| Do you have too much going on to have a relationship?
Posted: 2/28/2008 6:27:35 PM |
…but isn't it frankly disingenuous of folks to advertise themselves in an online dating site, but still hedge their bets and pretend that they're 'above it all' or 'really don't care about finding someone'? Who do they think they're kidding? And if they're really that 'uninterested', then why be here instead of somewhere else like a hobby or special interest site?
I have to agree with this.
When I was single and looking, if I saw phrases like:
“I really enjoy being single”
“I have a very busy lifestyle but I’m willing to make time for the right person”
“I will not settle”
in a profile of someone professing to be seeking a Long Term relationship, I didn’t even bother contacting them. IMO, these people were not serious about finding someone to have a long term relationship with and I had no interest in trying to convince them that:
~They would be happier in a relationship (with me) than they would be remaining single
~I was worth it to try to “fit me in” to their very busy schedule or
~That I was the “perfect” person that would fulfill all their requirements and expectations.
That was way too much work. It’s hard enough to find a compatible person, without having to figure out if someone really wants to be in a relationship in the first place.
LH | |
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| Do you have too much going on to have a relationship?
Posted: 2/28/2008 6:46:26 PM | | Hum.................have said in many posts that I am not interested in a relationship, and my profile says that I am mostly here for the forum. I am not trying to kid anyone, and I don't care whether they want to trash me for what I want in life. | |
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| Do you have too much going on to have a relationship?
Posted: 2/28/2008 7:06:03 PM |
It's hard enough to find a compatible person, without having to figure out if someone really wants to be in a relationship in the first place.
In my profile, I say that I'm a no-nonsense lady. And, from experience, I've learned who SOME of the schmoozers are on this site and others who are sincerely looking for a relationship. Or at least a first meeting/date.I must admit that I agree with this poster that it is hard to decipher other people's intentions. | |
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| Do you have too much going on to have a relationship?
Posted: 2/28/2008 7:38:43 PM |
"and I don't care whether they want to trash me for what I want in life."
Whoa, what's with the "victim" card there, "moraima". Nobody's "trashing" you and I don't recall anybody even mentioning your name here.
Curious that some folks seem so touchy about this subject? Maybe they protest too much...  | |
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| Do you have too much going on to have a relationship?
Posted: 2/28/2008 7:55:11 PM |
Whoa, what's with the "victim card there, "moriama". Nobody's "trashing" you ........
It's unfortunate mateo that you haven't read between the lines of this thread and other threads. Mori has been belittled and "trashed" by one poster in particular, that seems to be stalking her every post.I've certainly noticed it. It must be an age thing. You know. I'm older, wiser and more observant. It will probably be my turn next to be "trashed" for being astute. | |
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| Do you have too much going on to have a relationship?
Posted: 2/28/2008 8:56:27 PM | I wouldn't have so much going on if I didn't get so much mail from other posters wishing me luck with my flamer. Two years + it has been going on. Is it possible that I remind him of his ex or something like that, and that is why I can't post anything with being flamed.
With my character, I consider the flaming a compliament. It gives me a break from important thing like business that keeps me on the go. We all need to step away for 5 mins. every so many hours during the day, and just chill with something mindless.
I am pleased that business bring me so much pleasure that I know that it wouldn't be fair to anyone to get involved with them in a relationship, because they would almost never see me. If I was in a relationship, I doubt the person would be happy with me only have a few mins. every few hours to focus on them. | |
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| Do you have too much going on to have a relationship?
Posted: 2/29/2008 4:54:49 AM | It's unfortunate mateo that you haven't read between the lines of this thread and other threads. Mori has been belittled and "trashed" by one poster in particular, that seems to be stalking her every post.I've certainly noticed it. It must be an age thing. You know. I'm older, wiser and more observant. It will probably be my turn next to be "trashed" for being astute.
When I see the message 'no one is worthy' I don't care who says it, I call them on it and ask probing questions about what makes them think they are above everybody else. I for one, don't like seeing anyone put themselves above the rest of us and have called many on it. Because one or 2 wish to hold on to their instance of superiority and don't like being queried on it, that does not constitute flaming.
There are several here that have attempted to argue that they aren't lonely and equate that with being happy . A few simple probing questions later they have admitted having times of loneliness and now realize I was not trashing them but pointing out they are human like the rest of us. And you know what? They actually go out and meet new people. Some have moved on and some are still here getting dates.
I really don't care for the message about someone being better than the rest of us and waiting for some worthy partner to come along as it implies everyone else is less than desirable. And I will and do point out everyone that delivers it every time I see it.
For years there has been only 1 or 2 that consistently try to deliver the message they are better than the rest of us and it is they that are trashing the rest of the world and not getting dates. | |
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| Do you have too much going on to have a relationship?
Posted: 2/29/2008 5:11:15 AM | | In reply to msg 102 - I am not too busy to have a relationship ... but I find a lot of the men supposedly trying to date, are. They would sure like to have someone for a booty call, but that's about it. The minute I hear they are extremely busy, work two jobs (though single), and the like, I decide I'm not interested. That's not being overly picky, that's just a choice supported by experience. | |
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| Do you have too much going on to have a relationship?
Posted: 2/29/2008 5:30:57 AM |
"it is they that are trashing the rest of the world and not getting dates."
Thanks "MK", you got it! 
And it's kinda creepy in a way; they don't date, they don't do relationships, they're 'above it all', and yet they still prowl around the forums of an Internet Dating Site (duh!) dispensing "advice" to the rest of us... Geez, get a life! | |
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| Do you have too much going on to have a relationship?
Posted: 2/29/2008 5:36:28 AM | ^^^Hey Mate? Care to share with us when your last date was? You are slighting a great many gals here. You have no idea what their lives are like, and how or if they do in fact date. They have just posted their thoughts and you have readily slammed them for doing so! Not a very attractive quality to say the least...then again, tis your opinion and you are entitled.... | |
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| Do you have too much going on to have a relationship?
Posted: 2/29/2008 5:48:51 AM | | I can so totally relate to you. I've been divorced for 12 years and didn't consider dating because I still had my kinds at home. But then my kids were gone and time really does fly. My biggest issue now is time because of work. It's hard for me to try and date more than one person because of my schedual. So it ends up being a relationship of sorts. I'd like to date in the true sense of the word but I work evenings and get only evey other wekend off. The men I talk to work days and have weekends off so I'm sort of a problem. Guess I'll just keep working at it. And yes, you must take time for yourself. Caretakers are wonderful people but they often spread themselves to thin. Be good to you so you can be good to all. | |
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| Do you have too much going on to have a relationship?
Posted: 2/29/2008 6:36:21 AM |
And it's kinda creepy in a way; they don't date, they don't do relationships, they're 'above it all', and yet they still prowl around the forums of an Internet Dating Site (duh!) dispensing "advice" to the rest of us... Geez, get a life!
How in the world do you know who is dating or doing/not doing relationships? What advise have they "dispensed" lately and what makes you think they got "no life"?
This is pretty presumptuous don't you think?
The deal is that if people want, they date, they don't want, they don't date, they can be here just like you can and need not justify their presence. The most ridiculous question is why they are here if they don't want relationship. The answer is because they want to, period. They pay to be here as much as you do!
Last but not least, none of these people ever stated they are superior to others, this idiotic notion was introduced here by a person who believes himself to be the "Modern Dr. Sigmund Freud" and who knows what's best for everyone else but himself. | |
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| Do you have too much going on to have a relationship?
Posted: 2/29/2008 6:43:22 AM |
Can any of ya'll relate to this? Do you ever wonder if you have too much going on to have a relationship too? Or would all of this scare a potential mate off?
I understand this.....I have a Father and Mother and they are both no longer married so I divide my time. As our parents age people our age have to help out more and more. But I have also become a little more selfish with my time. I don't waste it as much. I do meet over coffee and do seem to fit someone in that I like. It might take later hours for me to meet them. But my time I find sometimes gets eaten up by silly things and I tighten the belt on the silly things....like watching TV, my beloved computer....in the summer I am very seldom here. And finally knowing I can't take care of everything and everyone........good luck OP be a bit more selfish
Blue | |
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| Do you have too much going on to have a relationship?
Posted: 2/29/2008 7:27:21 AM |
Last but not least, none of these people ever stated they are superior to others, this idiotic notion was introduced here by a person who believes himself to be the "Modern Dr. Sigmund Freud" and who knows what's best for everyone else but himself.
This is pretty presumptuous don't you think?
We can only determine what to think of an individual's message by what they say and there's plenty said to point to how some feel superior to others.
I've seen the statement, "I don't date anyone as I have a perfectly happy single life style, but if the right one comes along..." and I respond "If the 'right one' comes along that destroys the single lifestyle doesn't it."
I've seen you post your health stats on line and infer you are better because of those choices you made.
Can you answer a simple question like, "Are you looking for a Long Term Relationship or not?" with a simple yes or no?
I bet not, as you will have to qualify it with some convoluted reasoning about exactly what you want in a relationship, ignore the question, or insult the questioner. | |
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| Do you have too much going on to have a relationship?
Posted: 2/29/2008 8:29:03 AM | It is really arrogant on the part of people who "aren't so busy", to judge the reasons why others are "busier" than they! Yes, some single people work two jobs (self-included) to make ends meet, and for financial security and dignity, so they won't be viewed as "leeches", looking for financial handouts. This certainly doesn't mean that they don't want to have a relationship; could mean that they might want to be in a relationship as "equal a partner" as they can be, and not an albatross! | |
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| Do you have too much going on to have a relationship?
Posted: 2/29/2008 11:43:40 AM |
I've seen you post your health stats on line and infer you are better because of those choices you made.
Can you answer a simple question like, "Are you looking for a Long Term Relationship or not?" with a simple yes or no?
1. Nowhere in my post did I say I was better than anyone, my stats are only an indication of my health wise state of affairs. I have no clue why this is so hard to understand.
2. Is this a deposition? As you well know a person's likes, dislikes and desires are much more than black and white. But for someone who sees no color I am willing to make an exception. No, currently I am not looking for any relationship and I'll save you the next question too. I am not lonely, in denial and making excuses. I love my life as is, no drama. May be this state of relaxation has something to do with my health stats??
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| Do you have too much going on to have a relationship?
Posted: 2/29/2008 12:07:14 PM |
and I respond "If the 'right one' comes along that destroys the single lifestyle doesn't it."
If it is indeed the 'right one', there will be nothing destroyed, it will be a transition to a happy couple lifestyle.
I can tell you one thing, being unhappy/desperate/panicky/HATE being single will drive away the potential mates worth having, and draw the game players, the advantage takers, the agenda fulfillers.
If you are single for whatever reason, I absolutely recommend that you learn to be at least OK with it, while keeping an open mind and heart for couplehood if it happens.
As for those who are continuosly lashing out at others who state that they are good with being single, maybe that willingness to say "f*ck what society says I SHOULD want/should do" is resented by those who feel compelled to be half a couple even if it means "taking what (s)he can get" or "settling"?
You might want to think about that before you attack "willingly single" or "willingly coupled." It might come across as resentment or jealousy
Cindy O | |
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| Do you have too much going on to have a relationship?
Posted: 2/29/2008 2:58:26 PM | "I really don't care for the message about someone being better than the rest of us "
There is only one poster that I see who thinks he is better than others. Thinks he knows what their problems and and how to fix them, which is always get a partner and you will be cured.
I read the flamers posts and think why doesn't he see that what he is saying that others are doing is exactly what he is doing.
Attitudes like this and flaming is make me more sure that I am doing the right thing by being too busy to have a relationship. | |
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| Do you have too much going on to have a relationship?
Posted: 2/29/2008 3:25:26 PM | It’s never a good idea to tell others how they should live.
It’s never a good idea to judge others by your own criteria.
And it’s never a good idea to think your questions are so important that others must answer them. Some may just not want to see their answers chopped up into quote boxes and substituted for someone else’s lack of original thought.
Just my thoughts on the ridiculous paths that the usual sources have taken this thread. Perhaps if those with alleged relationships lived them more and talked about them less, those without them would be able to carry on a civil discussion on the thread topic.
cdn guy | |
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| Do you have too much going on to have a relationship?
Posted: 2/29/2008 4:08:21 PM | Needless to say, I'm not about to chop your post up into little quote boxes. No sireee! Basically because I don't need to elaborate on eloquence. Well said.
Now back to our regularly scheduled program. Yes, I try to stay busy and focused on people who are important in my life, my interests etc. Rather than stay busy to thwart off loneliness, I do it to stay focused, involved and active with life.
I call this my " In The Meantime Stage".
When I meet a man who is interested in sharing time with me, my priorities will surely shift. In the meantime............... | |
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