| Is it just me or does this scare others off as well?
Posted: 3/3/2008 7:20:57 PM | If you asked him to stop "a few times" and he did not, there is a potential problem with him respecting your boundaries. I've dated men like you are talking about before and it has never turned out well. It's very difficult to fall for a guy who is making himself way too available. Men need to pace themselves to give the girl time and space to let a man grow on her. You can be the greatest catch in the world, but as long as you are relentlessly chasing the woman, she is never going to realize it. I think that guys who operate too quickly are either only interested in conquering me, or they lack self control, or they are needy....none of which is attractive. This is not to be confused with a man who is being assertive about wanting to be with me, and who aggressively pursues me by calling when he says he will, keeping his dates with me, and calling at least two days in advance for a date. If you want to pursue a woman the right way, men, do it that way and not with your hands and manipulative flattery. | |
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| Is it just me or does this scare others off as well?
Posted: 3/3/2008 7:28:29 PM | It doesn't "scare me off" as such but, when you're ultimately looking for something serious, it's hard to take someone seriously when their behavior screams fleeting and fickle. Anyone who can feel strongly about someone so quickly can virtually always feel nothing just as quickly or, worse still, feel just as strongly in the opposite direction. While you might be their flavour of the month now, how much (or rather little) will it take once the 'honeymoon' magic wears off for them to feel the same when they meet someone else? It also suggests they don't put much thought into what they say and not to take their words seriously or literally.
It furthermore suggests they have no interest in you beyond the surface if they can't manage a conversation without padding it out with throw-away physical remarks. That may be fine for shallow and boring people who trade entirely on their looks alone but I live a pretty full and diverse life, and would like to think at least some of that could be of enough interest to spark more substantive conversation than "nice eyes". By the same token, if the other person doesn't have much in way of hobbies, interests and desires of their own to talk about there isn't much to interest me in them either.
I say what I mean and mean what I say, and expect the same in a partner (or potential partner). Token flattery and throw-away remarks win no points with me. It's not about playing hard to get, or even about playing at all. It's simply a matter of not being so easy to get and likely so unsatisfying once 'got'. | |
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| Is it just me or does this scare others off as well?
Posted: 3/3/2008 7:49:45 PM | In my time being single, there are a couple of things I have found to always be true. One of which is that the quicker you get physically involved or focus on matters only of the flesh, the lower the possiblity of your date being a serious long term interest. This has always held true for me. I have found that taking time is the most important thing. Spend some time around each other... talking... walking... just idle chit chat as they say, and you can get a much better idea if they could be something more. People of substance will come back.
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| Is it just me or does this scare others off as well?
Posted: 3/3/2008 10:02:31 PM | | Well, it scares the hell out of me. I meet guys I don't really connect with and they all fall in love and want to get married. I meet guys and sparks fly, they start in with "I love you" and then later I hear the song & dance "I just need my space". Yeah, right. What is space's name? I don't know what to think. It's been so long since I've had a date with a mature, sensible man that I'm at the point I would rather play in my garden. I have been hurt really bad twice since a divorce 8 years ago. I think another broken heart would kill me. I'm not into the "in love at first sight" scenario. You have to have a relationship based on friendship, not sex/first crazy fall in love. Once the sex cools down, if you don't have a solid friendship, then you don't have anything. | |
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| Is it just me or does this scare others off as well?
Posted: 6/30/2008 8:28:09 PM | Co-sign to the over complimenting being creepy. Happened to me recently
The first 3 times was flattering and cute but the literal 15th time in less than an hour was so uncomfortable and weird especially when it's accompanied by stares that make me feel like Thanksgiving dinner 
And making plans for "us"...and not just next date plans or obvious cute,flirty, joke-type comments about "our future" but being dead serious talking about "our kids"...no. *smh* | |
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| Is it just me or does this scare others off as well?
Posted: 6/30/2008 11:06:12 PM | Keep in mind that the only difference between creepy and romantic is how YOU feel about him. If you found him attractive, the compliments would probably make you feel good. Maybe these guys had a really strong attraction to you, and it's just that you didn't reciprocate those feelings.
But yes, I find the stares creepy too, even keeping this in mind. But if I was all goo goo eyed too, I probably wouldn't even mind. | |
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| Is it just me or does this scare others off as well?
Posted: 6/30/2008 11:30:17 PM | | This is one of the top things that irk me - if a fellow is drowning me in praise and compliments from the beginning, where do we go from there? There's no challenge, no need for me to even speak because apparently I've already won his heart (or at least his penis)! | |
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| Is it just me or does this scare others off as well?
Posted: 7/1/2008 12:45:07 AM | | It doesn't sound very sincere but rather candy coated. I can't stand that... If someone gives a compliment then they should really mean it. Not the salesman approach, I'm not buying but running for the door. Yuck!!! | |
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