| Help! Boys aren't what they seem!
Posted: 2/26/2008 2:54:00 PM | People get nervous and aren't themselves when they are. Nothing new. Ever consider that? Or going out with them more than once to find out if that's it?
I can be nervous when I first meet someone, regardless of phone or anything. Sometimes I'll be a bore, sometimes I'll be the funniest person ever (or I like to think so). It's no new concept that people do have off days too. | |
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| Help! Boys aren't what they seem!
Posted: 2/26/2008 4:37:25 PM | And in addition to what a lot of people said, I'll throw my 2 cents in. Personally, the longer you get to know me, the more you will know me. Did you get that???? If you want to go by first impressions alone, with your elimination of the men,,,,,ummm, boys, 25% of them were/probably very good people, yet you threw them aside. But how would you know???? You only meet them once. Probably in a coffee shop. And then throw in the fact that they finally got "a date" off of this site, so they are naturally a little sexcited,,,ooops, excited.
I know I NEVER sit in a coffee shop, unless I am too meet someone,,,,from here. NEVER, ever any other time. So, throw in that they are very uncomfortable, in an uncomfortable situation with someone they are trying to impress equals a natural disaster.
Back to my point about getting to know someone. There are times when "true colours" come out of a person. I find when things go a little sideways or get bumpy, the "real" person comes out. How do you see that when you only sit opposite each other for the first time, for an hour or so,,,,longer if you are lucky????? Well, you don't. I suggest, and not only to you, but most of us here. If instant gratification is what you want, this is probably not the place to be. Here, as in anywhere in the real world, it takes more than moments to realize what kind of person someone is. That is unless of course you are lucky enough to be around when you around for one of those "revealing moments" during your first "date". Good lucks. | |
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| Help! Boys aren't what they seem!
Posted: 2/26/2008 4:47:58 PM | I think alot women are gonna be disappointed with their potential dates. especially younger women.
There's a whole lotta folks who have been brought up in front of a computer and an X-box and really are quite unprepared to socialize with a living, breathing woman.
There's more to life than my space and facebook.
Obviously this isn't everyone but I'll bet you've run into cyber-cyrano and he is actually comic book guy in real life. | |
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| Help! Boys aren't what they seem!
Posted: 2/26/2008 9:43:57 PM | | Lower your expectations. Make them WAAAAYYYYY lower. This is the male part of the species, REMEMBER???? Then ask me for a date. I won't be nervous. Promise. | |
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| Help! Boys aren't what they seem!
Posted: 2/27/2008 10:29:14 AM | There's a lot of wisdom here, particularly the suggestions to give them two or three dates and then average your impressions over them.
I would add that when all you can see is what they type, you have to fill in the rest (looks, actions, personality) with your imagination. Then you meet the real, imperfect human being and of course they don't measure up to what you imagined. I'm not saying settle for someone you're not interested in, but few of us manage to land the mate of our dreams. | |
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| Help! Boys aren't what they seem!
Posted: 2/27/2008 11:26:09 AM | You can wait till I'm in Ottawa next week and I could introduce you to some of my friends or you could try getting jokes that are actually funny? lol
Kiss a few frogs to find your prince.
If you've just started dating again, expect to filter through more douche-bags than usual, especially online. | |
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| Help! Boys aren't what they seem!
Posted: 2/27/2008 4:27:22 PM | I think everybody is on cue for the most part...first dates can be nerve wracking...but there also is the issue of some people having e-personas...and being nothing at all like their e-personas in person. But then those sorts are usually the ones who never MAKE it to the 1st date because it is all a game to them and they chicken out first! LOL
One last comment...if this happens ALL OF THE TIME...then I would say it is time to re-examine yourself possibly...maybe it is not them, but you? :O)
Happy fishing, peeps! | |
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| Help! Boys aren't what they seem!
Posted: 3/2/2008 12:49:05 AM |
So far I've met a few boys offline, and well, they aren't turning out the way I've been hoping
Maybe that's your biggest problem so far, you say you're looking for "BOYS," why aren't you looking to meet any "men," seems like your efforts might stand a better chance that way. | |
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| Help! Boys aren't what they seem!
Posted: 3/2/2008 12:52:27 AM |
So far I've met a few boys offline, and well, they aren't turning out the way I've been hoping. When talking them online, they seem perfect. Funny, charming, and goofy. A great match. When I meet them, dull, dull, dull! They aren't bad guys, but I feel like they lead me to believe they were something they're not.
Then don't believe your fantasy. The fantasy is in your head, not the reality. The fantasy gets worse if you keep it online for too long before meeting.
As for them, how successful would this be? "Hi, I'm quite dull. Would you give a chance?"
Damn hot Canadians. | |
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| Help! Boys aren't what they seem!
Posted: 3/2/2008 6:33:35 AM | with computers its way too easy to present yourself to others as seen through your own eyes, or to project the image that one is what they only wish they were in real life. many may be very honest during their "interview" online with you and its possible you are misreading the meaning of what they are saying, or perhaps you are a bit more lonely than you want to be and don't spend enough time weeding guys out before meeting them. lots of good advice posted in this thread, try taking some of it, slow down a little and best of luck to you.
gary | |
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| Help! Boys aren't what they seem!
Posted: 3/2/2008 6:55:10 AM | She's partially talking about me I do believe. I visited her like 5 days before this was posted. But I'm not a jerk, I won't take it personally. (I can take a hint, I haven't talked to her since, lol)
I think a few things do need to be said. I can be boring, and I'm not as witty in person as I am around new people (that im interested in). As others have said, online conversation is different, gives you time to respond, you feel more comfortable, ect ect...but..
A few things I noticed when I visited you: You seemed very distant, you wouldn't look at me, I was getting *stand back* signals out the wazoo. I'd be looking at you and sparking conversation, and you would be looking at your roomate talking about something different. It just seemed like you were completely not interested in anything I said. You gave me nothin to work with!
I got a few laughs out of your roomates, and seemed to bond with them better. I think it was just your approach. I think you should consider doing something alone from the get-go with someone in a more open/public environment. Less pressure.
I personally am a different person when I'm around: Family, friends, groups of friends, strangers, groups of strangers, online, and in a professional setting. I think most people are. Just pick your dates based on how you want to spend your time together. If it's staying inside playing video games, I'm sorry if im not very interesting then. (I'm not a big gamer anymore) But I'm sure you can find someone who is. Going to lazer quest, or a museem, biking, or rollerblading, skating, ect, ect, and I bet you I'm alot less boring.
Just my little rant of advice, I liked you Dani, but remember....your complaints are felt on the other side as well. | |
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| Help! Boys aren't what they seem!
Posted: 3/2/2008 9:07:46 AM | ^^ Wow, I think that post brings a unique perspective to these boards. I don't think I've ever read the other side of the story on here once before.
But I think it brings up a good lesson for everybody -- if other people are always acting a certain way around you, then perhaps you should take a look at what you're doing to make them act that way. For example, if someone is riotously funny online and they are very drab in person, then maybe it's because they tried being funny in person but you didn't react. | |
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| Help! Boys aren't what they seem!
Posted: 3/2/2008 2:21:17 PM | | Online, any guy can be themselves, and in my case, I am exactly who i seem to be online, when in real life, if I don't "click" with who I'm with, I can come across as boring too. Online there are no embarrassing moments, no awkward silences, no odd behaviours...... | |
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| Help! Boys aren't what they seem!
Posted: 3/2/2008 2:29:11 PM | | I know I do the 'looking anywhere but at him' thing when someone shows up and doesn't look at all like I expected. It's not an on purpose thing, and in fact, I don't even notice I've been doing it until halfway through the meeting. I suspect there was something about your look, movement, that was 'off' and she was turned off right away, and displayed that behavior so that you knew it. | |
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| Help! Boys aren't what they seem!
Posted: 3/4/2008 11:35:33 PM | There might be number of reasons why guys act different upon meeting you.
Computer monitors and phone receivers provide certain type of a cover/disguise if you will, and it’s easy to be brave, chatty and funny. But once a guy meets you face to face, it’s all a new ball game. He can get easily intimidated by a pretty confident woman. And even the funniest coolest guy can possibly come across as a staggering boring dork. Many people get nerves upon meeting for the first time. It’s normal. Everyone reacts and copes with tension and anxiety in a different way…and so his behavior might not come across as his usual himself. If you do feel he is sweet and has somewhat of a potential give him some time, another chance.
Another reason why guys are different upon meeting face to face is because web profiles are somewhat distorted. Net dating sites are great way to meet tons of new people. But also the competition is bigger. And so one has to market himself. And that is where distortion comes in. In order for a guy to get that first date, he will go out on the limb to get your attention.
Being eager and hungry for a new romance, and the perfect soul-mate, we tend to idealize people on the internet. Than when we meet face to face our idols come crushing down.
Many men just as women are different in real life than on the web. By different it doesn’t necessary mean worst. And so if you do really like a guy, give him time to get comfortable. May be suggest a date that involves his favorite interest. Once he is in his own element, he will become more relaxed and confident, and you might get to see the real him. Take time to get to know his other layers, don’t be too rash to judge upon his first actions.
Good luck with finding the right guy ;) | |
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| Help! Boys aren't what they seem!
Posted: 3/5/2008 2:19:00 AM | Sorry OP.
But when you say your positive...not looking for the ultimate boy...laughs at my corny jokes and then you add in real life they are dull, dull, dull, it makes me think something isn't quite right.
Is it them? Very possible. They might be very dull and boring people with little to talk about and have the personality of eggplants. But as one or two previous posters mentioned, a first time meeting someone, for anything, most people are trying to adjust from the written word and a phone conversation or two to real life. Anyone could be a little stiff or nervous. They might need a little time to feel comfortable. That may take more than a quick coffee. So they may or may not be leading you to believe they were something that they were not.
Is it you? Possibly. It's kinda hard to believe that all these guys were that incredibly dull and boring to the degree you suggest. It might be that you set expectations too high in anticipation of meeting these guys. In all fairness, I don't think it is the responsibility of a guy, any guy, to feel that he has to put on a song and dance number just for your entertainment if that isn't really their style. Nor is it necessary to be all entertaining all the time. Besides, you noted that you told corny jokes. So maybe they feel that it's you who is being nervous.
Perhapse you should rethink how you are approaching this. Other than that, I can't really say one way or another. My 0.02 | |
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| Help! Boys aren't what they seem!
Posted: 3/5/2008 6:13:08 AM | Hey OP! When are you going to tell us how you placed in the "Winona Ryder Lookalike Contest"?
Oh...if you are having difficulty reconciling your expectations with actual reality, I suggest you cut back on internet dating.
F. | |
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| Help! Boys aren't what they seem!
Posted: 3/7/2008 5:24:32 PM | Maybe these guys you find are shy and take a while to warm up. Give them a while to warm up or do something to warm them up? I have this funky way to warm up a date with smiles. Have a race to the car, do the hand slap game where you hover your hands over the date's hands and he tries to gently slap them before you pull them away. It seems to make people smile.
How about putting detergeant in a fountain and hop in? Bubbles! Hop in, then run :-)
It makes people smile! I've warmed up quite a lot of snowomen. If you or he do not want to do that, then that person that doesn't want to do it is purposely trying to be cold. | |
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| Help! Boys aren't what they seem!
Posted: 3/8/2008 5:53:07 PM | i'm emotionally retarded. so, I try that alcohol stuff- but you know what
it works too good!!
Then I have to be emotionally retarded again.
You look really interesting (to me)visually, and i'm clairvoyant so I think you probably are - so you are probably stunning them or something but don't believe the
alcohol. | |
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| Help! Boys aren't what they seem!
Posted: 3/8/2008 9:24:59 PM | Dani, first impressions can often be uncomfortable hence the guys you are meeting may be a little out of their element. I'd say, give it a couple tries in a more relaxed environment and see if that makes a difference.
Good luck. | |
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| Help! Boys aren't what they seem!
Posted: 3/9/2008 6:10:50 PM | I can't speek for everybody, but it is much easier fof some people to open up on line, phone... than it is in person. If your a little interested some times a second or third meet may be needed for that person to let loose in person. They may very well be too nervous or afraid of letting you down, or dissapointing you to realize that is exactly what they are doing now.javascript:smilie(' ') | |
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