| Why do most guys want a woman who needs them?
Posted: 2/28/2008 8:14:53 AM |
I have yet to read anything about what a man in a relationship wants to be needed for. When a man says they want to be needed, does that mean they just want to needed, but not available when actually needed for anything when the occasion affords itself?
Darrr - good one. Let's see what comes back. | |
|
| Why do most guys want a woman who needs them?
Posted: 2/28/2008 10:20:36 AM | I feel very sorry for those people who will never be able to trust another person enough to allow themselves to need someone. Because that’s basically what it boils down to. After all, to need someone places you in a position of vulnerability; you are depending on that person NOT to abuse that trust and hurt you or let you down.
So many people, through their life experiences, have lost the ability to fully trust another human being and I think that’s really sad. To know that someone has your back and is looking out for your best interests creates a very deep, fulfilling bond between two people. In addition to love, it’s that trust that sustains a relationship through the hard times and the bad times that all relationships go through.
I think it’s very important to let yourself need another person. It’s important to trust another enough to depend on them and it’s important to KNOW that you can.
LH | |
|
| |
| |
| Why do most guys want a woman who needs them?
Posted: 2/28/2008 10:47:21 AM |
I feel very sorry for those people who will never be able to trust another person enough to allow themselves to need someone. Because that’s basically what it boils down to. After all, to need someone places you in a position of vulnerability; you are depending on that person NOT to abuse that trust and hurt you or let you down.
What happens if you allow yourself to need someone and that person DOES abuse you, or seriously lets you down or leaves you? To me 'need' implies that it would be difficult to live without that person. Do you stay in an abuse relationship because you 'need' that person? If the person leaves you, do you stalk them because you 'need' them? If the person leaves you and you accept it, how strong of a 'need' could that have been? | |
|
| Why do most guys want a woman who needs them?
Posted: 2/28/2008 11:21:05 AM |
A lot of this "need" thing relates to a male's desire to perceive themselves as more powerful or dominant than another. Men who regard their partners as equal are more secure of themselves and their self-worth.
I think many men are slowly waking to the fact that in the main, they are kind of a rather bad risk investment in a woman's life. They don't really have the answers except to look for a "needy" woman, because stepping up to the mark is harder work.
i am an avid hunter and love fishing. even though my ex said he liked my hunting, he felt very threatened by it...as do many other (insecure) men.
as has been stated earlier, i want a relationship with someone where we need each other as lovers, friends, and most importantly partners in crime  i do not want to be in a "needy" relationship | |
|
| Why do most guys want a woman who needs them?
Posted: 2/28/2008 11:36:02 AM | Here's my uptake as to why most guys want a woman who needs them...........Now I'm not a guy so feel feel to correct me guys.
Men like to feel needed, and in fact indispensable, because they believe this puts them in a position of control and security. With their position of being in control they feel they are better equipped to control a woman's life, thus making it easier to control their own life.
BUT
Men don't really want to be needed for anything, they just want to feel that way
From a woman's perspective, this is a very difficult illusion for today's woman to create for her man when most women have a solid job, financial security, interesting hobbies and a pretty good social circle of friends and family. Today's woman wants to be more in control of her own financial destiny. Come on guys, help me out here, what do you really want to be needed for? Or, is it that you just want to feel needed. | |
|
| Why do most guys want a woman who needs them?
Posted: 2/28/2008 11:51:26 AM | | I guess I'm not "most guys". It kinda scares me if I date someone who wants to spend every single waking moment with me. I've had this experience a few times in the past, and I found it to be very suffocating. I'm a very independent person, and even if I'm dating someone who I am completely head-over-heels infactuated with, I still think people need some time on their own. I don't want to take advantage of someone else's insecurities. Plus every girl I've met who was clingy like that also had extremely unrealistic idealized expectations of the other person...its kind of hard to live up to that, and once they found out *gosh* wow, I'm a human being and I have flaws, it was like the whole world just collapsed. | |
|
| Why do most guys want a woman who needs them?
Posted: 2/28/2008 12:14:53 PM |
What happens if you allow yourself to need someone and that person DOES abuse you, or seriously lets you down or leaves you?
There’s always the possibility that the worst thing you could ever imagine happening, will happen. That’s life. However, I would never allow the fear of what might be, prevent me from believing in what could be … even if it means I have to take a few risks and believe and trust in someone else along the way to achieve that.
To me 'need' implies that it would be difficult to live without that person. Do you stay in an abuse relationship because you 'need' that person? If the person leaves you, do you stalk them because you 'need' them? If the person leaves you and you accept it, how strong of a 'need' could that have been?
Allowing yourself to need someone, does not imply that you cannot fulfill that need yourself or that it can’t be fulfilled by someone or something else. It’s about trusting someone else enough to let them fulfill that need, not that they are the only person in the world capable of doing that.
LH | |
|
| Why do most guys want a woman who needs them?
Posted: 2/28/2008 12:51:41 PM |
What happens if you allow yourself to need someone and that person DOES abuse you, or seriously lets you down or leaves you?
A Quote from LOLA AND HER HONEY.....
There’s always the possibility that the worst thing you could ever imagine happening, will happen. That’s life. However, I would never allow the fear of what might be, prevent me from believing in what could be … even if it means I have to take a few risks and believe and trust in someone else along the way to achieve that.
I am glad to see there are still ladies out there who are still optimistic, spot on LOLA.
However, I think some people can only crash, burn and recover so many times in their life before they become pesimistic.......and they are willing to toss in the towel from being the CRASH TEST DUMMY MUMMY
Anyway, back to the topic..
WHY DO MOST GUYS WANT A WOMAN WHO NEEDS THEM? | |
|
| Why do most guys want a woman who needs them?
Posted: 2/28/2008 1:21:18 PM | Allowing yourself to need someone, does not imply that you cannot fulfill that need yourself or that it can’t be fulfilled by someone or something else. It’s about trusting someone else enough to let them fulfill that need, not that they are the only person in the world capable of doing that.
Lola and her honey; now THAT'S an explanation I can accept. We all have NEEDS to fufill. We can allow someone else to fufill some of those needs. I can accept that. We don't NEED that person, we ALLOW that person to fill needs that we have. To me, that's very different than needing someone.
| |
|
| Why do most guys want a woman who needs them?
Posted: 3/4/2008 10:34:07 AM | | You are with someone married or LTR. You (man or women) wake up to learn you are a great asset and a wonderful partner to your mate. Then they tell you even though you are the greatest they sure don't need you. Tell me about that. | |
|
| Why do most guys want a woman who needs them?
Posted: 3/4/2008 10:40:40 AM | You are with someone married or LTR. You (man or womAn) wake up to learn you are a great asset and a wonderful partner to your mate. Then they tell you even though you are the greatest they sure don't need you. Tell me about that.
That's been addressed several times in the thread already (unless, of course you haven't read it, in which case not much we can do).
A "need" for someone is not a valid requirement when seeking a partner, rather it is a side effect of being in a LTR, or marriage for years - obviously you grow to need them, but it can't be a bargaining tool or a discussable topic before you've actually put in those years. It should really be something you realize or discover AFTER the fact... | |
|
| Why do most guys want a woman who needs them?
Posted: 3/4/2008 10:42:55 AM | I'm not a man but here is my answer. It's about power and control over someone else. As long as you need them you won't leave.
I prefer someone want me. It's so much healthier than the needy person. | |
|
| Why do most guys want a woman who needs them?
Posted: 3/4/2008 10:49:14 AM | | Not interested in being needed. If you "need" me then you become a liability. I don't need a liablity. I don't "need" a woman, I want a woman. That's why I believe in dating your equal. | |
|
| Why do most guys want a woman who needs them?
Posted: 3/4/2008 11:14:31 AM | So what is "needed" to make a relationship work?
A man needs a woman, a woman needs a man to enter into a relationship first, in order to make it work. Simple! So I thought!
In order to make a woman happy to stay in a relationship, there are NEEDS that I need to "do", and there are things that I need to "not do".
Ever been let go from a job because they don't "need" you anymore? Feels kind of crappy doesn't it?
I've read many profiles of women that say I want a man to be this, this, this, this, AND this. So she wants a man to be that, but does she need it? No. She does if she wants to be in a relationship I'm sure. So if she doesn't need a man for anything, then why be on a dating site where men are looking for women and women are looking for men? Because B.O.B.s can't take out the trash! | |
|
| Why do most guys want a woman who needs them?
Posted: 3/4/2008 11:35:42 AM | | I'd say you have met guys who have unfinished issues with their mothers, or have had unfortunate experiences with a certain kind of woman. This speaks clearly to co-dependency to me. Instead of throwing it on the guy, why not ask the question of why some women do not want to enter into relationships where they are needed? Personally, I think any relationship is a two way street and both parties should have a need. That need is to love themselves as much as they love the other person. | |
|
| Why do most guys want a woman who needs them?
Posted: 3/4/2008 11:38:43 AM |
Why do most guys want a woman who "needs" them? They act as if being "needed" is a requirement. That without a woman "needing" them they have no interest in a relationship. What`s the deal about being "needed"? Can`t ya just be "wanted" and loved and that be enough? Looking for a guy`s opinion on this.....Thanks.
Guys who do that are insecure. Their fear is that if the woman doesn't "need" him, she'll eventually bail.
Now, it's nice to be WANTED by another person, but there is a vast difference between being WANTED and being NEEDED. | |
|
| Why do most guys want a woman who needs them?
Posted: 3/4/2008 12:20:54 PM |
Ever been let go from a job because they don't "need" you anymore? Feels kind of crappy doesn't it?
Only if you're in denial and think they needed you to begin with. It's common knowledge that no job is permanent, and no employee is irreplaceable.
If it sucks to hear, then perhaps some humility and realism are good things to add to your daily practice. | |
|
| Why do most guys want a woman who needs them?
Posted: 3/4/2008 12:32:49 PM | Men are providers and protectors, women are lovers and care givers. Any mother can tell you this.
Men need to be wanted and needed just like women love and care for their children. Lets quit splitting hairs because no law, rule, or anything else is going to change either issue.
If you love your SO you'll give them what they need in the relationship or both will end up not being happy! | |
|
| Why do most guys want a woman who needs them?
Posted: 3/4/2008 12:54:12 PM | | Joro, you got it ! The needy woman makes the man feel strong and powerful. I find this totally and completely artificial. My neighbor is married to a woman with no education, no skills, and she is also very ugly. Well, he feels like the most important person in the world, because she and his kids depend on him alone. I think he is a sucker, and a coward. It is like racing against a one-legged man, you always win, you are a winner because the other person is always the weaker party. But you chose that person in order to MAKE you feel stronger. I haven't figured out yet if this is done consciously or unconsciously. In that regard, another example is the fact that ugly prostitues get the most customers, no kidding, because the guys can feel superior. | |
|
| Why do most guys want a woman who needs them?
Posted: 3/4/2008 1:19:48 PM | Lola and her Honey said
{quote] (msg 177) I feel very sorry for those people who will never be able to trust another person enough to allow themselves to need someone. Because that’s basically what it boils down to. After all, to need someone places you in a position of vulnerability; you are depending on that person NOT to abuse that trust and hurt you or let you down.
So many people, through their life experiences, have lost the ability to fully trust another human being and I think that’s really sad. To know that someone has your back and is looking out for your best interests creates a very deep, fulfilling bond between two people. In addition to love, it’s that trust that sustains a relationship through the hard times and the bad times that all relationships go through.
I think it’s very important to let yourself need another person. It’s important to trust another enough to depend on them and it’s important to KNOW that you can.
Lola and her Honey also said…
(msg 184) Allowing yourself to need someone, does not imply that you cannot fulfill that need yourself or that it can’t be fulfilled by someone or something else. It’s about trusting someone else enough to let them fulfill that need, not that they are the only person in the world capable of doing that.
^^ That is spot on. BOTH men and women need to be needed. People, this is not about being controlled by another, or men having some sense of control over women. Or about people being "needy" in an unhealthy sense.
I think that people think this way goes a long way to explaining why so many men and women have trust issues today. | |
|
| Why do most guys want a woman who needs them?
Posted: 3/4/2008 1:21:42 PM | Here's my uptake as to why most guys want a woman who needs them...........Now I'm not a guy so feel feel to correct me guys. No problem, I'll correct your mistaken reasoning.
Men like to feel needed, and in fact indispensable, because they believe this puts them in a position of control and security. With their position of being in control they feel they are better equipped to control a woman's life, thus making it easier to control their own life. Incorrect. I don't like to feel needed, and the only time the thought of exercising "control" on a partner is if I judge her to be incapable of making rational decisions. I don't think most guys want their woman to "need" them.
Generally this is a thought process of a woman who routinely rationalizes every scenario around her to fit her idea of what the world should be like. It's like trying to use Level 3 thinking in poker to bluff someone that can't be bluffed. Level 1 What is my hand? Level 2 What is my partner's hand? Level 3 What does my opponent think is my hand? The analogy is this: the guy is not looking for his woman to feel "needed", therefore a woman acting in that manner isn't going to generate the results she seeks.
BUT Men don't really want to be needed for anything, they just want to feel that way Wrong, I lose respect for a "needy" woman, whether it is an actual behavior or a feigned behavior intended to manipulate me into behaving a certain way. So if I feel that way, I'm non-plussed; why would a rational thinking person want to be non-plussed?
From a woman's perspective, this is a very difficult illusion for today's woman to create for her man when most women have a solid job, financial security, interesting hobbies and a pretty good social circle of friends and family. Today's woman wants to be more in control of her own financial destiny. How about a little TCB Take Care of Business. If one does that, wouldn't one naturally assume that personal life details would naturally fall into place? Taking a position of negative logic in order to create a positive result is foolhardy.
Come on guys, help me out here, what do you really want to be needed for? Or, is it that you just want to feel needed. Nothing. Please heed my comments--they are quite frank and deal directly to the issue presented in this thread. | |
|
| Why do most guys want a woman who needs them?
Posted: 3/4/2008 1:27:36 PM | Why do most guys want a woman who "needs" them?
Posted: 2/21/2008 5 23 PM
Why do most guys want a woman who "needs" them? They act as if being "needed" is a requirement. That without a woman "needing" them they have no interest in a relationship. What`s the deal about being "needed"? Can`t ya just be "wanted" and loved and that be enough? Looking for a guy`s opinion on this.....Thanks.
We want to be the PROVIDERS....its in some of our blood. Trust me...I have a brother whois so lazy he wouldnt kick a rabid dog off his leg. I must work 60-70 hours a week to provide what my family wants/ needs. I do not want my.....wife (ex) to work....she has/had enough to do with the kids, etc.....Now, looking back, she had an affair.....So I may rethink my standards? No. I must be the provider ! I must be wanted.......needed.  | |
|
| Why do most guys want a woman who needs them?
Posted: 3/13/2008 12:05:48 PM | | Well, I dont want to be needed, a phone call every other minute asking a silly question?? No thanks. I want a woman that knows what she wants and knows how to go about getting it. Can stand on her own two feet and would like a partner to walk together. | |
|
Home
login 
