| does size really matter in an engagement ring?
Posted: 3/2/2008 10:38:04 AM |
I'm not exactly surprised. It goes back to what many people have said. If it was utterly true love, her happiest emotion would have been how she was going to spend the rest of her wonderful life with this awesome man. If it was truly love like that, she wouldn't have even been concerned about the ring.
If this is the general mindset, IMO, no wonder marriages fail. "her happiest emotion would have been how she was going to spend the rest of her wonderful life with this awesom man" is absurd. She has a job to go to, bills to pay, errands to run and a man to support.... What man wants a woman with dream-filled ideas of utopia? The ring should match her lifestyle and what she expects to project as her status in society.
IMO Men need to catch up to reality. Why should a woman accept from a man less than she can provide for herself? IMO, divorce would go decrease if men quit expecting their women to give up their desires so his ego isn't bruised. | |
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| does size really matter in an engagement ring?
Posted: 3/2/2008 11:40:35 AM | My brother proposed to his fiancee with a 1/4 diamond.
It's a Birks diamond, mind you, but still. And it's PERFECT for her. Any bigger on her would look ludicrous.
I, myself, have a 2-carat garnet on my finger, with about 2/3 carat of diamonds (4 1/6 diamonds). The garnet suits me- and I didn't much care about having a diamond, as I find them, for the most part, boring.
She needs to examine why she's embarrassed about the ring. | |
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Joined: 2/7/2008
Msg: 129 | |
| does size really matter in an engagement ring?
Posted: 3/2/2008 12:16:14 PM | Geez - I have gone back and forth over this in my mind - quite frankly, there are just too many questions left hanging about OP's friend to really give a definitive answer (for me).
So I'll state how I personally feel about it - in my OWN situation.
I have a man that I love very, very much. The 'M' word has been mentioned. I don't wear a lot of jewelry, but I do like rings and have a good few. I want something from him that is 'extra special'. Not in cost, but in emotion. To achieve this, it must be something that I will like and want to wear every day for the rest of my life. I gave serious thought to C.Z. - but with weighing the pros and cons, C.Z. just isn't going to cut it.
A C.Z. ring IS much less expensive. You can afford a new one every year IF you so choose. That's one of the cons - I DON'T so choose. I want ONE ring - one special ring. I don't want to trade it in or up grade it or add to it in any way what so ever - EVER.
The diamond ring comes with insurance. If you lose a diamond, it will be replaced for free. If a prong is lose, they fix it for free. You will be listing it on your home owner's insurance, so if it gets lost or stolen, or melted in a fire, it's covered.
For the price of 4 C.Z. rings, I can have my dream engagement/wedding set. $2000.00 - that's one month's salary for him. There isn't a large solitare - they are smaller diamonds put together to create a larger look.
I can pass it down to the next generation, unless I decide to be buried in it. It's something that I hope I'll never want to take off. Not because it's a diamond, but because of who it is from and what it represents.
It's something that will tell the world that yes, someone loves me. It's a visual to everyone else, and ..... I just really don't know how else to explain it. It really, really means a lot. It's not the cost. Believe me - there were plenty more expensive and beautiful ones - but I don't want them - this is the one I want - and the man I want - and I want to see them both every day for the rest of my life. It's important.
Sorry. Call me materialistic - but I'm not. | |
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| does size really matter in an engagement ring?
Posted: 3/3/2008 10:39:59 AM |
Ok, well im gonna say something here that no one else has the guts to say...any woman that will look you square in the eye at a little itsy bitsy diamond and say, "oh how lovely", is full of BS...every woman dreams of having that sparkling diamond, or whatever stone, on her finger that she can show off to family and friends...
I've spent half my life working with jewelry and I can tell you that the minium a guy should spend is two months salary. If he does that, he is making a good, honest attempt...Unfortunately we live in a very materalistic world...Guys, go out and get your woman a nice decent ring. She deserves that much for what she is gonna have to put up with in the future...For those that can't afford, there is always credit, layaway, saving up for it, and sperm donations at your local fertility bank.
I'm not sure everyone buys into this BS premise that we all are living in a very materialistic world. Your voluntary choice of choosing to live this way and have a career that endorses conspicuous consumption has obviously clouded your judgment; you have made an incorrect blanket assumption that most people chose to live in such a garish way.
I fail to see the logic that the expense of the ring somehow counteracts some sort of anticipated negative future events that a married woman is somehow doomed to experience. | |
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| does size really matter in an engagement ring?
Posted: 3/3/2008 1:12:13 PM |
a little itsy bitsy diamond and say, "oh how lovely", is full of BS
First, I'd like to say, I'm not now, nor have I ever been, bull of foolsh*t. My first diamond was tiny, at my own choice. PERFECT, but tiny. My second was an antique two carrot mine-cut, that got pawned to make a down payment for a house. It has, however, been decades since I wanted a diamond, any diamond of any size anywhere on my body. Zircons, aquamarines, white sapphires, yes. Emeralds, rubies, yes. Any number of different stones. NO DIAMONDS. -- I just hate being cheated. And diamonds are the biggest cheat of a stone going.
An engagement, or promise, or any kind of keepsake ring should mean something to the pair whose union it symbolizes. Neighbors, friends, siblings are NOT in the game. If they are; the couple should rethink what they're doing.
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| does size really matter in an engagement ring?
Posted: 3/3/2008 2:16:09 PM | Excuse me Bikeman, WHATEVER!
What you failed to see was me commenting on my experience dealing with the general public. I never suggested that everyone should buy into it. I personally do not buy into it nor do I "choose to live this way". My My aren't we judgemental. Let's see, which is the greater evil in your eyes, to be be judgemental or materialistic?
I chose this career because it was the career of my grandfather who made and engraved jewelry. You can see his work in the Smithsonian. I had alot of knowledge on the subject and felt it would be a great job to have during college. The fact that some of the advertising for jewelry endorses a materialistic world is not of my doing, but let's face it, advertising of any such product is going to try to "cloud your judgement".
Personally, I fail to see the logic as to why you care so much about my opinion on the matter in the first place. My experiences in life have obviously been different from yours and considering I have worked with the general public for half my life, I was simply commenting on my perceptions. My personal experience with this matter should not be up for debate. A question was asked and I gave what I felt to be an opinion based on those life experiences.
I much rather have the love of a man for a lifetime than a diamond for a lifetime. However, if that man should come along with a beautiful diamond ring, all the better. ;)
You may have over thought this. | |
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| does size really matter in an engagement ring?
Posted: 3/3/2008 2:30:55 PM | Obvoiusly it matters to a lot of people, it's a status thing to show to other women. Women are always comparing trivial things like that. The diamond industry has them brainwashed. Well their business is diamonds, and the only reason they are so expensive is that its controlled by one huge company that sets prices and to what diamond merchants they sell to....and finally the jewlers get them and some of them also swindle people who don't know much about diamonds. Sell one back and you won't even get half back....and they say diamonds are forever! | |
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| does size really matter in an engagement ring?
Posted: 3/3/2008 2:46:27 PM |
I rather have the love of a man for a lifetime than a diamond for a lifetime...You may have over thought this. Maybe that's the sentiment you could have shared first with the OP first.
Not that since we all live in a materialistic world, that requires men to sacrifice many, many days of their salary on jewelry if they wish their sincere request for life-long commitment to be properly honored by a woman.
I wouldn't have thought all women judge another woman's potential spouse by the size of her engagement ring. True women tend to have interest in checking out a woman's engagement ring.
When learning that a woman has recently become engaged, I actually have interest in seeing the ring, hard as that may be to believe. When viewing the ring, I have NEVER judged her chances to be happy with her marriage by the size of the ring. I ALWAYS make a nice comment about the ring, the impetus for the comment being I think she is lucky to have found a man with whom she wishes to share a life-long commitment?
I think anyone, man or woman, who views the size of the diamond as some sure indicator of wedded bliss, that person certainly is crass. So why be concerned with these people's opinions? Why should these crass people's opinions cause the lady's opinion about her fiance to change? I think that was the question posed by the OP. Here's Msg 1 again for people who haven't read it:
There is this sweet woman in her late forties, whom I've known for many years faced with a small, but sticky situation...she was getting married! Of course the first thing I asked her was to see the ring...you could tell by her face that she was shy to show her new ring...She loves the guy and says it shouldn't matter at all, which I agreed with, but she honestly deserves a decent ring. She told me she'd be more than willing to pay for another one that actually looked more like a proper (not extravagant) engagement ring, but didn't want to hurt her guy's feelings. I had no idea what to say. Any suggestions? I would know what to say in this circumstance. I'd say that you are lucky to have found a man who you love and wants to have a committed life with you! I wouldn't care what other people thought about the ring, their materialistic opinions would have no affect on my personal feelings, I'm happy with the relationship, and wouldn't change anything!
If this is overthinking a simple question and sharing my opinion of why I have this opinion, accuse me of overthinking.   | |
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| does size really matter in an engagement ring?
Posted: 3/4/2008 12:34:56 AM | Bikeman, Sharing your opinion of the OP's question is why we are all here, correct? However it was my opinion that I said you overthought and was curious as to why you showed such and interest in it.
Not everyone is going to share your views on the matter, nor is everyone going to know the proper etiquette when asked a question about another's ring size.
The OP was not only asking if ring size should matter but if the woman they spoke of should purchase a larger ring that looked more appropriate.
Obviously she wasn't concerned about the relationship, she wanted to represent that relationship with a larger ring. SO yes, in this instance size did matter for her.
Sometimes, for some women, this is the case. Not all people can step back and take a loving relationship for what it is, they must posess something of value to represent it.
Therefore you have the engagement ring and/or wedding rings. I wouldn't call this being materialistic by any means.
I say if a bigger ring makes you happy, go for it. It just tells you alot about that person. Sooner or later they will realize it isn't the size or the ring that matters at all.
Im out on this subject.  | |
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| does size really matter in an engagement ring?
Posted: 3/4/2008 4:06:33 AM | | The only thing I want to dispute is that if you are focused on the size and worth of an item, such as a ring this does in fact make you materialistic. Regardless of her reasons, to say otherwise would need a different definition of the word "materialistic"... true story. | |
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| does size really matter in an engagement ring?
Posted: 3/4/2008 7:55:35 AM | The OP was not only asking if ring size should matter but if the woman they spoke of should purchase a larger ring that looked more appropriate.
Obviously she wasn't concerned about the relationship, she wanted to represent that relationship with a larger ring. SO yes, in this instance size did matter for her.
Sometimes, for some women, this is the case. Not all people can step back and take a loving relationship for what it is, they must posess something of value to represent it. Therefore you have the engagement ring and/or wedding rings. I wouldn't call this being materialistic by any means. This is the definition of materialistic. The OP's friend is materialistic. If the OP's friend finds the ring unsatisfactory in some way and MUST have a bigger one to represent to her friends, she should share those feelings with her fiance. Not with her friend. Her friend isn't necessarily not concerned about the relationship, rather she might be confused about fundamental issues. Lots of us experience confusion about things sometimes, we don't see the forest from the trees around us.
So if this woman were my friend, and I thought she was judging the guy in her relationship by the value of the engagement ring, I'd offer friendly advice that she should try to see the forest from the trees. So after doing that, if she still feels like the ring is insufficient, then she knows that she'll discover that she'll find her impending marriage to be insufficient to her needs.
Buying a bigger ring and presenting it to her friends as something her fiancee bought for her is not something I'd recommend. That is manipulative deception. | |
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| does size really matter in an engagement ring?
Posted: 3/4/2008 8:15:33 AM | A woman should get what she wants (within reason). Although the meaning behind this mile stone is what matters the most, she will be wearing it for the rest of her life (hopefully). She should speak to him, but be very very careful how she presents the topic.
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| does size really matter in an engagement ring?
Posted: 3/4/2008 4:03:56 PM | My ex let me pick the ring myself. So I did the shopping online and found a beautiful 1/2 carat diamond and we went together and bought it. Unfortunately, I didn't feel the love or commitment on his part. That special kind of love and commitment overrides any size or cost of a ring. I truely loved this man and he broke my heart. So the ring sits in its box never to be worn or looked at again because of painful memories.
Material things come and go. True love should last forever. | |
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| does size really matter in an engagement ring?
Posted: 3/4/2008 5:49:36 PM |
Excuse me Bikeman, WHATEVER!
What you failed to see was me commenting on my experience dealing with the general public
Well, considering you are/were in the jewelry industry, your perception of the "general public" is probably pretty skewed. That's like Ferrari salesman telling us that everybody he knows owns a Ferrari. Same goes here...the people that come into jewelry stores tend to be people who want to buy jewelry. You'll see a lot more of the folks who buy a lot of jewelry than the ones who don't...pretty obvious.
I'm thankful that there are some great-looking women in this thread that apparently don't obsess about ring size. Gives a guy some hope that not everyone is materialistic. Not saying YOU are...just saying you imply that the "general public" is. | |
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| does size really matter in an engagement ring?
Posted: 3/4/2008 6:32:18 PM | Apparently the size of the ring in a second marriage is quite important. It should be large and pretensious so everyone knows you've made it big!!!
Just kidding..
The ring shouldn't matter whatever.. more importantly the feeling behind the ring.
An antique ring from great grandma .. *not worth nearly as much as the 1 carat** but given freely from love and acceptance into a family should be far more priceless than a diamond you can buy. | |
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Joined: 2/7/2008
Msg: 144 | |
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Wimmer
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Joined: 3/4/2008
Msg: 146 | |
| does size really matter in an engagement ring?
Posted: 3/17/2008 11:29:38 AM | Pfft what is this talk about size doesn't matter??
Size does matter! 2 carat minimum and of VS or SI quality minimum and colourless should do the trick. I'm even willing to pay for half of it. | |
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Wimmer
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Joined: 3/4/2008
Msg: 147 | |
| does size really matter in an engagement ring?
Posted: 3/17/2008 11:33:05 AM |
The diamond ring comes with insurance. If you lose a diamond, it will be replaced for free.
Call me whack or something but if you lose a diamond unless it is insured through your own insurance company, it will not be replaced for free. Unless it is a manufacturer's defect I can see the seller replacing the stone. However, the consumer is liable to take care of their belongings once it leaves the store. | |
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Joined: 2/7/2008
Msg: 149 | |
| does size really matter in an engagement ring?
Posted: 3/17/2008 1:00:44 PM | Wimmer, msg 147...
"Call me whack or something but if you lose a diamond unless it is insured through your own insurance company, it will not be replaced for free. Unless it is a manufacturer's defect I can see the seller replacing the stone. However, the consumer is liable to take care of their belongings once it leaves the store."
The jewelry shops around here will replace a lost stone, IF you come in for regular cleaning and maintenance/inspection on your ring every 6 months. Also at some shops, you may purchase additional 'insurance' that covers the metal of the ring - if the band wears thin, you need it resized over and over, it's covered for the life of the ring - not the owner. So as you pass it down to generation to generation, all of this is covered into infinity. May just depend on where you do your shopping though...... And it would be a very good idea to have it listed on your homeowner's insurance policy - in case of theft or fire - whatever. A C.Z. stone or pawn shop can't offer the same piece of mind (in my experience). | |
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Wimmer
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Joined: 3/4/2008
Msg: 150 | |
| does size really matter in an engagement ring?
Posted: 3/17/2008 1:04:51 PM | | tag: That's what I meant by manufacturer's defect and having the owner take responsibility for their items. I just don't like typing to infinity and explaining everything in detail. Thanks for doing it for me :) | |
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