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| 30% of women have sex on first dates?
Posted: 3/3/2008 9:23:43 AM | Metou,
No none of our opinions or questions really matter but if we thought this way this whole forum should be tossed to the wind. We do this for the sheer enjoyment of discussion though and maybe along the way we change someone's views to that of a little more open-minded, or better equip the naive or ignorant to make more informed opinions and statements. I like how you framed it though, to reference the promiscuity of the 60's and 70's. I remember my aunt talking about sex when I was about 13, and saying when she was in high school they used to have sex all the time with anyone they wanted and they NEVER used condoms or worried about STI's or pregnancy. She said it was pretty common to have sex during a spare in high school in the later grades with a random guy, and while I think she was a little looser than some I wouldn't consider her personality to be THAT promiscuous! | |
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| 30% of women have sex on first dates?
Posted: 3/3/2008 9:27:26 AM |
"The word 'slut' does not define a lady that has sex on the 1st date or any date. In my opinion a slut is a female that dresses like she wants laid and goes out looking to get laid by the 1st stiff one she can find"
Whereas the male equivalent is a "stud." Well, occasionally we call such men "male sluts" or "man whores", but men don't seem to be particularly bothered by that. In fact, I dare to say they probably quite like such titles. | |
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| 30% of women have sex on first dates?
Posted: 3/3/2008 10:04:27 AM | I think we are all adults here and should be entitled to do whatever makes us sexually happy, provided the participants are of legal age and agreeable to the proceedings. We should also be ready to accept that our choices may not sit well with some other person(s), and realize that we are not going to TALK them into seeing things our way.
So 30% of women who post to online dating sites have sex on the first date? BFD.That still leaves 70% that don't. Anybody do any research to see how many fat ugly chicks who hang out in dive bars have sex with any body who buys 'em a couple of beers?
Somebody refresh my memory; we give a rat's rear end about this because....?
Cindy O | |
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| 30% of women have sex on first dates?
Posted: 3/3/2008 1:13:03 PM | > ...the male equivalent is a "stud." Well, occasionally we call such men "male sluts" or "man whores", but men don't seem to be particularly bothered by that.
It always seemed to be that such a guy whose ambition was to get laid as often as possible was a "sport" or a "man about town". A woman with the same approach, however, was labeled a "slut" or a "whore".
Folks:
It's all about POWER. The woman who wants to have sex for whatever reason is exhibiting power and THAT intimidates a lot of guys. Their response afterwards is often to simply denigrate her by referring to her as a slut to all their locker room buds. Hell, they don't even need her to have an active libido to regard her as a slut; all she has to do is to go out and do someone *Else*, which also lessens the "sport's" power because she chose to sleep with someone besides *him*, thus the retaliation.
It's all part of the same game... these days we can blame society for breeding "slutty" women and "sporting" alpha-males; the twain seldom ever living happily ever after.
"That's the way it oughta be, dude!"
The way it IS, resides more along the lines of those "stats" and "polls" being spun into a yarn that will SELL you something. Then they stick it right there by the checkout counter, beside the tabloid featuring a story about some babe who claims to have had a UFO baby.
I read one survey once that said that on average 40% of opposite-sex similar age siblings will have had sex with one another by the time they're 18. Does that survey mean that if you had a sibling close to your age, it's not unlikely that sometime along the way you "did" her/him? For that matter, who would admit it? And what would it actually matter in the big scheme of things in any event?
...just another statistic to put in some article.
30% of women had sex on a first date. Fine. After all, it was their decision. Second-guess it, analyze it, debate it. In the end you still won't know exactly why each of those women decided. However, Darwin's findings will easily show why the guys indulged those women. As mentioned in another post, not many people asked why those MEN indulged... they were supposed to, expected, that power thing ya know.
You folks are arguing over a poll/survey. I don't put much faith in polls or surveys because they oft-times are simple fabrications via selective screenings in order to get the results wanted for whatever purpose, as in to sell something to YOU.
Criticize those women if you like, but there are all sorts of reasons for someone to decide to have sex on a first date and not ALL of them are evil or wicked or mean or nasty. Maybe she knew the guy before, for a while, was lonely and thought he was likely good material and that first date simply guided her where she'd wanted to be.
Does that make HER a slut? Of course not. Odd, how easily such descriptive metaphors seem to roll off people's tongues. I've never called a woman a slut in my life.
I have no room to speak such; hardly innocent myself.
I don't like to judge. And I don't pay much attention to polls and surveys either. It's almost like politics. You can't believe the facts as they're laid out (no pun).
> In fact, I dare to say they probably quite like such titles.
Not me. I'm not much for "titles" nor do I "kiss and tell". No point in it and it serves little good for anyone. I don't participate in polls or surveys in any event.
And the last thing I'd do is label a woman a "slut" because she'd done someone on their first date somewhere along the way. Careful who you stereotype... ;)
... sorry, I ran out of coffee too soon today.
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Nona37
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Joined: 12/4/2007
Msg: 155 | |
| 30% of women have sex on first dates?
Posted: 3/3/2008 3:29:44 PM | First off, I feel the survey is inaccurate, but I'm sure they measured in the "margin of error". I feel the margin of error comes into play with the women surveyed, more than likely because I"m sure every woman asked that question did not tell the truth, due to the fact of the way our society views women who engage into the same sexual behavior as men do.
Spacechickadee:
I love sex too, but if you are putting out on every first
or second date, you are not looking for sex. You are looking for
something to fill that big empty hole you feel on the inside.
I disagree with that analogy. Why can't it be that someone just
simply want to get laid? Male or female. Not all women are emotional
needy women who get attached to any penis she comes in contact with,
besides, if men can have sex on the first date and not be judged,
then women should not be judged either, it's called equality within
the sexual arena. In stating this, I will be the first to admit,
sex so soon if someone is looking for long term relationships is
not a good foundation to start out with, however, who cares if someone
bangs someone on the first/second or third date, if more
people went out and got laid, we would not have so many bitter
people on this website.
Does that make HER a slut? Of course not. Odd, how easily such descriptive metaphors seem to roll off people's tongues. I've never called a woman a slut in my life.
I have no room to speak such; hardly innocent myself.
Do note that it's primarily women throwing the word "slut" around. What I say to them? Go get laid, you might have a better outlook on life lol | |
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| 30% of women have sex on first dates?
Posted: 3/3/2008 3:47:54 PM | | I have met quite a few men thru online dating. I rarely feel the chemisrty to even have that frist (after meeting date). On a rare occasion, I meet someone and the chemistry/connection is just awesome, it has happened (sex)...but it's rare and I do feel a bit guilty about it. I am a very passionate woman who loves physical intimacy. It is sad that men don't get the negative stigma that women do. I wouldn't think, wow, that man had sex on the first date, therefore not a candidate for long term. Unfortunately, men do think that way about women. Sucks | |
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Nona37
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Joined: 12/4/2007
Msg: 158 | |
| 30% of women have sex on first dates?
Posted: 3/3/2008 3:49:25 PM | Well sum me up in the 30%, if I want to get laid, I get laid, it's that simple and I do not care what any woman or man or society as a whole says about it. I wish more women were just as honest, but it's evident on this thread all are not :) Not aiming that at anyone in particular, but give me a freaking break!!!
Most women as a whole, not all women will proclaim they are "good" girls, and they are the exact ones who are in bed the first date or at the very least with their head in some man's lap.
What women fail to understand as a whole, is that you can be a "good" girl and still enjoy your sexual appitite, just be safe and enjoy yourself, when the right one comes along, you will know it and you can wait until the time is right, until l then, bang their brains out!!!! | |
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| 30% of women have sex on first dates?
Posted: 3/3/2008 3:50:11 PM | | I've got Nona's back here, on all points except that sex too soon is a poor foundation to start a relationship. I've had many good relationships (and I don't judge a relationship's merit based on it's duration) that started in the sack on teh first date, if there even was a first date before the sex. Most ended not because we fought and had the usual course of a breakup but because we just didn't have the total compatibility to make it last. I'm not looking for a partial match. I don't want someone who likes a few things I do but we differ heavily on others. I plan to do this right this time and hopefully only do it once more. I want to find that one person I can spend the rest of my life with and not have to worry about breaking up 10 years down the road and having to find a new love again. But the girls I've had some great relationships with over the years that started with sex were really great, and some were better than my marriage was in the glory days of it! But I don't think women who "put out" on a first date are just looking to fill an emotional void or make themselves feel worthy. | |
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| 30% of women have sex on first dates?
Posted: 3/3/2008 3:54:30 PM | So Fancynanci, is this you saying you've never had sex on a first date?
Jewells, I'm not sure where ALL these men that women keep talking about are hiding. I don't know any guys that think a woman is not long-term material if she puts out on the first date, or if he hooks up with her at the bar. There are all sorts of other variables that dictate to a guy whether she's long-term material. I can usually tell for myself within a few minutes of meeting and talking to a girl whether I think she's relationship material or not. I don't need to stick my p in her vahgee in order to sense that. That's crazy talk. I thikn the guys that might be saying it are the players who are looking to score in rapid succession and they are merely justifying their behaviour by transferring the blame to the woman. "Oh, I wouldn't consider dating her because she screwed me on the first date". It's a self-fulfilling prophecy, and THIS one I know exists for certain. | |
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| 30% of women have sex on first dates?
Posted: 3/3/2008 3:54:53 PM | Well unless these guys are going out with other guys then an equal number of men and women are having sex on their first date.... its something they do together 
One guy's perspective:
Have I had sex on a first date? Yes
Do I assume it will happen? No
Have I tactfully refused? Yes
Do I think less of women who will (or won't) ? No
I almost feel sorry for the guys who do... they are missing out on some wonderful women. On the other hand the ladys these guys reject should be greatful - would you really want to keep going out with someone that shallow?
In fact I met my currrent partner online, we both unsuccessfully tried to resist the temptation of sex on the first date and are still very happy together...
A good first date with someone I met online doesn't really feel like a first date as I have chatted to the lady quite a bit online first so she feels like a friend. If the connection is there in person too then great, if not then there is always more 
I find the idea of sex on a first date with someone you just bumped into harder to contemplate... | |
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| 30% of women have sex on first dates?
Posted: 3/3/2008 5:18:34 PM | dportait:
Well unless these guys are going out with other guys then an equal number of men and women are having sex on their first date.... its something they do together.
True, if all men went on the same number of dates.
Which is not true at all.
A few men date a lot more women than the average. It is at least plausible that those extraordinarily successful males are also more successful in getting their women to have sex on the first date. | |
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| 30% of women have sex on first dates?
Posted: 3/3/2008 6:38:08 PM |
ladyc4 wrote: Just simply by practical and demographic
factors I'm not likely to present as "in demand"...so I should
let every Joe Schmoe who buys me a cup of coffee or a
drink have sex with me???
Lowering your standards is not the solution. Preselection
(the appearance of being found attractive by others) is not a
feature of object reality. It's a belief set that exists in people's
imaginations, and your appearance, beliefs, attitude and behavior
have a powerful influence over other's beliefs -- and it's just one
attraction trigger. You have other weapons at your disposal, e.g.
successful risk taking, willingness to emote, the appearance of health,
youthfulness, good genes, etc. | |
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| 30% of women have sex on first dates?
Posted: 3/3/2008 7:32:36 PM |
A few men date a lot more women than the average. It is at least plausible that those extraordinarily successful males are also more successful in getting their women to have sex on the first date.
I think that's quite true. I've known quite a few women who decry the idea of one night stands. It's a horrible, yucky practice only engaged in by players and sluts, they say.
They would never do anything so despicable and wrong...
...unless it was with the right guy of course! | |
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| 30% of women have sex on first dates?
Posted: 3/4/2008 12:03:37 AM | I can honestly say, that one of my worst talents are my "social skills" with women. Generally, i've been told that im too intimidating. (seriously).
But the funny thing about being online, is that you can express yourself in different ways than you might normally. My point? so far... well.... its a hell of alot higher than 30%. (Then again... this site IS based on "instant gratification"). No pun intended. | |
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| 30% of women have sex on first dates?
Posted: 3/4/2008 12:06:57 AM | | Why would it not be correct? Unfortunately, people still generalize the fact that men are horndogs and want to have sex on the first date. Welcome to the 21st century, women are as equally as likely to do what men would do. | |
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| 30% of women have sex on first dates?
Posted: 3/4/2008 1:11:24 AM | I'm not even going to go into the "rest" of the obvious reasons and the oh-so-obvious generalizations, because anyone who's taken some time to read a few forums knows...that's the way these things always seem to direct their attention. (And yes, I guess I am referring to the forum's pages as an entity utno itself. Don't you all agree that it seems to somehow take on a life of it's own?...lol...) Honestly, the only thing that occured to me as I read the OP's statements in the VERY beginning was this:
I know this couple who met at a BAR where they talked and flirted and danced. In the parking lot of the BAR as the girl was leaving the boy she had met walked her to her car and as he said good night....(altho, they had met about 4 hours prior to this, they'd been drinking a bit...) they KISSED. The NEXT DAY, the boy CALLED the girl and made a date for the following weekend, which was HIS BIRTHDAY. They went out and on their first date, the girl MET HIS (very intimidating and rude!!!) SISTER and after a great meal WHICH HE PAID FOR, they went back to his place and HAD SEX. This was their FIRST DATE.
About THREE MONTHS LATER, they were talking through some little "problems" that had come about. He had said he never wanted to see her again...blah, blah, blah...she was devastated. But, when he got back into town they talked and they knew it was a good thing they had going soooooo, they DECIDED TO GET MARRIED. They set a wedding date for THREE MONTHS LATER. By the date of their wedding it had been almost exactly SIX MONTHS FROM THE DAY THEY MET.
Of course, as all couples do, they've had some humongous ups and downs. They've sorta, kinda split up and they've even behaved as if they weren't married almost....(I say almost because they did draw a line...but they did date other people...) Through it all, they have still turned to one another when things got tough and they've known that the other would always be there for them. It's been hard for them...and yet....I'll have to call her to check but I think this year they will have been married for 13 YEARS!!! If you ask either one of them, they'll tell you that they are BEST FRIENDS and that NO ONE knows them better or LOVES THEM MORE.
This is a true story and it's a couple that I've known for a long time. If you'll notice the um...(yelling...lol...)the bits all in caps??? They had sex on thier first date, which he paid for...and after they'd kissed the first time when they met at a bar. Hello???? Six months later they married and 13 years ago was when this all happened.....and um...yeah, they STILL have not filed for divorce. It's stories like THIS that make me say "Screw statistics....and if I want to do something...I'll do it!" But I do it for MY reasons and not society's. Wouldn't it be nice if we could all just take as much interest in our OWN lives and our own business as we do about the lives and the business of complete and total strangers???? (Oooopsir! Just tripped gettin' off my soapbox...lol...sorry everyone but I had to say it!...heehee..Just Be Safe and Stay Well...Take care of YOU, cuz no one else will do it as well.      | |
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Nona37
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Joined: 12/4/2007
Msg: 169 | |
| 30% of women have sex on first dates?
Posted: 3/4/2008 2:50:20 AM |
"Oh, I wouldn't consider dating her because she screwed me
on the first date"
First off, hiya Deuce98!!! :)
You are right about men who make this statement. I must also add
something to it if I may. Men who make statements such as this
are manipulator's. They more than likely are the types of men who
enjoy only "missionary style" in bed. They are also hypocrites.
Men are NOT the only gender allowed to go out and get laid. Sex
was created obviously for both genders to enjoy.
I'm very pleased with alot of the mentalities on this thread.
Where were they when I had my "thread" going? lol | |
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| 30% of women have sex on first dates?
Posted: 3/4/2008 3:30:28 AM | Men and women are different physically, mentally and sexually.
All this 'equality' B/S -out of PC 'browny point' scoring is trash philosophy.
Men and women do it together for different reasons- at different times and with vastly different results.
Surprised ?
I don't think men need empowerment ( whatever that means) in order to relate to women.
I think women need to get real as to what has been socially engineered in their 'holy' name for a few decades -and live the rather 'iffy' result.
Now men are no longer building much new..no wonder they are becoming,equally, consumers- of the over indulged.
This does suit mens' natures somewhat..whereas women have lost their mistique in the process.
Many , not all, I would add!
The priveledge of hindsight .... | |
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Nona37
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Joined: 12/4/2007
Msg: 171 | |
| 30% of women have sex on first dates?
Posted: 3/4/2008 3:37:22 AM |
Men and women are different physically, mentally and sexually.
All this 'equality' B/S -out of PC 'browny point' scoring is trash philosophy.
Yes, men and women are different mentally and physically but this
applies to people as individuals, are you meaning with this statement
that all men are the same as other men or all women are the same
as other women? If so, you are wrong. I find that sexually, men
and women ARE the same, and it is about equality, both want to get
laid, they just go about it with different tactics, therefore,
I disagree with you obviously.
whereas women have lost their mistique in the process.
What is so mysterious about wanting to get laid? lol
The days of women having to play the "nice girl" roles to get
her "man" is over.
The priveledge of hindsight
You say privilege? I say equality. :) | |
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| 30% of women have sex on first dates?
Posted: 3/4/2008 6:23:51 AM | I actually think the %age is closer to 70% or maybe even 80%, but that may just be subjective.
Does it matter? As has been made forcefully clear in your previous posts, men and women alike are perfectly entitled to want to get laid, and may not want to get into anything claustrophobic. Maybe I've been selective before I meet them and for whatever reason most seem to think I'd be compatible with them - we have always exchanged several emails to draw out whether we have any personality, can spell, string together a sentence or ten, etc!
Before anyone goes off calling me a "manslut" or some such term of endearment, however...I should point out that I have turned down more women for sex whom I met through this than I have accepted (and they're often not very good at accepting it, no matter how sensitively it's put!) - the term "putting out" is insulting...women have a right to want sex, and it should not be seen as a one-way "permission granted" concept, anyway.
Further, I have a simple wee rule which has worked very well for me, and is, I think, a bit more mature than the stale "1st date" argument". We are all all a bit old now (well I am, anyway!) for the "you must meet my granny 50 times before I can let you peck me on the cheek" kind of approach.....and that is that:
** I simply WON'T have sex with anyone unless I think it's going to happen again. **
It works at the beginning of a relationship - so allows for an instantly-explosive chemistry 1st date, even, but it respects both parties. It also works at the end of a relationship - I always refuse to (and it has happened several times) when I have told someone I have been seeing for some time that I don't think there is any future for us - so often they ask if we can have one more night for luck, or whatever. I really don't go along with that "one for the road" mentality - it may seem romantic on one level, but ultimately, if you're having sex with someone and you already know you don't want to again...well that's just demeaning, to BOTH parties. Surely the whole point is that you're trying to learn more about each other and how to please the other even more the next time?
No doubt I'll be pilloried for my honesty, but I prefer to be with women who are more mature in their thoughts than they were in the school playground. | |
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| 30% of women have sex on first dates?
Posted: 3/4/2008 6:24:33 AM | Teggs,
Much of that didn't make sense but what I gathered from it I'm going to disagree with also. I think you'd find an almost equal number of men (would definitely be a smaller percentage but it'd be not too far off) that like to have an emotional connection before sleeping with a woman in compared to the women who like this connection before sex with a man. You'd also likely find a similar figure between men and women who would sleep with someone for the sake of the sex itself. Women just hide this fact a little better. In high school we always pointed fingers at the girl who wore very revealing clothing and draped herself over the boys but you could almost bank on the fact that she wasn't the easiest girl in the school. No no. She probably gave out a lot of handjobs or blowjobs but when it boiled down to it there was always a couple prettier girls who dressed conservatively, probably played sports or were very smart in school, and so forth. These girls were the ones sleeping with half the a quarter of the senior class but they did it in a way that no one would find out and they were able to manipulate the boys into shutting their mouths about it. And they had plausible deniability, as who will the kids believe? The guy who is a horn dog and would stick his pink thing into any warm hole, or the girl who's respectable and nice and has no record of sleeping around? Oh yes, I think I encountered all three of these girls in my high school at one point or another, and I got the "you don't tell a soul about this or I'll say you forced yourself on me or it didn't happen at all and you'll be ridiculed for making up lies". Nice.
Godzilla,
I'm with you partner. The girls I've met off of here I've had some really good conversations with before. I have a good grasp of who I'm meeting before I even make the coffee date. And alot of times the atmosphere is so good at the coffee date that we end up going out that same evening right after the coffee! And if it was that electric you can only imagine it might end up in the sack after that. That's alright in my books. Now I'm a little younger so maybe it has something to do with it, maybe it doesn't. But quite often I'll meet a girl and we'll hit it off but I know something about her that'll almost certainly end the relationship. It's usually the same reason most of my dates end after a few. The girl wants kids but has none of her own yet. I have my children and I don't want anymore. I also don't want to be the reason a girl didn't get to experience that joy in life. So often I know it won't work out, even if the girl says she's willing to give it a shot and see how she feels about not having kids. I don't like that one bit. I don't want a person to settle for me. I don't want them to turn around 10 years later and regret their decision and resent or hate me. But if we talk about this and she wants to just have a little fun for a while I'm usually alright with it provided I like the girl and we have lots in common and that spark is there. If the mood is dead or I am not feeling this girl I will and do say no. So we differ slightly in the end but ultimately our ideals are very similar, and I like your approach. | |
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| 30% of women have sex on first dates?
Posted: 3/4/2008 6:56:21 AM | Sorry, Deuce, if I was a bit too pithy in my comment.
I agree with you about having personal closeness before any sexual stuff...but I'm pitching it for those who fall the other way -in my appraisal.
You really enhance my contention that these issues are surprisingly camoflaged when the social aspects are included.
The most 'badge hungry' legislators are often those 'banging away' the hardest !!
PC ideas don't translate easily into the personal domain! IMO | |
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| 30% of women have sex on first dates?
Posted: 3/4/2008 7:14:12 AM | OMG...I actually think that number is probably higher! Ask around...some of your friends, their friends...it's not at all uncommon.
And as for the absence of protection...that's scary huh? If your partner for the night isn't protected with YOU, chances are they weren't protected with past partners either.
Why take the chance on getting "the gift that keeps on giving" EWWWWW! | |
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