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| 1st Date Expecting Dutch without discussing beforehand
Posted: 2/28/2008 4:47:04 PM | ".. So my question once again is this ......when did dating become
a strictly Dutch thing? What happened to bringing a woman flowers
and showing her a good time without expecting her to pay
her own way or half??? .."
A) .. That happened when women wanted EQUALITY ...
turns out, ( especially among those too young remember
the days of "women's lib" ..) that what they really wanted
was not merely equality .. but preference
and that's why they complain about the very suggestion
of having to pay their fair share ...
too bad so many young & ignorant men
have somehow also bought into the mistaken notion that
merely being male, obligates his wallet to the female ...
such one's are what young women refer to as "Gentlemen"
instead of complaining about having to pay,
as if somehow being female entitles you to a handout from men ..
learn to stand as a true equal .. and not as a dependent
that way, when a man brings you flowers, or chocolates, or champagne ..
or buys dinner .... you'll appreciate it, and not feel it was something owed you
for being a female! | |
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| 1st Date Expecting Dutch without discussing beforehand
Posted: 2/28/2008 4:54:31 PM | Could not be as bad as calling some guy cheap, wait free coffee? I thought it was just a trick to get him to open his wallet to see what credit cards he has.
But the bottom line is I don't think the real reason is money per say, but rather BOTH genders are worried about being taken advantage of. | |
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| 1st Date Expecting Dutch without discussing beforehand
Posted: 2/28/2008 5:23:31 PM | By guys asking them out on a date then having to pay half or end up having to pay for both of them.
I agree that expecting the woman to pay for everything after you ask them out is pretty rotten.
But if it is something that could end up costing a lot of money, like a guy asking if you want to go on a weekend cruise, you might want to talk about how the payment is going to be made. I would not necessarily expect a guy to pay for everything unless he said he would pickup the tab.
Now considering how people react eather way about who pays, going dutch may actually be the best solution to avoid any preconceived expectations about going on a date. That is why a lot of people do so. | |
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| 1st Date Expecting Dutch without discussing beforehand
Posted: 2/28/2008 5:47:42 PM | A first date, especially from an online site like this should be easy and casual. Not a big fancy formal affair that makes a guy feel like he is giving too much or a girl feel obligated to give in return.
That's why meeting at a bar for a drink or two is a good idea. Or the coffee shop for you lame-o's.
I may tease the girl and tell her she can buy me a drink. I am just seeing how she will react. But I always pick up the tab in the end.
And if I am really interested, then we can go on more formal type dates.
But I truly believe that the best relationships are ones where two people come together and mutually benefit each other.
I just don't believe that a sugardaddy and his kept trophy wife are really in love. | |
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| 1st Date Expecting Dutch without discussing beforehand
Posted: 2/28/2008 6:55:46 PM | | I cant believe this is such an issue. This is exactly why I don't date much anymore. It is getting too complicated and it's a sad day when dating gets this complicated. Its not even called dating anymore. Its a meeting, or a get together. Or a meeting to see if you want another meeting to get together and meet to see if you want to date...HUH? | |
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| 1st Date Expecting Dutch without discussing beforehand
Posted: 2/28/2008 7:12:56 PM | ktodd1969 says: She even makes a couple thousand a year more than I do, but she always seems to be "br0ke" for some reason.
Shes broke because for one...she has a daughter, pays 10 times more for a hair cut than a man does, 3 times as much for clothes cleaning, make up, hair spray, personal girlie items....and this is for her AND her daughter. The cost of being a female is so much more expensive than it is being a man. And you want to know why " she always seems to be broke, for some reason".
That made me laugh. | |
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| 1st Date Expecting Dutch without discussing beforehand
Posted: 2/29/2008 7:08:16 AM |
Shes broke because for one...she has a daughter, pays 10 times more for a hair cut than a man does, 3 times as much for clothes cleaning, make up, hair spray, personal girlie items....and this is for her AND her daughter. The cost of being a female is so much more expensive than it is being a man. This might be true but isn't necessarily true.
Women aren't the ones acting in the role of a single parent. Men could have alimony payments and their children's college tuition payments to consider.
A woman makes a voluntary decision to spend $150 on a haircut when $25 would generally suffice.
A woman voluntarily chooses to update her wardrobe unnecessarily, chasing after some idiot's idea of what is fashionable, instead of wisely choosing timeless, less expensive clothes from less-expensive clothing manufacturers.
A woman voluntarily chooses to purchase expensive makeup and cosmetics, when it generally is a fact that most guys appreciate a more natural and relaxed appearance.
If a woman makes poor choices regarding purchases, she should take responsibility for those decisions, not put the onus of her poor financial skills onto any guy who she is fortunate enough to date.
Every situation is unique, and it's just damn foolish to summarily dismiss another person's viewpoint because that viewpoint doesn't mesh very well with your well-established and often poorly thought-out behavior. | |
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| 1st Date Expecting Dutch without discussing beforehand
Posted: 2/29/2008 7:22:08 AM | | I always expect dutch, but if he offers to pay for both, I don't belabor the point. I usually ask if I can leave the tip, or if we're going for coffee or something after dinner I'll pay for that. I've also paid for the movie when he paid for dinner. People need to be prepared to pay for themselves, and if someone else is driving - have cab fare! :) | |
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| 1st Date Expecting Dutch without discussing beforehand
Posted: 2/29/2008 8:18:14 AM | I still say men should invite for a meet on a park or mall bench. It will never make sense to me for someone to offer an invitation that they cannot fulfill...... Call me whatever you wish........I cannot get past the invite.......
No one has to invite me anywhere.........they have no obligation to me and I have no obligation to them or any expectation of them in that regard. I am darn well willing to meet anywhere that it is mutually convenient and it doesn't have to cost a thing. ...But one thing I know, if I offer an invitation, I PAY!
If you want to make grand gesture and cannot follow through....in my book you are nothing to me..... | |
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| 1st Date Expecting Dutch without discussing beforehand
Posted: 2/29/2008 10:13:56 PM | soulmate08 .. says;
".. But in the "old days as" refferred to here...A woman with integirty
would decline a date with a man she wasnt interested in.."
.... BINGO!
Soulmate08, You are one in a million!
I adore you for truly getting it..!!
You say further;
".. My observation these days are, alot of people seem to go on alot of dates..
giving the impression theyre interested but they are not really..."
Right you are again!
".. there are woman who do use/abuse that concept of a man paying.."
and here, another writer (Sabinee) proves your point Soulmate08;
Remember, this is the prevailing attitude among most women
out there in the dating world .. listen to how she puts it
Sabinee says;
".. I let the man pay. It's his right as a man.
I'm worth $20 (or less) for a cup of coffee or a sandwich..."
This is an angry selfish woman, to think that a man owes it to her
if he would show her the kindness of paying her way ..
she says it's his right for being male.
Not only is this a completely sexist remark .. but betrays a thoroughly
dangerous ignorance .. of expecting a reward not for achievement mind you
.. but for merely being female. .. not much of a sense of self worth going on there!
Notice, no mention of his right not to want to be taken advantage of .. LOL!
Sabinee says further;
".. if a man asks me on a date, he can surely afford $20 or less for the pleasure
of my company. It's called courtship..."
Pardon me .. but a single meeting, or even a first date,
does not constitute courtship!
(cont.)
".. It's not about cash, it's about a man deciding I'm worth his time, attention
and investing the few bucks it might cost to date me...
Pardon again .. but it most assuredly IS about the cash,
as this seems to be how this woman guages her worth .. by how many
men are willing to pay how much ... for, what was it? .. oh yes, the "pleasure"
of her company ... LoL!
(cont.)
".. As for ME treating him-- sure. When he's proven himself worthy..."
Note the lack of any similar burden of worthiness even hinted at,
or incumbent upon .. our Sabinee ... LOL!
... She's destined to attract exactly the man she deserves ..
while you, Soulmate08 .. one in a million as you are ..
will no doubt run into something very special ..
God love ya ..
Joined: 9/20/2007
Msg: 34
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1st Date Expecting Dutch without discussing beforehand
Posted: 2/24/2008 1 01 PM
probably about the time the equality ball started to roll, but hey, whitey's old fashioned......want me to foot the bill, I'll do it with a smile upon my face. have a nice day.
Naturegrl29
Joined: 6/7/2005
Msg: 35
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1st Date Expecting Dutch without discussing beforehand
Posted: 2/24/2008 1 16 PM
Sillygoose
Perhaps I left something out in my original post (as I was tired when I wrote it). These men that ask me out and claim they want to take me to dinner or whatever else.....are told ahead of time that I am inbetween jobs and temporarily disabled and cannot work.
So they KNOW I have very little money to cover basic expenses and yet they STILL say one thing on the net or over the phone and then when we actually meet expect to go dutch and then (even though they are thrilled to meet and want to see me again) I get several calls, I am embarrassed to admit that I cannot do so because they lied about paying the bill when they took me out.
And no I didn't give them what they wanted on the first date.
Honestly does that make a woman a gold digger if she is temp inbetween jobs and cannot work and would like to meet a nice guy that wants to spend time with her? I understand if one has a full time job taking turns paying the bill or trading off by finding inexpensive things to do or just having someone over for a nice home cooked meal if you cant afford a night out.
But it seems like guys take women for granted these days in more ways than one. I am upfront and honest about my inability to work BEFORE we meet in person and they claim to be "OK" with it as long as a am not lying about my profile. But then THEY end up changing their mind or being fake when they clearly want to see me again. I just dont know what to do other than forget dating alltogether.
BigTexCookin
Joined: 2/3/2008
Msg: 36
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1st Date Expecting Dutch without discussing beforehand
Posted: 2/24/2008 137 PM
I always offer to go dutch for the first meeting. Most of the guys don't let me pay if they do that's okay too. I think its only fair since its basically just a meeting to see if we even want to have a "first date"
Mafiachixrule
Joined: 5/4/2007
Msg: 37
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Posted: 2/24/2008 1 26 PM
I'm saying if a man asks me on a date, he can surely afford $20 or less for the pleasure of my company. It's called courtship. If he can't be bothered or expects to invite a woman on a date and split the bill, he's not the type of man I'd be interested in. It's not about cash, it's about a man deciding I'm worth his time, attention and investing the few bucks it might cost to date me.
I agree 110% with you.
I never in my entire life have heard or seen so much talk about "dutch style" dating till I was on this site. IMO~ this is extremely tacky. I could honestly say that in all the first dates I've been on 99% of them would be offended if I offered to pay the whole check or even just my part of the bill. Perhaps it's logistics. It isn't common place here. Some of the most memorable dates I've had were low in cost factor, actually.
And yes, I am always more than capable of picking up the check.
That isn't that point. Or maybe it is, in these forums. *shrugs*
hopelesslove78
Joined: 2/12/2008
Msg: 38
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Posted: 2/24/2008 1 40 PM
I think alot of people on here are mis understanding what was being said..my interpritation of this is she is wanting to know what happened to male chivery..this being said cant spell..lol! But as alot of people said the first face to face contact is just that a meet nothing more nothing less. So as far as expectations are concerned you should bring you wallet and offer to pay for your half. You do not know if he wants to see you again or she for that matter. After that I am oldfashioned I do wait for the guy to suggest meeting again that is the date. Still I bring my wallet along because I dont want to support a man and I dont expect him to support me.
homeonthecoast
Joined: 4/8/2007
Msg: 39
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1st Date Expecting Dutch without discussing beforehand
Posted: 2/24/2008 1 48 PM
In my world, whoever asks/invites pays - unless there is a prior arrangement (private club, membership, tickets, etc) that *both* people understand.
When I ask, I *always* plan to cover all the costs of the evening. If that changes as we go, so be it. There have been times where I've had a fairly extreme mismatch in finances, and in those cases the more well off person (usually me ) ends up picking up most (if not all) of the expenses...but that was my choice and I made it freely.
Ironically I've never had a lady fail to offer to cover her share, and very few who get touchy when I don't take them up on the offer. Sometimes in order to keep it stress free, one can pay for part (say dinner), the other can offer to pay for another part (say the show/etc). That way no one is fumbling with change or calculating who had which drink...
Sadly, I *have* met a few princesses who expected a free ride , but fortunately the ride was fairly short...
I've heard some horror stories of people going out, letting the other person put down their *half*, then dropping a 2for1 coupon and getting a free meal. If you're going to do that, *never* do it as a surprise and at *least* split the paid side so you both benefit, but realistically...save the coupons for when you're with friends or *in* the relationship... If you're *that* broke, go for a walk in the park and have a coffee.
Anyways, there's my two bits. If you ask, it's your treat. If you get asked, offer to share the load, I guarantee they won't be offended unless you make a scene. We're all adults here, if we all pitch in and do our best, our relationships will be in much better shape and last far longer.
If you think that the other person has to *prove* something...you'll find the pond pretty small indeed.
soulmate08
Joined: 12/30/2007
Msg: 40
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1st Date Expecting Dutch without discussing beforehand
Posted: 2/24/2008 2 47 PM
nature girl.... Some people say 1 thing , then do another... some misinterpret and some cannot think outside of themselves as in ..
ie ....They say they understand your circumstances etc, but then have shown you by their actions.. ...
1... Cannot understand/empathise your situation.
2. say they heard/understood , but it was not receiv ed/comprehended enough to be sensitive/caring of your situation..(Id take that as.... dont go there if they donot understand basic communication..)
Id suggest, maybe in future (just so you dont end up in a situation, where your blowing your budget)
That you say as you normally do ....your situation... but dont accept dates that you might have to pay for if you really cant afford it..(id serious not go in first place or, if a guy showed such little understanding, I certainly wouldnt date that guy again , who couldnt grasp the situation through communication. That would show me he was too much into self to see /feel others.
maybe suggest casual outing/no money in volved rather than dinner etc..(bearing in mind you might have to pay for it)
Myself... If a man asked me to a restaurant, Id probably say no thank you.. ( thats if I was interested in dating) but I cant afford that right now...and suggest an alternate date I can afford...... Or 1 im prepared to spend my money on...
and if you spend enough time with the guy, he should have taken in your circumstances, and you would know by then whether to accept a genuine offer to pay for a dinner/movie etc..
This whole whoever asks ..pays I feel is ruining people coming forth and asking ... Maybe its why some woman wont approach men. because of the confusion in all this..
Scary too at peoples comprehension I in email was discussing a certain event Id always wanted to go too, but had noone to go with... That person replied thinking I was asking them on a date.. whereas i was discussing..... I thought a smiliar interest, and was asking if they had ever been or knew anything about the said event..eg costs etc.. I seriously had no idea how they got I was asking them to go... as a date.. and if so lol. would they expect me to pay? I dont think so.. So still here learning and I can guarantee I dont pay for men, so theres no chance if these are the rules Id ask a guy out..
smiles/peace
dawn1114
Joined: 2/27/2006
Msg: 41
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Posted: 2/24/2008 252 PM
Chivarly has nothing to do with paying for dinner.
Ah, it's all for the best. There are women who expect & want a man to pay and men who expect & want to pay. They should date one another. The rest of us - women and men who think that's chumpy and will only go dutch because we consider it sensible -should also date like-minded people.
I do laugh a bit at the bizarre (to me) logic some people have developed to explain their preference on this issue, not to mention the ones who don't see the irony of calling other people tacky or cheap or low-class if they don't have the same way of life. They probably don't even know how tacky and cheap and low-class THAT is.
albino_dino
Joined: 12/29/2007
Msg: 42
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Posted: 2/24/2008 2 34 PM
I am a cheap Prock.
But it is something I have been trained to respond to.
I think today, if both people are working, or have similar incomes, each pays their own way. (As a couple, it works this way too)
If one person has a substantially higher income, or likes to indulge with the higher priced meal, or accompany it with a lot of alcohol, they can voluntarily pay.
Too often, the first meal together is considered a 'date', and the man is EXPECTED to pay. This is pure NONSENSE !
At one time, women did not have control of money, or have accumulated assets, so it was the gentlemanly expectation to pay for a meal out. The woman often invited the man to home-cooking, and she was responsible for the groceries.
No matter how you look at it, is has always been Quid Pro Quo.
The__Carpenter
Joined: 10/14/2007
Msg: 43
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Posted: 2/24/2008 2 16 PM
Sabinee:
it's about a man deciding I'm worth his time, attention and investing the few bucks it might cost to date me.
This is indeed where the issue lies right within your words... it's about a man deciding? 'Man deciding' is the old world concept that has died and now we are in a new one world. The men do not decide anything anymore, we as people decide together. At least that's the way it's heading and the way it should be.
To help understand the inequality of any situation, try switching it on it's head. If a girl approached a guy and asked him out, does this mean that she is paying for the date? Guy's traditionally approach women and this is still the case, so 'ladies' does this mean that we are traditional all the way from asking out to picking up cheque to pushing for second date and so on and so forth? Give the guy a break for initiating things at least. It's saving you a lot of anxiety that subsequent generations will have to go though (the world is changing).
Ultimately, we are stuck in a crossover from an old world to a new, and many of us are reluctant to let what we liked from the old world go. Men miss the ego boost and control over their lives that being the commander of a family unity provides. Women miss the chivalry and obsessive chase a potential commander of family unit provides. We all need to compromise, accept and adjust to the change.
KenKen.I.Am
Joined: 2/13/2008
Msg: 44
1st Date Expecting Dutch without discussing beforehand
Posted: 2/24/2008 3:01:52 PM
i wholeheartedly agree with KYN and SABINEE
He who asks, pays.
And if a guy asks me out on a 1st meet for coffee/drinks/??? I fully expect him to pay, we are not going dutch. I've never even had that issue arise, but if it did I would gladly pay my half (if he insisted) knowing that would be our first and last date.
Yes I'm well aware of the 21st century/women's lib and all that great JAZZ but I feel if a man is sweating bullets about spending 10$ or less on me/us that shows a pervasive tightfistedness that extends far beyond his wallet, IN MY EXPERIENCE.
And please believe I have invited dudes out on dates and GLADLY paid, but I'm very ol skool for the most part and like men that know how to COURT a female. Certain things (like paying for the first date/meetngreet, calling to see if I made it home safe) to ME are the 'bare minimum' of gentlemanly behaviour. If a man is kickin up a fuss about doing these type of things I say no problem - DO YOU, and I'mma do me so um NEXT!
Why? Because I know MANY men who will do these things without blinking an eye or expecting me to pass them 75 cents for a frickin donut. Juss keepin' it real, lazy dudes need not apply!
K.
Naughtical
Joined: 4/27/2007
Msg: 45
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Posted: 2/24/2008 3 08 PM
I don't want to be liberated...damn it. Sorry I burned my bra back when I was 13, I can always buy another.
Ask me out and I expect you to pay...pretty simple. If I ask you out...I'll pay. (should I mention that I am 48 and I have never asked a man out)
dreamcatcher39
Joined: 6/12/2005
Msg: 46
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Posted: 2/24/2008 335 PM
Equality and dating have nothing to do with each other. If a man asks me out, i expect him to pay,. If he doesnt offer to pay, i will assume he is a cheap $$$ck and wont date him again.
darkchocolat23
Joined: 2/23/2006
Msg: 47
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1st Date Expecting Dutch without discussing beforehand
Posted: 2/24/2008 350 PM
I'm invited for dinner...........I say no, please.....let's make it coffee...........he says....why not dinner.........I say....because dinner is not in my budget right now.......He is shocked!....He says.......But I invited you!..........I know but I am on POF forum and I have been taught it is very bad not to pay your own way on a first date..... he is very shocked...........No, no he says.....I am inviting you and there is no way I would expect you to pay...it is not acceptable to me................ ahhhh.......Ladies and Gentlement...........forgive me..........I am a poor girl...........
Syreen
Joined: 12/30/2005
Msg: 48
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1st Date Expecting Dutch without discussing beforehand
Posted: 2/24/2008 3 42 PM
i've always expected to go "dutch" on the first date. but usually it's just coffee or drinks and if he offers to pay, i'll allow him to.
carolann0308
Joined: 12/9/2006
Msg: 49
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1st Date Expecting Dutch without discussing beforehand
Posted: 2/24/2008 3 44 PM
I always assume the first meet and greet is dutch. After that if the man invites me to dinner he pays, if I invite him I pay.
Once you are dating it is whatever the couple is most comfortable with, I enjoy treating my guy to dinner on occasion and he has treated me to many lovely meals too. Flowers and candy of every date? That is a little too Leave It To Beaver for me.
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| 1st Date Expecting Dutch without discussing beforehand
Posted: 3/4/2008 3:24:44 PM | | I never expect Dutch on a first date. In fact, I can't remember the last time a first date even offered to go Dutch. I always get the check on the first date. I expect to get it. I like getting the check. It's not even an issue with me. After reading some of the posts here, I think it may be a generational thing. I grew up in a time when the guy always paid for things. I wouldn't want to offend a first date and I would be understanding if she insisted on going Dutch but that hasn't happend to me yet. | |
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swf40
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Joined: 2/25/2008
Msg: 238 | |
| 1st Date Expecting Dutch without discussing beforehand
Posted: 3/4/2008 5:16:39 PM | | Grow up! You go for a first date and expect him to cover the bill? Ya, I'd pretty much call you a gold digger. You both don't know shit about each other, so why should he have to pay for it. You'r online here and everytime a guy asks to meet, he has to pay? There's 700 men in my jurisdiction alone, so if I said yes to all of them for dinner....Hell...I could make this a career! STUPID! | |
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beki88
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Joined: 7/19/2007
Msg: 239 | |
| 1st Date Expecting Dutch without discussing beforehand
Posted: 3/5/2008 3:37:38 PM | i completely agree!
im an old fashioned girl at heart, but i still dont see why guys should pay for everything. you eat it, you pay for it!
dont get me wrong i love the whole opening the door for you, pulling out the chair stuff - even if i am only 19! - but i think for someone to EXPECT everything to be paid for them - its really not on!
they soon wouldnt like it if the guy was thinking the same thing and came out with now cash!
am i the only young woman that feels like this??
xx | |
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| 1st Date Expecting Dutch without discussing beforehand
Posted: 3/5/2008 4:49:46 PM | In my dating experience, if a man asked me out, I would assume he was planning on paying, and he usually did. Then on the next meet, I will either invite him over for a home cooked meal, treat him, whatever, and keep it even. A nice give and take.
But I`ve noticed in recent years, that if you accept a dinner date from a man for a first date and he pays, he usually feels that in doing so , you have agreed to prostitute yourself to him for the meal. You never get a chance to reciprocate. They demand to pick up the bill and then demand you as dessert for payment. It can be really nasty and demeaning. So I do not trust a dinner invitation as a first date, and most of the time will turn down all offers. Something low key , inexpensive, and casual, I will trust more as an offer. The five star treatment will usually demand sexual payment and there will be a problem. I am sorry it has come to this . So I turn down dinner date offers now, and have pretty much quit dating because of too many scary experiences. | |
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| 1st Date Expecting Dutch without discussing beforehand
Posted: 3/5/2008 10:28:14 PM | | For starters, going Dutch should be a first date! To many women want the dinner, movies, dancing, drinking, making a night out of it at the guys expense! Then tell the guy; your a nice guy, BUT, you are not right for me! What makes a woman think she can get a free meal ticket every time she turns around! I know, if a guy is dumb enough to pay for them kind of dates! Good luck! Not everyone has the kind of money they are looking for! Sure it happened to me too! I smartened up! Then a woman wonders why they can't find a date! Men have smartened up I think! | |
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| 1st Date Expecting Dutch without discussing beforehand
Posted: 3/6/2008 12:25:07 AM | i always offer to go halves on the first meet and second and third, i just think it's good manners actually. if they offer to pay for a meal, i'll get the wine/drinks in.
i agree with the fact if they pay for everything then you feel obligated in some sort of way so it just makes me feel more comfortable to contribute.
i'll always shout the first round if they drive over to my area though :) | |
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| 1st Date Expecting Dutch without discussing beforehand
Posted: 3/6/2008 3:58:27 AM | i would feel embarrassed if i didnt at the very least offer to pay for my share or a portion of the evenings cost..
i think it shows a good indicator of things to come if a girl even thinks a guy SHOULD pay for her ALL the time..
if you go on a date expecting to pay half and the other person -male/female- wants to treat you then its a bonus, but to EXPECT.. IMO ... is not on..... | |
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| 1st Date Expecting Dutch without discussing beforehand
Posted: 3/6/2008 4:56:18 AM | | I've always paid for meals and i would'nt have it any other way regardless of how much money is involved or how the date goes, i've asked her out so the evening is on me and i certainly would not expect any "repayment" at the end of the evening...infact i'd be horrified! If she offers to pay towards the cost then although i would politely decline it's a good indicator of someone i would probably want to date again. | |
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| 1st Date Expecting Dutch without discussing beforehand
Posted: 3/6/2008 5:03:29 AM | | simply put, if you meet someone form the net for the first time, you should always assume that dinner in particular will be dutch. As the first meeting should be casual anyway, dinner and flowers is far from casual, and seems a little unrealistic unless you are talking to the guy for at least a couple months before meeting, in other words, unless you know feelings are involved when you meet someone, expect a meal or whatever you do to be dutch | |
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| 1st Date Expecting Dutch without discussing beforehand
Posted: 3/6/2008 8:54:31 AM | 1. Why stop at having the one who asks the other out pay just the iut of pocket expenses of the evening? Why not count for the opportunity cost of time of the person asked and put a dollar value to it (analysts put a dollar value eg to the cost of traffic congestions, etc)?
2. Why not put on top of that a dollar value evalution for the "priviledge" and "joy" that the person who asks another one out receives from that "yes, I will go out with you" reply?
3. Yes, why, not, in line with the rationale of the people who say that it is the one who asks another out who "should" pay for the costs.
4. Based on (1) and (2), why not then hire an escort (pure "escort", not ......) instead of a date? Or how does the rationale differ from that of an "escort" service (pure, ie no "benefits", I am not implying that).
That would allow people to have money to pay for their own costs ("Dutch") when they go on a date with someone they like, no matter who has done the asking out! Why the heck not?
I love logic. And when I like a woman and ask her out and expect her to like me too, if she is to agree, thus of course then I expect we share the costs. Or should I start thinking of asking for "escort" payment if I take a woman out and entertain her around town with my personality and good discussion skills?
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| 1st Date Expecting Dutch without discussing beforehand
Posted: 4/5/2008 12:28:02 AM | First time I meet someone isn't a date....we're just checking each other out so to speak so I have no problem chipping in although so far no man has expected me to do that.
If he asks me out he pays. If I ask him out I would expect to pay but again no one has ever expected me to....he automatically shells out the cash. Wouldn't bother me if he didn't when I made the first move though especially if I know he's not financially solvent....you know....between jobs kind of thing. People's situations need to be taken into consideration too. | |
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| 1st Date Expecting Dutch without discussing beforehand
Posted: 4/5/2008 12:38:36 AM | | OP, the concept of a man picking up the tab when taking a woman out on a date came from an era when most women didn't work for a living (pre-1960's). hunny, most of us earn our own paychecks now, and so we shouldn't expect a free-ride. frankly it's inappropriate of you to EXPECT a guy who doesn't even know you to pay for your dinner and night on the town...rather you should ASSUME that you're paying for yourself. if he chooses to treat you at dinner, then do the courteous thing and reciprocate by treating him to coffee and dessert later. didn't anyone send you the memo? men and women are supposed to be equal. | |
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| 1st Date Expecting Dutch without discussing beforehand
Posted: 4/5/2008 1:15:36 AM | | Well - us girls wanted equality - so we've got it and that means paying your own way. I always assume I will pay my share - and if they insist on paying - well thats a bonus. We can't have our cake and eat it. | |
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| 1st Date Expecting Dutch without discussing beforehand
Posted: 4/5/2008 1:34:26 AM | Assuming you're both equally solvent, going Dutch can mean you get a meal twice as expensive! :)
Personally, I've always gone out willing and able to cover the expense of an entire date. I do notice whether my date offers to pay for anything - it isn't a make or break thing, but it's part of her personality that I take into account when deciding how I feel about her. For example, the lass who came out with no money, no purse, and no means of payment expecting me to pay for her cab home as well as the rest of the night... well, lets just say we didn't see each other again after that! I put her into a cab and went home alone, for what it's worth - we're not all out to sample the goodies   | |
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