42 4 U
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Joined: 2/18/2008
Msg: 51 | |
| How do you handle the negative people in your life?
Posted: 3/18/2008 12:23:41 AM | Theres an old saying:You can choose you're friends but you can't choose you're family.
If its someone I have to associate with,I just grin and bear it.If theres something I can do to improve their situation,I'll do what I can.The trouble is,most people are miserable either because they don't want to change,or don't know how to change.Its tough when its someone you love,and you can't seem to come up with anything that makes a difference.Theres only so much you can do,so its important not to let it diminish the quality of you're life.
I feel I'm doing everything I can to be happy,and avoid negativity.You're right,it is contagious,so do everything you can to make you're life the best it can be,and don't let the downers keep you down. | |
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| How do you handle the negative people in your life?
Posted: 3/18/2008 1:11:58 AM | thank you indigo rose for this topic. it's very appropriate for me at this particular time. i have no problem "giving the boot" to toxic people who are mean spirited. but i have many people in my immediate life right now who are suffering and i find myself depleted. if that is not enough by itself, often such people tend to lash out at the one they are closest to and that would be "me". i've put up boundaries, detached and have tended to find the best in each person. but the reality is that i've been in denial about my needs and i've not gotten a balance with more people who are positive and funny and supportive of my efforts and my journey.
often i find that some of my "close ones" are very there for me one day and the next day due to their own situation and miseries, it's like dealing with another person. so, i am not able to detach with so much negativity, inertia and sadness around me. plus, it's hard to shift gears and not feel secure about what each day will bring.
so, i've gotten out of my "yin" winter and much time spent on pof forums and tonite have rev'd up by reconnecting with people i had initiated friendships with, when i first moved here almost two years ago. it's been difficult with my lymes, my major and endless home renovations to my "fixer upper" and my fost/adopt teens. my pets have cost me a fortune with illnesses and today the icing went on the cake: my cat pee'd all over my STOVE. would you believe that? 
but sometimes, all you need is the straw to give you the strength to buck the cowboys and stretch out for that long ride back to sanity and to "serenity". so, i guess you can only handle so many of these people. you can detach only so much. you can put up so many boundaries you get lost in your own maze. sure, be positive. but energy needs recharging.
as to handling one's boss? i guess that's why i started my consulting firm years ago. i think i'd go out of my mind if my economic livelihood depended on someone "above" me controlling my life. at least, i know that i've made these choices and it's my responsiblity to myself to deal with them all. i can do it at my own pace and in my own space. but you know, you get past one level and you are onto learning at the next level.
one thing i really appreciate here...the pof joke section!!! back east, i used to laugh and laugh. i am intent on finding more people to do that with in my new environment. i am blessed to have at least neighbors from back east with the same sense of humor. i love it when you laugh so hard, your stomach hurts and you cannot stop the stream of tears that can only emanate from sheer mirth....
so....      
and no more  | |
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| How do you handle the negative people in your life?
Posted: 5/3/2008 10:57:37 AM | Get rid of them. Plain and simple.
There's no one in your life you CAN'T get rid of. There are very few exceptions but more often than not if you think your case is exceptional, you're likely making excuses and kidding yourself.
Just drop them. That's what I did and continue to do and I'm usually in a good mood and my blood pressure is in check. | |
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| How do you handle the negative people in your life?
Posted: 5/3/2008 12:14:47 PM | Eeeemmmm..recognizing that there's many kinds of negativity.
Sometimes someone is having a bad patch of life--medical or family issues; I listen--I get the silent ones to talk. Maybe their silence is because they're "stewing" on some problem that can be easily resolved with a little support, encouragment, different perspective from others.
I know having a friend to tell your troubles to has helped me out of a funk or two. Sometimes I'm good at offering encouragement; sometimes, I'm at a loss--because it feels like my problem.
I typically offer solutions or sympathy when "a problem" is declared--when the problems pop up faster than dandelions, with no effort toward or acknowledgement of the solutions--I sense the knots in my neck or stomach--when I realize my happy routine is simply target practice, I will quit offering myself up for martyrdom to that individual.
I may point out something beautiful, funny, noble, good, pure--a non sequitor. I may interrupt the other person mid-vent and ask him or her to just tell me something positive: look around do you see anything GOOD?
My good friends do stop and laugh when a vent gets heavy--sometimes bad things DO need to be expressed.
A constant diet, say, from a family member, or a signicant other--avoidance. From a coworker? Work. Sometimes cruel zingers get in under my armor, and I need to be alone awhile to assess the damage (the cause, the future danger). When very cruel, unkind, and hurtful things are said--like bitterness that comes out of nowhere and zaps an unsuspecting "victim" who didn't deserve that kind of vitriol-- when the ill wind starts to blow in my direction, I DO get disoriented, and try to engage a shield of self-protection. I have ended friendships altogether. I have stopped certain individuals mid sentence by saying "I have to go now." Or just picked up my keys and my purse and left. With one coworker, I took my hearing aid out mid- diatribe, put it on the desk ,and started typing.... | |
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| How do you handle the negative people in your life?
Posted: 5/3/2008 3:44:28 PM | | Most people who are very negative are irrational. This means I probably don't value what they say or at least I don't trust it. If I don't value/trust what they say, then I will likely never get close to them or if I am close to them, I will distance myself. In any case, they will have little to no influence on me, even if I have to be around them. | |
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| How do you handle the negative people in your life?
Posted: 5/3/2008 4:23:07 PM | This is an excellent topic for discussion, and surprisingly you see by others posting , that you are not alone in your dilemma.
I have a family member as well who lives in a constant world of negativity, lies repeatedly flow , and she also possesses a nature that is purely depressing. Yet as Indigo asked, how do you turn away from a family member who just continues to bring you down and down?
I had to make a choice, do I live a life that is positive and healthy, or do I continue to subject myself to this irrational, negative, and depressing family member. I opted to walk away three years ago, painful as it is to close that door, I now see such a bright life around me that simply wasn't there all those years that she was in my life.
I will let her wallow in her own misery, her choice, and sadly I know that she will be alone to deal with who she is and always has been.
Best of luck Indigo...it's a toughie for sure. | |
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| How do you handle the negative people in your life?
Posted: 6/7/2008 6:04:26 PM |
and keeping my
distance from fatheaded people I mean negative types... what???...negativity is freakin' catching it is a virus how do you keep your distance? I mean you try to
stay away from people that have the flu right? How do you handle the negativity in your life?
most likely it's because you have something in common with them on a subconscious level they see some kind of likeness in mind perhaps that attracts them to you??
I dunno sorry I'm not a shrink. | |
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| How do you handle the negative people in your life?
Posted: 6/7/2008 7:46:22 PM |
I only ever converse with them on POF forums.
So they really don't affect my life much at all.
I think the OP is talking about in real life not POF fantasy land where accusations and insults can be hurled at one's leisure.
I know for me in person if some one is being negative like say a friend you can't just cut them off cold and say take it else where we all have our negative moments and days.
now ***holes.....that's a different story. | |
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| How do you handle the negative people in your life?
Posted: 6/7/2008 10:34:34 PM | Unfortunately, the most negative person I know is my little sis. We both moved very far away from our biological family as it was also our abuser...no new story there.
We live just about 20 miles from each other. Thank heaven...I used to live with her and her family!!! ouch....
There is no changing her. In fact, as menopause is looming in her very near future...she's getting worse.
I just spend "some" time with her to show her my love and support...and spend as much time as possible away from her...for my sanity.
I just told my son tonight how I know she's wacko...and maybe I am too!!!!
but I'm not negative...pretty upbeat on the whole...just a little nutty. | |
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| How do you handle the negative people in your life?
Posted: 6/7/2008 11:59:57 PM |
"...and keeping my distance from fatheaded people I mean negative types..."
That's not a very positive attitude.
this is part of my point it seems when we focus on something we don't want we end up attracting it and shows up in our lives. | |
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| How do you handle the negative people in your life?
Posted: 6/8/2008 6:21:51 AM | I simply avoid people like that, from any direct contact with my day to day life. I'm usually upfront with them about it, in a non-confrontational way - but also in a very direct way.
Some negativity is perfectly normal, but people that seep themselves in it are anchors to the soul. | |
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| How do you handle the negative people in your life?
Posted: 6/8/2008 8:32:44 PM |
It is proven that negative emotions exert more power in social situations than positive ones...The squeaky wheel gets the grease I guess.Why are people more apt to believe gossip than good things about people???
If all else fails just block them.
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| How do you handle the negative people in your life?
Posted: 6/8/2008 8:49:59 PM | | I agree block them ... Especially if you have a stick poked so far up your ass that it blocks your funny bone. Some people can make negative out of nothing ...why?...because they turn everything negative! Those types rarely have any real fun or even real live friends. Always remember and never forget the negative energy you throw out to the universe boomerangs back and hits you in the stuck stick. | |
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| How do you handle the negative people in your life?
Posted: 6/8/2008 9:08:53 PM |
I agree block them ... Especially if you have a stick poked so far up your ass that it blocks your funny bone. Some people can make negative out of nothing ...why?...because they turn everything negative! Those types rarely have any real fun or even real live friends. Always remember and never forget the negative energy you throw out to the universe boomerangs back and hits you in the stuck stick.
or even better yet just ignore them and leave them were you found them................****ing and complaing to begin with. | |
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| How do you handle the negative people in your life?
Posted: 6/9/2008 7:53:39 PM | I'm with scruffydude. Block them. With a two-by-four.
Other possibilities:
Nothing quiets an outright negative person than an encounter with an even more forcefully negative person. So you can try to imitate being negative yourself. There are two dangers with this approach: 1. Your immediate social environment won't necessarily know you're acting, and 2. You may be unable to act this way, for two reasons: 2.1 Because you are a bad actor or 2.2 because you are negative yourself, so there is no acting involved.
Nothing quite gives you the satisfaction that winning an argument and making someone else shut up does. So if you don't like someone's negativity, you can pick up a thread in their argument or statements and speech and prove it to him or her that that was a stupid and illogical thing to say, and then work it so that the negative person will see it as his entire negativism is illogical and stupid. This takes longer, but the challenge and the process is quite entertaining, and the outcome -- seeing the negative person seemingly wanting to say something, but every time he tries to, he burps his thoughts up, without being able to utter a word even -- is quite a sight. | |
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| How do you handle the negative people in your life?
Posted: 6/9/2008 8:15:02 PM |
Some people can make negative out of nothing ...why?...because they turn everything negative!
OP, I soooo agree! And, how do I handle the repeatedly/nonstop/incessant negative people in my life? (I mean, people in real life, family etc). Ooooh, I am going to hell for saying this probably, but after a while of listening to it over and over and over, ad naseum? I umm...kinda get sarcastic and poke fun at them tongue-in-cheek, by countering every "woe-is-me" story that they tell me with an even more outrageous farcical bit of make-believe crap of my own. 
Trust me, it's hard for them to keep up with it, if you're constantly "one-upping" them with an even worse tale of woe. Usually they just stop telling me after a while. | |
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| How do you handle the negative people in your life?
Posted: 6/10/2008 1:38:09 AM | i try to stay away from negative whining pplz these days.
i think if u listen to pplz like that all the time, it drags you down too.
evryone has problems, but im shure it could be worse.
you create your own luck and happyness, you cant expect anyone else to do that for you!
and i hate gossip, thats why i listen to my mp3 player at work most times, cs i just dont wanna hear it. there are nicer things to talk about then other people.
i think people that gossip are really unhappy, and are jailous of other people that are happy. | |
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