| The worst of head games!!!
Posted: 2/25/2008 2:14:14 PM | insecure...
he seems to need the ego boost from having these women on a string... | |
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| The worst of head games!!!
Posted: 2/25/2008 3:38:46 PM | I just came out of 5 month "relationship" with one.
He wasn't really handsome, but he came on like gangbusters. And I fell hard like a silly teenager.
The first e-mails were fast and furious and full of compliments and honey this/honey that. After meeting and becoming more involved, and seeing each other every weekend, I noticed he rarely phoned me during the week and then the e-mails started trickling off to mabe one/two per week.
Eventually, I found him back here browsing ( after we spoke about neither one of us searching here anymore ). Thats when I made the painful realization that he must get his kicks from the "chase".
A wiser but sadder ~~weeone~~ | |
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| The worst of head games!!!
Posted: 2/25/2008 4:56:27 PM | | As a professional woman, if I get seriously interested in a guy, he will be checked out by a PI. Women just cannot be too careful. I respect myself too much to get careless with my safety. | |
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| The worst of head games!!!
Posted: 2/25/2008 8:57:35 PM | Hey! I think I know him  Dont' feel bad. Guys like him are pros. They can make you melt like butter and play a woman like a violin, even if he can't read a note. It's all about chase, conquer and on to the next, with guys like that. I am not fooled easily, but even guys like that can fool me for a very short time.
If you think about it, they are easy to spot. They tell you ALL the right things, they are perfect in every way, gentlemanly, kind, gentle and loving. You just can't believe you met someone as wonderful as him. Your gut is telling you that this is too good to be true; but he is telling you that he is true and good. You want to believe him, so you do. Then boom!! Everything explodes. He becomes distant, the phone calls and e-mails are further apart, and he suddenly doesn't have the time to see you (he used to have it). You begin to wonder what you did and why is he doing this. Well, if you're intelligent, you'll figure out very quickly that you were nothing more than a game to him (harsh, but true), and meant no more to him than a quick fix for his insecurity and feelings of inadequacy. Men like that NEED to feel the high of the chase at all times. The only way they can feel that is BY chasing, winning over, and leaving. That's their game. They enjoy it. Period.
Yes, I've wasted some tears on guys like that, but they'll never bring me down because (a) I know who I am, which is more than I can say for them; (b) I have confidence in myself, know I am human, and I'm able to forgive myself if I make stupid choices at times; and (c) it just makes me appreciate the nice guys all the more  | |
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| The worst of head games!!!
Posted: 2/25/2008 9:09:09 PM | | wow, is his name frank by any chance? sounds like him exactly. he sent out 44 valentines to women all over the internet on singles sites! her has contacted over 2,000 women on singles sites in the last 6 months! | |
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| The worst of head games!!!
Posted: 2/25/2008 9:20:48 PM | | I'll take the chance of catching some flack but someone has to speak up and say there are women who are just as capable and low brow as this guy and the others who have done the same to the other writers on the thread. Believe it or not, guys can be vulnerable as well (and stupid) and let some compliments and attention go to our heads so you ladies who fell for the game players are not alone. As the OP stated, it isn't always about sex either. Rent and car payments, helping to pay the bills because she has hit a "rough spot" and similar stories can make a monkey out of the strongest man if he has fallen. One writer stated there was a guy who knew how to make women feel beautiful. That can work both ways. A flutter of the eyes, a few soft kisses, maybe even sex for those who play a game of hard ball (no pun intended) are just as effective as the tactics used by the guys who do this kind of thing. Most of us are vulnerable in some area and, if we run across someone who sees us as an easy mark and knows how to play the game, we let our heart rule our head and when all is said and done we end up on POF or some other venue just trying to find someone who is real, sincere, or simply honest. | |
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| The worst of head games!!!
Posted: 2/25/2008 9:27:19 PM | | I was in a relatiopship like this once and it sucks! It's so hard to get out of and I wouldn't wish it on my worse enemy! | |
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| The worst of head games!!!
Posted: 2/25/2008 9:28:28 PM | | You know what? It's not a soap opera! It happens. & I don't watch soap operas because I'm too busy working day & into early evening. Never watched them. Because they are mindless drivel. However, there are players out there. They are shrewd, intelligent & know how to play the game. They will never get help. They are emotional abusers & don't even know it. They are all about themselves. Before you make fun of something, imagine yourself in that situation. Oh wait a minute. You are a man! The chances of that happening to you are very slim. Why??? Oh yes, maybe you've played that game before? What are you doing watching those shows? Shouldn't you be at work? | |
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| The worst of head games!!!
Posted: 2/25/2008 9:39:52 PM | "But like attracts like: women who slurp up and swallow his "grossly overexaggerated" compliments are also insecure, self-loathing, fearful, and probably needing some therapy to overcome their fears and lowly self-worth.:
Sabinee, first of all, his compliments are not "grossly overexaggerated." The pros don't operate like that. They are much more realistic and "sincere" in their approach. Secondly, I have fallen a time or two for this type of guy. It was very short lived, as guys like that are not difficult to figure out once they start backing away.
I must add, however, that your comments stating that "like attracts like," etc. (see above) are rather ignorant. Many intelligent women (and men) can get caught up with and fooled by the wrong person. Speaking only for myself, I am very secure, have absolutely no self-loathing, have never been fearful of anything other than death (and I'm not all that afraid of it), and have more than my share of self-worth. I know exactly who I am and am very comfortable within myself.
What I am is human, and what I have is a heart. I hope I never become so cynical that I can never believe a compliment, never believe a smile is sincere, and never believe that a person is telling the truth in whatever words he is speaking. That to me is the epitemy of fear, insecurity and lowly self-worth. | |
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| The worst of head games!!!
Posted: 2/25/2008 9:40:49 PM | I STRONGLY SUGGEST ALL OF YOU READ THIS SITE...
IT GIVES 18 TRAITS OF A SOCIOPATH... AND FROM THE SOUNDS OF IT, MOST OF YOU MIGHT HAVE OR ARE DEALING WITH ONE! DO YOURSELF A FAVOR AND CHECK IT OUT! THIS WILL ALSO GIVE YOU A LIST OF THINGS YOU NEED TO LOOK OUT FOR IN THE FUTURE TO SAVE YOURSELF A LOT OF HEARTBREAK.
HTTP://WWW.TAKEBACKYOURHEART.COM/
TO THE LOSERS OUT THERE:  | |
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| The worst of head games!!!
Posted: 2/25/2008 9:45:56 PM | Your right in knowing that men play head games as well as drama. We as woman do the same and it is hard to bring the truth to the begining of the relationship. The last person I dated walked out on me after four years of dating. I thought we had been on the same page of looking forward to being married. When he left without word and would not take my calls I was bedstriken and hurt beyond belieft. It took me two years to find the lessons in all of this that I had to look at for myself. I am so sorry for the hurts that others feel. People that play these kinds of games must have gone to some other college than the one I went to. I now know that I am not playing second best to anyone. I choose not to carry a chip on my shoulder of this bad relationship but I am being really careful. Have I forgiven him - yes but I will never forget the pain he helped to put me through.
Next time when I see a man who I think has no back bone but all the charm of a cobra - then I shall walk away very quickly. | |
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| The worst of head games!!!
Posted: 2/25/2008 10:02:02 PM | I also ended up Involved ( If anyone can call It that with these types LOL ) with a man just like this. Hes mentally Ill ( seriously ) and Its all some deluded ego boost. They have mental Issues and problems. Just tell her to walk away and find a decent man.
This guys no more true to her then any of the others. Yes they tend to pick out the less attractive for the games - they give them more oh my oh my what a great man I have how lucky I am. I met mine when I was totally bloated from cortisone and looked like Shrek. Easier target In their heads. But their heads and souls are broken - so who cares - just kerb them like the human trash they are. | |
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| The worst of head games!!!
Posted: 2/26/2008 2:55:07 AM | Oh I so know what your talking about!!! I have a very good friend who had a man exactly like you described only it was a little worse!! He manipulated her so bad and her being young believed every filthy thing that came out of his mouth! She lost her family, her friends and worse (and trust me she regrets every second of it) he convinced her that it was completely normal 2 love 2 women at the same time. She degraded herself by allowing herself to have threesomes so this jerk (oh believe me I have nicer names for him) wouldnt leave her. She was completely in love and would do anything for him cos he was a sweet talker and wait for it... he still pulls the same crap!!! Tell me what could a 40 something man possibly want with an 18 yr old girl!
The poor girl has some serious trust issues and worse she had a kid to the idiot... but that my friends is a whole new forum.
But you know all their friends have believed everything that has come out of his mouth and my gorgeous friend was left to defend herself. Well I wont stand for it anymore, so if anyone ever needs to talk you can contact me. I stood by my friend the entire time and all she needed was a shoulder to cry on and someone to help her get back to the gorgeous person she once was. | |
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| The worst of head games!!!
Posted: 2/26/2008 3:16:41 AM | I'd classify him as an immature and selfish idiot.
Men like this make it hard for the rest of us guys that don't have agendas or subscribe to underhanded maneuvering in relationships. If I had a penny for every woman I started seeing that had been screwed over by some idiot like this I'd be super-rich.
I can understand in the beginning of any relationship, it's new and fresh and everything is great, so there is a lot of attention going on by each person. That is normal. It's also normal for some of that to fade as the relationship progresses, but it's not normal to treat people like dirt, and use them and manipulate them to service an ego or insecurity problem.
If a guy (or girl) isn't interested in who they are currently with....break up! It may hurt, but it's a helluva lot better than being given false hope and used in the process.  | |
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| The worst of head games!!!
Posted: 2/26/2008 4:19:36 AM | That is a great letter on www.takebackyourheart.com
It hit me square in the face as I was married to someone like that for 20 years. Every trait on there was his.
He was "The Wall" because I could not get close to him on an intimate level emotionally. It just wasn't there in him. I was so lonely during my marriage. But, I didn't know why.
He was the "Serial Adulterer" because he needed the highs it gave him.
His moods were so mercurial that I walked eggshells around him of the time.
His need for exciting times in our life made my social life interesting and fun in a lot of ways. This kind of person can be addicting as he is charming and knows how to be very romantic.
I have learned so much since I have been on my own about the complexities of these kinds of men and what they do to women. I have had to heal and re-program myself to not be attracted to this kind of man. Actually, I feel that I am now inocculated against that strain of virus. One good round of a guy like that puts a woman into "alert" the next time she encounters a smooth talker.
Of note: It is not right to say "Like attracts like." He and I could not have been more different in our personalities, emotions and upbringing. We were like night and day.
Intelligence is not a factor. You can be intelligent, social and confident and still fall for the man. In fact, these men are attracted to that kind of woman. It is a challenge for them. They like winning. | |
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| The worst of head games!!!
Posted: 2/26/2008 4:40:47 AM | it goes both ways, there are men and women who do this, I classify then both as dirt. its like the old saying .
" Fool me once, shame on you; Fool me twice, shame on me." | |
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| The worst of head games!!!
Posted: 2/26/2008 4:47:51 AM | Curious...
I have looked at threads here on players and their handiwork, such as this thread. Mostly, it describes the antics of men and their style as described by OP and in www.takebackyourheart.com. I cannot seem to find a thread on the maneuvers of a woman player.
Now, a woman player is not a person who is being choosy by talking to all kinds of men at one time whether it's online or out in the real world. She is just being out there and meeting men to see if anything clicks for her....and being friendly.
That is healthy. That goes for men, too.
Anyone? | |
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| The worst of head games!!!
Posted: 2/26/2008 4:48:21 AM | Maybe I'm just on the fringe but why are we castrating this guy? There's not a single lady in this place that wouldn't fall for this guy's 'charms' (evidenced by all the "This was my relationship for XX weeks/months/years" blah, blah blah)...
I'm in no way condoning what this person does but the people in the wrong here are the women that he's dating. This guy sounds like he's been nothing but upfront and honest with these women- some people just don't care much for commitment or value a relationship. It may not be the good kind of honesty but aren't all women looking for an honest man? If anyone is at fault here- it's the insecure women who value themselves so low that they are WILLING to be used by someone else just to make them "feel special"... I guess it just boils down to being pretty pathetic and sad... | |
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| The worst of head games!!!
Posted: 2/26/2008 4:58:04 AM | | There are surely any number of ways we could condemn this guy - or at minimum feel sorry for him, but the more interesting question for me is why on earth you haven't done all you can to persuade your friend to drop him? | |
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