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| First date ever, and I'm very nervous.
Posted: 3/7/2008 11:40:31 AM | Rick: I couldn't help noticing the great post by Paul....He has shown his maturity by revealing to you that you are not alone in some insecure feelings while treading on new grounds. What counts is that you are treading on these new grounds anyway!.
I think he has given you excellent advice and, as he says, there is no need to memorize every word or step of the way, but simply follow the gist of it. Paul...I'm impressed!
You will also hear from others...who....in their youth and immaturity, think they have all the answers. I'm old enough to say, "They don't"....they have not been around long enough to have that much savvy.
Looking forward to a progress report....mainly about your comfort in embarking on this new phase of your life....whether it be in England or anywhere in the world.
Sincerely,
Knittin Kitten | |
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| First date ever, and I'm very nervous.
Posted: 3/7/2008 5:24:39 PM | | I think you're putting a litttttle to much pressure on yourself. Just relax and see how things progress...don't worry about doing or saying all the right things. | |
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| First date ever, and I'm very nervous.
Posted: 3/7/2008 5:45:48 PM | Well emphase I have tried ringing her but she wont pick up, I know she is shy and don't want to question her about not picking up the phone, I keep thinking this might offend her in some way, we have been talking over MSN for the last week every night and I'm getting the feeling that she doesn't want to go out.
I found out that she likes a Chinese place one town over so I asked her if she would like to go on the Weekend, she said she will have to wait until she gets paid, I told her that I would be more than happy to pay for her but she wasn't having none of it, she kept saying she wouldn't let me pay for her.
So now I dunno when she wants to go out, I do really like this girl and if she doesn't want to date I would also be happy just being her friend anyway, she has also been saying to me over MSN that I should go out with my friends, so this made me think that she might be dropping some hints that she doesn't want to go out.
I'm getting a little confused with her but like me she is extremely shy and everyone knows it and tells me as much, and me being very shy myself have often been mistaken as ignorant to other people when in fact I just lack confidence to talk to anyone so I know what it's like to send out mixed signals, and I think that's what might be happening here.
And Paul thanks a lot for the tips, a few of them might not work because we have already discussed a lot chatting over the net but I will make sure to remember most of them for when or IF the time does come, and a lot of the tips you guys have given me are brilliant and I hope I can eventually use them, I'm not giving up on her just yet however, I will keep chatting to her and let her decide when she feels ready to go out, I mean neither of us have even seen or actually talked to each other so it might feel a little awkward when we do go out.
Anyway again I will keep you all update and as always I really appreciate all of your help that you have given me  | |
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| First date ever, and I'm very nervous.
Posted: 3/7/2008 10:23:00 PM | Dude, I thought she agreed to meet you over the weekend? Being nice is one thing, being mushy is another thing. You need to stop chatting with her, it's not going to lead you anywhere. At this stage, you should only contact her for setting up a date, leave the chat for during the date. Email is ok, phone call is ok, instant messaging is a big no no for dating. It's ok for friends and family, not for dating.
I don't go with clichés, but here are 3 words you should remember: (self) Control, Confidence, Challenge (for her). | |
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| First date ever, and I'm very nervous.
Posted: 3/7/2008 10:30:24 PM | I have been kinda following this...I haven't read all the posts but my opinion is this has been going on for too long. I find it hard to believe the parties involved are really as shy as the OP is saying...c'mon, this is grade school stuff the way they are acting.
I also can't help but wonder if the OP isn't pulling off one hell of a practical joke and laughing his ass off at everyone who is responding.
If I am wrong then it is time for him to realize she does not want to got out with him at all. What he is calling "shy" may be actually "too nice" and she doesn't want to hurt his feelings and is hoping he will take the hint and leave her alone. | |
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| First date ever, and I'm very nervous.
Posted: 3/7/2008 10:46:00 PM | | Oh, just go with the flow and be yourself...most important: HAVE FUN! I swear, you'll want to do it again! When it comes time to get lucky, take that same advice. Love, Titus | |
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| First date ever, and I'm very nervous.
Posted: 3/8/2008 12:45:13 PM | Remember this:
A girl that likes you will never put barriers in front of your way to see her... Or if there is something that makes impossible for both of you to meet due to something she has to do, she will make sure to offer you a solution.
She is not shy, she is not interested. You are overrating her shyness to justify why she is not going out with you yet.
Don't let her decide. You have to stay in control. You should have told her on MSN: Can you go out Friday night to have a drink. She says no. Is there another day that suits you? If she says I don't know... or maybe it would be better you go out with your friends... Then you have been rejected.
Move on is what I would suggest or don't talk to her anymore until she comes back to you by herself on MSN. If you are always the one initiating the conversation, it is really bad. See if she asks you questions, if she only answer your questions without saying much, she doesn't care enough about you.
Screw friendship with girl. You do feel a little bit for her now and you admit it. SHe will see it and put herself on "defensive mode" with you... And you will not like it at all. For example, she may interpret something you say, as a way to get her, while it was not your intention, and she will react to it in a way you won't like... Or she will go out with other guys that will kiss her in front of you, and you will be pissed... Not worth it.. | |
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| First date ever, and I'm very nervous.
Posted: 3/8/2008 2:42:09 PM | I whole-heartedly go along with you on your evaluation or opinion on dating,
we are older than most people on site, and some quirks are out of the way, as
we are established somewhat as to whom we are, and have confidence in our-
selves. The best advice given in all the opinions, is to be yourself, everything
else will fall into place.
For a first meeting or place to meet is usually a quaint coffee shop, where you
can observe the interest of your date, and see if she is interested in you. Some
women give friendly looks with their eyes, others might reach for a hand, it
is who the person is, simple signals are there, should be hard to detect.
Be yourself, and enjoy the other person, if it is meant to be, you will be seeing
alot of him/her. | |
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| First date ever, and I'm very nervous.
Posted: 5/17/2008 9:43:44 AM | it is only natural for people to be nervous on the first date. been on the site a couple of times now over the past 3 or 4 years and done quite a bit of dating - so quite calm about it now and do my best to put the other participant at their ease, paying them compliments, making small jokes - ok some so small or too complex for the other person to laugh at - and most of all do some homework on the other person, read their profile, make notes on questions to ask and most of all listen to what they have to say but all this has to be done in a laid back manner (ok it is a talent i have gained but it works. it seems to come naturally from you girls but a lot harder for we guys to master)
not sure how you put yourself at ease really. you just have to imagine you are meeting a friend for a drink or whatever. the first date is best if you do something simple - a drink or lunch or a trapse around the shops if that is your thing. just somewhere quiet where you can talk without having to shout or multi task - so dont go to a gig a busy pub, motor sport or an air show!
you are feeling nervous and there is a good chance that the other one feels exactly the same. most people on the site are here due to knockbacks in their lives. it's only people like me who are here because they spent the last 20 years looking after ill parents and working shiftwork so didnt get around to the dating thing and any mates you did have are lost as they went off into a relationship and you got left behind.
been on so many dates now maybe i should start doing seminars (that would be a different type of pof party from the ones i usually frequent but i meet most of my dates there. well not meet. i see them, check out their name tag and message them when i get home and can be a good ice breaker) but from it all i have only had 2 and a half relationships but managed to stay friends with most of the girls i have met. | |
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| First date ever, and I'm very nervous.
Posted: 5/17/2008 12:42:28 PM | Hopefully, between March 8th and today, the poor guy has had his first date and is happily on his way to a good relationship.
Sigh...I wish he had returned to tell us how it went?
KK | |
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