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| Does True Love Ultimately Require Marriage?
Posted: 5/16/2008 6:22:08 PM |
Does True Love Ultimately Require Marriage?
The word "require" bothers me.
I do believe that when two people truly love each other that marriage is the ultimate commitment they can make. They are telling each other and the world of their love.
However...
there are some instances where there are circumstances or outside influences that make marrying not an option. There are some things that just can not be helped or controlled or overcome and no matter how much two people love each other they should not enter into a marriage that is doomed for failure.
Love does not conquer all. | |
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| Does True Love Ultimately Require Marriage?
Posted: 5/16/2008 6:31:37 PM |
I do believe that when two people truly love each other that marriage is the ultimate commitment they can make.
With all due respect, why bother? I just don't get it.
Love does not conquer all.
I agree.
I'm close to being convinced that LOVE doesn't even exist between women and men. It's a nice ideal and illusion, but come on, how many of us can say that we've actually seen it in people we know, let alone experienced it? | |
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| Does True Love Ultimately Require Marriage?
Posted: 5/16/2008 6:37:30 PM | I can say with profound sureness of knowing that I have, Capitano.
As for the original topic - Romantic love, to reach it's deepest levels, requires commitment, but not necessarily marriage. Not for me. Someone else might need that piece of paper. | |
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| Does True Love Ultimately Require Marriage?
Posted: 5/16/2008 7:46:47 PM |
expat57: Someone else might need that piece of paper. I always get a kick out of those who bring marriage down to a piece of paper. No wonder the divorce rate is what it is.
No, true love does not always lead to marriage, nor does it require marriage. But as Naughtical said, it is the ultimate commitment. It sets up a permanent security that cannot be broken if both partners make the effort it takes to have a successful marriage. A permanent place to provide the comfort that you are never alone in this world. Never to be abandoned. A fortress to store your frailties, to safeguard your heart, to enhance your life and the life of your mate by always standing side by side to face the great, wonderful, sad, hilarious, maniacal, tragic, exhilarating experience we lovingly call living our allotted 3 score and 17.
Can love conquer all? Yes, when the heart and soul wants it. Can it make life and sharing that life with someone easy? Nope. Not always.
In general true love should include marriage to get all out of life you would miss without it and can’t get without it. There is no way to experience all there is to love without marriage. (IMHO)
But some of us settle for less. That’s just the way we bipeds are.
Happiness is subjective and sometimes marriage isn’t the way to go, even with real, unconditional love. But to my mind, it is a wonderful concept.
Remember Doris Day?
Que Sera Sera
When I was just a little girl
I asked my mother, what will I be
Will I be pretty, will I be rich
Here's what she said to me.
Que Sera, Sera,
Whatever will be, will be
The future's not ours, to see
Que Sera, Sera
What will be, will be.
When I was young, I fell in love
I asked my sweetheart what lies ahead
Will we have rainbows, day after day
Here's what my sweetheart said.
Que Sera, Sera,
Whatever will be, will be
The future's not ours, to see
Que Sera, Sera
What will be, will be.
Now I have children of my own
They ask their mother, what will I be
Will I be handsome, will I be rich
I tell them tenderly.
Que Sera, Sera,
Whatever will be, will be
The future's not ours, to see
Que Sera, Sera
What will be, will be. | |
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| Does True Love Ultimately Require Marriage?
Posted: 5/22/2008 10:32:19 AM | This has been an interesting read, guys. Thanks.
So far, it seems that (generally speaking) marriage is much less of a requisite for men or women who have already been married at least once. Mostly, women who have never been married seem to be of the opinion that -- barring some "obstacle" to his marrying her (e.g., health, legal, etc.) -- marriage is necessary to demonstrate (to her, if not to her and "the world") the intensity of his love and -- astonishingly enough -- that even if she loved him and he, her, she would actually leave the relationship if he proved stalwartly resistant to marrying her. Wow!  | |
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| Does True Love Ultimately Require Marriage?
Posted: 5/22/2008 11:12:20 AM | Lot's of people still struggle over this one, I see.
To my way of thinking , it does not require marriage.
I have been married before, and it was not a 'requirement' but rather a harmonious decision that we made together. The divorce ~......well, not that harmonious, still paying out 9 years later.....even though the doctrine clearly stated for better, for worse, until death do us part. As a divorced male, I can speak a little bit to the who's richer/ who's poorer part though.
some marry for money
some for prestige, or an illusion of 'forever' together.
If you are brave enough to give and receive love, you won't need a piece of paper to make it authentic.
Kimbo  | |
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| Does True Love Ultimately Require Marriage?
Posted: 5/22/2008 11:43:18 AM | To quote myself from a months-ago post (wow, how about that for a narcissistic exercise???) . . .
~Marriage is not just a "piece of paper," as many seem to think, but a legal/social/spiritual contract that can have as many layers of depth and meaning as the two individuals involved want to make it. It's not a necessary ingredient for a loving and committed intimate relationship and it's not a worthless and anachronistic exercise either. The only important factor, really, is that two partners be on the same page about it. ~
"True" love can take many forms and means different things to different people . . . to me, love is true when it flows from us without expectation of any kind of return. True love doesn't require anything, it just is.
The reasons that people desire marriage are many. And even the more jaded of us tend to bring a sense of innocence to marriage, hoping that in spite of the divorce statistics that we will find in marriage a meaningful and fulfilling life. It may look to be simply an arrangement of two people that ostensibly provides some stability and protection from loneliness, but it is at a deeper level it's an initiation, a profound stirring of souls that marks a fundamental shift in perceptions of oneself and one's world.
It's simplistic to think that "true love" leads to marriage which leads to happiness . . . each of those elements exists independently of each other. Managing to combine the three elements into one relationship is a feat of miraculous alchemy that doesn't happen all by itself . . . | |
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| Does True Love Ultimately Require Marriage?
Posted: 5/23/2008 9:01:49 PM | Actually, yes, marriage is the ultimate commitment and expression of true love. Anything less is just selfishness. And true love, unconditional love, would require that commitment. To care about someone more than you care about yourself. By giving that commitment to another you gain far more in life than you could ever obtain by yourself.
Holding things or circumstances in the way of giving all of yourself to the person you love is just an excuse to be selfish. | |
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| Does True Love Ultimately Require Marriage?
Posted: 5/23/2008 9:08:52 PM | Selfish???
Sometimes one loves someone so much and yet they know it will not work. So they commit a very unselfish act of letting them go...regardless of how much it hurts. | |
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| Does True Love Ultimately Require Marriage?
Posted: 5/23/2008 11:31:55 PM | A successful marriage requires much more than just "true love"..........it requires the wisdom and insight of two people who can communicate and compile a strategic plan from start to finish.
Fairy Tales are for people who want to be blinded by fairy dust. JMO | |
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| Does True Love Ultimately Require Marriage?
Posted: 5/23/2008 11:42:13 PM | I am spiritual enough to want to shroud those wonderful things I've found with the love of my life in all things beautiful but that isn't to say that I think marriage is a requirement. I haven't had the experience of loving someone and not wanting to take our relationship to the outer reaches of the commitment zone so I can't imagine not wanting to marry.
I'd have to have some really strong practical reasons not to want to marry for that to fly out of my equation. | |
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| Does True Love Ultimately Require Marriage?
Posted: 5/24/2008 1:41:37 AM | | I haven't read anywhere here... and maybe I missed it ... where someone has brought up the legal aspect of a marriage... we can secure a "relationship" without marriage through still another "legal" document... another paper. I have seen where a couple had a serious health issue and one of them was denied access to the other in the hospital because they were not the next of kin. | |
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| Does True Love Ultimately Require Marriage?
Posted: 5/24/2008 7:46:37 AM |
lena74 wrote --We can secure a "relationship" without marriage through still another "legal" document... another paper. I have seen where a couple had a serious health issue and one of them was denied access to the other in the hospital because they were not the next of kin. Yes we can settle for a relationship, even a loving relationship without marriage. But that is a counterfeit partnership. A knock off copy of the real thing. Always having the open exit door in case of hard times. Marriages can end in divorce but it makes the couple really evaluate the reasons and if it is the only choice. Relationships aren’t recognized by society nor revered as much as marriage for good reasons.
Marriage doesn’t require love but to have a real love for someone should ultimately continue with the joys and blessings and rewards of marriage. Why accept less of life and love?
One of my favorite quotes pertains to settling for less in life. I believe it also applies to settling for less with love and loving.
"I bargained with Life for a penny, and Life would pay no more,
However I begged at evening when I counted my scanty store.
For Life is a just employer, he gives you what you ask,
But once you have set the wages, why, you must bear the task.
I worked for a menial’s hire, only to learn, dismayed,
That any wage I had asked of Life, life would have willingly paid." ...Vic Johnson | |
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| Does True Love Ultimately Require Marriage?
Posted: 5/26/2008 8:48:07 PM |
I have seen where a couple had a serious health issue and one of them was denied access to the other in the hospital because they were not the next of kin.
Mahalo, Lena, for bringing this up . . . I, too have seen this situation - in my case I viewed it from the perspective of being married and able to care for my husband while he was in the hospital - for several long weeks. At the time, I had some conversations with a woman whose partner was in the same hospital, same floor - and while she was free to visit him during visiting hours, she was essentially cut off from making any decisions or being part of his care plan. I deeply felt her tearful frustration, and was so grateful that my husband and I had made the decision to marry. I was there at all hours, could read his chart and confer with his doctors and be a really effective patient advocate.
I don't think the core of this discussion was really about this - it wasn't meant to be a discussion of the pros and cons of marriage, but in that case marriage sure put me in a better position to express my "true love" by being able to really be there for him. His was a very critical case involving a complex brain surgery, and one of the nurses told me, just before he was discharged from the hospital, that if I hadn't been there 24/7 for him and advocating for him so effectively, he might not have made it. | |
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| Does True Love Ultimately Require Marriage?
Posted: 5/26/2008 10:00:16 PM | | ^^ This can easily be overcome through legals, by giving Medical Power of Attorney to your g/f, b/f or common law spouse.. just like owning a home with someone you're not married to can be registered so that in case of one party's demise, the other party gets the home. | |
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| Does True Love Ultimately Require Marriage?
Posted: 5/26/2008 10:42:00 PM | answer to your question...in my humble opinion is....no.
one of the most solid, loving couples i know have 2 kids and have been together for nearly 30 years...
they own a house together...just had a pool built...but didn't need a piece a paper to prove their love...
they are much happier than most married couples i know...
when i grow up, i want to be just like them.
~rose~ | |
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| Does True Love Ultimately Require Marriage?
Posted: 5/26/2008 11:49:55 PM |
^^ This can easily be overcome through legals, by giving Medical Power of Attorney to your g/f, b/f or common law spouse.. just like owning a home with someone you're not married to can be registered so that in case of one party's demise, the other party gets the home.
True, of course, but you'd have to have been prescient enough to do that ahead of time, in the case of a medical emergency . . .
Although I'm not at all advocating a required link between "true love" and marriage, I have to wonder at why people who don't care for marriage because it's just a "piece of paper" would instead want to create lots of separate pieces of paper instead covering the same issues - one for the home ownership, one for the medical power of attorney, one for the co-owned businesses, and so on . . . kinda puzzling . . .
And I always felt that the best reason to be married was so they couldn't make me testify against him! | |
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| Does True Love Ultimately Require Marriage?
Posted: 5/27/2008 4:02:25 AM | The word "require" bothers me.
Bothers me too, that and "need"...."Do people NEED to get married?" No....they WANT to get married.
This is used as an excuse not to get married.
Ever wanted to buy something for yourself, and someone chimes in, "Do you really NEED that?" lol But they buy it anyways.
Relationships aren’t recognized by society nor revered as much as marriage for good reasons.
Of course not....its just a boyfriend and a girlfriend, then they break up in a few years, and each one finds a new relationship .....these relationships typically end easily and start anew with a new one.
When I see someone who tells me that they "Supposedly" got engaged.....then I ask "So when are you all getting married....?"
This can easily be overcome through legals, by giving Medical Power of Attorney to your g/f, b/f or common law spouse.. just like owning a home with someone you're not married to can be registered so that in case of one party's demise, the other party gets the home.
Just curious, I wonder why people do everything in their power to avoid marriage (if they are couple?)
They say, "Eh, we haven't set a date yet" I have no need to congrats them....or I mentally retract the congrats.
Marriage is not just a "piece of paper,"
Exactly, I wonder why people keep saying this? People should be aware that it's more than just a piece of paper. | |
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| Does True Love Ultimately Require Marriage?
Posted: 5/27/2008 5:40:18 AM |
Can a person really love another and yet NOT want to marry them; or does his/her unwillingness to marry the professed object of his/her love mean that he/she really doesn't love as deeply as he/she claims?
Everyone's different obviously...but to me it does.
I *do* believe in the sanctity of marriage.
Id like to have more children...and I do believe that if even consider bearing a man's child then I deserve the respect of being titled his wife and he, my husband.
Im not a cow to simply breed with and he's not a sperm donor.
As far as relationships without children go...well...if I dont want you around everyday and sleeping in my bed every night...well I might as well maintain a friendship or be shagging anyone in the neighborhood cos that's how much impact you'll have in my life.
Not my style. | |
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| Does True Love Ultimately Require Marriage?
Posted: 5/27/2008 9:45:26 AM |
I have to wonder at why people who don't care for marriage because it's just a "piece of paper" would instead want to create lots of separate pieces of paper instead covering the same issues - one for the home ownership, one for the medical power of attorney, one for the co-owned businesses, and so on . . . Whether you are in possession of a marriage certificate or not, having all these documents is prudent: Home Ownership Deed, Legal Will, Medical Power of Attorney. Afterall, direction of your wishes should be in writing in case (heaven forbid) you are in a car accident together, for example, and one, or the other, or both become incapable of making decisions. | |
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| Does True Love Ultimately Require Marriage?
Posted: 5/27/2008 11:00:54 AM | Yes; a person can really love another and yet not want to marry him or her. Love is a state of mind. Consider, for example, a purely fictitious character known as Mary Jane. I love Mary Jane because she is Mary Jane. Mary Jane is affectionate, sexy, and good-looking. She is kind, considerate, and understanding. She makes me feel loved, admired, respected, and wanted. Thus, I love Mary Jane.
But Mary Janes likes to control everything in her life. She wants almost everything of importance to be done her way because quite frankly that is who she is. She might change and become less controlling after marriage. But more likely than not, after marriage, she will remain exactly as she is. And, if so, a marriage between us would be or eventually would become an open warfare because I too like to be in control sometimes.
Thus, although I truly love her, I would rather not live with her. And I most certainly would not want to marry her. | |
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