| Does True Love Ultimately Require Marriage?
Posted: 2/23/2008 7:09:21 AM | True love does not always require marriage -- and marriage does not always involve true love.
Being unwilling to marry could be a byproduct of fear -- not a lack of love. If I wanted to marry and the other person didn't, I'd give it a reasonable amount of time. Especially if I were younger. If, after that prescribed period of time that person still didn't want to marry, I think I'd probably move on, and try not to take it personally. That's one of few problems I've yet to encounter. | |
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| Does True Love Ultimately Require Marriage?
Posted: 2/23/2008 7:15:11 AM | Not necessarily.
Many people are afraid of the institution. They feel that 50%+- failure rate isn't low enough to want to give it a go. Others have simply lost faith in the system.
I'm happy not getting married... though I think I'd rather do it.
It's weird though- I think I could be with one person forever and be happy not getting married, but if we did get married, I'd prefer that she take my surname. I'm non-traditional and traditional all at once.
I think that some couples might find that marriage is a necessity when health troubles arise and hospital visitation require it, but other than that.... I can understand why some people have lost the faith in it, even if it isn't my opinion. | |
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| Does True Love Ultimately Require Marriage?
Posted: 2/23/2008 7:22:03 AM | Wow, Message # 10!
I just went back and thoroughly read all of the responses. Lostcauz is right, it is so much cheaper to be married. That's not why I'm posting again, though...
This may be a little off topic, but I have to comment on how well that response was written -- especially the opening sentence. You get an "A" in "Writing to Persuade." That is EXACTLY how we teach students to start a Brief Constructed Response.
You did what we call "TTQA." You answered by Turning The Question Around.
Okay, it's Saturday, so I'll stop now. Impressive, Lostzcauz. | |
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| Does True Love Ultimately Require Marriage?
Posted: 2/23/2008 9:31:18 AM |
Can a person really love another and yet NOT want to marry them.
NO, he or she can't.
or does his/her unwillingness to marry the professed object of his/her love mean that he/she really doesn't love as deeply as he/she claims?
YES, thats what it means.
If you are talking about a romantic, intimate, committed type of love, the couple will WANT to marry each other. There may be factors that prevent them from marrying but it won't be due to lack of desire.
I had friends in medical school who, both being students, depended on student loans. They discovered that if they married they would only qualify for half the amount of student loans, so they had a non legal ceremony in front of their families and friends but no marriage certificate. They then had the legal version after graduation from school.
If you really love someone you will want to anounce it to the entire world. You will wish to give up a little bit of your individuality to join to that other person in the close bond of marriage. I'm not saying you want to become a clone of your spouse and give up all activities and interests not performed as a couple. BUT a certain degree of blending of your lives should occur AND should be desired by both of you!
You can call me corny, childish, or naive. Certainly others have! But that's the way I feel. | |
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| Does True Love Ultimately Require Marriage?
Posted: 2/23/2008 9:47:58 AM | yes people can love each other and not marry. So many folks have been indoctrinated with the idea that without being married you ain't totally committed and that's BS. Some people FEEL more secure if they're married but it's just a placebo.
Look how easy it is to split up married or not. For the divorce rate to decline means that marriage must be for real and not to show off your dedication nor keep up with the jone's. People should only marry if they want to and not becasue society or opinions dictate the necessity. This would minimize the "cinderella syndrome" and thus bring about a more realistic expectation of marriage.
If you love each other and trust each other's word to remain faithful, that's all it takes.... the piece of paper is only a phony status symbol. | |
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| Does True Love Ultimately Require Marriage?
Posted: 2/23/2008 10:36:10 AM | Marriage confers no substantive rights on the man, only obligations. A woman looking for a man to marry is thus looking for a chump, someone who doesn't know a bad deal when he sees one. While this can obviously be to her advantage, that she could actually "love" such a man is not exactly a ringing testament to her taste in men.
The "if you love me you'd marry me" gambit is the female equivalent of "if you really love me you'd have sex with me".
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| Does True Love Ultimately Require Marriage?
Posted: 2/23/2008 11:15:28 AM | Msg#33
Marriage confers no substantive rights on the man, only obligations.
What obligation does marriage confer on the man that is not also confered on the woman? | |
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| Does True Love Ultimately Require Marriage?
Posted: 2/23/2008 11:40:31 AM | Marriage confers no substantive rights on the man, only obligations.
What obligation does marriage confer on the man that is not also confered on the woman?
The majority of the time the man gets the financial obligations, especially if children come along. There are very little benefits for a man, no longer is he entitled to a "traditional " wife... no rights to sex, nor cooking, cleaning, housekeeping, etc. Thusly a marriage is much more benefit to a woman than it is to a man. | |
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| Does True Love Ultimately Require Marriage?
Posted: 2/23/2008 12:13:42 PM | | The man's financial obligations only excede the womans if his income excedes the womans. If the man is so concerned about that he needs to seek out women to date who equal or excede his income so that those little mental scales will balance. Most men claim to be unconcerned about their partners income, and are critical of women who are, yet continuously whine about their greater financial obligations and how picked on they are in divorce settlements. Also even where the woman is working full time, in most marriages, the woman still performs most of the work at home including child rearing. The modern marriage is really more of a communistic organization...."from each according to his/her abilities...to each according to his/her needs". While I don't believe this works well as a system of Government, It should be able to work between people who love each other. | |
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Kazoom
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Joined: 2/11/2008
Msg: 38 | |
| Does True Love Ultimately Require Marriage?
Posted: 2/23/2008 1:58:25 PM | Marriage has nothing to do with love, it's a business agreement. If both persons don't have a pot to piss in and make it in life (get lots of pots) then the "marrige contract " will/should protect both of you to get your equal share of the pots when you finaly want to kill each other.
How ever, if one of the persons had a big pot before they found a person with no pot then the person with the pot takes a big risk by signing a "marriage contract" by possibly having to give half there pot to the person that nas no pot...
IMO, love and marriage are two diffrent things and should not be mixed in the same pot. | |
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| Does True Love Ultimately Require Marriage?
Posted: 5/3/2008 11:56:58 PM | OK I think I am about to show my balls here....
The answer to your specific question in my mind is an absolute "NO" (not).
All of us seem to be gleaning from our earlier experiences in life like if you asked someone here on the forums if "Disco" was important to a marriage....that was 30 years ago....(Is anyone listening???) "He likes to go out and dance and I don't like to dance....."
There are several couples in Hollywood that have been pro-active in their own way about not "having" to get married but having a commitment with each other none the less. The two that stream to my mind are Gene Simmons and Shannon Tweed (23 years together not married) and the newest Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie, you can save me the rumors.....
Does real banking require "smart chips" like all of Europe already has? Why are we stuck on this magnetic swipe BS that allows our identities to be stolen at a higher rate than the countries that have put up the cash and migrated to a smart chip CC?
My "own" true love is married to another man, has two daughters, and is suffering from a non-curable cancer, Non-Hodgkin lymphoma.
"Nuff said... | |
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| Does True Love Ultimately Require Marriage?
Posted: 5/4/2008 6:47:43 PM | | Let me clarify that statement, I meant "childhood sweetheart" type "own" love like Charlie Brown and the little redheaded girl. To me that is "true love" because it starts as an innocent child and you can remember that feeling for a long time in your life, a first crush type of thing that can help you really measure your feelings if you are deciding to marry someone or not. I would want someone to make me as crazy as she did if I was going to take the 'lovers leap'. | |
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| Does True Love Ultimately Require Marriage?
Posted: 5/4/2008 7:08:45 PM | | For me yes. But I guess this is up to each person. If I find true love I would want nothing more than to get married and build a family together! Just my opinion. | |
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| Does True Love Ultimately Require Marriage?
Posted: 5/4/2008 7:21:48 PM | Let's change the lyrics to Cap'n & Tennilles song: Documents, tax breaks, free floating guilt, will keep us together, think of me babe whenever, some sweet talkin' girl comes along, singin' a song...
I'm not cynical, I just want to fix what's broken...
The first person to tell a matter seems right until another comes along and questions it. The more I'm wrong, the more I'm right. | |
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| Does True Love Ultimately Require Marriage?
Posted: 5/4/2008 7:30:45 PM |
Marriage requires love, but love doesn't require marriage.
That's the truth. Marriage provides certain social and cultural accountability that is important, but I believe you can also find ways to find similar accountability outside marriage.
Being married is very different from just living together. It just is. | |
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| Does True Love Ultimately Require Marriage?
Posted: 5/4/2008 7:40:01 PM | When I was 20, I felt guilty about living together without being engaged. Both of us had marriage in the back of our minds, so he proposed on my 21st birthday. We broke up 4 months later, partially because of his family.
I've known a two-career couple who have lived together for years, owned property together, had children together... and then when they broke up, had to do a common law divorce - but in front of a judge who didn't have the guidelines of a divorce court. I heard that they didn't want to get married partially because that would mean higher taxes for them - about $5000 a year.
When she got accidently pregnant, she said that if you hadn't married me by now, we shouldn't get married because of this.
I know someone else who said that marriage was a conspiracy of the government. He had a "commitment ceremony" and then changed his name to be his girlfriend's name.
I no longer see any stigma with living together. I know so many people who are.
For me, I would have difficulty having kids or owning property with a guy without having some sort of legal document handling it. Otherwise, I'm fine without a piece of paper saying I'm married. | |
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| Does True Love Ultimately Require Marriage?
Posted: 5/4/2008 8:19:39 PM |
First, would be the ability to receive a deceased spouse's property as your own. Let's say the two of you buy a house together, and you simply put it in both of your names, "as a single man, and a single woman," or whatever the case may be. When one, or both of you dies, and this will happen at some point, your heirs will receive your interest in the property. This is incorrect! There are two types of home ownership
1. Joint Tenants
2. Tenants in Common
In Join tenancy.. both parties own the home equally and when one dies.. the house automatically belongs to the surviving party.
In Tenants in common.. when one party dies.. One portion of the home goes to his/her heirs and the surviving party only owns his/her share of the home.. that is when he/she either buys out the heirs portion, or agrees to sell the home and split the proceeds
When registering title.. be sure to have your lawyer register the property as Joint Tenancy and then the problem the fellow poster gives example of, will not become a problem upon death. (in Canada anyway.. not sure in the States)
OT: I thought at one time that true love ultimatley required marriage.. but since I'm older... I don't believe it does. Love is love.. commitment to one another is commitment.. I see no need for societies contract. | |
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| Does True Love Ultimately Require Marriage?
Posted: 5/4/2008 8:25:19 PM | | I don't believe true love requires marraige. Marraige is technically a religious institution and if you don't hold certain religious beliefs, I don't see it as a need. | |
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