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| Men who are NOT players! What is your modus operandi for romancing a woman?
Posted: 2/28/2008 2:42:07 PM | The fellows who are players must be doing something right. The women complain about them after they leave, or when they are together. That means that the player is getting the women to go out with them.
From all the complaining I've heard, I'd bet that less than 10% of the men on this system are getting to the meeting stage, must less the first kiss.
Now maybe the players aren't meeting women here. In which case they should tell the rest of us men where they are meeting the women on here who are complaining about them. Then the rest of us could go to those same places can save those women from themselves.
As for protecting women. That's a job for divorce lawyers | |
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| Men who are NOT players! What is your modus operandi for romancing a woman?
Posted: 2/28/2008 3:36:33 PM | just look at when we where in high school a group of guys getting together seeing who would get in to the womens pants first .
You may of seen it in a few movies as well that this group would have names written on it with stars next to it most of those guys where jocks foot ball players.
It was just a game for them to use there charm,money,what ever to win over the girl and when they where finished they would dump the girl and go fo another it still happends in todays world.
Some women do it to but that is where iam getting at.
Then the rest of us could go to those same places can save those women from themselves.
as for i can say one thing you cant save some one who dose not want to be saved it will up to the person them self . | |
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| Men who are NOT players! What is your modus operandi for romancing a woman?
Posted: 2/28/2008 7:31:22 PM | smiles....
This is so refreshing! I love it!
Not practiced. Not writing out an outline for a b-grade movie.
Some of you men have got it what we ladies like. Courtesy, respect, fun, humour, spontaniety and most of all, the most appealing, is the effort to please her. That will win a women's heart faster than anything.
Go to the Legion or any of the places that you see older couples who have been together for over 40 yrs. Ask the man how and why they have stayed married and in love. Most of the answers are in the ballpark of "Keep her happy!" There is the wink that comes with it. The you ask the women what it is. She will answer in the ballpark of "I was lucky to have had a good man who treated me well."
Women are funny creatures. Most of the time we are attention "whores".
That is why "Player's" tactics work...and keeps us starving for more when the juicy bone is taken away. That is unhealthy. Brings the "Bit*ch dog" out in us. Then we become mean, crazy, ballistic, beserk, drama creating rottweillers!!
Keep the bone there, we are devoted to you. | |
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| Men who are NOT players! What is your modus operandi for romancing a woman?
Posted: 2/28/2008 7:38:12 PM | Treat her with manners, respect, appreciation, and most of all stay off the sex talk and keep my hands to myself until I know enough about her to be interested in a relationship.
I am a gentleman with values and thats what I am looking for. Talk is cheap so I look for examples of what kind of woman she is. | |
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| Men who are NOT players! What is your modus operandi for romancing a woman?
Posted: 2/28/2008 7:47:15 PM | Well I am not a player, I just do my best to be me, love me or hate me, take me or leave me. I do know I want to grow old with someone that meets my high standards and can accept me as I am without trying to change me in any way shape of form. I know it is a tall order.
I have never tried to be in a one night stand ( but unwittingly became party to it a couple of times.)
I do not want to hare secrets as I really have none, all I have is myself. I have my sence of humor and charm. I have wit and great conversation skills. I try to find out as much about someone with little or know probing.I also am a good listener and a decent singer, can not dance but not scared to make a fool out of myseklf on the dance floor. | |
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| Men who are NOT players! What is your modus operandi for romancing a woman?
Posted: 2/28/2008 8:01:21 PM | Men who say that they want to grow old with someone who......
Men who know what they want in life....
Men who have a good value system in place for themselves....
Men who love to have conversation about anything....
All of these are heartwarming.....can I snuggle with you?
Yes, in most, but not all, nice guys do finish last. But, they get the dessert!!
A good woman who is healthy in mind, heart and spirit will wait for a good man to show up. The front runners who sprinted in fast, leave fast, too.
Keep in there you wonderful good guys! We are appreciative of all of you! And, in the end, you will be the winner. Forty years later, you will be asked why your wife still loves you...and your answer will be in the ballpark of "Keep her happy"...and you will also wink. | |
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| Men who are NOT players! What is your modus operandi for romancing a woman?
Posted: 2/28/2008 8:06:57 PM | "Men who say that they want to grow old with someone who......"
Yikes, they are as "lame" as the women who SAY that. That is not said, it happens, it is not planned!!!
"Men who know what they want in life....
Men who have a good value system in place for themselves....
Men who love to have conversation about anything...."
Now the last one, good convo is a great prelim to petting and sex and a good after-sex activity. So not lamo or nice guy at all, IMO.
Good convo IMO is the ultimate romancing tool for the modern, independent, self and world aware woman! | |
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| Men who are NOT players! What is your modus operandi for romancing a woman?
Posted: 2/28/2008 8:37:09 PM | Awwwww....Nick,
You crawled in under the crack in the door to infest us with your ideology.
Yes. You can give your opinions.
But, until you are in the Legion, having been married for 30-40 yrs. and are still in love with your wife as she is with you, then you have no concept of what women want....really. These are men who have consciously or unconsciously mastered what it is to keep the flame burning. Hmmmm! Lovely secret to have. So, I ask questions and I get answers.
If your history is a trail of short terms, brief meetings, and a few divorces thrown in for good measure, then, if I were in your shoes, I would seriously take a look at where my headspace is regarding women and relationships.
Maybe, thinking "I'd love to grow old with......" is not so bad after all?
Creating mentally about what we want and where we want to go is a great exercise.
I like guys who think long term, myself. | |
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| Men who are NOT players! What is your modus operandi for romancing a woman?
Posted: 2/29/2008 10:57:06 PM | wallflower1
i understand where u r comming from i think a lot of us would like to grow old with some one but there are a few out there who realy make it hard for us honest men and women.
And then it becomes a trust issue for some who was hurt ,What i like to see is what if this had happend to those who are the players how would they like it to think that this person realy likes them and turns around and plays them as a fool that i would love to see. | |
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6345
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Joined: 2/6/2008
Msg: 36 | |
| Men who are NOT players! What is your modus operandi for romancing a woman?
Posted: 2/29/2008 11:47:29 PM |
Women have become very skittish because it's a more dangerous world out there for them than it was 25 - 30 years ago.
Thats crap. There are so many reasons thats crap my brain is going to spontaneously combust.
If your 70, and have a clear vision of the last 30 years along with the 30 or so before that, and those days were clearly happy bunnies, flowers, and the garden of fikkin' eden, until Ronald Regan or so, and the earth just became a giant spitoon, then, i with draw my ill informed perception of life being so much more hazardous than 30 years ago.
I think people are naive about new technology, They tend to think on line communities will be a utopia, and that they, along with the rest of the cream-of-the-crop of humanity, will join hands on line and celebrate the digital divide.
There have been womanizers, for hundreds of years. With The advent of the telephone, it was siad womanizers could call women, (operators used to be all women becuase they have sweet voices and they were more polite than men) and lure these young ladies into questionable conversions. ---
Unlike meeting up with them though, Thats the underlying theme to all of this. This protection you speak of whats that? Houses? Clothing? The kind women seem to be skidish of have been around much longer, The cons. Read Mortal Coils by that huxley guy who wrote brave new world. I think for as long as there have been men and women, there have been men and women willing to do disgusting and immoral things to get what they want. -- I fail to see the new emerging danger.
Online communication allows a physical barrier that other communications lack. And some might like to say they can tell who the players are, but if that were the case, and womens intuition was iron clad, then we would have this problem. All the players would be detected and rejected and eventually weaned out of the gene pool. I'm sure womens intuition exists, I dont doubt it, but I also think it can be overwhelmed with flowers, precious metals, and pillow talk.
roles are changing, Thats true Roles have been changing since about WWII, and the emergence of the generation gap. Also the change in our society from an industrial nation to a service based nation. The whole socioeconomic thing with women having jobs, and developing socioeconomic worth is throwing off the dating logistics. People are getting divorces, and women are no longer exclusive baby makers.
Clearly all this change is just too dangerous, and society is not ready for it. Clearly. women having a more equal role in economics and society is throwing a monkey wrench in the ways of the past an causing mass confusion. Maybe I don't have to hold the door, for a woman, she can open the thing on her own, but i could be nice... Or when they say hold the door for a woman, do they mean open or shut? --Well anyways, with all this egalitarianism everywhere, Im sure no one is safe. better just do that nice traditional mail order bride thing like my great great great grand dad did. keep it safe you know. I wonder how much more safe women were in the industrial revolution and how much more refined and civil men and society as a whole was.
techno has failed society. No one will be safe until we all become monks in a monestary. until we no longer see each other as a means to satisfy our individual needs and we can venture into astral projection dating. Until then lock your doors, and keep your mouth shut, because something less than peachy keen light come leaping though the void if you don't.
I have to hand it to you, your ridiculous thread has forced my brain to vomit. | |
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| Men who are NOT players! What is your modus operandi for romancing a woman?
Posted: 3/1/2008 1:34:37 AM | then...6345..Happy vomiting....
If this incenses you so bad, then do yourself and others a favour and find another thread that suits you. Clearly this doesn't.
I realize that this world has people like you in it. But, normal people don't waste time laying a big #@*! in someone elses nest just because they want attention. There are threads on here that suit you, go and find one, thank you! | |
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| Men who are NOT players! What is your modus operandi for romancing a woman?
Posted: 3/1/2008 5:27:44 AM | My "M.O." for romancing....is short & sweet:
Listen & Communicate
Spontaneity & Spice
Courtesy & Respect
Taking the time to take the time to get to know the other person
adds civility.
Add just a touch of chivalry.
Flowers for no ocassion.
And if she's a borderline chocoholic....so much the better.
And finally... are we headed the same way in life. Commonality
brings out my romantic side. | |
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| Men who are NOT players! What is your modus operandi for romancing a woman?
Posted: 3/1/2008 5:56:17 AM | I've made it to the date stage several times, spent time going to nice places, shared good conversations, listened to the complaints about others they've met and how they were taken advantage of, how they were disrespected, how they were cheated on and every negative concept with respect to building a friendship / relationship and the end result has been the same each time. I became tired of hearing I'm a great guy, they wish all men were like me, they find so many qualities they admire...BUT...they just can't trust, can't express their emotions, can't remove those walls they've built and any one of dozens of reasons why they're just not ready....and all the while, I've seen some remain on POF and have addmitted they were corresponding with others. The realization for me has been that women who say they want that "nice guy", are never satisfied and view the site as a smorgasborg of interested men and would rather date different men frequently to satisfy their desire to go out to those nice places and be treated well...but just don't want that ONE "nice guy" but prefer to keep their options open and just have a good time. I've been respectful, gone out on quite a few dates and never even tried to kiss them...I didn't want to seem like a player and was willing to wait for things to develope naturally....and things never do. Now I'm at a point where I stopped being interested and just enjoy the forums....misery does love company LOL.
I'd rather settle for a conversation than an actual date...but only when I have nothing better to do, which it seems is the new norm here. I've accepted that the likelihood of meeting someone for a healhy relationship on POF is slim to none...and maybe I'll get lucky when I take myself out to a play or a show or have a car accident and the Paramedic is cute and single LOL. Happy  everyone! I've given up the sport LOL! | |
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| Men who are NOT players! What is your modus operandi for romancing a woman?
Posted: 3/1/2008 8:22:19 AM | re post 34 as ot relates to the OPost topic:
"Awwwww....Nick,
You crawled in under the crack in the door to infest us with your ideology."
Oh my! Like Ulysses did to Troy via the Trojan Horse? lol lol
"Yes. You can give your opinions."
Oh thanks! Much appreciated!
"But, until you are in the Legion, having been married for 30-40 yrs. and are still in love with your wife as she is with you, then you have no concept of what women want....really."
"Really?"
Do women know what they really want? All women? All want the same? And their wants remain the same at 20, 30, 40, 50, 60?
All I said was ... (please re-read my previous post)
"These are men who have consciously or unconsciously mastered what it is to keep the flame burning."
Is that "The Goal"?
"Hmmmm! Lovely secret to have."
Less of a secret than the secrets of the Galaxy!
"So, I ask questions and I get answers."
Not quite!
"If your history is a trail of short terms, brief meetings, and a few divorces thrown in for good measure, then, if I were in your shoes, I would seriously take a look at where my headspace is regarding women and relationships."
If!
"Maybe, thinking "I'd love to grow old with......" is not so bad after all?"
Not bad at all for the insecure and the unrealistic!
"Creating mentally about what we want and where we want to go is a great exercise."
I am not a psychologist, thus I will not comment!
"I like guys who think long term, myself."
As my stats prof a business school used to say "in the long run, we are all dead".
IME what modern, independent women who work hard at what they do (career etc)want is to be romanced by being treated as equals, via good love making (pleasure) and good convo (intellectual stimulation and "massaging", they find that hard to find) and carpe diem as well as que sera sera (not clingy)! They do not need a man for protection or financial security or as a house pet or handiman or platonic LT partner. They are my "niche". As for the rest, I have no clue nor do I wish to have a clue what they want, with all due respect, of course!
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| Men who are NOT players! What is your modus operandi for romancing a woman?
Posted: 3/1/2008 4:32:27 PM | There are problems with dating sites.
1/ Men who are players who give all men a bad name.
2/ Women who seek men way above their station and end up getting dumped and hurt.
(2) causes a lot of frustration in men especially the good guys who are seriously looking for something long term.
(1) makes women think they can pull a good looking man when most times they are just pulling players. Lets face it a good looking guy doesnt need long term as he can pull when he wants. Why buy a book when you can join a library ? | |
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| Men who are NOT players! What is your modus operandi for romancing a woman?
Posted: 3/1/2008 5:04:38 PM | Someoneseeker
You just struck a really deep chord and my pet peave. I am rather tired of women who devote initial conversations to the wretched world of on-line dating. If we write someone and take them out, then we are clearly interested in them. Ruminating about poor past dates in the get-to-know-you stage is a waste of time. It makes sense to talk about the nature of relationships and love, but women who lament the elusiveness of romance on a date clearly do not find a man romantic. Or they just want to find romance, will find it, and perchance be confounded again. | |
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| Men who are NOT players! What is your modus operandi for romancing a woman?
Posted: 3/1/2008 5:32:43 PM | wall, I like to play, but would not consider myself a player. A playful man and P/T father, who recognizes that it's via supervised and structured play that children learn best. The MO that older males, who might be considered players, use? Not too terribly different than what a lot of woman that I've met, incorporate as pretense for an MO also. Are they players? They are if they lead others on to believe what they've no intention to follow-up on for promises or understanding. Kinda like someone running for political office, no?
No MO necessary ...other than if I care for someone's loving heart, I stick to playing fair. This is my MO beyond dating ...as well. | |
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| Men who are NOT players! What is your modus operandi for romancing a woman?
Posted: 3/1/2008 6:14:05 PM | Hi wallflower1,
I think if you put the essence of messages 3, 15 and 23 together, you get a really good answer (well, I like them anyway). If you actually have an “MO” for romancing a woman, by definition, would that not classify someone as a “player”?
It’s true, courteous and respectful behaviours are always appreciated, but more so when it’s recognized that it reflects someone’s true character. If it doesn’t, then what was presented initially was perhaps just an act, no? The players are likely interested in achieving a “goal”, hence will engage in whatever behaviours that allow them to achieve it.
One of the things I often noticed about successful (i.e. happy), long-term relationships is that it could be easily seen that the couple were highly compatible in clearly defined ways. It was that compatibility that formed the foundation for their mutual happiness. What constituted that compatibility often varied, but it was always clearly evident. So, if you’re honest with yourself and your behaviours reflect who you truly are, and someone finds that attractive, then that’s probably the best situation where (genuine) romance can develop. No modus operandi necessary.
Regards,
G_H | |
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| Men who are NOT players! What is your modus operandi for romancing a woman?
Posted: 3/1/2008 7:15:02 PM | Hi Genuine Heart....
I have been reading all of the posts as they come up. The closest term I could use was "modus operandi" because that is all about who YOU are. How YOU operate within the realm of meeting, greeting and romancing a woman that you like.
Too many women (very intelligent ones, too, I might add) have fallen for the seductive charm of the ardent man who promises you the moon...and more. Then you find out he's flown to Jupiter! With another woman! It's been done to death on here....in variations!!!
What I wanted was:
1. All of you very nice and decent men to speak up and tell us blind and deaf women who and what you are. There are truly very nice women out there looking for you.
2. Some women (my apologies, sister gender...) are quite stupid about what is real and what is not. When a few commonalities between all of your posts start showing up as a pattern, then we start getting it!
3. Nice guys will also finish last because they are too quiet about showing who they are ( modus operandi). If you are content to just sit and let it happen, then you are in essence, wanting a woman to do the work. Yes, there are some women that will do that. But, again, it's a dangerous way to be. Men are odd in a way. If they work at something, they appreciate it much more. This is about their career, their vehicles, and their life goals and dreams. And...it includes women. If they get a woman too easily and not really have to work at it, they have a tendency not to appreciate her or value her.
It is attractive to a woman when a man does put some effort into showing her his attraction to her.
Anyway, keep the posts coming. There are women who are curiously watching this thread. | |
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| Men who are NOT players! What is your modus operandi for romancing a woman?
Posted: 3/1/2008 7:51:27 PM | is it just me or do other males notice that females tend to (always, every time, eveuntally) jump to conclusions, and also look for hidden meanings as if you are speaking in riddles, when you are only saying exactly what you are saying no more no less. yet they come to all these strange conclusions and get all these wierd ideas and it makes things so complicated when all their assumptions are inacurate and you have to do all this talking to make things right then they think you are ****ing with them for talking so much, because youre just suposed to talk to them five minutes here, get a phone number, call a couple times then meet up that night for dinner and if youre hot enough you get some on the first date. | |
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| Men who are NOT players! What is your modus operandi for romancing a woman?
Posted: 3/1/2008 9:11:12 PM | You seem a little bitter, Wallflower1.
Romance is romance. In dating or in a committed relationship. It's the Grand Gestures which are so memorable. But it's all the small acts of interest and consideration that stoke the flames.
And there has been no evolution. The same Grand Truth has existed for eons. Every since we guys figured out that dragging you gals back to our caves by the hair just might not be the best way to get what we want.
My job is to make you feel safe, secure and comfortable. Your job is to set the pace. The more secure you feel, the more willing you'll be to step up the pace.
1) We both get what we want.
2) The better we each do our job, the more the other will want to do his or her job. It's called mutual reinforcement.
The romancing starts on the first date. I don't yet know if I'll WANT to romance you. And I'm not sure we'd all call it romancing on the first date. But tell me (and our readers) if this is not true: if I can't make you comfortable, then you may never get past the first-date jitters and "let me in" -- so we'll be together for 2-3 hours, and I STILL won't know enough about you..
I'm a very romantic guy. If we get to the next stage and want to pursue a relationship, then I'll be treating you the same way I have from the beginning. Why does that matter?
When I get VERY romantic .... you'll KNOW I'm not a player. Was that what you asked?
We both win, if we can get past the jitters, the vulnerabilities, and the insecurities (yes, guys need security too, just differently) and just see each other. On the first date. Mine are a minimum of three hours, on the conversation alone.
Do the math. If it takes 5-6 dates to just to get enough info for a decision ... and if you need 100 dates to find a soul mate ... it's almost inevitable that you'll get burned out and bitter long before you get lucky.
Play it like musical chairs. Or ... is it called speed dating? Learn as much as you can, as quickly as you can, and move to the next chair if needed.
It may be an age and experience thing. If my photo makes it here, see all my grey hairs? When I was the age of most guys responding here -- I was about as clueless then as they are now.
And just as luckless.
Bottom line: If you're THAT frustrated then you may be part of the problem. Your standards may be too low. Demand more. Let it be known -- you want a man who is worthy of you. Then work on making yourself ever-more worthy. Eventually, you'll arrive at the right mix.
Good luck! | |
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| Men who are NOT players! What is your modus operandi for romancing a woman?
Posted: 3/1/2008 9:27:27 PM | | What is all this mindless drivel.... seriously now does ANYONE think people have a "romance plan"...? Over 2/3 of the people don't even have a credible plan for retirement -- and that's actually something you can plan for in some fairly obvious ways. Like maybe Microsoft Project Deluxe Intimate Edition...? | |
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