| Why do most guys want a woman who needs them?
Posted: 2/23/2008 12:17:32 PM | My concept of this is,A woman who needs a man is offering her heart and sole,to only want is to only satisfy a passing curiosity
If I met a woman who I felt I needed,it would be to feel a completion of contentment like the song goes in part"the half of your flesh and blood makes me whole". | |
|
| Why do most guys want a woman who needs them?
Posted: 2/23/2008 12:29:20 PM | | If it's true that men don't recover as well from divorce as women do then wouldn't it stand to reason that they would choose someone they feel very SECURE with. | |
|
| Why do most guys want a woman who needs them?
Posted: 2/23/2008 12:38:36 PM |
If it's true that men don't recover as well from divorce as women do then wouldn't it stand to reason that they would choose someone they feel very SECURE with.
It's not actually gender based IMO. The person who is left takes longer to recover than the person who decided to leave. In the majority of cases, women decide to leave their men. Perhaps because their needs aren't being met? | |
|
| Why do most guys want a woman who needs them?
Posted: 2/23/2008 12:50:13 PM | It's the value of feeling valuable!
I think everyone needs to feel important, to have worth. People need to be recognized and appreciated for their positive qualities and how they contribute. Only others can satisfy this emotional need as self-praise is all fine and dandy however, It's like not being able to see our own faces (unless looking in the mirror) So it's through others that we see ourselves and we are validated... when we are shown by others that we are needed , they are being our eyes and showing us our worth.
I don't think it's most men that need to feel needed, it's people who need to feel needed, the more a person shows you that you are needed, the more our self-worth is bolstered and we naturally become closer to someone who makes us feel important to their life.
This is not to be mistaken with neediness or insecurity. | |
|
| |
| Why do most guys want a woman who needs them?
Posted: 2/23/2008 1:09:37 PM | To messager 11
For one thing, a poll asking a question to which the 'right' answer is obvious isn't very useful. For another, my experience is that what men say, and what they do, can be very different. Men absolutely believe what they say - few are actual liars - but given a room full of women even your friends will be attracted to the ones who need a man over the ones who merely want one. And if you ask them, they will deny it while they are doing it! It's because everybody - men and women - are responding to nonverbal cues; whatever gets said is more for justification than explanation.
The answer to the original question is that it makes a man feel like a man. Men have strong biological and cultural histories about personal strength and the need to protect and defend. There is profound satisfaction for a man when his woman looks to him for certain things, concrete things he can do well and feels good about. It's the same reason they play harder when women are watching, and give solutions to problems that we just want to vent about. I find it adorable, but I will never need a man again if I can help it, because the last one dumped me even though I needed him deeply. Love is dangerous that way. | |
|
| Why do most guys want a woman who needs them?
Posted: 2/23/2008 1:11:25 PM | The most likely reason is that deep in males´dna is the hunger to contribute and be respected. if men are needed they feel more alive like they are making a difference.
i know when some guy friends of mine over the years have been underemployed or unemployed they feel like life is not worthwhile and could care less if they die. This comes down to the feeling of not being needed and making a diff.
I know for me whether in a relationship or not i like to contribute time and resources to people in need. For example I have a sponser daughter thru compassion canada her name is Remmy Jane.
It all boils down to the basic need in men to lead a purpose driven life. And if a man feel the woman would be fine without him, what´s the point.
Rand | |
|
| Why do most guys want a woman who needs them?
Posted: 2/23/2008 1:18:05 PM |
In the majority of cases, women decide to leave their men. Perhaps because their needs aren't being met?
I think that a lot of it has to do with how we define "men."
People that know my posts know I'm not generally a "manly man" ... I tend to think a bit more like women do, mostly because the number of female friends I've had in life has outweighed the number of male friends I've had.
Even so, in reflecting I noticed that I seemed to stick in some relationships when I should have left due to some deep rooted idea that do call it quits would be failure... and men aren't failures.
I certainly can't speak for other men... but I would imagine that I can't be the only one who has had that sort of realization. It was at that point that I realized that I had to deconstruct how I was looking at things in order to figure out where some of these ideas were coming from.... and I would say that I believe that a lot of men stay in dead relationships because of what they believe "men" do... even if they don't recognize it. | |
|
| Why do most guys want a woman who needs them?
Posted: 2/23/2008 1:24:33 PM | ^^ I've noticed that too .marc
I've come to realize that men have a different relationship to duty and failure than women do.
Not to deny my own sense of failure at the end of relationships, but I do think there are gender differences here.
Eh .marc, have always thought of you as especially manly... also very aware and reflective. *smiles* | |
|
| |
| Why do most guys want a woman who needs them?
Posted: 2/23/2008 1:53:18 PM | Amazes me still, how many interpretations can be found for a single word. And how many problems with personal, or general relations could be avoided, by understanding each others definition before reacting.
From one who understands
I don't think guys want a needy ie> clingy, insecure woman but I do think they want to be needed and wanted in a healthy way and vice versa.
I'm in agreement that I don't need a man to be happy and survive. However, I do need the guy with whom I can share my life, my emotional intimacies, my physical intimacies - my heart and soul... When that special guy comes into my presently happy life, it will be enriched - therefore my life will be ecstatically blissful. The need will be satiated.
... and they lived happily ever after... fini
Oooooooooh Dreamer, I'm ready when you are.  | |
|
| Why do most guys want a woman who needs them?
Posted: 2/23/2008 1:54:42 PM |
Being needed is being reminded that one is not a useless appendage in a relationship. If you aren't needed in a relationship... that is to say, if you are only *wanted*... then you can eventually cease to be wanted.
That may be bad for men, but it's good for women. I watched my mother stay in a bad marriage because she "needed" my father to support us. Today most women on POF provide for, protect, and support themselves, and often their children. Women no longer have to stay in a bad relationhship. I think the chance that a man could "cease to be wanted" is a GOOD thing...it should make him appreciate the relationship more. He can't just throw money around and assure his spot in her bed, no matter how badly he behaves. He has to make the effort to be 'wanted'; I think that scares some men. | |
|
| Why do most guys want a woman who needs them?
Posted: 2/23/2008 2:04:43 PM | | I prefer to be liked. Women who are needy tend to be jealous, insecure and act out in uncomfortable ways when they perceive their 'needs' are not being met. I have my strengths; she has hers. Mutual recognition and respect is far more stable than one partner's childlike dependence. | |
|
| Why do most guys want a woman who needs them?
Posted: 2/23/2008 2:50:46 PM | Thanks for the input...
"No. I think the need is a need.
I stand by the belief that a Need implies permanence, while a want is flighty and undependable. While we need air to breathe and live, we want it to smell fresh and full of apple-cinnamon. "
Wow...if everyone thinks that way, I may be single forever... and not because I don't understand there is "need" in a relationship.
Seriously though...it is a good point and a great way to express it so it's easily understood. I do believe there comes a time when everyone "needs to be needed" in a relationship. I guess I would question when that time comes... if its longterm in a place of "want" then are you really in a relationship or just sharing desire? I do understand need...I mean, really, love itself involves a deeper need...so if you are looking for someone to love and be loved you wouldn't have to make the distinction of "I need to be needed."
My confusion comes more from when men make the distinction of needing to be needed what do they really mean? I hear/see it all the time...and it continually begs the question...for what? someone who needs you to provide material things? someone who needs you to manage their lives? someone who needs you to be happy? someone who needs you to love them? someone who needs you to feel whole? someone who needs you to tell them how to think? Is it simply, I need the deeper connection of love? Or, is this distinction different for each man? And, how does that apply when dating...how do you "need" until the connection that drives need is formed? It's simpler to understand in a long term relationship...but when dating what does "I need to be needed" really mean? | |
|
| Why do most guys want a woman who needs them?
Posted: 2/23/2008 2:59:08 PM | ^ You CAN'T need until the connection that drives it is formed.
That's the simple truth.
If anyone I was dating short term said, "I need you to need me" I think I'd be freaked out.
Need isn't something that you generally notice until it has formed in one person. | |
|
| Why do most guys want a woman who needs them?
Posted: 2/23/2008 5:22:10 PM |
Yanno, you wouldn't have your son if you hadn't needed his Mom, and all that came with that. Do you need him? :)
Actually, I didn't need his mom. If anything, she was holding me back from being myself and finding the person I could be. I thank her for bringing our son into this world, but I have a great deal of disappointment in her and always will because of the way she made treated me as a second-class citizen.
So I stand by what I said, when you allow yourself to need someone, you lose self. Losing self is the absolute worst thing a human can do because you find yourself living another's life. | |
|
| Why do most guys want a woman who needs them?
Posted: 2/23/2008 5:24:05 PM | imo guys that want/need a woman who needs them are just... pathetic
dont waste your time with those guys
real men know that its no sweat off their back if their girl leaves them, cause he can just find an upgrade the next day. so they just dont care. | |
|
| Why do most guys want a woman who needs them?
Posted: 2/23/2008 5:43:35 PM |
So I stand by what I said, when you allow yourself to need someone, you lose self. Losing self is the absolute worst thing a human can do because you find yourself living another's life.
In my opinion: Healthy needing neither causes one to lose self, nor cause one to live another life. Needing the wrong person can have that effect though. If you need someone who does mistreat you, or expects you to be who they want you to be..yes, this can happen. Similar to love being blind in a bad way.
But, a healthy relationship with mutual need...by very definition , accepts one as they are, and supports the other to be the best that they can be. It doesn't require becoming a different person. True love means loving someone for who they are. Anything else is dysfunctional and not a true partnership. (IMO) | |
|
| Why do most guys want a woman who needs them?
Posted: 2/23/2008 7:31:23 PM | Well we could get into the old hunter /gatherer thing. BUT I really think that as people mature the need thing becomes less and less of an issue. I dont want to be needed. I want to be wanted. A womans independence is a very seductive thing in itself. It is a great feeling to know that someone is with you simply because they want to be and not because they need to be (Ex...the rent is due, their kids need school supplies etc..)
As a young man you want to be needed. It makes you feel like you are contributing and doing something worth while. As you grow older you realize that you are probably just being used until something better comes along. These lessons hurt but they do help you to grow to be a better person.
Need vs Want. Give me WANT every time. | |
|
| Why do most guys want a woman who needs them?
Posted: 2/23/2008 7:51:02 PM |
So I stand by what I said, when you allow yourself to need someone, you lose self. Losing self is the absolute worst thing a human can do because you find yourself living another's life.
So you stand to isolate yourself. Which is what WAY too many people are doing.
Your description tells me that when you "lose self" it's because, you were too dependent on that person's actions, expectations, reactions or whatever. There's a difference between allowing yourself to need someone and allowing yourself to be dependent on someone.
People are social creatures and have always needed each other within that social structure to survive, to reproduce and raise children.
NEEDS are healthy, I don't get why people want to resist it. Is it pain (?) because they became overly dependent in past relationships? | |
|
| Why do most guys want a woman who needs them?
Posted: 2/23/2008 8:43:03 PM | To me ,want is desireable because it means you are blessed with being the chosen one.Need is not about what you can buy,it's about needing the confidence to know emotional reliability and support are there when needed without fail.
I was fortunate enough to be married to my teenage sweetheart for 39 years.
As a majestically beautiful and independant woman,I always knew she didn't need me for any worldly needs,I made it a point to encourage her independence as a person because I always thought I would go first.I'm so glad I didn't leave her with the profound sudden change in life,I'm glad I got to spare her that burden.
I'm so happy that I am one of few today that knows the true meaning of "need"unlike the many today who have been through so many failed relationships they are numb to the eternal flame, and through self defense of emotions have lost an important human condition.
She wasn't just an old car that when worn out or the new wore off I could go get another because there are plenty more out there for the choosing.
This isn't a sad story,this is testament to what can be with two open minds,unfortunatly it seems today the attitude is"it's all about me"  | |
|
| Why do most guys want a woman who needs them?
Posted: 2/23/2008 9:17:32 PM | I WANT to take a woman to the movies from time to time.
So I NEED a woman, in order for me to take her to the movies from time to time.
I WANT to hug a woman for whatever reason.
I NEED a woman so I can hug her for whatever reason.
I WANT to treat a woman to dinner.
In order for me to treat a woman to dinner, I NEED a woman to be able to treat her to dinner.
I WANT to share life with someone.
In order to be able to do that I NEED someone to share life with.
I see a big difference between feeling needed, and feeling needy!
The world will still continue to turn whether I have someone in my life or not. The days will still continue to come and go.
 | |
|
| |
| Why do most guys want a woman who needs them?
Posted: 2/24/2008 4:49:04 AM |
NEEDS are healthy, I don't get why people want to resist it. Is it pain (?) because they became overly dependent in past relationships?
Ya think?!
Actually, I didn't need his mom. If anything, she was holding me back from being myself and finding the person I could be. I thank her for bringing our son into this world, but I have a great deal of disappointment in her and always will because of the way she made treated me as a second-class citizen.
So I stand by what I said, when you allow yourself to need someone, you lose self. Losing self is the absolute worst thing a human can do because you find yourself living another's life.
Oh c'mon, yami! If that happened, it's because you allowed it to! It's not wise to lay that on her door step....just puts off/delays your own growth.
On "living another's life"...looking back, I tended towards the same behaviors, but only when I was in relationships that weren't good for me. When you're living to please someone else, or in any type of dysfunction or mismatch, it WILL turn you inside out and you WILL feel like an alien in your own skin. (When you're with the right person, you already please them.) However, when you're healthy and in a healthy relationship with the right person, it's more likely (if you have even the slightest tendency towards self awareness) that your sense of self will bloom and strengthen so naturally and you'll know it, too. You'll not doubt that you're "home", and those things you once questioned and struggled with just aren't in place any more. For me in my current and last relationship, (period!) all that crap never even took root. I even tried to make it take root, cause I was so used to bad relationships and getting in my own way, but it was pure silliness (and selfishness) on my part. FG wasn't about to get chumped again! It wasn't until about a year into our thing that I looked back, trying to determine when exactly this major shift occurred, (which encompasses much more than is on topic with this thread) only to realize that it had been as seamless as everything else about our union. Somehow, I just knew I was safe, that I could stop jumping up and down and running in circles like a chicken with it's head chopped off, squealing like a lil girl about not getting hurt again---perhaps that's because I'd already found safety within myself, through this quite long and delayed process that finally brought me to an incredibly torrid and steamy love affair with my own sense of self?? Ha!
My "self" is so incredibly strong that it borders on narcissism and dominance.  The very last thing I'm feeling is "lost", or "living another's life"...no, no...I'm "found", this is my own life I'm living, exactly the way I wanna live it, exactly the way I crafted it, and I'm tickled pink. The real beauty of it is that I learned to scoot over and make a lil room for him to live and feel just like I do...it just can't be all about "just one".
And ya know what? If it fails, I'll own it. At every step along the way, I made decisions of which I'm 100% responsible...and, that said, I'll not ever be broken again.
And, in closing, just wanna point out something I noticed in your last response...a lil slip up, maybe?
but I have a great deal of disappointment in her and always will because of the way she made treated me as a second-class citizen.
Were you starting to say "because of the way she made me feel when she treated me like a second class citizen", but caught yourself? You know that's horse shit! Own it, darlin!
Listen, it's wonderful that you were able to be vulnerable enough that you could become so wounded, (strange way of putting it, I know, but it's early!) but vulnerability isn't a cool freebie; it comes with a responsibility. | |
|
Savona
|
Joined: 1/21/2008
Msg: 125 | |
| |
Home
login 
