing is quite possible with or without love, and vice versa. Can you love, and accept love, without assuming it has to connected with "pairing"?
Who says that anything about your emotional life is "something you cannot stop"? Don't you want to grow up and be in control of your life? If you don't take control of your emotions - including love - then don't you get blown around by every wind in life instead of living like master of it?
Finally, what's this about "tying the knot"? Really, dude, what does that have to do with anything? Can't you love, and be loved, without connecting it with the state of matrimony? You discuss "tying the knot" as if maybe it's some kind of a goal to be achieved. If that's the way you see it, what's going to motivate you when you have achieved it? Divorce that one and take on the next challenge?
Why not try this. Just love as totally as you can and as fully as you can, and make that independent of sex and marriage and stuff. Love men and women, young and old, ugly and beautiful, and be open to accepting love from those who as as giving of their love as you are of yours. Try it, okay?
*sips beer, and continues*
Okay, the drive to be paired is part of our biological nature, and its good, and it's fun, but let's face the fact that we humans - I hope - are way more than biology-driven aninals. If you were to hook up with me as a pair, I would want it to be by free, informed, responsible choice, not just animal instinct like those birds.
Finally, let's deal with this "tying the knot" thing. Marriage is, at best, a free choice, made with a whole lot of rationality, not just an end of a pathway greased by love or by sex. If somebody offered you to "tie the knot" motivated by anything less than that rationality, would you really want it? Suppose you chance to meet a woman next week who initially takes a liking to you. What do you expect her to feel if she sees your words "As the birds pair, so do we" and she pictures herself as a parrot or a pigeon enslaved by instincts where she wants to be a self-responsible intelligent humam being making informed choices?
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| Our First Relationship is with Ourselves
Posted: 2/21/2008 6:45:29 AM | I am new to online dating and the forums. When I pulled up relationships and looked at a few of them they left me feeling depressed. I started this forum to get some positive energy flowing...some hope that even if we don't find someone to be in a "relationship" with we can still love ourselves and get the love flowing around the world. Loving is not just with the one special person. We can say, Yes, I love that person --but who cares, those are just words? We need LOVE to become a verb -- show loving actions towards ourselves and towards others -- now that is what LOVE truly is. I feel, with just one or two cynical exceptions, that this forum is generating LOVE -- people are writing positive feelings and thoughts. When I read this forum it is not leaving me with depressed feelings. I am leaving with HOPE that there really are caring and loving people in this world.
One thing my daughter and I do if we are feeling bad (during warm weather) is go for a drive in my red mustang convertible. We have the top down and dance music on loud. She "dances" in the car. When people stare she blows them kisses. Sometimes they turn away and sometimes they wave and smile. We turn the negative feelings we had into positive ones and get our lives back in balance before returning home.
We all have bad days -- that is when we need to treat ourselves especially well...
Please keep adding to this forum -- it is appreciated!!! | |
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| Our First Relationship is with Ourselves
Posted: 2/21/2008 7:59:09 AM | | This is a great thread. I've been pushed into a intense period of self actualization/examination the past few yrs and the learning curve has been a steep one to say the least. The POF forums have been a great source of information. I found out that I'm just in the general mix of things neither the best or worst. This has contributed to keeping my outlook positive on the things to come and more importantly reaching out and exchanging with others.... | |
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| Our First Relationship is with Ourselves
Posted: 2/22/2008 7:26:04 AM | | I have recently found the best way to Love Myself is to Love Christ! I've tried to make a partner my Higher Power before with disaterous results. | |
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| Our First Relationship is with Ourselves
Posted: 2/23/2008 5:09:53 PM | While at work yesterday a gentleman asked me why I work so much. I told him to support my life style. He asked what I meant. I told him my primary job pays for the mortgage and all my needs and my part-time job pays for the things I enjoy -- like traveling, or throwing a party, or having a manicure. He responded that he doesn't need all that stuff to be happy.
Well, I don't NEED those things either to be happy... but I ENJOY them. This makes the difference between just existing and LIVING my life. My husband died when he was 23 and I was 22 and 6 weeks pregnant. All my children's lives I was a single parent...working hard and putting their needs before my own. So, now that they are grown, I am enjoying being good to myself...When I turned 46 I bought myself my little red convertible, something I always wanted but never could justify the expense. So, now, I feel good and successfuly when I CAN buy a luxury item.
What still makes me the happiest though is the hugs I get from my 2 kids or my 4 grandkids; to hear, "Mom, I love you;" or to hear from a friend... | |
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| Our First Relationship is with Ourselves
Posted: 2/23/2008 11:47:10 PM | i agree that the most important realtionship is with ourselves...and i love massages as well as other complementary medicines...i stay away from western meds if at all possible.. at the age of 52 i am at last learning to take care of myself...physically, mentally and spiritually...i've begun yoga (not very good, but i am learning to breathe and stretch), i eat better (fresh, whole foods, etc) i meditate and have a grateful heart...i'm learning to slow down and smell the roses....to breathe in and smile out!
material 'stuff' is not important to me anymore....but relationships are...my granny is 94 and my granddaughter is 2 and they both bring sunshine to my heart...my kids have grown into incredible adults...even my x and i have an ok relationship (we do share 3 kids and 1 grandbaby)...there are no 'bad guys' in my life...i just doesn't have room for that anymore...there was a time where i felt i needed to forgive certain people in my life, and that list included myself...i am not perfect, made many mistakes (will probably make many more) but i've always done the best i could with the light i had to see by....
my profession can be demanding and time is so very precious that i choose very carefully who i spend it with....and no, my life is not perfect, but i am ever so grateful for where i've been and who i am today.
r. | |
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| Our First Relationship is with Ourselves
Posted: 2/25/2008 2:16:29 AM | Balance of all parts = 1whole...
After my marriage many many moons ago I did not go to the same trouble cooking for myself as I did in nurturing the family.... It took many years for me to learn if I was prepared to do things for other people Its more than ok to do those things for myself.
1)I prepare yummy/tasty/healthy meals for myself.
2)I meditate or pray or whatever word (insert here)... before sleep/defragging and upon waking if I awake naturally I go into what i call 3rd state. Half IN my dream/asleeep and half awake.. Its a beautiful conciousness to be in.
3) I get off on my spirit/energy being a huge part of me. and choose peace. If peace is not apparent I will leave.
4). I love music so admin a bluesroom online.. or other music if I feel like it.
5) I make an appointment with myself , sometimes a whole day... So I never feel guilty for saying no if someone asks me for my time.. I simply tell them no I cant I have plans.. Unless its an emergency I dont break that me time..
6) If I need a break from peoples problems etc. I learnt just because the ph rings dosent mean I have to answer it.. If its important they will leave a message and I can return it..(that took awhile before people accepted I was allowed to do that .lol)
But I learnt mostly people would ring with their problems and although I care .. Sometimes it was hrs and alot of time... I hardly ever like chatting on the ph these days.( i rarely give my ph # to anyone)
7) If liver groans I give it a herbal day.
8) If lungs groan I go and mow the lawn/ then garden
9) if my spirit needs a change I go to a beautiful waterfall/spirit spot and just totally relax.. plus my dog loves it..lol
10)for my birthday I buy myself what I want, (usaully its not much, but usaully it involves trying something new) I donot rely on others to guess what i want or desire.
11)I spend times at the pub/few beers lots hugz.. laughs.. etc. love laughing.. with mates
12) I speak nicely to myself.... and try and encourage me to learn more/grow more..
13) My mind likes to learn so Im usaully finding some subject interesting and desire to know more..
14) Ive met some truly nice people in chat/online. and love spending time with them..laughing/talking/camming ..from all over the world.
hmmm ok im defiently lacking the lover part having been a spirit celebate for roughly 6 years.. but im a gunna work on that this year.  | |
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| Our First Relationship is with Ourselves
Posted: 2/25/2008 2:38:48 AM |
So, this is a forum to get ideas on how to treat ourselves well -- things we can do to feel better.
Well, i have been meaning to have a talk with myself about the deplorable lack of sex . | |
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| Our First Relationship is with Ourselves
Posted: 2/25/2008 12:39:34 PM | Ah now there's a person (soulmate08, msg 42) who is well on the way to figuring out who she is and liking what she finds there. *sigh* If only I were way younger and in Oz I would want to meet her. Maybe a weekend in the Blue Mountains or a few days on the Gold Coast. Oh well, she's a treasure awaiting some lucky dude. This babe knows that your first relationship is with yourself - so now she can appreciate the goodness in others.
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| Our First Relationship is with Ourselves
Posted: 2/25/2008 5:05:53 PM | To stay in balance I believe we have to take care of ourselves in the following areas:
Physically--eat healthy foods and exercise, don't smoke or drink too much
Mentally -- keep learning, reading, growing intellectually
Emotionally-- develop our relationships, with others and with ourselves (we can not love someone else if we don't love ourself) -- keep that self-esteem growing -- love and accept ourselves for who we are -- have integrity -- try to live in the most peaceful environment possible. Be NICE to others.
Spiritually -- Keeping Hope and Faith alive within us -- and spread the Love around!
We also have to give of ourselves -- volunteer work -- helping others -- it keeps us human!  | |
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| Our First Relationship is with Ourselves
Posted: 3/2/2008 6:16:44 AM | Well life for someone who is ADD is a bit different. Since we have the ability to hyper-focus on something it can also become a double edged sword. Most of us are extremely true to ourselves and tend to self scrutinize more than the average person for the simple reason we have to survive in a different world.
Most ADDer's are very perceptive, emotionally aware people, know oueselves intimately, and have come to terms with what/who we are and I think that if we have been in love at some time we may feel it more intensely than others. But many times life for us is an "all or nothing" situation; trying to initiate change becomes impossible or is as easy as pie.
Myself, I have been in several relationships and have learned volumes but having been in love,I have never been fazed by them to the point I will say I cannot/will not love again.
babbble, babble | |
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