jf468
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Joined: 12/4/2007
Msg: 101 | |
| 1st Date Expecting Dutch without discussing beforehand
Posted: 2/25/2008 11:56:39 AM |
Any man that expects a woman to go dutch is just plain cheap.
IMO a woman who expects a man to pay the entire bill is more cheap than a man who wants to go dutch. At least the man who wants to go dutch is paying his portion of the bill. The woman who expects a man to pay the entire bill is paying NOTHING. This is why dating can be very difficult for men. There are some women who get offended if the man wants to pay for the entire bill. There are some other women who get offended if the man wants to go Dutch. | |
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| 1st Date Expecting Dutch without discussing beforehand
Posted: 2/25/2008 11:59:15 AM | I think its silly to get offended. Im always ready to pay my own way.
A man's attitude towards money is so much more important than the actual money.
Whether he pays the bill or not, he needs to be aware that she is responding to his cues, and sometimes not even aware of it. | |
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| 1st Date Expecting Dutch without discussing beforehand
Posted: 2/25/2008 12:26:17 PM | [qoute]IMO a woman who expects a man to pay the entire bill is more cheap than a man who wants to go dutch.
What some girls wont say to get a date. Get some self respect woman. If a man asks you out he should pay. You teach people how to treat you. If you think a man that expects you to pay your own way has any respect for you, you are wrong. | |
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| 1st Date Expecting Dutch without discussing beforehand
Posted: 2/25/2008 12:29:29 PM | Men can invite for a meet anywhere........free places where they can meet and talk..........If you invite someone to a place where there is a need to pay and are not willing to foot the bill, just let the other party know that they will need to bring some cash............... If I call someone up and invite them for something or somewhere, I know that the cost belongs to me.....................so if I cannot afford a paying invite, I will invite them to a free area or whatever........
One thing I wont do is make grand gesture that I cannot back up or will moan and grouse over.........that to me is sooooooo declasse.................... | |
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jf468
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Joined: 12/4/2007
Msg: 105 | |
| 1st Date Expecting Dutch without discussing beforehand
Posted: 2/25/2008 12:37:31 PM | What some girls wont say to get a date. Get some self respect woman. If a man asks you out he should pay. You teach people how to treat you. If you think a man that expects you to pay your own way has any respect for you, you are wrong.
I could care less about who asks whom. Whenever I go out on a first date, both of us usually decide what to do or where to go on a date. I always offer to pay. I don't equate money with respect. | |
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| 1st Date Expecting Dutch without discussing beforehand
Posted: 2/25/2008 3:02:18 PM | jf468. maybe i am just old school,but, i think it goes a ittle deeper than equating money with respect.
I think dating is like a fine art. When i go on a date, i spend extra time doing my hair and makeup. I am very choosey as to what i wear, i will wear something sexy but not skanky, just somthing sexy enough to keep my dates attention,and maybe turn a few other mens heads. I focus my attention on him and make him feel like he is the only man in the room. I enjoy being a woman. I also like to let my date feel like a man.
I dont agree with people who say in this day and age women should be paying for their own share of the date. Equal rights and dating have nothing to do with each other.
dating is one of the few arenas left where women can still be women and men can still be men. I think men deserve better than to be castrated for opening a door, or offering to make you feel special by treating you to a nice meal. It is more a matter of respecting each other. Making each other feel special while you are together. | |
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| 1st Date Expecting Dutch without discussing beforehand
Posted: 2/25/2008 3:04:39 PM | dreamcatcher:
i use to date morons who expected me to pay for my own meals, guess what, they also expected to sample the goodies. Dreamy then got smart. I realized i wasnt the local welfare office,and i wasnt giving any free rides. i realized it was my own fault for dating these types of men. So....I raised the bar higher. Now i dont date men that expect me to pay my own way. they still want to sample the goodies, but, at least i am getting a good meal for my efforts.
Um. You realize you just described yourself as a prostitute.....right? | |
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| 1st Date Expecting Dutch without discussing beforehand
Posted: 2/25/2008 3:23:23 PM | If I was looking for a partner who would be subservient and dependent on me for everything, I would insist on paying every time. But I'm not!
If I was looking for a partner to support me and provide for my very existence, I would refuse to pay for anything. I'm not!
Instead, I'm looking for a partner who I can look to as an equal. Where we balance each other, share duties and responsibilities to the best of our abilities, and share the expense.
If I met someone who automatically expected me to pay, I'd be turned off, and probably wouldn't pursue a second date. | |
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| 1st Date Expecting Dutch without discussing beforehand
Posted: 2/25/2008 3:32:43 PM | Ahh nomadic thats where you are wrong. I dint say i let them sample the goodies. I just said they try
although, you can bet. the man that just coughed up the 150 for the meal would have a better chance at getting the goodies than the smuck who asked me for my 75 and probablty the tip. | |
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| 1st Date Expecting Dutch without discussing beforehand
Posted: 2/25/2008 4:42:24 PM | For goodness' sakes, peeps! A first meet is exactly that: a first meet. It's NOT a date! Go dutch, and get over yerownselves. After that, on a REAL date, the one who asks, pays. Doesn't ever hurt for the other to catch the tip. Now get on down to making relationships, will ya'll?
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| 1st Date Expecting Dutch without discussing beforehand
Posted: 2/25/2008 4:48:43 PM | Hooray for thinking all men are after sex!
And here's an idea... how about all these old fashioned folks can also have women in the kitchen and at home where they belong, not working? If you want to go old fashioned in one aspect, I'd expect you to go all the way. So don't bring old fashioned out unless that's what you're gonna do. It makes no sense to pick and choose what you want out of 'old fashioned' here. If you want it old fashion, then do it that way, but don't expect to have old fashion dating while you can reap the benefits of a free meal from anyone you date and still be bringing in money and worry about being equal. That's not equal at all.
That's my thought on that crap. Yeah, so sorry to all these people that's bound to raise a stink with. I don't think you should be picking and choosing when old fashion should be used just to benefit yourself. Then again, it's also kind of insulting to expect a man to pay just because he's enjoying your company, you're pretty much saying you don't enjoy his and need a free ride to convince you to waste your time with him. | |
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| 1st Date Expecting Dutch without discussing beforehand
Posted: 2/25/2008 9:31:33 PM | | who is kidding who? first meets are a date. your just trying to figure out if you want another date is all. whether it is coffee, a movie, a cheap meal, a nice dinner, or a walk in the park. a date is a date. Or it the term "first meet" code for insignificant? Etiquette still applies. the one who asks, pays. Lets hope there is enough class in the other person to at least offer to pay. Especially if there isnt another "meet" in the future. | |
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| 1st Date Expecting Dutch without discussing beforehand
Posted: 2/25/2008 11:40:48 PM |
are you suggesting that we women should supplement the cost of a man dating
4 others per week :) Personally that kind of man is not my kind of man.
Lets add this into the discussion. Suppose the woman you are interested in meeting is
disabled in some form and has been completely upfront about it .......and she
has been unable to work for a while......She is completely honest to her date about her
situation and they are supposedly understanding about it and when he
suggests dinner and she mentions that she heard that eatery is a tad expensive and he
comes back with hey its ok I'd like to take you there anyway.........then suddenly at
the end of the date they expect you to "try" and pay for something.....(even though
you discussed this way in advance..........) it gets a bit embarassing.....
To the womans lib individuals out there that feel a woman should HAVE to pay for
her own meal because a guy shouldn't have to "court" a woman......What do you say
the woman (in above paragraph) should do?......She has already made it bluntly
obvious that she cant work (at the moment) and is simply looking for companionship
and the men KNOW that in advance (and yes she does get asked out on future dates by
these men, so its not a matter of false expectations).........Are you saying that
unless you have enough money to go out and pay your own way you don't DESERVE
male companionship simply because life dealt you a bad hand and you dont have
extra money to go out?????......There aren't alot of good free meeting places in the
winter Keeping in mind that meeting at someones house for the first few dates is
asking for a disaster to happen (good way to disappear). | |
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| 1st Date Expecting Dutch without discussing beforehand
Posted: 2/25/2008 11:42:42 PM |
To the womans lib individuals out there that feel a woman should HAVE to pay for her own meal because a guy shouldn't have to "court" a woman
Well, not to split hairs with you here... but your bias is definitely showing.
First and foremost, I don't believe this is a Woman's Lib or an equality issue, and several other woman have posted the same.
It is more about fairness and being well-mannered.
Secondly, I love being courted... by a man not necessarily his wallet. There is a difference.
OK, so looking at your scenario...
The woman, doesn't matter IMO that she has a disability, the point is she has said his choice is a bit expensive for her and he has said "hey its ok I'd like to take you there anyway". IMO, he's offered to treat her to the outing and I would be disappointed in him if he expected her to "try" and pay. I'd feel he lacked integrity and likely wouldn't see him again. That has nothing to do with paying for the meal and everything to do with revoking or altering an invitation. Very ill-mannered that.
She could, perhaps, pick up the tip. That is what I would likely do if I was in this situation. In that case it is a contribution based on means.
Are you saying that unless you have enough money to go out and pay your own way you don't DESERVE male companionship simply because life dealt you a bad hand and you dont have extra money to go out?????
Deserve? Where are you getting that, I wonder? I do not understand a woman who feels a man MUST pay simply because she is a woman and he a man. That, however, isn't the situation here; this is "means" not entitlement. In many ways this is the inverse of "dating a wallet." Stick within places you can afford and be upfront about budgetary limitations. If a man has an issue with this situation it isn't going to work out long term, is it? And I suspect many men would be understanding. | |
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| 1st Date Expecting Dutch without discussing beforehand
Posted: 2/26/2008 1:39:21 AM | What some girls wont say to get a date. Get some self respect woman.
This is not the sort of thing I'd expect a 'lady' to say. It's a cheap shot - an inference that another woman is basically cheapening herself just to have a man take her out. That's just plain crass, in my opinion. From reading the young lady's profile and messages it seems to me she's got plenty of class and self-respect. Sheesh .....
.... You teach people how to treat you.
This is utterly absurd. Yeah, tell that to the thousands of abused spouses around the country ...
.... If you think a man that expects you to pay your own way has any respect for you, you are wrong.
I'm assuming you read your mind-reading skills to make yourself a fortune. | |
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| 1st Date Expecting Dutch without discussing beforehand
Posted: 2/26/2008 4:43:37 AM | | Well It is obvious to me that Dreamcatcher has more class than most of the people in this forum everyone is jumping on her with all of their liberal bullshit, I am sure she can find plenty of men who will treat her like the lady she is and they are probably happy that she is not trying like a man in the process.......... | |
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| 1st Date Expecting Dutch without discussing beforehand
Posted: 2/26/2008 4:57:29 AM | | Does anyone ever actually do dutch on first date? In all my dating experience throughout my life, maybe had 2 women ask if i wanted her to split with me. Most just look the other way or all off a sudden engage you in a deep conversation when the bill comes, which is fine. I had every intention on paying anyway. OF COURSE ! | |
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| 1st Date Expecting Dutch without discussing beforehand
Posted: 2/26/2008 4:59:39 AM | Enfpman, what some guys wont say to try and sample thr goodies of a woman who is willing to go dutch.
As for my mind reading abilities, im reading that you and chappy and zopz are in the cheapo category.Im betting you guys would be real romantics on a date. | |
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| 1st Date Expecting Dutch without discussing beforehand
Posted: 2/26/2008 5:41:04 AM | Good Lord...........My paying half the bill does not make me any less of a woman. Him accepting does not make him any less of a man. What it does is enable us to go out more often. HE said......she said......woulda .coulda. shoulda.........you people are splitting hairs here and its becoming annoying. If you know who you are as a person its no big deal to go dutch.
Is it a meet ? Is it a date? Who cares enjoy the time together. | |
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