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| He's Just not that into YOU!
Posted: 2/25/2008 11:13:24 PM | Agreed brier rabbit........
There is no need to hound anyone.....but much more bark enough to let them know, and if they do not bark back and follow you to your brier patch.....then just enter it alone and be safe....for now...... 
OT......Be into each other, and you will then know the he is into you just as much as you are into him.......
Just my opinion......   | |
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| He's Just not that into YOU!
Posted: 2/25/2008 11:27:18 PM | The book is called "He's just not that into you". Well, what if you're just not that into him? What if you don't make a reciprocal effort?
Also, what if he doesn't call anyone, even his friends? Does that mean that he's not interested in having any friends at all? I have friends who don't call me that often. But they are very pleased to see me when I call them. They just have busy lives.
It's probably true that if he's as rich as Donald Trump, and so he doesn't have to work, and got plenty of time on his hands, that he can call you, on time. But if he's forgetful, he may not call anyone on time.
What if he's shy, or he thinks you are so gorgeous that he doubts himself, as to whether you would go out with him? I knew a guy in uni like that. Most confident guy you'll ever meet, and all the girls wanted to go out with him, and he was attractive, fun, hunky, tall, genuine, the perfect man. But this one girl who he fancied like mad, and she felt exactly the same about him, made him weak at the knees. He used to go over every night and play board games. He never asked her out. Kept waiting for the right moment. She put up with this for a month. Eventually, she just went out with someone else.
Some men get insulted so often by women when they give them compliments, that they take the hint. They conclude that they are just bad at giving compliments. Or that women don't want them. Or that women don't want them from them.
Some men would love to run their hands over the woman of their dreams. But women tend to be very aggressive when that happens, and often call "sexual assault". So many men err on the side of not offending her feelings.
Now for the truth.
Men are only too happy to tell a woman they aren't interested, as long as she won't slap him, call him a user, a pervert, a rapist, or anything equally insulting, won't insult his love-making techniques, or say that he has small genitals, or anything equally humiliating, won't take a knife to his throat, and won't burst into tear, or a fit of over-dramatics.
Ultimately, as long as you can assure the man that you will react in a clam and reasoned manner, then if he doesn't want to keep seeing you, he will be very likely to be honest with you, because he has nothing to gain by lying, and everything to gain by telling the truth.
From what I understand, such honest and open approaches occur in less than 1 in 1000 women. So men tend to assume that she is going to have a fit if he is honest with her.
However, if you can show an ounce of reason in your words, then he will instantly respond to that, because men are very forgetful, and tend to just go on how you speak.
Not doing these things are reasons to find out why. They should be reasons that you ask the guy why he doesn't do these things. Not things that indicate if he likes you or not. That is just building castles in the sky.
If you want your man to call when he says, then ask him why he promises to call when he doesn't call then?
If you want your man to ask you out, then ask him why he doesn't ask you out?
BE VERY SPECIFIC.
We men will assume that you are talking about something that happened last Tuesday, that we can't remember, because most of these conversations tend to be about something that happened last Tuesday, that we can't remember. So BE SPECIFIC ABOUT WHAT YOU ARE QUESTIONING HIM ABOUT.
Expect him to be on the defensive, because he expects a war. He may get evasive, or go into denial. Don't give in to either. Remain calm and collected, and calmly point out that he hasn't answered your question, and repeat your question 5 or 6 times, or as many times as is necessary.
If you get more angry with him as the conversation continues, or you give up on his evasiveness, then he will assume that you are acting on your emotions, and you are mad at him about something else.
However, if you can remain calm, but stay focussed, and keep repeating your question, until it lodges in his brain that you want an answer, but you won't get upset over it, eventually you'll a light switch flick on, and he'll tell you. If you can just remain calm, and realise that he is trusting you by being honest with his feelings, then you will get the truth out of him.
Even if he isn't interested, at least you know for sure.
However, the next guy or the guy after that will be interested, and will probably have some reason why he doesn't do it, because he so used to dealing with women who just react for no solid reasons. Once he sees that you react calmly, and with reason, he will respond in kind, and will be quite upfront. He may simply never have given compliments and when he has, he was criticised harshly for it, by perfectionists. He may need a little prompting. But by now, you should have found he's much easier to deal with, and to talk to. So this won't be a problem.
In fact, the more you learn to not react on your emotions, and to just accept what others say, without reservation or judgement, the more people will be honest with you. So it will get quicker and quicker for guys to tell you if they have decided they don't want to continue with the relationship, and the easier it will get to deal with guys who want a relationship with you.
That's my POV. | |
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| He's Just not that into YOU!
Posted: 2/26/2008 12:18:55 AM | | It's not crap as the second poster says. It all comes down to this: either the other party is really, truly infatuated/enamored or he/she isn't. All these "in between" scenarios boil down to this: he/she ain't THAT into you! (You're good enough for now --- until that extra special person in the other party's life arrives --- too bad so many people "use" others in the interim. Some people need to get some true character/values and some independence. Geez.) The book is correct overall. Have never read it, but can easily extrapolate based on exceprts. It's soooooooooooo simple --- basic usual human psychology. WHEN SOMEONE REALLY, REALLY, REALLY.... LIKES YOU, YOU WON'T HAVE THESE QUESTIONS. IT'LL FEEL SO MUTUAL FOR BOTH PARTIES THAT QUESTIONS WILL NEVER ENTER EITHER PARTY'S MIND. Ain't that the truth AND ain't the way you really want it (not the mention the way it SHOULD be)??!!!! | |
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| He's Just not that into YOU!
Posted: 2/26/2008 12:40:57 AM | I'm really getting tired of hearing about this book.
For the last time, just because I don't call you.. that doesn't necessarily mean that I'm not interested. Sometimes it does, but not always. Mostly it means that I don't like talking on the phone and am waiting for a good time to ask you out. | |
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| He's Just not that into YOU!
Posted: 2/26/2008 12:45:15 AM | Isn't everyone? People treat it like it's the dating rule book or something. I personally wouldn't trust it to be some great all knowing book of answers for dating. Especially considering who wrote it. I'd bet they're more in it for money than actually helping anyone. And after hearing that it seems like common sense type stuff... well... obviously money is the goal there.
Stuff like calling when someone says they will, duh, common sense. If someone doesn't call and says they will, it's disrespectful and rude. Again, common sense, right? But you can't just make blanket statements about all this stuff.
If nothing can keep a guy's hands off you, they tend to call that a creep, pervert, psycho, stalker, or something along those lines. That's a BAD thing right? If it's not, then why get in a fit when it happens? Clearly it's a good thing. | |
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| He's Just not that into YOU!
Posted: 2/27/2008 11:33:51 AM | My college roommate was reading it and said she was going to recommend it to women everywhere... I didn't like what I'd heard about it so I picked it up.
Its basic premise makes sense: if a guy likes you he will probably show it by calling you, asking you out, etc.
But the examples were ridiculous. On the one hand, some of the situations were so obvious that no one should need a book to get the hint (he stole my purse, slept with my dog and then "borrowed" my car, and now he won't call!).
On the other hand, the author held some of the men to ridiculously high standards. If a guy with a well-paying, high-pressure job isn't free to be with you twenty-four seven, he's "just not that into you." Or he won't totally ignore his friends in favour of you, so he's "just not that into you." Yeah, he's not into you enough to become a penniless, friendless pauper. If that's what you require from a man, then girlfriend, you're the one with the problem.
Bottom line: Can all of your behaviour be explained with a trite catchphrase? No? Then don't expect his to be either.
Ahh... that felt good. I've been saving that rant for a long time.  | |
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