| Is my marital status misleading?
Posted: 4/16/2008 6:03:54 PM | ^^^ "I realize some people think that well, because they feel they will not ever get back together with that person, and they have not lived together for years , that means they can date and are single. No, it don't work that way, you are STILL married."
I will agree with part of your statement....that if you are separated, you are not "single" in the sense that you're still 'legally' married on paper. However, the other part I don't agree with. A separated person can date....especially if they meet someone who is not so narrowminded as to label them. Upon actually COMMUNICATING with them, they may find that the person is actually worth dating and they may even like them, enjoy their company, have common interests and goals for the future. They may even discover that they have deep feelings for the separated person and are so into them, that they will wait until they are 'legally' single and go from there. Hmmm, imagine....a situation where honesty, attraction, chemistry, commonalities, empathy and COMMUNICATION are actually the foundation of a relationship.
~ds~ | |
|
| Is my marital status misleading?
Posted: 4/20/2008 7:20:13 AM | | Well I considered this briefly myself but hey no matter how long you have been seperated, fact is your seperated and not divorced. I have been sperated for about a year now and I went through all the try to work it out ect. things and now its all about tying up loose ends before filing. | |
|
| Is my marital status misleading?
Posted: 4/20/2008 7:25:09 AM | | The correct status would seem to be 'married.' I cannot entirely tell based on your post. If you weren't married before, it's over. If you're divorced, it's over. If, according to the state you were married in, you have a legal contract with the man you made it with, you are inviting other men to commit adultery with you. It's very irritating when I see 'separated' profiles that women post because it wastes my time. | |
|
| Is my marital status misleading?
Posted: 4/20/2008 12:21:10 PM | | Perhaps you could hire a private investigator to find him/keep an eye on him and some kind of process server to deliver the paper to him. | |
|
| Is my marital status misleading?
Posted: 4/20/2008 5:26:38 PM | Yes; you are still legally married and its super dishonest that you do this and a huge lack of character. Marriage is a spiritual and LEGAL bond. What a train wreck you can cause.
I wouldnt' contact you with an enemies profile. Your baggage shouldnt' have to be dealt with by others because you dont want to get a divorce. | |
|
| Is my marital status misleading?
Posted: 4/20/2008 5:28:08 PM | | Save the excuses; in todays electronic world, all you have to do is get an investigator. Pay me and I'll find him; | |
|
| Is my marital status misleading?
Posted: 4/20/2008 8:24:47 PM |
Would it be misleading if I changed it to single? It would be a lie.
I personally can't think of anything worse than to start off any relationship ... even just a friendship ... with a lie. If I were a man and found out my perspective date was lying to me ... there would be no date. Get the divorce and move on. | |
|
| Is my marital status misleading?
Posted: 4/20/2008 9:48:22 PM | I think it is ok to put any status you want given that you explain the situation in profile.
But without such an explanation it'll be a lie. | |
|
| Is my marital status misleading?
Posted: 4/21/2008 10:59:43 AM | misleading? How about a lie. You're married, but seperated...for whatever reason still married.
It won't stop guys from wanting to sleep with you as you already found out, but if you want more...better get that changed honey. | |
|
| |
| Is my marital status misleading?
Posted: 6/22/2008 4:00:32 PM | RE: original post
In the "legal" aspect of the mortgage industry, the only people who can use "Single" are those people who have NEVER BEEN MARRIED. I'd love to see POF have a "never been married" connotation instead of "single" for that very reason.
Every other permutation is covered but it bugs me when I see someone put "single" then I look over and see that they have kids. So, are their kids 'illegitimate'? This says something about their character. Are they really divorced? Well, then put divorced. It's not the stigma it was once upon a time!
Okay, okay! I know this sounds like I'm bashing...it's just 'in my opinion' and my two cents worth! | |
|
| |
| Is my marital status misleading?
Posted: 6/22/2008 7:15:47 PM |
Well, bad news. The advice that Wynd1 gave me was great advice. However, my lawyer has advised me that in Canada that is not an option.
Well of course it's not an option in Canada. How are the divorce lawyers going to make any money? Once the divorce is finalized, they can't go back and start property disputes. The couple hundred they'll get for finalizing the papers pales in comparison to the thousands they'll get from months of exchanging WITHOUT PREJUDICE letters fighting over a toaster oven and a cheese grater. | |
|
| Is my marital status misleading?
Posted: 6/22/2008 9:45:33 PM | I can't believe that there is nothing you can do. In the u.s. you can hire a private PI that can find him in about 5 minutes. I think one, I wonder whats really going on; I would get a second opinion. I can't believe your lawyer cant do anything. I mean he has to work somewhere or live somewhere. If he's served and never shows up you still can be divorced. Get another lawyer. I really doubt if you've tried very hard to be honest with you. Something doesnt sound right with this story.
And no you are not single. What do you want to do not deal with this, fall in love and the guy find out he can't marry you? deal with your business and then move on. | |
|
| |
| Is my marital status misleading?
Posted: 7/1/2008 6:19:38 PM | OP, can you file under the catagory of "abandoned," because technically...if you're not together, have no way to find him and haven't seen/heard from him in 4-years...why should you have to hire a detective to track down your soon-to-be-ex? Maybe you ought to consult with a divorce attorney about your legal options to free yourself from this relationship. Good luck!
Oh, and yes separated is still married - but can list yourself as single if YOU want to and explain the extenuating circumstances when you begin corresponding (email/chat) with someone.
**Edited to note that you have seen a divorce attorney. (my bad) | |
|
| Is my marital status misleading?
Posted: 7/2/2008 1:20:32 AM |
The issue is that even though a marriage is over, the divorce process is still a huge part of ending the marriage...a lot of stress, angry phone calls, past feelings being dredged up, court appearances, tens of thousands of dollars being spent, etc., etc.
CabnSyrah is right. Marriage is not an attitude; it's law. Your wayward hubby might turn up tomorrow, for all you know. Then if you had misrepresented yourself, your next man could potentially be in for a VERY nasty surprise. And if he had the survival instinct, he would scram immediately. | |
|
| Is my marital status misleading?
Posted: 7/2/2008 10:55:35 AM | to the op, met 2 ladies who were in the process of being divorced, heard all about the ex in great detail and got the succint impression that a man was needed, any man would do....
if was going out with a woman who was single and then found out she was still married, well I guess she would become single pretty quick after that... | |
|
| Is my marital status misleading?
Posted: 7/2/2008 9:01:23 PM | socially, it would be acceptable as 'single'
legally/financially, you're still pretty entangled - could be messy if you didn't divulge. | |
|
| Is my marital status misleading?
Posted: 7/2/2008 9:14:07 PM | Four years? Dear woman -- grow up!
Never mind re-classifying your status -- you are obviously still very much emotionally attached to this person and you should seek the aid and guidance of a proffesional therapist prior to attempting to post your profile on any online dating site.
I seriously question if you really want to date.
You are only trying to see what is out there & dip your toe in the pool!
Either you fully jump into the deep end & swim around or stay out of the water all together! | |
|
| Is my marital status misleading?
Posted: 7/2/2008 9:40:07 PM | 4 years, OP? 4 YEARS, all you judgmental posters? How would you all like to be tied to an absent spouse for 4 years and be looked down upon for trying to move on? That's ridiculous.
There are only so many choices here and "haven't heard from him for years and don't have clue one where he is" is not one of them. So, OP, the easiest & briefest choice for you is "DIVORCED".
People who view your profile are complete strangers to you and you owe them nothing by way of explanation of anything you choose to put in your profile.
When you meet someone you really like who deserves to know something personal about you, you will certainly be obligated to explain that you are emotionally but not legally, divorced.
Get off your high horses, all you "marrried until you're divorced" people. Everything isn't black or white & you all come off as a bunch of uptight, pinched-faced prudes. | |
|
| Is my marital status misleading?
Posted: 7/2/2008 10:22:37 PM | Str8hand
Sorry to bump you off your speaker's podium but most of us would not accept to be
tied to an absent spouse for 4 years and be looked down upon
Wed find a solid lawyer and gain the control of our life back-- We would have filed for divorce on the grounds of "abandonment"~and move along with our life!
Its not more harder than that -- but yeah it's true -- one must truly have that desire to move pass the status of being trapped in an incognito relationship. We would not be falsely pretending to want to move on ~ we would take action into our own hands.
Action speaks louder than words and is the true indicator of a desire. In this case to be free to find new love and a new reality.
The OP is far too concerned with her appearance to others via her online profile more than truly getting her poop together and moving on.
Her focus is missplaced!
By the way; She did ask for our opinions & we have kindly replied without insults.
What is YOUR ISSUE with that? | |
|
| Is my marital status misleading?
Posted: 7/2/2008 10:32:15 PM | ^^^ Lawyers are expensive, especially if she doesn't even know where he is. Why should she pay when he has chosen to take the easy & cheap way out & disappear?
I haven't insulted anybody, just pointed out that there is a lot of reactionary commentary here. | |
|
| Is my marital status misleading?
Posted: 7/2/2008 10:53:15 PM | Str8 -
To quote you "
Get off your high horses, all you "marrried until you're divorced" people. Everything isn't black or white & you all come off as a bunch of uptight, pinched-faced prudes. "
LOL
Possibly, Im butt stoooooopid -- but it somehow did read like an insult to me!
LOL! | |
|
| Is my marital status misleading?
Posted: 7/2/2008 11:10:58 PM | Divorce proceedings are a pain in the rear, but there is the reality that they aren't done. I don't know how many times I have filled out forms, only to have one thing change or another. This go 'round the court advocate had an accident and we have to wait until she is healed to file for the court date.
But I know my place. Oddly enough my 18th anniversary will pass before it occurs, like you OP, the 4th one. I have had several ladies say to me that they won't correspond with someone that is still married. I don't feel badly, it shows they are principled, and I admire them for it. Personally, I would have you err on the side of clarity, otherwise you may drift into the place of wishing away your past. It is what it is, not erasable, but acceptable. Personally, I find grown-up, reality-accepting adult women rather a breath of fresh air in a popular culture that has to show off their purported personas as opposed to their true characters.
There are those exceptions, too, that like the idea of finding a "catch" before the rest of the world finds out. I think your profile was reasonably clear as to your goals and the willingness you have to interact. | |
|
Home
login 
