| Weeding out golddiggers with a home-date? WTF?
Posted: 2/23/2008 10:07:37 AM | Chock him up as a creep and move on. I can cook, and it is much cheaper to spend $5 on Starbucks than it is to cook a meal. The cost was only a pretext.
I think it's hillarious how many men just throw around the whole gold-digger term. If they don't make much money and feel insecure about it, their single status is chocked up to the fact that women are golddiggers. If the men do make money, they still use the gold-digger excuse for why they attract (and more likely than not pursue) shallow women.
Either way, it sure allows men to let themselves off the hook in terms of personal accountability. | |
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| Weeding out golddiggers with a home-date? WTF?
Posted: 2/23/2008 10:09:16 AM | I wouldn't feel comfortable going inside a stranger's home and have a meal for a first meet. I think some men & women, forget we're all strangers, until we find that time to say hello and decide to know one another further. I don't care if a man has money or not, that's not the issue, due to assumptions on you or all women, this particular man, sounded shallow & insecure.
We all need to remember go with your gut instinct's and you did what was right, by declining the offer to want to feel safe. | |
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| Weeding out golddiggers with a home-date? WTF?
Posted: 2/23/2008 10:33:01 AM |
Then YEST I'm checkin my msgs and there was this VERY BITTER message from him wishing me happy fishing on POF and sayin how he loves that "... all you girls make a guy spend money just to meet new people...."
Well, K, I don't know about "men" but I do know that the guy probably really only wanted to cook you dinner in his own environment and he was probably unaware of the way you look at that---as a potential threatening location with a person unknown to you. Clearly, he was not sensitive to a woman's feelings. I had a similar experience, though not exactly the same.
I hooked up with a woman online (a long time ago and on one of the original dating services that I think isn't in business anymore) and SHE invited me to her house for our first meeting. I am an honorable man and thought that was unusual, but what the hey! I went that evening and the second I walked into her house I could sense a huge feeling of discomfort from her. She was nervous to the point of almost shaking. I stayed only about 10 minutes, sitting on her couch watching her watch television and then I told her it didn't seem like this was going anywhere and left.
The experience was so uncomfortable for me that I have never met another woman at either her house of mine for the first time. After all, women aren't the only ones fearful of meeting an unknown member of the opposite sex.
Just have a woman use the "R" word once to a man on a date and his life will change forever.  | |
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| Weeding out golddiggers with a home-date? WTF?
Posted: 2/23/2008 10:33:21 AM | Is it possible, that the fella in question, was, initially, simply wanting to cook a nice dinner for you?
I thought your response was a wee strident. (not to be misinterpreted to mean compromising your sense of safety)
He may have reacted in a knee-jerk fashion and from there things took on an ugly life of their own? He then realized that he did react badly, offered an apology and rationale for it.
You chose not to accept it.
Forgiveness would have been the high road to take, not obligating you to anything, simply acknowledging his check on his attitude and the extending of an olive branch.
Oh well, just a different take for what it's worth. | |
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| Weeding out golddiggers with a home-date? WTF?
Posted: 2/23/2008 10:39:54 AM | I can't wait for that guy to find a psycho woman that now knows where he lives. Maybe then he will think twice.
Not all men are psychos and not all women are ladies. I had a date with a psycho woman like this and I will tell you that one experience made me very leary of taking a woman into my house without knowing who she is.
In your case, K, accepting his apology would have been the civil thing to do. It would not have meant, "ok, now we can go out." It would have just recognized that he saw his mistake and did something about it.
And I Google every single one of my dates beforehand, just in case. I haven't found any mass murderers yet, but you never know about the next one.
Now where's that fish....
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| Weeding out gold diggers with a home-date? WTF?
Posted: 2/23/2008 11:51:56 AM |
Is it possible, that the fella in question, was, initially, simply wanting to cook a nice dinner for you?
Anythings possible,but why take the chance that his intentions were any less then honorable.I don't see the problem some men seem to have with meeting a complete stranger for coffee or someplace public.After all do they think that women can do them no harm either?How do they know that this woman is not some really messed up chick who intends to harm him and rob him? | |
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Nona37
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Joined: 12/4/2007
Msg: 34 | |
| Weeding out golddiggers with a home-date? WTF?
Posted: 2/23/2008 12:01:10 PM | Hi OP
I feel ya. I know I"m going to take alot of slack for what I'm getting ready to say, but here goes.
I too have had men invite me to their homes on the first meeting, which I find not only scary but funny. One does have to wonder if they are only showing us they only want to possibly get laid or are they cheap? Or both?
What's even more scary is that women will do this! I personally have no problem going "dutch" on dinner, but I'm not hungry enough to go to a man's house for a meal, for I"m sure he has in his mind what he wants for dessert!
I saw in one guy's profile not long ago, in the section about what he wanted to do for a "first date"; He LITERALLY writes that he would like to go for a walk in the woods! Now who in their right mind would walk into the woods with a man they have just met from the internet? Scary stuff out there!
I also wanted to state, that there are NOT only female gold diggers on this site, I have met men who were LITERALLY looking for some woman to support them, and these were NOT young men, they were older than I was, in other words, they were bums, so gold digging is not limited to the female gender, TRUST ME!
Nona | |
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| Weeding out golddiggers with a home-date? WTF?
Posted: 2/23/2008 12:06:46 PM | Hey you just met a weirdo. There out there you know. Of course you will find guys thinking like him. As soon as you find people like that, you recognize who they are and move on.
Does any woman really want to date a guy that has that preconception?
Yikes!
Most guys could spot a materialistic woman a mile away. Who wants that? 
Answer: Some guys do, they know that they will find women who will be with them for that reason alone.
I say that they are made for each other.
I would think that most people are looking for someone that they connect with personally. So that when you strip away everything on the outside, whats left is what you fell in love with.
Keep your standards and don't settle. We pass this way once. Which is not enough time to suffer from the fools around us.
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| Weeding out golddiggers with a home-date? WTF?
Posted: 2/23/2008 12:08:52 PM | One more thing.
Any guy that suggests a first meeting at his house, is NOT respecting the woman he is asking.
RED FLAG!!!
Delete and move on. There are good guys out there, don't suffer the fools!
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| Weeding out golddiggers with a home-date? WTF?
Posted: 2/23/2008 12:28:07 PM | Wow, I'm glad you didn't meet him!
1) Any guy who'd want a strange girl coming to his home, knowing where he lives, having never met the girl, has something very wrong with him or has another agenda.
2) If you're truly wealthy, and afraid of golddiggers, then showing your home (if it is indeed a plush pad), would be a VERY stupid move, would it not???
but let it all go...don't hang onto this as any type of baggage...I feel sorry for the poor guy...telling anyone about a trust fund is simply pathetic...it certainly sounds like he does NOT have money, but actually wanting to bait women under the facade of having it....
He does indeed sound like he has deep-seated issues as someone else said, but don't let it become an issue for you KenKen...you held your ground....that's an important point to drive home to all women on here, and even guys!!!!...
His name-calling reveals his heart.... not very pretty inside....
I'd forgive him, pray for him, have compassion, but definately block him if you already haven't. I wish you could tell everyone else what his screen name is so they can steer clear as well!
Have a great weekend POF'rs!!!  | |
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| Weeding out golddiggers with a home-date? WTF?
Posted: 2/23/2008 12:31:18 PM | I agree! There are men who are gold diggers too!
I once had a man ask me if I owned my own home, and if I would send him a picture of it, inside and out, so he could see how nice it was. I told him I didnt own a home, and never heard from him again.
I have had guys ask me what kind of car I drive, and even how much money I make. That is why I added the sentence about only wanting someone with a job to my profile. | |
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| Weeding out golddiggers with a home-date? WTF?
Posted: 2/23/2008 12:48:38 PM | And these people wonder why they are alone. I'm sure a home cooked meal would be very enjoyable, all in good time. It's too bad he couldn't understand meeting in public is just more comfortable for both parties, and safer. Like you said, it didn't have to be anything expensive, as I don't think the setting is the most important, it's the getting together in person to see how things click.
Maybe he learned a lesson and won't be so judgmental in the future to the next person. | |
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| Weeding out golddiggers with a home-date? WTF?
Posted: 2/23/2008 12:56:22 PM | There are No RIGHT ANSWERS!!!
Every situation is differant and all people are differant..
Some women aren't scaired to meet a guy at his home for dinner and some are...
Some guys have nice homes and some don't..
I have met gals in public and some come to my home..
The ones that come to my home have more fun and feel like coming back again..
There are no right answers to what makes a good date or evening together.
But it seems to me like peoples attitudes get in the way more often than not... | |
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| Weeding out golddiggers with a home-date? WTF?
Posted: 2/23/2008 1:03:33 PM | | of course the natural reaction to his assumption that all women are golddiggers is to take that experience and make an assumption that every man believes that all woman are golddiggers and out to get a mans "change"? | |
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| Weeding out golddiggers with a home-date? WTF?
Posted: 2/23/2008 1:04:18 PM | | I've had many first dates at my home for dinner, They all lived..lol. I'm pretty easy going and they sence that. It is in no way to weed out golddiggers, I'll go out more than dinners at home and most of the time they offer to pay half, Depends on how the date went if I accept..lol.. It just depend's on the comfort level of the date... | |
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| Weeding out golddiggers with a home-date? WTF?
Posted: 2/23/2008 1:05:35 PM | OP - good for you, I would have done the same. It's too bad he would assume stuff like that about people from two e-mails...what a catch.
Good Grief!
I cannot figure out the right answer any more.
I wish they would make up their minds......
If I let him pay for anything...then I am a gold-digger.
If I insist on paying for myself... I am not interested in him.
Duh.
OK...so, now I insist that we met at the local coffee shop only after I get there first and buy my own coffee.
Frankly.. if it is all that much trouble, I'd rather not bother at all.
I agree. I do the same - if it's lunch or dinner (which is rare - I don't usually want to spend that much time with someone I've never met) I will get there early, grab a table and set up a separate check. If it's coffee or drinks, I get there first and pay for my own.
Between the "women just want money" threads and the "how dare women say they don't need men" threads - I could very well need some POF therapy. Men should all pick a side and stick with it. | |
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| Weeding out golddiggers with a home-date? WTF?
Posted: 2/23/2008 1:22:03 PM |
I once had a man ask me if I owned my own home, and if I would send him a picture of it, inside and out, so he could see how nice it was. I told him I didnt own a home, and never heard from him again.
He could have been trying to case the place for a robbery. Maybe I watch too much America's Most Wanted, but that just makes no sense at all. | |
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| Weeding out golddiggers with a home-date? WTF?
Posted: 2/23/2008 1:25:37 PM | emphase,
...but when she was at my place, she started asking how much was many of things I owned and I spotted her gold digging tendencies VERY quickly.
Ummm maybe she was thinking, I hope this guy didn't pay more than $20 bucks for that piece of junk. She was only asking to confirm in her mind. Nobody wants to date a fool.  You're 24....what priceless antiques do you have???? | |
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| Weeding out golddiggers with a home-date? WTF?
Posted: 2/23/2008 1:43:09 PM | WOW - you go girl , you gave that jerk all the right answers , I work in law enforcement and i can tell you there are a lot of wacko"s out there . I always meet my 1st dates at coffee places and make sure that it is in a public place . By the way- you are a very cute girl ,good luck on your search of happiness - Johnny D.   | |
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| Weeding out golddiggers with a home-date? WTF?
Posted: 2/23/2008 1:58:43 PM | | This thread reminded me of how lucky I am to be with the girl I am with. While it certainly sounds like the guy who the OP dealt with is a headcase, this topic seems to have brought out the more superficial side in a lot of people. It seems like a lot of people have this idea that being shallow only pertains to looks, but I would say that it extends to judging people for behaviors and manners of communication as well, which a lot of posters on this thread seem to be doing. Just because you have a certain assumption about the underlying motives behind someone's actions, does not mean that it is necessarily the actual motive, and to assume that you know why everyone is the way they are/acts the way they do, is the height of arrogance and closed-mindedness. Maybe I just hold that view because I have been judged as this or that for certain mannerisms that I have, but I think that being openminded is key to having a satisfactory life, not just in dating but in general. I understand the importance of being safe in dating, but there will always be certain risks involved with meeting and associating with new people. As I recall, most of the women at Ted Bundy's trial described him as being a suave and charming individual, yet he butchered quite a few women who bought into his facade. Also, in my experience, people who need to be "doing" something to have a good time usually aren't that interesting, they use being active as a shield to hide a bland personality. My girl and I have no problem with an evening at one of our homes(going back to a very early point in the relationship, though not the first date), or going out if we so desire, but, then again, we both have interesting personalities and enjoy each other's company so we don't need anything beyond that, it's just an added bonus. The net is a great tool to meet people, but remember that shallow, boring, judgmental, and unattractive people have just as much access as anyone. I once read an article(forget by who)that argued that up to 50% of people never achieve Piaget's formal operational stage of mental development, the older I get the truer it seems, not that I'm at all old. Good luck to all in finding someone worth being with, it is a challenge, but the reward justifies the trials. | |
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| Weeding out golddiggers with a home-date? WTF?
Posted: 2/23/2008 2:29:40 PM | Ive been here a long time and this is a new phenonimon! It never used to be this way when I first got here but his attitude seems now to be the norm! I like you would never want to go to to someones house. Not only cos its dangerous but also cos Im not into starting a relationship that will probably always be about staying in, lets face it its rather cheap and reeks of things to come.
I certainly wouldnt accept his apology and I laughed out loud when in last ditch attempt he tried to tell you he had a trust fund. So he reckons hes tryin to root out the gold diggers and tells you that? At that remark I'd of been tempted to say a 5 star resteraunt of my choice and a limo maybe adequate compo lol wat an idiot lol, your best of out of that me thinks lol | |
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| Weeding out golddiggers with a home-date? WTF?
Posted: 2/23/2008 2:29:52 PM | There is NO way I would meet someone at their home for the first time. With my luck he would be boiling a bunny on the stove.
After reading the things I have on this thread and other threads there is also NO way I would let a man buy my coffee, diet coke, drink, dinner or what ever on the first meeting.
I would also never ask him where he worked, what type of car he drove, whether or not he owned his own home etc. etc.
I wouldn't want to be labled as a Gold-Digger by making small talk after all  | |
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| Weeding out golddiggers with a home-date? WTF?
Posted: 2/23/2008 4:11:20 PM |
Weeding out golddiggers with a home-date? WTF?
Very good thread and timely too. I loved your humour in response to a very serious situation. Body bags and Unsolved Mysteries... LOL, I agree you are priceless and have good boundaries as well as listening to that inner voice that warns you. Way to go...
mary_janes_space (msg12) ~ ...I have ran across far too many on here that have no jobs or cash to take me on a date. The honest truth is we girls are sifting through the leftovers here in this pond. All the bottom feeders the other girls threw back. The keepers are all cleaned up and on display as the big catch!..
Sounds like somebody is still wearing cranky pants... Talking about keepers on Display, there is a sign besides the Big Trophy Fish on the wall, "If I had kept my mouth shut, I wouldn't be here." Anyway Mary Jane Space, I really like your fiesty attitude and your intent. You know who you are and what it is that you want... However I certainly don't know the extent of your pond, by generalizing that all the men (and I use the term loosely) are bottom feeders and left-overs, it may say a lot about your barriers/issues/persona. For all you know, your Perfect Mate could be your 1000th interview/online date/whatever... or as close as your next smile. I enjoyed the rest of your responses, it was good advice, more thoughtful and positive... 
**~Remington55~**
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