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| First date ever, and I'm very nervous.
Posted: 2/28/2008 7:33:58 AM | Well youre a big hit with the POF ladies, sweetie Rick. Good luck and tell us how it goes!
I'll say a little prayer for you.  | |
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| First date ever, and I'm very nervous.
Posted: 2/28/2008 8:33:25 AM | Rick: You've received some GREAT advice....from the men and from the ladies. This lady is possibly the oldest and I agree with all of them. It isn't very hard to be yourself. ( Less to remember)....I'd agree that it's not necessary for you to tell her it's your first date....it lends nothing to the conversation. (Unless, of course, she admits it's her first.!)
I'm not sure about where to go, except I agree that a movie is NOT the place to get to know someone. If you're not sure you can successfully get through a long evening, what's wrong with making a date for lunch....visit and talk....if all goes well, you've got the rest of the day and evening. If not, you're free to part whenever it might become evident it's time?????? This is what I prefer...sometimes I'm very grateful, and other times I can't wait for the next date.!
I just want to assure you that, whether young or old, meeting for the first time, is often a bit stressful. We all want to put our best foot forward...but, not step on the other person's toes.
I agree with the others that you are a rare gem...you'll smooth out as you go on through life, but, TRY HARD NOT TO CHANGE.....I wish there was a 50-s or 60-s version of you!.
Best of luck, keep us informed...and, I'm betting you can come back and ask us ANYTHING, whenever you have questions!.
Fondly,
Knittin Kitten | |
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| First date ever, and I'm very nervous.
Posted: 2/28/2008 9:00:11 AM | Rick you've had all the advice you need mate.....be yourself, don't try to rush things with this girl, just let nature take it's course....if this is meant to be it'll happen naturally. Give it a day or 2 then either text or call the girl and offer a suggestion for a time and place for your date. Make it somewhere you will both feel at ease and maybe avoiding alcohol would be a good idea to....being nervous might make you drink more than you normally would and then things could go wrong.
And the most important thing to remember is that if this relationship doesn't work out then it's not the end of the world, like the name of this site says....there are plenty more fish in the sea.
Good luck and I hope it works out well for both of you | |
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| First date ever, and I'm very nervous.
Posted: 2/28/2008 10:04:36 AM | Sweety...
I think you're way too young to be thinking about growing old alone. There is a whirlwind of opportunities and experiences out there you've yet to encounter....My sincere advice is to enjoy yourself , focus on career, school, friends, having fun, casual dating. If something more comes of it, great... if not, that's fine too...In time you will wind up meeting several different women, date them, develop relationships with etc...This is all about life and the experiences we all encounter and don't fret because in due time you will meet/find the woman you will want to sprend the rest of your life with. In the meantime, enjoy yourself and all the things life has to offer...
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| First date ever, and I'm very nervous.
Posted: 2/28/2008 11:23:11 AM | GO FOR IT! And have fun! You have nothing to loose.
Most girls wait their entire lives to meet a guy like you. She is probably just to young to realize right now that you are that guy.
This is your first date. Some of my suggestions, take them or leave them.
Don't go all romantic and pushy. Don't bring flowers or tell her that you really like her or anything like that.
Do go the fun route, you are young, she is young. Plan something fun. Plan something that seems spontaneous but you have it planned out, or plan a few fun things in case something doesn't work out. Like go to an amusement park, the zoo, the aquarium, go see a concert, Ice skating. Don't just go to dinner and a bar. Maybe even do something in the afternoon, that way it seems more casual and easy going. If things go well you can always hang out into the evening.
If you do plan something that involves a lot of walking or what not, tell her in advance, if she is a girly girl then she will need to plan her outfit accordingly.
I just say since this is your first date, make it memorable. You'll remember it forever, wether or not you spend the rest of your life with her. I still remember my first date and it was so boring and I was so nervous. I spent all of this time and money attempting to "look great" for a guy who took me to the movies. It was awful because there was all of this fake tension and pressure for no reason. | |
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| First date ever, and I'm very nervous.
Posted: 2/28/2008 5:39:57 PM | OK, dude, I don't want to be the bad guy, but let me put your feet on the ground so
1. you don't faint when you actually meet her, and
2. don't get yourself hurt in the process
It's good you didn't call her and text messaged her instead, because what's on your mind right now is definitely gonna show through a phone conversation, that's not good. Like many have said get rid of the thought that you'll grow old alone.
If I understand what you wrote correctly, she probably has no clue at this moment that you are romantically interested in her. You were childhood friends, you want to catch up, maybe that's what she thought. I'm not saying that she may not be interested in you, just saying you don't want to make too many assumptions at this point.
Here are thing I know you are going to do when you meet her, and I'm going to tell you NOT to do,
- you'll try to impress her with all the great things you've done in the last 11 years, don't do this.
- you'll be afraid to make eye contacts, don't do this.
- you'll want to keep her with you as long as possible and try to find topics to talk about, don't do this
- you'll try to be funny, don't do this.
Instead, do these:
- as soon as you see her when she shows up, smile don't say anything and give her a hug. This is very important, this hug has to be firm and short. You wrap your arm around her, pull her close to your chest, take one breath (this is how long you keep your hug), then let her go. Smile at her, keep eye contact, and tell her "I'm really happy to see you again". Then relax.
- keep your mouth shut unless she asks you a question, but your goal is to ask her enough question to find out what she's been doing last 11 years and where she's been, and her interests, this is for your second date.
- open your eyes, do not stare but keep eye contact and show that you are paying attention.
- listen VERY CAREFULLY to everything she says, ask questions on things that sparks your curiosity. Do not interrupt her.
- when answer her questions, try to be concise, honest and truly reflects your beliefs, you don't want to be a fake.
- smile or laugh when you really think something she said is funny, compliment her when she says something witty, otherwise be quiet.
- if you think she did or said something foolish or silly, do not afraid to tease her. But be very careful with your choice of words, "silly" is harmless, "stupid" is not. When you tease her, package it with a compliment "what you did was very silly, but very kind".
- eventually the conversation will die, and hopefully you've asked enough questions to find out what she likes.
- think about what to do next date. If it's something you are both interested, great, ask her to join you next time. If it's something she's interested but you have no clue what it's about, ask her if you can join her next time to find out more.
- at the end tell her you should get going, give her another hug, same as the first one. Tell her again that you really enjoyed to see her again and you'll get in touch for ... whatever.
At the end, you may find that you really like her, or you may find out that she's not what you are really looking for. Just remember to keep it simple.
I'm writing too much and you are not paying me so it ends here. Good luck. | |
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| First date ever, and I'm very nervous.
Posted: 2/28/2008 10:33:36 PM | | i didn't date a girl until i was 20, and I now might marry the first girl i met. my advice to you is not to text, and everything will workout fine. trust me; things will work out. | |
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| First date ever, and I'm very nervous.
Posted: 2/28/2008 11:07:10 PM | | Ok my advice would be, to be yourself, make her feel comfortable and don't stare too much because you really don't want to scare her off and she might think you're wierd or something. You seem like a very sweet guy and I'm sure that will show and she'll have a good time. | |
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| First date ever, and I'm very nervous.
Posted: 2/28/2008 11:19:39 PM | Awww you are such a cutie, and a rarity it seems, so any woman you end up with is truly lucky!!
Did you go on the date yet?
If so, tell us how it was, hope it went well!
If not, then my advice is be who you are, do not pretend to be someone you think she may want you to be, etc. Try not to over think everything you do, or you could fumble on yourself and loose confidence. Also be confident, just tell yourself you're going to go out with her and have a good time.
It may be all right to tell her how you feel, in the sense that you remember her and that it's nice she agreed to go out with you. But don't get too personal too soon.
If you don't know where to go, you could ask her what she would like to do, and incorporate that with something you'd like to do. | |
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| First date ever, and I'm very nervous.
Posted: 2/29/2008 12:09:25 PM | No we haven't been out yet and I did try to ring her but she didn't answer, like I said I think she is just extremely shy like me, but I did text her just after I tried ringing her asking if she was still up for going out next week and I also suggested a place to go, she text back saying that she is still up for going out next week and that she will let me know when.
That was yesterday and today I got another text saying how about next Wednesday or Thursday, I text saying yeah Wednesday is good for me and asked her what time she would like to go, she text back saying she isn't sure and asked me what time I would like to go out, I also text her saying that I wasn't sure either and I'll think about it, and since I usually don't go out I asked a mate what time he would take a girl out, he said about 8ish so I text her asking if 8'Oclock is good for her.
She hasn't text back yet but the good thing is that I heard from my mum today and she told me she met the girls Aunt whilst shopping and she told my mum that she is going shopping for some new clothes for next week, I also found out that we are more a like than I thought, we both don't smoke, we both don't drink and we both hardly ever go out, this actually makes me feel a bit better, and hopefully with all these tips you have given me I will be okay now.
And I do really appreciate all the help you lot have given me, thanks alot, I just hope it goes well, and I will also keep you updated, thanks again. | |
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| First date ever, and I'm very nervous.
Posted: 2/29/2008 12:39:22 PM | I don't know about you, gang, but I'm putting a note on my calendar...."Look for posting from Rick after Wednesday at 8p"....Sure hope I don't see it until at least Thursday.
KK | |
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| First date ever, and I'm very nervous.
Posted: 2/29/2008 6:48:09 PM | | Nah, don't worry that you're overdoing it. Just try and relax and have a good time. Just be yourself, even if you stumble a little at first. | |
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| First date ever, and I'm very nervous.
Posted: 3/3/2008 3:35:24 PM | Just thought I would give an update, I have been talking to her all day and night on msn, I think it's going really well, but since I like this girl so much I wanted to be honest with her so when she asked me if I have ever had a girlfriend I said no, then she asked if I was.... had been with anyone before.... and I again said no.
This didn't freak her out but I cant help but think that I might of already ruined my chance with her, damn my honesty, I soon regretted telling her too, she said it doesn't matter and that I don't need to rush in to anything.
Anyway she also said she couldn't make Wednesday or Thursday but she is free on the Weekend, she also admitted that she does not drink any alcohol and neither do I so maybe I should suggest we get lunch or something instead if none of us like to go out drinking ?
Anyway we have been chatting for so long and it does feel a lot better to have a conversation with her, I feel a lot more confident now like I have made a friend, but like I said I just hope I haven't blown my chances with her by revealing to much.
And again thanks for all your support and I will keep giving you updates of my progress. | |
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| First date ever, and I'm very nervous.
Posted: 3/3/2008 4:01:46 PM | Rick you are so adorable and I really want this girl to be a nice girl. She really shouldnt have asked you that and when she did, you are not obligated to answer.
On the other hand, it does indicate that she has considered you as a candidate for physical intimacy. She is inexperienced too, so I'll have to forgive her for being inappropriate, lol.
Next time a girl asks you those kinds of questions, you should tease her about being curious or smitten with you.
Now that you have had that conversation, the next time it comes up...you can make light of it by saying something like "I've been saving myself for you." The point is to keep it playful and light. It's ok to tease her a little bit about it too, you could try saying "You have really put a lot of thought into that, havent you?" and then wink at her, lol. | |
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| First date ever, and I'm very nervous.
Posted: 3/3/2008 4:07:56 PM | Okay, when you do actually set up a meeting and the time comes here's the thing : imagine the worst possible scenario. Now just assume that it's going to happen and you're on damage control duty. This way, things can only go well and if they don't, at least you're prepared.
Seriously, that's one of the tricks I used to get over the nervousness of asking out/dating a woman. It helps you focus and keeps you from screwing up too badly. Trouble is that half the time before I thought about doing things this way , I found myself thinking way too hard about little things that really were insignificant. "Hmm...what did she mean by that ? Did I offend her ?! Oh no ! Or maybe it was a good thing ? I just don't know...." By the time I've sorted it out and snapped out of it, I hear crickets.
Like I said, just assume the worst and that way things can only seem to go surprisingly smoothly when the time comes. It really just helps to keep you from getting bogged down in overthinking things which is what always stops you from being you on a date. | |
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| First date ever, and I'm very nervous.
Posted: 3/3/2008 4:26:05 PM | Hi Rick ......well good luck... sounds like being yourself is working... and honesty is always a good foundation.....
re your self esteem.. Just know you have good qualities to offer a woman... dont compare yourself to any other guys.. just know your good qualities..and let them shine..
and re male confidence....... as oppossed to personal confidence....well theres at least 4 guys who post in these forums... who are compassionate/wise/experienced...
who give younger guys very good advice....
and be darned I cant remember there nics.. but i sure hope they enter this thread and give you some "older man "...experience tips....
good luck
smiles/peace | |
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| First date ever, and I'm very nervous.
Posted: 3/3/2008 7:31:04 PM | It wasn't Wednesday, but I thought I'd peek in anyway....I'm glad to see that you two have been in contact with each other and have already begun to learn how it gets easier to talk to a girl, the more you do it.
You're doing fine....I, personally, don't think you did anything wrong in revealing yourself to her. As someone said, if she's inexperienced herself, she certainly doesn't want a "pro" taking a shot at her. You sound very REAL...I'm betting that's what she's looking for.
I mentioned before that I thought lunch was a very good idea for a first date....plenty of time to talk, walk around, and extend the date if it's going well......and, without worrying about drinks.
Hope you get more time to chat with her, so that by the weekend, your date will go real smoothly.....Do you have ANY idea how many fingers are crossed for ya?????
Fondly,
Knittin Kitten  | |
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| First date ever, and I'm very nervous.
Posted: 3/4/2008 12:14:25 PM | | I just realized you are from England, I suppose girls are a bit different out there. I really should visit there and find out. Their English accent is charming. | |
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| First date ever, and I'm very nervous.
Posted: 3/4/2008 4:37:23 PM |
Seriously, that's one of the tricks I used to get over the nervousness of asking out/dating a woman. It helps you focus and keeps you from screwing up too badly. Trouble is that half the time before I thought about doing things this way , I found myself thinking way too hard about little things that really were insignificant. "Hmm...what did she mean by that ? Did I offend her ?! Oh no ! Or maybe it was a good thing ? I just don't know...." By the time I've sorted it out and snapped out of it, I hear crickets.
That is exactly what I do, I text her something and then she doesn't text back and I start worrying that it might offended her in someway, but she usually texts back and it puts my mind to rest, so thanks for the tip I will be sure to remember that.
I was talking to her a lot again tonight on msn, I think that by the time we go out we wont have anything left to talk about lol, oh and when she asked me if I was.... a virgin, she quickly apologised and said it isn't none of her business and she shouldn't of asked, but I told her anyway, I couldn't help it, and I'm pretty sure she isn't a virgin (I didn't ask) and I suppose it's sort of intimidating.
After I revealed that to her I couldn't help but think that she would think I'm only after her for one thing now, when really all I want is someone to go see and care for, in fact I would happily be with her without getting intimate.
I think I will ask her if she wants to go for a meal or lunch instead of a drink like you said Knittin Kitten, you lot are really nice, I didn't think I would get so much support from you all, and for that I thank you.
And yes I am from England, and the women here are probably a lot different, I hope one day I can go abroad to America or some where since you guys seem so nice, maybe I'll have more luck there too.
Anyway as always I will keep you updated, and again thank you all for your help and support I can not thank you enough. | |
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| First date ever, and I'm very nervous.
Posted: 3/4/2008 6:41:55 PM | well homeboy,just be your self....let the lady your dating know shes special.tell you how cute shes looks ,treat her nice,get the door for her, and keep talking about the subjects she like.then ,be a gentleman and cut the date short......if,she likes you she will call you back.................goodluck.......... ..........p.s. try not to drink to munch | |
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| First date ever, and I'm very nervous.
Posted: 3/4/2008 6:50:14 PM | | You have had great advice OP. Best to you! Personally, I have been happiest with shy guys (but don't tell anyone <wink>), as they are courteous and take it slow if they like you. Hugs to you! | |
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| First date ever, and I'm very nervous.
Posted: 3/4/2008 6:55:12 PM | well homeboy.women are the same over her.......your just trying way to hard.dont answer her calls for a week ,dont answer her texts for a week, just go out with you friends and enjoy life.,and when you out with your friends ....what ever lady you see just tell she is so cute and dont try to get her ### ,dont buy her a drink either, believe if she like you ........she will let you know.......anyways ....... .......and cheers mate....... | |
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| First date ever, and I'm very nervous.
Posted: 3/4/2008 11:12:54 PM | ^^^^^ TO above poster. ...........
no woman are not the same over..................
.culture.genes/upbringing changes globally..
same as men are not the same all over..
smiles/peace | |
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| First date ever, and I'm very nervous.
Posted: 3/6/2008 5:59:28 PM | Dude you are doing it wrong.
Don't spend too much time on MSN. The more you talk on MSN, the more you become a friend.
Don't be clueless when you talk to her. Don't say where do you want to go? Say I have plans for you tonight and this is what I offer you: plan A, plan B, plan C.
Ooze confidence... Specially if you never dated before. Be sure of yourself while being yourself.
Stop with the texting stuff. Call her, offer her a meeting and set up the date... Wait to see what she tells you... If she says yes GOOD. If she says no.... Then Ask her if there is another moment she has free time... If she says I don't know... This is BAD... A girl who wants to meet you will find out a solution, she will not say I don't know. | |
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| First date ever, and I'm very nervous.
Posted: 3/6/2008 6:36:22 PM | I am glad that you made this post because I can relate and share a very similar experience that will help you. I was also very shy until the age of 21 when I started dating... I felt the nervousness and the inability to figure out what to do or say...
I am glad you had the courage to get her number and make contact... at least you won't regret it later...
I understand you are excited and happy and you don't want to do anything or say anything that would make her avoid you... so don't say how you feel about her yet, it is too early... just be cool... and pretend you are meeting a guy friend for a drink or something (but take her to a dessert place, since you don't know what kind of food she likes yet, but for dessert she can pick any. Not sure if you have cheesecake factory in England though)...
... Let's say you have found a nice dessert place and you meet up... Here is how you do the conversation:
1. Assuming she knows your name, say hey, how is it going (or how are you today/noon/evening?... where you able to find the place?... how far was the drive? have you been here before?... etc... then you open the door for her and go in... so far so good...(you don't have to memorize this, but be calm and talk slowly with some energy)
2. So you find somewhere to sit, pick somewhere quieter and avoid eye contact with the people around you except her... (this will help you ease the nerviousness, look her in the eye when you talk to her and avoid looking anywhere below the chin)
3. So you sat down...ask how her day was... and rule of thumb is to avoid questions with yes or no answer... ask open ended questions that will keep her talking and you listening...(girls like to talk and love to have someone hear them babble even if what she says is meaningless to you, lol sorry ladies) other questions like what does she do... work... study... etc...
4. So waitress comes, gives you the menu and then you ask her for the favourite item... and if she has tried other things... (just keep her talking)
5. So while waiting for the desserts to arrive you ask questions like what does she do on her spare time etc... to kind of get an idea of the things she likes and how you might relate... (this can be used later to do activities together, like go biking...
6. The desserts come and you are both eating, then ask about your sister and how well they know each other and things like that (at this point there is enough sugar to keep her going and talking)
7. keep it cool and answer promptly if she asks you a question, but don't try to be prefect... make sure you have a smile going here and there... try to relate wherver you see something similar between you...
8. To finish the day, you might want to go glow in the dark golfing or go-carting or something...
9. By now you would know enough about her to know whether you two are similar or at least there is some chemistry...
10. Look for signs like whether she smiles back, listens, or ask questions to determine whether she is also interested in you...
I hope this will help you... but you don't have to memorize all of the 10-steps... be cool and calm... the calmer and cooler you are the better you are going to do...
Avoid using pickup lines... and avoid trying to be funny... at minimum you should only say something funny only once... if you want...
Just be yourself and don't pretend to be who you are not and she will know you are not a faker...
Let me know if this helps... happy getting the fish out of the pound
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